moneypenny20

And hey, here's a thought, maybe she is someone else just trying to start an argument which doesn't appear to have happened. Sometimes, you guys are just too nice for your own good

232Bar

People don't do that on here do they??? - surely not!!!

moneypenny20

Don't think it happens very often, I'm quite new here myself

232Bar

OOOHHHH - I'd best be carefull then eh?

luchi

Hey listen...hang in there. My brother in law had the same thoughts....but gave it another 6 months, but was dead set on going back to UK, but after a while he realised he wanted to stay and started to give it a chance. What have you got to loose if you stay. Most people should give it 2 years...it may sound a long time, but it will go fast. How about joining a gym, social club etc to get with the beat a little, make some friends and have some people to talk to about everything. We are moving there in July'06 and I am expecting to feel the same way, but I have told myself that I am going to hang in there and give it a chance. It takes time to adjust...keep smiling...and think of us frozen sods here in soggy england wishing for 1 hour of sunshine!!!

232Bar

Why do you expect to feel the same way before you even get here? It hardly seems like a positive attitude to begin with - 'Oh I'm going, but I don't expect to like it at first" Certainly makes me wonder!!

DunRoaminTheUK

Very helpful, I'm sure!

kimi

Hi

Can you just tell us whereabouts in Oz you are? Maybe we could arrange a meet up sometimes it helps to talk to others in a similar situ

K

232Bar

I do my best

deborah mccarthy

Why are you still there if you feel that way? What keeps you there?

scared

Thanks for all of the advice....I am still reading through some of them. The panic attacks and fear are real...I'm in Melbourne so if anyone would like to meet up with me who has been through this them PM me....

TruBrit

My husband...they broke the mould when he was born...I've not given in yet..still trying to meet people in this metropolis, I'm a little down to say the least but certainly not out. Where in Merseyside are you? I was born in Liverpool

ShozInOz

I've adapted a previous post here Scared. This touches on an issue that is often ignored - the trauma of loss.

When I arrived here, I HATED it. Seriously, I really couldn't stand it. In fact - I felt like that from the moment I got to the airport at Manchester. We arrived in Sydney in October 2003 and I thought I had made the biggest mistake in my life. I was with my beloved wife but felt completely alone. I'd been here before but it felt completely foreign. I was desperate and after a few weeks felt I was breaking down. I certainly wasn't coping. I took 2 weeks off work, which helped. I also took anti-depressants, which relieved the symptoms. I also has some therapy which was probably long overdue but brought into the fore by the homesickness. We'd been here before but a holiday is no indicator of how one will cope. In fact it is very misleading.

I had major depression for the first 4 months, then it changed considerably - due to a combination of 'time', talking about it, and therapeutic interventions. Now I've been here over two years and have enjoyed the majority of my time here.

Think of homesickness as grief. You are mourning a loss. Unlike bereavement, there seems to be a solution that will fix the feelings - to go home. But to go home now, unfortunately, would almost certainly replace grief with regret.

It is good to have a review date - perhaps 6 months. But you may feel that even 6 months is too long. Still, try it. I found I had to live one day at a time. I had to do something for myself every day that was positive. I phoned home every day for a chat - but then I cope with things by communicating. Some people isolate instead. You will engage in lots of negotiation with your partner over this issue. Maybe negotiate a 6 or 9 months review date. If you are hanging in there, then look at 12 months review, then 18. Formally plan them and have them. Maybe even write the pros and cons on paper at the time - this issue can seem so complex that it is impossible to keep all the issues in your head at once - like choosing a mobile phone plan...

Please do not think "This is it forever now". This is a disastrous error of thinking. Maybe it will only be for six months, a year, maybe two, maybe five or ten or forever. Who knows. But for now, try to get through each day as it comes, one day at a time, and approach life on life's terms. If it were up to me, my courage would have failed me on day one. If my wife had not talked to me and been there for me, I would have got back on a plane to the UK ANYTIME in the first 4 months. Then it changed.

Most importantly, ensure that you listen to each other and empathise with each other. Work with the process. I personally have found that the three most difficult situations of my life (immigration was one of them, but the least painful by some way) resulted in the most growth in me as a person.

You won't feel it now. BUT if you stick around a while, the feeling of being comfortable in your environment will return. You will gain a new perspective and will feel that you have made an enormous accomplishment in life. You will gain a new inner strength, knowing that you can face the challenges that life throws at you, and the feelings they evoke. You will gain new friends. You will keep your old friends. Your family will love you all the same. And you will, for however long, enjoy a new way of life.

Your feelings of sadness and homesickness will begin to disappear. Not immediately, but over the coming months. If you return right now, you will be left, I fear, with a very bitter taste of defeat and may well look back in regret at not having given it a fair go. Or rather not having faced up to challenging feelings.

(By the way, we are now planning to leave in April - 2.5 years after arriving. We've loved living here mostly, and are well over that homesickness! But on balance, we just prefer the UK [south coast] / Europe. For us there are also career, logistical, travel, social and some family reasons that make the UK a better option. The Australia package just isn't enough to keep us here permanently. All the same, given the chance again, I would do it all the same. By fighting those feelings that you describe we are now returning with an Aussie baby, a new qualification and career for my wife, dual citizenship, new experiences, new friends, and broader horizons.)

ShozInOz

There is nothing wrong with using modern anti-depressants, especially along with counselling/cognitive behaviour therapy. This, and straight CBT, is in fact the only form of therapy that has proven effectiveness for depression and anxiety.

Many alternative remedies are really faith medicine with no clinically proven efficacy outside the placebo effect for conditions tested under well controlled double-blind studies - including Flower Remedies, homeopathy, aromatherapy.

Bella Donna

Know what? You're a cynic....