Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
Jun 7th 2006, 12:11 pm
#1
Account Closed
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 9,316
Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
I keep hearing on here that, in Australia, I need a licence to fart. I must admit that I have been blowing off quite a bit lately and I'm a bit worried that someone is going to dob me in. I've asked around but no one can tell me where to get a licence - eveyone says that you don't actually need one but they may be used to sailing outside of the law.
Can anyone help?
Can anyone help?
Jun 7th 2006, 7:27 pm
#2
It's got to be purple....
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: Glaswegian in Canberra
Posts: 527
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
Originally Posted by MartinLuther
I keep hearing on here that, in Australia, I need a licence to fart. I must admit that I have been blowing off quite a bit lately and I'm a bit worried that someone is going to dob me in. I've asked around but no one can tell me where to get a licence - eveyone says that you don't actually need one but they may be used to sailing outside of the law.
Can anyone help?
Can anyone help?
If you needed a licence to fart in Australia my other half would be in serious trouble by now. He is a professional bum trumpeter and he definitely doesn't have a licence......although it might be a good idea if they did introduce them cos I might get some peace (and fresh air) for a while.....lol.
Wendy
Jun 7th 2006, 8:36 pm
#3
Banned
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 1,140
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
Originally Posted by MartinLuther
I keep hearing on here that, in Australia, I need a licence to fart. I must admit that I have been blowing off quite a bit lately and I'm a bit worried that someone is going to dob me in. I've asked around but no one can tell me where to get a licence - eveyone says that you don't actually need one but they may be used to sailing outside of the law.
Can anyone help?
Can anyone help?
Jun 7th 2006, 8:37 pm
#4
Worongary
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: GC hinterland
Posts: 10,288
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
Originally Posted by MartinLuther
I keep hearing on here that, in Australia, I need a licence to fart. I must admit that I have been blowing off quite a bit lately and I'm a bit worried that someone is going to dob me in. I've asked around but no one can tell me where to get a licence - eveyone says that you don't actually need one but they may be used to sailing outside of the law.
Can anyone help?
Can anyone help?
'What diminishes criminality is the certainty of the punishment and not the size of it'
The phrase above couldn't express better the way Law works in Australia. Here you can be sure that any crime's author will have the punishment that deserves. Those who come to Australia for a short period may not take note of this process, but with time, you will see the number of rules and laws that govern our lives, day after day. In my opinion, they are excessive but necessary to keep the order and protect people. One day, I was with an American, a New Zealander and a Brazilian joking about each one's lives in each respective country. After gallons of beer, we came to a conclusion that USA is the "cannot country", New Zealand is the " I am sorry but it's not allowed", Brazil is " Everything is possible", and Australia is " No way".
Jokes aside, we all know that laws are absolutely necessary for the maintenance of any society and its' development. In Australia, you can say that "The Law Is the Law", independent of social status or the amount of money a person has in the bank. Police are very well trained and equipped, with top class and respectful professionals, men and women. Justice is fast with prosecutions swift also.
But, there is a problem on the way called Civil Liability. It is destroying Australia in innovation and happiness. Because of the high price of insurance premiums to cover liability from anyone, Doctors are going out of business, tours operators are shutting down their risky operations, and even Councils are taking parks out of children playgrounds. It is sad but it is true. Four million dollars was given to a person who hit his head on a sand bar in Bondi beach (Sydney) between the life saving flags. These guys who protect your life were cited as irresponsible and ordered to pay absurd compensation. Not to go too deeply into it all, I recommend a movie called " The Man who prosecuted God". It explains exactly what is happening with the liability situation in Australia. Why don't they just copy New Zealand? which has a governmental controlled compensation system, simply the best in the world.
You Can't : No, No, No!!!
Smoking in any place that is not outdoors. A few work places allow you to smoke in the office, and some areas inside pubs. No way, inside a Taxi, Bus, Shopping Centres, Airports, Food Courts, etc... etc...
