sj oldfield

He is such a lovely kid............but since he got bashed up last year at Currambine he doesnt like going out.
We encourage him to do lots but his confidence is low...........he relies on a few good friends that he has made


Then last week when I was leaving Currambine Train Station, when I saw an incident at Burns Beach road (by the petrol station), wasnt sure what it was, but there was lots of police and people crying.

When I got home from work last night the house was rather quiet. Mick then explained, the accident i saw was one of Jakes good friends being hit by a car. The poor lad died on Sunday. Obviously my heart goes out for his family as they must be devastated, as he really was a lovely kid, just starting out in life.

My worry is Jake. He is so deep. I have tried to talk to him to get him to open up and let his feelings out, but he is so very deep.

When I asked him how he was feeling he said ' just a bit upset'

Anyone got any good advice for me, so I can pass on to Jake and his friends. They are all such lovely boys, trying to cope with adolesence, and now they are trying to deal with their grief.

My heart is bleeding for this family, and also for the forlorn look on Jakes face.

Oz wannabe1

OMG Sandra, sorry I have no words that could help. I doubt there are any.
Although I am not a religious man I will say a prayer for Jake, his friends and yourself.
My heart goes out to you and I hope beyond hope things get better for you.
I believe all on BE will have you in their thoughts when they read the post.
Best Wishes

sj oldfield

I hardly know this boy and have never met his parents, but I really feel for them at this terrible, terrible time.

I had to ask my boss to use the phone today, so I could call Jake just to check if all was ok. I then had to explain why I had to make the call............the tears just poured down my face as I explained my reasons.

My boss must have thought I was a looney, considering I only started the job yesterday and she doesnt know me very well.

Oz wannabe1

You need to do what you need to do Sandra. If ya boss has half a heart I would think she will understand.
If I was in your shoes I dont think I would be able to carry on. I admire your strength and feel sure with your support Jake will pull through. It sounds to me he has lots of love and care around him and that will be his strength.
God bless you all.

Larissa

Hi Sandra
Sim saw the aftermath, a good mate saw the accident itself. Sim is a bit shaken up since he saw the cross at the road today. We were hoping and praying he'd survive.
I had a close friend die in a road accident when I was 17, it was very disturbing... especially the circumstances which I won't go into here. The group of us friends (some who saw it and some who had been with her earlier in the night) were all pretty screwed up by it, since death at that age is very disturbing. Some of us turned to drink, drugs... you name it.
The worse thing was that no-one seemed to understand our grief and confusion. Even well meaning counsellors just didn't get it. Some parents just wouldn't talk to their kids and that made it worse. My parents were in the last category. I remember wanting to go and see the place where she died and my mum rammed my head against a door frame in an attempt to stop me, silly really, she was worried I'd do something silly but I just needed to face my grief, it was so unreal.
I would encourage Jake to talk if he wants. If he doesn't, don't push. If he opens up, just be there. Don't be suprised if he gets depressed after the event, even months later... grief affects us all differently and as a mum the best thing you can do is love him through it.
If he wants a chat, I'm here.
I will pray for him and his mates too.
Hugs
Larissa

worzel

That's awful Sandra. I don't want to worry you anymore than you already are but be careful with Jake suppressing emotions. I had a friend at high school who lost his brother in a RTA. A couple of us went to the funeral to be there for him but he didn't even go - just shut off the outside world as he couldn't deal with it and to this day can't keep to a job or anything. That sort of thing does weird stuff to people's heads if not dealt with properly. I wish I had seen someone after my brother died.

Clippy

Oh gosh that's awful Sorry I can't offer any advice other than to just be sympathetic and be there for him

sj oldfield

Thanks for all you help.
I keep saying to Mick.......'watch Jake and talk to him', He just says he will be okay. But then again Mick is very unemotional also. When dad died, all he could say was 'its all over now', but it wasnt...........it was only the beginning of the worst period in my life.
I just dont want Jake to feel isolated and lonely, thinking that no-one cares. If you guys knew him ( I know Larrissa does), you would know what a fantastic kid he is. None of this mouthing off, getting cocky and being arrogant. He is just a kind boy, who I think is hurting very bad at the moment.

Clippy

Yes Dale is the very unemotional type too so he'd be the same I don't doubt - everyone's different aren't they, handle things differently. As long as Jake knows you're there for him that's the main thing Maybe in the future you could think of something he could do, some kind of challenge or something in his friend's name - it might help to focus him and keep him occupied

iPom

My boyfriend died in a car accident when I was 17. He was riding his motorbike and got knocked off it by a taxi driver who cut a corner. He was dead after a few minutes and the driver drove off. He was drunk.
It hit me hard, but I didn't drink or do drugs because of it. I think for the most part I was devastated inside and kept a lid on it for a long time. Putting on a happy face for other people and being just empty inside.
I dealt with it years later though to this day, it's difficult writing this and talking about him because I still remember this lovely 18 yr old and I really miss him.
People mourn in different ways and being quiet and sad is perfectly ok. He's not going to snap out of it any time soon and you just have to let things take their course. Offer your support and tell him anything he needs or wants to talk about with you is absolutely fine and tell him you understand he must be devastated. Remember he doesn't know what's normal and you do in such circs.
Make sure he goes to the funeral and says a proper goodbye. It's important at this age. Perhaps he should be involved, as he was his friend?
He's probably never had to mourn for someone close to him before and it's totally new to him. I know you said your father had died, but that's a different relationship to a friend. We all learn about death in different ways, and for some it's an early lesson you just wish you could protect them from.

Just be there for him. No-one did that for me when Andrew died and I think if they had it would have made all the difference.

sassycat

Hi Sandra

A similar thing happened to us 12 weeks ago, my 11 year old daughter's best friend died very suddenly - no warning. The shock you feel is so intense it cant be explained. As parents all we can do is be there for our kids, Scarlett is the same - she doen't say very much about her friend but I have found pictures of her under her pilow and little notes she writes to her, we even have Christmas cards.

We went to her funeral, originally I wasn't going to, it was her first but I have to say it was beautiful, very very difficult but beautiful all the same.

Scarlett has counselling with the pastoral care worker connected to the school and she speaks to her a lot more openly about her friend than she does with me, because, Scarlett says, she knows how much I miss her as well. I know there is a big age gap between your son and my Scarlett but what I am trying to say is they will grieve in their own way, it will take a long time, if ever to get over the death of a close friend but in time it will ease.

The only advice I can offer is to let him grieve in his own way - be there when he wants to talk but try not to push it, I know thats incredibly difficult, as parents we want to feel we are doing all we can but truly I think he will grieve and talk in his own time.

My heart goes out to all involved at this very sad time.

With love

SC x-x-x-x

Perthforme

Just awful !
That and he saved our Michael from drowning on sat !

iPom

OMG! Don't just say that... detail!

Perthforme

They girls n kids all went up to the moore river , (very nice up there ) and they swam over to the other side , then back but our wee lad slipped off his body board and jake saved him , just ike the hoff would !

Big ole Thankyou to jake !

iPom

Jake's a dude, that's for sure. What a guy!