I want to go home

Old Jan 16th 2006, 10:22 am
  #46  
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Default Re: I want to go home

Originally Posted by arkon
Yes but give the girl a break, we too landed here and spent the first 4 weeks in sydney in 47 degree heat day after day in a caravan, visiting the dogs every day in a fly infested hell hole to be allowed an hour with them. I can tell you that is one experience that I'd gladly never repeat again, add to that the wife had really bad morning sickness that lasted 24hours a day then I think you get the picture. We spent the first 4 weeks wondering what the fukk we had done.

I think if it had been winter and the wife not ill it would have been much better. So what I'm trying to say is I can fully understand where she is coming from, give her a break!
This got me thinking:
The thing is though, is that a lot of people can see through what is just temporary and what is permanent. For example, taking your experience, living in a caravan is what I might expect the first month if I couldn't (say) afford a hotel. I think people get a bit incredulous when the person seems to be struggling when they haven't even started. I mean most people seem to report their first few weeks as being akin to a holiday(!)

I've been in many life situations which are crap and almost unbearable but have shrugged it off because I know it is early doors. I have to confess that I am not that sympathetic to these posters...you have to question their motives in the first place. (Sorry)

The thought of living in Spain (and many other countries) would kill me. But then I would not seriously consider living there. So I wouldn't get into the situation in the first place.

Last edited by thatsnotquiteright; Jan 16th 2006 at 10:25 am.
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 10:27 am
  #47  
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Default Re: I want to go home

Originally Posted by scared
I know we 've been here under 3 weeks and that's just not lnog enought I know to give the country a go. We planned for this to be our new life but I'm finding things just too hard. My partner loves it here and is so interested in his job. I've also got a teaching job starting in a couple of weeks. The animals are in quaratine for a couple of weeks. I know I should give it a go but I'm just so unhappy and have lost all of my confidence I just don't know what to do anymore. My partner says I would be walking out on him but it's not that. I love him so much I just can't do the Australia thing but didn't realise this really till I got here. The only way I can stay is if I think I'm going home at the end of the year. How do we go about shipping pets back to the UK - they have pet passports but no rabies vaccinations as that was not a requirement for Australia. Advice and help needed please. :scared:
Hi.

My sympathies go out to you as my wife is running the risk of feeling exactly the same as you when we finally arrive in Australia.

However, I would suggest that you try to peruse the postings where people have come back to the UK, realised it's a bigger mistake than the one they thought they were rectifying and immediately made plans to return to Australia once again.

Three weeks is so little time compared to the length of time you will spend trying to return if you find that all you were experiencing was quite normal for most people taking this leap of faith.

I hope it all works out for you.
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 11:23 am
  #48  
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Default Re: I want to go home

Originally Posted by thatsnotquiteright
This got me thinking:
The thing is though, is that a lot of people can see through what is just temporary and what is permanent. For example, taking your experience, living in a caravan is what I might expect the first month if I couldn't (say) afford a hotel. I think people get a bit incredulous when the person seems to be struggling when they haven't even started. I mean most people seem to report their first few weeks as being akin to a holiday(!)

I've been in many life situations which are crap and almost unbearable but have shrugged it off because I know it is early doors. I have to confess that I am not that sympathetic to these posters...you have to question their motives in the first place. (Sorry)

The thought of living in Spain (and many other countries) would kill me. But then I would not seriously consider living there. So I wouldn't get into the situation in the first place.
I agree it should have been a holiday but things didn't quite go to plan, we had already bought the van when a week later the sick hit the fan. Had we known we had a stowaway we would never have come to Australia in the first place let alone buy a caravan. Sometimes shit just happens. :scared:
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 11:53 am
  #49  
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Default Re: I want to go home

Originally Posted by cypry
while we're all pontificating and handing out all of our little gems of experience..... anyone noticed where "Scared" has gone? It would help greatly if she were to give a location then perhaps, help we could...... Hope that doesn't sound too negative

I was wondering the very same thing.......
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 11:58 am
  #50  
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Default Re: I want to go home

Originally Posted by Hels
I was wondering the very same thing.......
Ditto ...
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 12:05 pm
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Default Re: I want to go home

Originally Posted by Hutch
Ditto ...
and me???? where are you?

mand
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 12:15 pm
  #52  
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Default Re: I want to go home

I felt the same way when I first moved back to England! For years, I had romanticised it & thought I could slip back into being a 'proper' English person! (moved to Oz when I was 8) Anyway, at the age of 23 I was not prepared for what I encountered.

I missed Australia and my family & friends there, right away but soon got over it enough to where I got on with life and made the most of being back in England! I am fiercely proud of being English, just as I am of being an Aussie citizen.

But, I had to make a decision come the end and I decided that I needed to move back to Australia! Of course, It is 7 years, this year that I've been back in England, so I gave it a fair shot.

Don't let 3 weeks in a place, cloud your judgement of it. Give it at least a year to 2 years to settle down and put down roots. Getting your pets out of quarantine and starting work will help big time. You will make friends through work, which will help. If after a fair amount of time, you still feel that way, then maybe your partner will be more open to listening to you in regards to returning to England.

My Partner is moving to Australia with me in Dec. and he is the one that said he needs to gove it 1-2 years to really experience living there. Of course, he does say that men tend to make friends alot easier than women do.

Don't feel badly about how you feel. They are YOUR feelings and no one has the right to question them. But give Australia a go...get your pets, start your job and get out and explore with your partner!

We are here to listen to you...so don't be afraid to post. If you want to PM me then feel free.

Good Luck!