No drinking alcohol in public areas such as parks, beaches etc.. But you can drink inside your home, in a licensed restaurant or in a pub. Drink driving is a very serious offence, and the limit is about 2 cans of beer, or 1 glass of wine or half a glass of spirit. Fines starts at AU$ 75 for public places and go into there thousands for drinkdriving. For this last one, you will have to go to Court. To buy alcohol and tobacco you need to be 18.
It's obvious but.., you can not sell or produce illegal drugs. The consumption is tolerated but reprehended, in case of foreigners it can lead to jail and deportation.
You can't sell anything on the streets including to other business without a license. For example, you can't catch a beautiful fish and sell it to a restaurant, or produce food in your home to sell to the general public. There are heavy fines to do so. Anything you plan to sell will require a license, except in markets or garage sales.
Riding your bicycle without a helmet and driving a car without seat belts attracts AU$ 110 fine. Bicycles are considered vehicles in Australia, and car drivers are expected to consider you as another vehicle and give space to you. (they don't do it very much) . You must also signal with your arms when turning right or left and stop at intersections and signals just like a car does. Bicycles are not allowed on motorways or high speed freeways. In the big cities there are exclusive bike lanes for you to ride.
It is prohibited by law to work in Australia with a Tourist Visa.
Not to pay your fines, may lead to bigger and bigger fines, and confiscation of your assets to cover it in case you don't have money, or even prison. If you leave Australia and leave unpaid fines, when you return in the far future you may have a very big surprise - if they let you return!
Working without the correct visa may lead to prison and deportation. Student visas holders can apply for a permit for part time work (20 hours per week) Also, there are holiday working visas, which give permission for some countries who have agreements with Australia to work for a certain period in Australia. Overstaying your visa in Australia may bring fines or deportation. If you intend to extend your stay in Australia, you must visit an Immigration office before your visa expires.
For the ones who love to fight, know that touching a person without consent is considered invasion of privacy and physical aggression that can lead to prosecution. It means it is not necessary to break the other person in half, just by touching them is already an offence. You can shout, scream, throw things on the ground or fart, but if you verbally offend or punch a person you are in trouble. Courts solve these cases in a flash usually with fines to the aggressor.
Getting rid of trash, or throwing anything on the streets including cigarette buts, calls for a AU$ 75 fine.
Racial, Religious and discriminatory matters, are passive of prosecution and even jail. Also, when you plan to photograph someone you don't know, ask their permission before do so. Supplying phone numbers and addresses without a persons' consent can also lead to prosecution by breach of the privacy act. Sex, colour age and race, are a no no field for discrimination, with the same consequences as above.
Pedestrian Crossings aren't there only to make the street look more beautiful or to decorate the street. Wherever there is a ped crossing without pedestrian lights to help you cross the road, you must stop and wait until a person finishes crossing. In case of intersections with traffic lights, you have to follow the lights. Also, other indication signs on parks, beaches, and streets govern the rules.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, we can't place all Australian legislation on a page, but these are the most frequently asked questions about Australian Rules and Laws. Hopefully you will obey the law
Jun 7th 2006, 9:00 pm
#5
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Ballarat
Posts: 7,005
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
Originally Posted by wsbtroyno21
If you needed a licence to fart in Australia my other half would be in serious trouble by now. He is a professional bum trumpeter and he definitely doesn't have a licence......although it might be a good idea if they did introduce them cos I might get some peace (and fresh air) for a while.....lol.
Wendy
Wendy
pmsl
Jun 7th 2006, 9:21 pm
#6
NorthLakes, Brissy
Joined: Sep 2004
Location: Bridgehaven release - North Lakes!
Posts: 2,423
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
I think you are being missled.
Before you can get your licence you need to have your skill (in this case farting) assesed.
I think the governing body for such a thing is AusGas, however i could be wrong, if you have not got a degree in farting you will need to produce 3 project reports on farting, each of which should be on what you have learnt about farting rather than just how to fart. Each report should be at least 1000 words long.
If you can back these reports up with photos, and or videos (with sound) then this could speed the assesment up. (word of caution 'follow throughs' are looked upon in a dim light!)
