jazzys

Thanks guys, I appreciate al your kind words.

I think I'm gunna have to go and validate my visa with my little lad. If the wife and daughter want to do there's later then thats great.

If they don't want to then thats a decision they have to live with.

My life can't be put on hold, its too short.

Fear is the thief of dreams but fear will not be allowed to steal my dream.
Of that I am certain. When I get to Oz and I'm missing people it may be very different but i'll never know until it happens.

But at that point the visa has been validated and I think I am right in thinking I have 5 years from the date of issue to come and go as I please. Maybe somebody could confirm that for me.

Its chin up time,

Thanks again

Jeff

Wendy

Yes, that's right.

hitchcock71

sorry to hear you sad news


sending lots of hugs &

akkie

Sad to read all this Jeff, but you are right: Chin up time!

You say 'validate with your little lad', but don't you feel you should let your girl validate her visa as well? She might decide at a later stage to want to live with you instead of with her mum and when she does not validate her visa that might be difficult. So I would suggest a little holiday just you and the kids ....

Good luck mate, wish you all the best,
Ak

jazzys

Yeah of course the daughter will validate her visa but maybe later.

The wife isn't even sure she doesn't want to validate hers but to be honest I don't know if I would be just delaying the inevitable. Us splitting for good.

i'm struggling big time with this, I really am.

Thanks again

Jazzys

medwaymark

It's a hard enough time as it is, without Australia adding to it. I do feel for you, I went through the same 7 years ago....

I would get all to validate to keep the options open.

jazzys

I really can't see the wife wanting to validate. Her aunt who she is stopping with says it would kill her (literally) if she got on that plane.

why o why o why didn't she tell me the truth. Of course it would have hurt me but not as much as this.

And why does every song on the radio seem to be aimed at me at the moment.

Jazzys

moneypenny20

That, my friend is sods law. Listen, your wife is obviously well stressed as you are but you're dealing with it in different ways. Do you love her, can you imagine life without her? If yes, then a gentle chat about having a holiday over here. Don't mention validation, don't do polite "you'll get sod all from the government", just a holiday for all of you to chill, see how you feel and go from there. You will have validated and have plenty of time to regroup, sort yourselves out and go from there.

Most of us women when asked if everything is ok say yes, or when asked what the matter is say nothing. It's just our make up. Don't get angry with her, she is out of her depth.

Oh and ignore the aunt. She's as helpful as a chocolate teapot.

geordie mandy

Get it all off your chest mate , try and see if you can speak to a counsellor even if the wife wont go. I really do feel for you and you know where i am if you need a shoulder to lean on.
Take care mate
Mandy

jazzys

I hope you've got big shoulders Mand.

I'll come through this somehow, I just don't know how yet.

Why do you women not just tell us when something is wrong with you? It would be so much easier for us all. Please listen to what I'm saying, tell ya husband the bloody truth.

I think I'l get a dog!

jazzys

Louise M

Hope everything works out for you Jeff.

I'm having a difficult time too at the moment but hopefully everyhting will sort itself out and then I can get on with the rest of my life as you will too whatever the outcome.

Best wishes.

Louise

birdynumnum

Hi m'dear

I'd just like to add even if you do validate & your wife comes round...remember your marriage will be under pressure if you do move here together. If your wife doesnt want to, its better to know now than after moving.
Also, try to have some space....it'd be easy to think I'm still going and its my dream. True you only get one crack of the whip & all that but if you did move here without your partner, you could be stopping any chance of getting back together.
You're in a cack situ at the mo and its easy not to see the wood for the trees. Just go easy & dont make any rash decisions.
Good luck

jazzys

Thanks birdy, a cack situation is one rather large understatement.

As things stand it looks like any reconciliation is way down the line,if ever.

she says shewouldn't have done this if she wasn't sure. But i know she isn't sure because she kept asking my daughter if she was making the right decision.

I asked her yesterday i she was sure was didn't want to validate her visa. And she said she wasn't sure.

I'm just wondering if me n my lad went over and he sent mesages back and forth that everything was great and the ove was otng to worry abo then it might alleviate some of the fear she obviously has.

My brother likened it to fleeing the alter at the last minute.

Thanks again for all your kind replies

jazzys

thewoodz

only just found this
sorry to hear your troubles - i hope u can both resolve it either way soon

asher

ask her to go on holiday to Oz and validate the visa, no strings just keeping her options open and a holiday to take some of the pressure off and get an idea if she would like it or not

will also give you a chance to talk on neutral ground

but for goodness sake dont keep asking her how she likes it or saying how wonderful it is if you do go remember no pressure