Susan
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 12:55 pm
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Default Re: I want to go home

Originally Posted by scared
I know we 've been here under 3 weeks and that's just not lnog enought I know to give the country a go. We planned for this to be our new life but I'm finding things just too hard. My partner loves it here and is so interested in his job. I've also got a teaching job starting in a couple of weeks. The animals are in quaratine for a couple of weeks. I know I should give it a go but I'm just so unhappy and have lost all of my confidence I just don't know what to do anymore. My partner says I would be walking out on him but it's not that. I love him so much I just can't do the Australia thing but didn't realise this really till I got here. The only way I can stay is if I think I'm going home at the end of the year. How do we go about shipping pets back to the UK - they have pet passports but no rabies vaccinations as that was not a requirement for Australia. Advice and help needed please. :scared:
Having looked back at your other posts, this seems to have been coming to a head for you since the beginning of December, and while I'm not a doctor, it sounds to me very much as though you are in the middle of one huge anxiety attack. I'm not sure that it is entirely related to being in Oz - your posts have been increasing in anxiety since the first, and frankly I wonder if you would benefit from seeing a doctor to discuss your feelings. Your entire post above comes across to me as being on the verge of a full-blown panic attack (I'm expert at those! ) and it's almost as though you need to sit down and BREATHE for a while.

There's nothing wrong with that - you have, after all, just done something that may be the biggest upheaval in your life to date. You said in an earlier post that your furniture's on its way, and your pets are in quarantine so it seems very much as though you have moved your whole life here in a very short space of time. It's not really surprising that you should feel overwhelmed.

As others have said, you need a lot more time to even begin to adjust. I think coming here in the middle of winter might be quite a hard adjustment too as you go from dark UK days and long nights to bright sunshine and a lot of heat - that's tough on the most committed immigrant.

I can't imagine that being a teacher is the easiest occupation at the best of times but the thought of facing a class full of new kids in a new school must be very daunting too. I think when you have got past that hurdle you will probably feel better, and you're sure to when your pets get home. We hated being without ours.

For the time being I can only suggest you take it one day at a time, without any expectations of yourself, or your new life. Just concentrate on one day at a time, remembering to breathe. I know it sounds daft, but when you're panicked, it is easy to forget to breathe and then it is impossible to relax at all.

There are loads of alternative remedies out there that can help you without resorting to drugs - Bach Flower remedies spring to mind as being both safe and effective without dulling the senses. Mimulus is the remedy for fear of known things, with Rock Rose for terror. Wild Oat figures for uncertainty over your future path, Walnut is effective for periods of change and helping adjustment, and Star of Bethlehem is excellent for shock - for whatever reason. Have a look at this to guide you - http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/remedies.htm. Ultimately, Rescue Remedy rarely fails to help anyone, but it's a more generalised remedy and you may get better results deciding for yourself.

If feelings of panic threaten to get the better of you, try putting a couple of drops of lavender oil on your pillow at night, or on a tissue in your pocket. Roman chamomile also works well for panic and anxiety, and frankincense essential oil is useful for calming, especially if blended with orange (in my experience). Geranium is a very balancing oil in general, and Ylang Ylang is excellent for panic attacks - although rather on the sweet side. Essential oil of sweet marjoram works well on the parasympathetic nervous system and would help you relax and repair while you sleep.

Homoeopathic aconite is excellent for feelings of panic and terror, but a homoeopath would individualise treatment based on your total symptom picture. Aconite can be useful to tide you over and keep you sane!

There are other alternative practitioners here who would have more knowledge of other drug-free ways to help so hopefully you will get more information there too.

You haven't yet said where you are - but if you are in WA, you are most welcome to give me a call for a chat if it would help.

I do hope things improve for you soon - in your first post you said you'd been working for this for a year, and had only been feeling panicked for a couple of weeks. Hold on to that thought - get yourself past this *transition* crisis, and I'm sure you will feel as you did when you first started this journey of yours.

Good luck.

Sue
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 12:55 pm
  #54  
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Default Re: I want to go home

Originally Posted by amanda76
and me???? where are you?

mand
She was feeling a bit flakey during her first week here
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...76#post3106076

and even more so before she left home - spent the last two weeks crying
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...79#post3059579.

I suspect the experience was doomed before she left home.
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 1:02 pm
  #55  
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Default Re: I want to go home

Originally Posted by amanda76
and me???? where are you?

mand

Perhaps she has gone?
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 1:28 pm
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Default Re: I want to go home

Originally Posted by Hutch
Ditto ...
so is anybody going to say it???
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 2:57 pm
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Default Re: I want to go home

Could be that she is not an addict like the rest of us and is working through life offline?????
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 3:19 pm
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Default Re: I want to go home

Originally Posted by merlotsmum
Could be that she is not an addict like the rest of us and is working through life offline?????
eh??? :scared: noooooo impossible
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 3:24 pm
  #59  
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Default Re: I want to go home

Yep Merlot I agree..let's not jump here !! Support and advice....!! Plenty of posters have offered top advice Scared..!!!

Like Sue says one day at a time...!! I know people who moved from Queensland to NSW and found it hard...Aussie's I mean !!so you are not alone. When you lived in the Uk and you took a 2 week holiday did you ever get that feeling like you had enough and wanted to get home..!!?? Same sort of thing if you think about it. Nobody has said it HAS TO BE FOREVER have they?? So why not kick back and realise this is a life experience that you can ride....!!! Its' a huge change and like any change we just need time to sit and live it and accept the differences for what they are...wouldn't it be sad if it was just the same as being in the UK?? And thats isn't a slag of !!!

Feel the fear and do it anyway...Susan Jeffers......excellent book, helped me through some very traumatic times in my life.

I really hope it improves for you and I am sure it will...all early days..!!

Good luck

P
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Old Jan 16th 2006, 9:15 pm
  #60  
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Default Re: I want to go home

Frankly it amazes me how some people get through life! Maybe she's read all the posts and now feel so overwhelmed with love and help she's having a wonderful time here now.
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