You will need also 3 photos signed by a Judge or at least a solicitor.
Once you have recieved a positive assesment you can then queue up in your local curry house show them your newly aquired skills assesment, photos and passport whereupon you become fully licensed.
The above takes something like 6 months start to finish.
Before you can get your licence you need to have your skill (in this case farting) assesed.
I think the governing body for such a thing is AusGas, however i could be wrong, if you have not got a degree in farting you will need to produce 3 project reports on farting, each of which should be on what you have learnt about farting rather than just how to fart. Each report should be at least 1000 words long.
If you can back these reports up with photos, and or videos (with sound) then this could speed the assesment up. (word of caution 'follow throughs' are looked upon in a dim light!)
You will need also 3 photos signed by a Judge or at least a solicitor.
Once you have recieved a positive assesment you can then queue up in your local curry house show them your newly aquired skills assesment, photos and passport whereupon you become fully licensed.
The above takes something like 6 months start to finish.
Jun 8th 2006, 10:20 am
#7
Account Closed
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 9,316
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
Originally Posted by steve`o
Laws and Rules
'What diminishes criminality is the certainty of the punishment and not the size of it'
The phrase above couldn't express better the way Law works in Australia. Here you can be sure that any crime's author will have the punishment that deserves. Those who come to Australia for a short period may not take note of this process, but with time, you will see the number of rules and laws that govern our lives, day after day. In my opinion, they are excessive but necessary to keep the order and protect people. One day, I was with an American, a New Zealander and a Brazilian joking about each one's lives in each respective country. After gallons of beer, we came to a conclusion that USA is the "cannot country", New Zealand is the " I am sorry but it's not allowed", Brazil is " Everything is possible", and Australia is " No way".
Jokes aside, we all know that laws are absolutely necessary for the maintenance of any society and its' development. In Australia, you can say that "The Law Is the Law", independent of social status or the amount of money a person has in the bank. Police are very well trained and equipped, with top class and respectful professionals, men and women. Justice is fast with prosecutions swift also.
But, there is a problem on the way called Civil Liability. It is destroying Australia in innovation and happiness. Because of the high price of insurance premiums to cover liability from anyone, Doctors are going out of business, tours operators are shutting down their risky operations, and even Councils are taking parks out of children playgrounds. It is sad but it is true. Four million dollars was given to a person who hit his head on a sand bar in Bondi beach (Sydney) between the life saving flags. These guys who protect your life were cited as irresponsible and ordered to pay absurd compensation. Not to go too deeply into it all, I recommend a movie called " The Man who prosecuted God". It explains exactly what is happening with the liability situation in Australia. Why don't they just copy New Zealand? which has a governmental controlled compensation system, simply the best in the world.
You Can't : No, No, No!!!
Smoking in any place that is not outdoors. A few work places allow you to smoke in the office, and some areas inside pubs. No way, inside a Taxi, Bus, Shopping Centres, Airports, Food Courts, etc... etc...
No drinking alcohol in public areas such as parks, beaches etc.. But you can drink inside your home, in a licensed restaurant or in a pub. Drink driving is a very serious offence, and the limit is about 2 cans of beer, or 1 glass of wine or half a glass of spirit. Fines starts at AU$ 75 for public places and go into there thousands for drinkdriving. For this last one, you will have to go to Court. To buy alcohol and tobacco you need to be 18.
It's obvious but.., you can not sell or produce illegal drugs. The consumption is tolerated but reprehended, in case of foreigners it can lead to jail and deportation.
You can't sell anything on the streets including to other business without a license. For example, you can't catch a beautiful fish and sell it to a restaurant, or produce food in your home to sell to the general public. There are heavy fines to do so. Anything you plan to sell will require a license, except in markets or garage sales.
Riding your bicycle without a helmet and driving a car without seat belts attracts AU$ 110 fine. Bicycles are considered vehicles in Australia, and car drivers are expected to consider you as another vehicle and give space to you. (they don't do it very much) . You must also signal with your arms when turning right or left and stop at intersections and signals just like a car does. Bicycles are not allowed on motorways or high speed freeways. In the big cities there are exclusive bike lanes for you to ride.
