Sam

One day I met a sweet gentleman and we fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave
up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from work. I stopped at the diner restaurant and before I knew it, I
had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made
sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed
excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a
surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I
took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
telephone rang.

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and
went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the >pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out
of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and
let
one
go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running
over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my
lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other
cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked
cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the
other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The
pleasure
was
indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my
freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin,
placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very
relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my
husband returned, apologising for taking so long. He asked me if I
had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted

skywalker

:d:d:d

kris maynard

Me too PMSL

kris xx

Sam

do my best!!

hilary6

Wendy

:d

hilary6

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic bin
bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and
every once in a while a £20 note is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are £20 notes
falling out of that bag..." "Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd
better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"


"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?"
" Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to
the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of
fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"

"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each
time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: £20 or
off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way,
what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up"! :scared:

Wendy

:scared:













but

Margaret2

Wendy, alan and sam, as ever....................pmsl

Wendy

you missed your name out