Sally Simpson

Don't you dare start feeling guilty!
You have your life to lead in your own way! She is being a manipulative & selfish person, behaving like a petulant child. So, if she was a child, would you ignore the behaviour or indulge her?

LIBBY

I would ignore......but its hard.....so far I have heard nothing but I know she is going for mamograph today so will have to ring tonight to she how she went on.......see how she reacts to hearing my voice later on.

LibbyX

Betty Boot

Please dont start feeling guilty, guilt is what made us return in the first place and look where that has got us

LIBBY

OK here is the lastest on my Mum


Was supposed to come Wed to Asda with me.....

She has texted me, in capitals CANT COME WED thats it, nothing else.

I texted her back....."why not"

She texted me back "GOT A MEETING I FORGOT ABOUT"

I texted her back and said......"I dont believe you, is this what its going to be like for the next year??"

Not heard back yet.

LibbyX (stressed.........its happening again and I dont think I can cope with it all again)

Betty Boot

Don't play her games try to stay calm and say something like "that's a shame i was looking forward to it, let me know when you're free and we can re-arrange it!" Sounds simple in theory But seriously try not to stress it will get you no where, and anyway if no one is talking to you then you have no one else to worry about - sounds good to me

LIBBY

She has texted me saying...........

I HAVE BROKEN HER HEART......WHAT THE POINT ANYMORE.......I DONT THINK I CAN LIVE WITHOUT GETTING CLINICALLY DEPRESSED

LibbyX

Sally Simpson

Well, that is major emotional blackmail if ever I heard it!
I know it is hard, but you have to ignore it!

munch

Well done for telling your mum, it is so hard and on top of everything you need to go through with the move.

I feel so guilty for breaking my mums heart but then so mad at her for not allowing me to follow mine. My mum is like yours, won't speak about it to me but tells everyone else how upset she is and can't understand us for wanting to go. Everytime I try to speak about it to her she is very abrubt and negative then starts to tidy up or gets the kids shoes on or says she needs to get my Dad's tea on or something else very trivial.

I hope, as a mum, that I would always encourage any of my children to follow their dreams and be supportive. Probably cry buckets into my pillow at night but I wouldn't be selfish enough to spoil their dreams. Think a lot of the problem is them letting go and feeling they are not needed any more.

Hope everything works out for you, you have to be strong - what you are going through now is nothing compared to regretting not going and then deep down blaming your mum. Maybe write her a letter about how you feel and why you are doing it.

Good luck

LIBBY

Its all over.....she will not speak to me....text me or anything.....I feel so angry.

How the hell can she cut us off for a year?? What the hell is wrong with her....she is making it all about her and we are doing it to hurt her.

I feel sick and angry and sad and guilty....but she will not win.....

We will still go....we will make a new life....with or without her....if i tell myself that enough I will believe it one day.

Thanks for everyones support

LibbyX

sonlymewalter

What does your husband say Libby? He must be fed up with it all as well?

You sound a lovely daughter and I'm sorry to say it but your mother sounds like a manipulative spoiled child. As parents we have to learn to respect our grown up children's views and realise sometimes they fly away, we learn to love them and support them from a distance. Life isn't always going to be in our control.

If you continue allowing your mother to manipulate you into the way you feel, then in effect you are rewarding manipulative behavior. She is pushing all your buttons to get her preferred reaction and you are letting her do this. Without sounding too harsh, you need to grow up too. You are a mother of two lovely kids with what seems like a lovely, understanding husband. Are you really going to let your mother dictate to you for the rest of your life? You deserve to own your own life and do what you feel is best for you, your husband and your kids. This is your choice, not your mums. Personally if my mother behaved in this manipulating way I'd make it clear she either respects I am now an adult or she is out of my life. I certainly wouldn't put up with manipulative mind games.

Do yourself a favour Libby. Lay it on the table, confront your mums bullying and subjugating ways and tell her you love her but that doesn't mean you are going to live the life she wants. It means you are going to live the life you want.

Then start living your dreams for yourself, your husband and your family

All the best

LIBBY

I know everything you say is right....and I will take it all on board....I do need to grow up...I am not a child, I dont need other peoples approval do I.

Its up to her now, the ball is in her court.....she can not even talk it out with me, she has to text me....I think its her that needs to grow up too!!

I will not let her destroy our dreams....if she wants to be part of it then the door is open so to speak.....if not then she is not worth bothering with is she?!

My hubby and my children are amazing and I love them to bits and they deserve to be happy....we all do.

Thanks for my kick up the backside....

LibbyX

sonlymewalter

Well done Libby

Seriously, the behavior your mum is showing is learned and you don't surely want to go down this same path?

Remember who is right here. Don't push your mum away, stay in control, tell her you love her, but she has got to accept you are a grown up and you need to make your own life. Then stick to it Libby. Or you will be forever unhappy, unsettled and living your life through your mother

You go girl!

stevenglish

when we first told my wifes parents, her mums initial reaction was 'F@@k, how can you do this to me???' My mum was scum of the earth for wishing us well

The father in law reacted better but spent the next few months telling the kids about funnel webs/brown snakes etc. :curse:

Didn't put either of us off tho and the kids just wanted to come here even more.

They've come round now, had no choice really and it turns out his auntie lives in Parramatta, about an hour from us, he must have forgotten to tell us before

Never easy telling them, good on ya for taking the bull by the horns.

stevenglish

Absolutely spot on top advice that.

Jaycee1

I was already to congratulate.............
Then I found the text bit
Maybe she is just telling you how it is.
You have the support of your family and they will get you through this.
K to solemlywalter?? . Excellent advice.
J x