It is prohibited by law to work in Australia with a Tourist Visa.
Not to pay your fines, may lead to bigger and bigger fines, and confiscation of your assets to cover it in case you don't have money, or even prison. If you leave Australia and leave unpaid fines, when you return in the far future you may have a very big surprise - if they let you return!
Working without the correct visa may lead to prison and deportation. Student visas holders can apply for a permit for part time work (20 hours per week) Also, there are holiday working visas, which give permission for some countries who have agreements with Australia to work for a certain period in Australia. Overstaying your visa in Australia may bring fines or deportation. If you intend to extend your stay in Australia, you must visit an Immigration office before your visa expires.
For the ones who love to fight, know that touching a person without consent is considered invasion of privacy and physical aggression that can lead to prosecution. It means it is not necessary to break the other person in half, just by touching them is already an offence. You can shout, scream, throw things on the ground or fart, but if you verbally offend or punch a person you are in trouble. Courts solve these cases in a flash usually with fines to the aggressor.
Getting rid of trash, or throwing anything on the streets including cigarette buts, calls for a AU$ 75 fine.
Racial, Religious and discriminatory matters, are passive of prosecution and even jail. Also, when you plan to photograph someone you don't know, ask their permission before do so. Supplying phone numbers and addresses without a persons' consent can also lead to prosecution by breach of the privacy act. Sex, colour age and race, are a no no field for discrimination, with the same consequences as above.
Pedestrian Crossings aren't there only to make the street look more beautiful or to decorate the street. Wherever there is a ped crossing without pedestrian lights to help you cross the road, you must stop and wait until a person finishes crossing. In case of intersections with traffic lights, you have to follow the lights. Also, other indication signs on parks, beaches, and streets govern the rules.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, we can't place all Australian legislation on a page, but these are the most frequently asked questions about Australian Rules and Laws. Hopefully you will obey the law
'What diminishes criminality is the certainty of the punishment and not the size of it'
The phrase above couldn't express better the way Law works in Australia. Here you can be sure that any crime's author will have the punishment that deserves. Those who come to Australia for a short period may not take note of this process, but with time, you will see the number of rules and laws that govern our lives, day after day. In my opinion, they are excessive but necessary to keep the order and protect people. One day, I was with an American, a New Zealander and a Brazilian joking about each one's lives in each respective country. After gallons of beer, we came to a conclusion that USA is the "cannot country", New Zealand is the " I am sorry but it's not allowed", Brazil is " Everything is possible", and Australia is " No way".
Jokes aside, we all know that laws are absolutely necessary for the maintenance of any society and its' development. In Australia, you can say that "The Law Is the Law", independent of social status or the amount of money a person has in the bank. Police are very well trained and equipped, with top class and respectful professionals, men and women. Justice is fast with prosecutions swift also.
But, there is a problem on the way called Civil Liability. It is destroying Australia in innovation and happiness. Because of the high price of insurance premiums to cover liability from anyone, Doctors are going out of business, tours operators are shutting down their risky operations, and even Councils are taking parks out of children playgrounds. It is sad but it is true. Four million dollars was given to a person who hit his head on a sand bar in Bondi beach (Sydney) between the life saving flags. These guys who protect your life were cited as irresponsible and ordered to pay absurd compensation. Not to go too deeply into it all, I recommend a movie called " The Man who prosecuted God". It explains exactly what is happening with the liability situation in Australia. Why don't they just copy New Zealand? which has a governmental controlled compensation system, simply the best in the world.
You Can't : No, No, No!!!
Smoking in any place that is not outdoors. A few work places allow you to smoke in the office, and some areas inside pubs. No way, inside a Taxi, Bus, Shopping Centres, Airports, Food Courts, etc... etc...
