stevenglish

Don't tell the wife but I had a word in the mother-in-laws ear when we were on our own and told her 'you may not think your daughter is gonna amount to anything more than the woman pushing her 80 y/o mums wheelchair, but I love her and believe me there's so much more to her than being there to look after you'

their relationship almost instantly improved, would your mum listen to your o/h? or is he the bastard son of satan in her eyes??

Dunno what else to say really but I truly wish you and yours the very best

Sally Simpson

Really great advice

Could not agree more & would send you more K if I could!

AliJ

Good old guilt, urgh!! That's why we returned, I couldn't settle but looking back my parents were angry, resentful and used subtle emotional hints during our phonecalls, those comments I would carry with me for days, fuelling my guilt. I felt was not being a good daughter.

We returned and I ended up depressed, which was completely predictable, I've had some fantastic help (talking therapy) and we are returning to Aus in September. I have realised how much I've tried to please my parents all the time (they are impossible to please) BUT I need to think more about me and my own family now.

They have accepted the move much better this time, my hubby did similar to Stevenglish and I've also faced them and explained how much they've hurt me.

Keep strong Libby, thinking of you

LIBBY

Hi Alij

Its funny how an off the cuff remark can fester and ruin everything for you....thats exactley what I went through.

Thinking of you too and really hoping the guilt doesnt get to you again, be strong, remember you came back and it did not work, believe me it will not a second time either.

keep us posted on how you are doing when you get there....we will have to start a support group on here

LibbyX

mandy1963

have just read this post and it bought back memories of my dear mum.
We came to Australia in 2005,only here 4 months and went back.Lost heaps of money,but started again in the uk,bought a house car etc,All the time wishing we were back in OZ.Couldnt stand it anymore,and started the ball rolling on going back.
Once we knew the move back to OZ was going to happen,thought we should tell my mum.
She threw our garden furniture everywhere,hurled loads of abuse and walked out on us.
That was in April 07,we flew out to OZ 9th July 07 without any contact from my mum.
She backed down in oct and we started to text.We sometimes speak on the phone,but the way she reacted killed that so called mother daughter relationship,we are more like strangers now.
I know that the way she reacted was because she was hoping that somehow it would make me change my mind,but all it did was make me want to go back even more.
Stick to your guns,dont be bullied,you will be fine,as you are not coming back untill next June im sure you will sort things out,but if you dont,please dont let her spoil things for you and your family,its YOUR life not hers.
My mum has said she will never come and see me,all i can say to that is "Thats your loss,i wont loose any sleep over it"
You stay strong,everything will be fine
Take care

LIBBY

I am so pleased for you that you rose above it, and are still there. It gives me hope that I will be able to go there and stick it out. Mums hey:curse:


We decided on January last night, did some sums and we will just be able to manage it......we will be coming out with nothing.....just enough for Bond on a place and thats it, but we will do it


Mum is still not speaking...the odd nasty blackmailing text, but nothing else Hey ho!!

LibbyX

Nick11

My mums a pain in the arse, but after reading what you guys are going through - am beginning to think she's okay, verging on the good.
Although she was never supportive - she never stopped us or said anything to put us off.

Mothers - can't live with them - can't live without them!!!!!!
Hoping your mums will eventually see the light!
Nick
x

LIBBY

Thankyou Nick,

As for them seeing the light....I will not hold my breath

LibbyX

Pants

Hi Libby

How are you missus, long time no chat but of course now I can what a busy bee you have been...so where are you heading back too?

Go for it hun

P xxx

mandy1963

We to lost so much money by coming and going,we came out with nothing,as had to wait for house to sell,once it did it was just enough for the smallest deposit ever on a house here.We have a big mortgage repayment,but hopefully interest rates should go down one day,but we would much rather struggle and be happy in Australia,than be unhappy in the UK.
Dont worry about coming over with no money,your not the first to have done it,and you wont be the last.
Stay strong and be happy,you will be fine.
As for your mum,let her get on with it,dont try to contact her,let your mum always make the first move,and only reply if you want to.At the end of the day she is in the wrong for being nasty towards you for wanting to improve your life.You will be so happy once you get here,dont let her spoil this exciting time for you and your family.Take care.

joh117

Libby

I can so sypathise with you. We told mum in Jan that we were planning on going back. She then assumed when I announced I was pregnant in Feb that we wouldnt be going. Then when we said Hubby had had an interview she said oh you are still going. Then I got her tears and loads of negative comments. All my reasons were not good enough and I felt like I was having to justify myself.

Well hubby didnt get that job so all went quiet on the Oz front until a week ago when he got an email saying there would be an interview the next morning. It went so well and they verbbaly offered a job subject to reference and checking australian citizenship. So we went round and told mum.

I could see she was upset and she again said very little.

I get a call sat afternoon and I could tell she was being off with me. Then she started and I got the same dont think I can see you (me,hubby and daughter) again I need to get used to you not being here. I wont be coming over to see the newborn baby and I wont be able to come very often as I cant afford it when I retire. She is on a good packet at work as is her hubby and she could afford it if she wanted. I pointed out once she retires she could stay for longer.

We are due to go away for a week to Portugal with her in June and she even siad she didnt think she could do that anymore. Whereas I saw it as time to spend a quality week together she said she would be seeing it as her last chance to do something with my daughter. She said oh so you wont be here for my bday when asking when we would be going. She forgets she wasnt in the country herself for her bday last year!!!

I hope you get through OK as it is awful falling out with your mum but I am not being emotionally blackmailed to stay here.

Jo

LIBBY

I got the "whats the point in seeing you any more" but if it was the other way round and she was going I would want to make the most of seeing her while I could.

2 weeks without any contact for me.....I refuse to break the silence.

Good luck Jo with your hubbys job, and with your new baby.....remember to look after yourself and not to stress to much.

LibbyX

Pants

Hi Libby

You not talking to me?????

P xxx

LIBBY

Sorry Mrs P, of course I am talking to you.

Just nipped in on a Sunday lunch time.....will PM you tomorrow when its quite here.

LibbyX

posh10

Hi Libby,

hope u and ur mom are talking now i know people are saying its her problem but u sound close to ur mom or u wouldn't be wooried , i told my mom and dad last yr and my dad was not pleased at all, told me to move to wales by them it was just as nice as Aus, i knew he was just upset and so left it, its now a yr on and we go shortly and today i went to see my mom and dad to say goodbye and u know what he was fine, i expected him to go mad and so the last yr i have not commented on Oz at all to save arguments when i've been to see them !! but he wanted to know all about it and that we were going to be ok so not what i expected. It was the most heart wrenching thing of my life , i sobbed whilst my dad tried so hard not to cry. broke my heart.truly.

So i say get in touch, talk to her about it, don't let things pass like i did.

Diane x