NickyP

Our 17 year old has had a great deal of difficulty in settling here in Wangaratta and we have now organised for him to go back to the UK to do his A'Levels. He has tried both of the local schools here and hasn't got on at all with the system and is getting more and more fed up. My MIL has said that he can stay with her and go to the local school which should suit him better. So it is all go now organising his flight back before the start of term.
I can't say that it is my favourite outcome but it is just not the right time for him to be in Aus and he has another 4 1/2 years on his PR visa to make his mind up for himself .
Nicky

soapy©

hi nicky, its really hard for a teen to fit into school here at that age. he must have felt he had went back a couple of years.
i think its a great idea he goes back and finishes school. i bet he will be back out after one or two winters or it might be the making of him.
good luck

NickyP

Thanks I am happier knowing that he is getting the chance to give the UK a go. He has friends in Belgium and the idea of saving up for flights there from London is far less daunting than from here, it will be hard to watch him go but at least I know that he will be looked after by the MIL.
It might be just give him the kick up the backside that will get him where he wants to be at the end of all of this (rather than just moping about over here).
Nicky

fraser

It's the right decision Nicky, I feel for you though as it must be hard.

All the best Fraser x

NickyP

Thanks. It will be hardest after he has gone as at the moment there are a million and 1 things to sort out so I can keep busy with that. I just hope that this works out for him.
Nicky

Wendy

Aw Nicky, so sorry to hear your news.

Don't know if this will help but here is something I wrote the other day for someone who is coming out without her sons




I have left my 18 year old son in the UK and although it is hard not seeing him every day, we do speak a lot on the phone, it's something that we had to do.

I left him some money from the sale of our house to enable him to come out and visit us at least three times (then he'll have to save his own money ) so the thought that he will be out here in a couple of months keeps me going.

I am so proud of my boy, when we were in the UK he didn't have a job (still doing A levels) but since we have been here he has found a position and is doing really well at it. He's only been there 8 weeks and is already covering the managers holidays. So it's probably the best hting we did letting him stand on his own two feet.

He will be going to University in September and luckily he is being transferred with work to a position near there.

What I'm trying to get across to you is, that you can still be there for your kids without living on their doorstep and sometimes you need to let go for them to grow. It won't be easy but you will get used to it.


Hope that helps a little bit

NickyP

Thanks I remember reading this at the time as we have had problems with Sam since before we got here so I keep an eye on these sorts of threads. I am glad that things have worked out for your son in the UK and I am hoping that we will have the same sort of result with Sam; sometimes you just have to take the risk and trust them to make their own decisions. Money is tight for us so I can't afford trips backwards and forwards for him, he will have to take the initiative and organise his own finances once he is there which is a worry (but at least the MIL won't let him starve ).
I am trying to organise the schooling for him at the moment but it is very last minute. Lots to do but it is hard to think that he will spend his 18th birthday the other side of the planet . Oh well he is driving me nuts at the moment so maybe we will get on better with a bit of distance .
Nicky

Gold Coaster

Hi Nicky,


I think you have made a wise decision and even though it will be difficult for the family and certainly not what you all planned to happen it will all work out for the best in the long run. Lets hope he has a hankering to get back to Aus after his A levels.

I wish you all the best

Tony


www.platinumrelocations.com.au

sasbear

Oh Nicky - I am sorry things didn't work out - but never say never - things change.

Tom had done one year of his Alevels when he came out - and had enough of education then. It would have been easier for him to settle (I thought) had he gone back to college here. Instead he began an apprenticeship. completed the first 1 year and then decided to go back to the UK aged 18.

He changed his mind within weeks of being back there - his reason being he couldn't get onto an apprenticeship in November time. I told him this before he went - but he was determined.

He is now back here and finishing his apprenticeship and then he says he will go back in 18 months - time will tell.

I am sorry to hear about your son - my thoughs are with you. But he will be OK - kids are a lot tougher than we give them credit for.

Sarah

ozzieeagle

Sorry to hear this personal news from you Nicky.


I've long maintained that the most difficult relocation is indeed for Teenagers (13-18) that have established social groups in their home enviornment. Hopefully people reading this thread take note.

I beleive it's even more difficult for Teenage Girls. Having said that, last year My Aussie born and bred 20 year old daughter took off for England, with tears in her eyes. Leaving about 8 close freinds in Hysterics at Tullamarine airport. The reason she left was to further her Career and travel Europe. She had outgrown her peer group, and probably only misses badly one or two of them. She hasn't benefited on the Career front thus far, which is just making her more dertermined to succeed. However socially she is having the best time she has ever had, living in London, with a complely new peer group. BTW She moved at the time she would have moved out of home anyway.... just a bit further away.



My approach to this dislocated family issue, is trying to put myself in a position where I can spend time in both countries as often as possible. I'm gearing everything I've got in this direction.

NickyP

Thanks for the kind thoughts everyone.
I will be happy if he settles in the UK but I am still concerned that he will have the same problems in the Uk as he is having here so I will have to wait and see. He thinks that all of his problems relate from being so far away from family and friends but whether that is actually the case remains to be seen. I am glad that my MIL has offered to have him as at least he will be looked after there and she will have some company as she is on her own now.
My big regret about being here is the fact that we can't just flit between here and the UK or my parents in the US as we just can't afford it. The other kids love it here and would be devastated if we left so really my priority is to give Sam the chance to make his own decision about where he wants to be.
So onwards with the organising and we shall see whether this is actually the right thing for him to do or not as I have run out of ideas to help him settle and just feel that he needs the chance to make up his own mind.
Nicky

Nomore

i agree with so many posts here that teenagers (especially girls as already mentioned) find it difficult to settle. My daughter aged 14 is beside herself with boredom and determined to return to the UK when she is 16. I will not stand in her way as her reasons for returning are for the best. The education here is a worry to her so she wants to complete her education back in the UK. She said maybe intime she will return but hardly unlikely. She misses everything about the UK and if she doesn't return she will never get it out of her system, as being here in Oz is sending her deeper into depression and she has put 2 stone on in such a short time. It is terrible to see your children unhappy and wether returning to the UK is the solution only time will tell. Good luck with your son.

ozzieeagle

I think the same would apply in reverse as well....Aus to UK, With teenagers moving anywhere out of their enviornment. Thats when ones peers are the most important things in ones life.

Wendy

The best you can do is be there for him, whatever he decides. Sometimes it is really hard to think about what they need rather than what you want, but you seem like you are trying your best to make him happy and that is the very best you can do.

All the best to you all, it will all work out in the end I'm sure.

beverley3312

Nicky - just picked up this thread. I was just gonna start a new thread on similar theme. We are due to come over in 5 WEEKS!! My son is 16 & has just done his GSCE's. Have started looking at his options over there -BUT - if goes to state school will have to drop back a year, can't go to a TAFE college until 17 & I don't know if he could start work until 17. Everything was going so well - What can I tell him to get him to stay positive? (Or me for that matter)