No drinking alcohol in public areas such as parks, beaches etc.. But you can drink inside your home, in a licensed restaurant or in a pub. Drink driving is a very serious offence, and the limit is about 2 cans of beer, or 1 glass of wine or half a glass of spirit. Fines starts at AU$ 75 for public places and go into there thousands for drinkdriving. For this last one, you will have to go to Court. To buy alcohol and tobacco you need to be 18.
It's obvious but.., you can not sell or produce illegal drugs. The consumption is tolerated but reprehended, in case of foreigners it can lead to jail and deportation.
You can't sell anything on the streets including to other business without a license. For example, you can't catch a beautiful fish and sell it to a restaurant, or produce food in your home to sell to the general public. There are heavy fines to do so. Anything you plan to sell will require a license, except in markets or garage sales.
Riding your bicycle without a helmet and driving a car without seat belts attracts AU$ 110 fine. Bicycles are considered vehicles in Australia, and car drivers are expected to consider you as another vehicle and give space to you. (they don't do it very much) . You must also signal with your arms when turning right or left and stop at intersections and signals just like a car does. Bicycles are not allowed on motorways or high speed freeways. In the big cities there are exclusive bike lanes for you to ride.
It is prohibited by law to work in Australia with a Tourist Visa.
Not to pay your fines, may lead to bigger and bigger fines, and confiscation of your assets to cover it in case you don't have money, or even prison. If you leave Australia and leave unpaid fines, when you return in the far future you may have a very big surprise - if they let you return!
Working without the correct visa may lead to prison and deportation. Student visas holders can apply for a permit for part time work (20 hours per week) Also, there are holiday working visas, which give permission for some countries who have agreements with Australia to work for a certain period in Australia. Overstaying your visa in Australia may bring fines or deportation. If you intend to extend your stay in Australia, you must visit an Immigration office before your visa expires.
For the ones who love to fight, know that touching a person without consent is considered invasion of privacy and physical aggression that can lead to prosecution. It means it is not necessary to break the other person in half, just by touching them is already an offence. You can shout, scream, throw things on the ground or fart, but if you verbally offend or punch a person you are in trouble. Courts solve these cases in a flash usually with fines to the aggressor.
Getting rid of trash, or throwing anything on the streets including cigarette buts, calls for a AU$ 75 fine.
Racial, Religious and discriminatory matters, are passive of prosecution and even jail. Also, when you plan to photograph someone you don't know, ask their permission before do so. Supplying phone numbers and addresses without a persons' consent can also lead to prosecution by breach of the privacy act. Sex, colour age and race, are a no no field for discrimination, with the same consequences as above.
Pedestrian Crossings aren't there only to make the street look more beautiful or to decorate the street. Wherever there is a ped crossing without pedestrian lights to help you cross the road, you must stop and wait until a person finishes crossing. In case of intersections with traffic lights, you have to follow the lights. Also, other indication signs on parks, beaches, and streets govern the rules.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, we can't place all Australian legislation on a page, but these are the most frequently asked questions about Australian Rules and Laws. Hopefully you will obey the law
Jun 8th 2006, 11:55 am
#8
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: Mozzman
Posts: 235
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
Originally Posted by steve`o
Laws and Rules
'What diminishes criminality is the certainty of the punishment and not the size of it'
blah, blah, blah...
The phrase above couldn't express better the way Law works in Australia. Here you can be sure that any crime's author will have the punishment that deserves.
'What diminishes criminality is the certainty of the punishment and not the size of it'
blah, blah, blah...
The phrase above couldn't express better the way Law works in Australia. Here you can be sure that any crime's author will have the punishment that deserves.
http://www.yesaustralia.com/Estilo-leising.htm
Jun 8th 2006, 12:44 pm
#9
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 9,397
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
I was really enjoying the thread where everyone was abusing each other until Polly closed it - this one looks like being entertaining now!
Jun 8th 2006, 12:50 pm
#10
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: Mozzman
Posts: 235
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
Originally Posted by Wol
I was really enjoying the thread where everyone was abusing each other until Polly closed it - this one looks like being entertaining now!
,
Jun 8th 2006, 12:54 pm
#11
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
u forgot to mention that they may contact family members about quality (smell, sound and length) of your Farting 
So its always better to drop a few round about your family members, just in case the get that call
So its always better to drop a few round about your family members, just in case the get that call
Originally Posted by wargod
I think you are being missled.
Before you can get your licence you need to have your skill (in this case farting) assesed.
I think the governing body for such a thing is AusGas, however i could be wrong, if you have not got a degree in farting you will need to produce 3 project reports on farting, each of which should be on what you have learnt about farting rather than just how to fart. Each report should be at least 1000 words long.
If you can back these reports up with photos, and or videos (with sound) then this could speed the assesment up. (word of caution 'follow throughs' are looked upon in a dim light!)
You will need also 3 photos signed by a Judge or at least a solicitor.
Once you have recieved a positive assesment you can then queue up in your local curry house show them your newly aquired skills assesment, photos and passport whereupon you become fully licensed.
The above takes something like 6 months start to finish.
Before you can get your licence you need to have your skill (in this case farting) assesed.
I think the governing body for such a thing is AusGas, however i could be wrong, if you have not got a degree in farting you will need to produce 3 project reports on farting, each of which should be on what you have learnt about farting rather than just how to fart. Each report should be at least 1000 words long.
If you can back these reports up with photos, and or videos (with sound) then this could speed the assesment up. (word of caution 'follow throughs' are looked upon in a dim light!)
You will need also 3 photos signed by a Judge or at least a solicitor.
Once you have recieved a positive assesment you can then queue up in your local curry house show them your newly aquired skills assesment, photos and passport whereupon you become fully licensed.
The above takes something like 6 months start to finish.
Jun 8th 2006, 1:15 pm
#12
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 9,397
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
Just wait until yo'all get past 60 - you will then be eligible for life membership of the Doona-lifters association <g>
Jun 8th 2006, 1:50 pm
#13
Made the move -
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 2,910
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
Originally Posted by wargod
I think you are being missled.
Before you can get your licence you need to have your skill (in this case farting) assesed.
I think the governing body for such a thing is AusGas, however i could be wrong, if you have not got a degree in farting you will need to produce 3 project reports on farting, each of which should be on what you have learnt about farting rather than just how to fart. Each report should be at least 1000 words long.
If you can back these reports up with photos, and or videos (with sound) then this could speed the assesment up. (word of caution 'follow throughs' are looked upon in a dim light!)
You will need also 3 photos signed by a Judge or at least a solicitor.
Once you have recieved a positive assesment you can then queue up in your local curry house show them your newly aquired skills assesment, photos and passport whereupon you become fully licensed.
The above takes something like 6 months start to finish.
Before you can get your licence you need to have your skill (in this case farting) assesed.
I think the governing body for such a thing is AusGas, however i could be wrong, if you have not got a degree in farting you will need to produce 3 project reports on farting, each of which should be on what you have learnt about farting rather than just how to fart. Each report should be at least 1000 words long.
If you can back these reports up with photos, and or videos (with sound) then this could speed the assesment up. (word of caution 'follow throughs' are looked upon in a dim light!)
You will need also 3 photos signed by a Judge or at least a solicitor.
Once you have recieved a positive assesment you can then queue up in your local curry house show them your newly aquired skills assesment, photos and passport whereupon you become fully licensed.
The above takes something like 6 months start to finish.
youve just cheered me up
Jun 8th 2006, 2:04 pm
#14
Account Closed
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 9,316
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
Do I need a separate licence to run a Dutch Oven?
Jun 8th 2006, 3:19 pm
#15
Melbourne Australia
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,169
Re: Licence to Fart. Am I missing something.
Originally Posted by MartinLuther
I keep hearing on here that, in Australia, I need a licence to fart. I must admit that I have been blowing off quite a bit lately and I'm a bit worried that someone is going to dob me in. I've asked around but no one can tell me where to get a licence - eveyone says that you don't actually need one but they may be used to sailing outside of the law.
Can anyone help?
Can anyone help?
My daughter is terrible (must get it from her mum) she blames it on her teddys.
Kiwi (license revoked)
