The Clarkeys

Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated!

We are finally emigrating in April, after a long wait, and now that it is becoming a reality, my daughter, 5, is beginning to get upset about the whole thing. Up until now she has been quite positive about it but is beginning to realise that her family won't be there, she will have to make new friends, start a new school etc. Her school have been fab, giving her time to talk about it but I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for things I could do?

moneypenny20

Yes, don't get heavy about it. At five, she's picking up on stuff you and school are saying. She's too young to understand what a month is, let alone that she won't see friends and family again. That thought wouldn't have entered her head if it hadn't been put there by stuff other people have said to her. In reassuring her, you are sub consciously telling her there is a problem.

Just relax in front of her. Stop mentioning it other than as an exciting family adventure.

viviennef

My 5 year old suffers a lot of anxiety about lots of things, a trip to a new shop can spark a week long anguish of analysis.

I agree with MP - the way forward is to de-dramatise the situation. stop comforting her, go matter of fact all the way. Its happening, its exciting, what are we having for tea tonight.

I would let her talk about it but keep it light and dont go into too much explanation- example of a conversation with my 5 year old.

I dont want to start school?
Why?
I dont know anyone?
Erin is going, and did you see that playground how cool is that?

Yes I am going to go down the slide but behind the slide did you notice the fence, there was a road there someone may come to the road and steal me

noones going to steal you, how could they afford to feed you? You eat too much food *tickle* - what are you going to have for tea tonight?

Eggs and bacon. other conversation

Mum, did you notice there was a big tree by my classroom - what if it blows down in a storm

Yes - wow wouldnt that be crazy, if theres some wind, we could go fly the kite


etc. My little one has a condition but at 5 you can always turn it around

Good luck and maybe mum is a bit nervous too!

Zenshin

We are in a slightly similar situation. We are moving back to Perth shortly and we have been talking a lot about it to our 5 and a half year old as we are excited. Only trouble was she was getting slightly anxious about leaving her friends from school behind (we have no family here so at least don't have to deal with that issue even though some of our friends have been like family).

We have now stopped talking so much about it and have really been making a massive effort in spending loads of time playing with her at home with just her and us so there is less emphasis on her friends. We have also obtained some email addresses of her best friends and have spoken about sending postcards to the school while we settle in and until she has found new friends in her school in Perth. Her teacher has said she can have a little leaving party on her last day (not sure if it will make it worse for her but at least her best friends will get to say goodbye properly).

Can you set up video skype now while you are in the Uk and get her to "practice" contacting your family while she is still here? My daughter talks regularly to our family in Australia and she honestly feels very connected to them as if she knows them really well although in reality she has only seen them twice on 2 holidays at a maximum of 6 weeks at a time.

The Clarkeys

This is a fab idea but we only have rubbish mobile internet, so don't think it works - if I'm wrong please correct me! -

We have always talked about it as an adventure, putting a positive spin on it then moving the conversation along - think thats a universal parenting skill to be honest! I think that it has just been so long coming and now that Christmas is over she is very aware of all the changes we've had so far and the ones to come.

Ta for the advice everyone - and yes, mum is getting alittle freaked out about the whole thing too

quoll

Wouldnt be talking about it much with a 5 year old at all. They are just along for the ride - and far more concerned about what they want for tea (loved the explanation there Vivienne!) They have no concept of the enormity of the move, other than that it is enormous for you and all change is a worry when you are 5 (especially if the teacher moves someone with red hair into the desk next to you).

Chill, dont batter the point, just get on with life and let her go with the flow.

al150n

Our daughter is 5 next month & so far is really excited about moving to Perth. When we were out there in 2008 staying with friends she kept pointing to the local school & telling us that is where she'd be going (which it may well be). I'm not sure it's sunk in yet that she'll be leaving all her school friends here behind though. We fly the day before the September term starts so she'll have the summer holidays without seeing her friends anyway plus well have the shippers in during that time & then 3 weeks moving around between family so hopefully the school bit won't be so much of an issue by then. I'm expecting all the tears on her last day there & my sons last day at pre-school to be from me to be honest.

I've got her name down for Rainbows here & fingers crossed she'll get her place soon after she is 5. I figured that if she started now I could get our friends in Perth to get her name down for the local troop there so she's got something she can start straight away that's familiar as such. That way hopefully helping her to make some new friends with girls her age a bit quicker. Luckily she is quite confident but I think we're going to have problems with our 3 & 1/2 year old settling in.

Pre-school have asked me to go in & do show & tell with my son on Tuesday for Australia Day. They thought it would be nice for him to share our photos with his friends so they all know where he's moving to & he gets excited about seeing the pics again.

Hubby has already got both his parents set up on Skype so the kids are getting use to speaking to them that way (it's also getting the inlaws use to using it as well with hubby on hand to sort things out lol) & if hubby stays away at all we use Skype then as well.

I also intend to make sure she keeps in contact with some of her friends, internet is great isn't it? We will also keep the contact going with pre-school by sending postcards & letters to them as they have been a huge part of our lives for the last few years. I'm currently chairman there & have promised to send the end of year report from Oz for the AGM in September Funny thing is I got voted in as chairperson whilst we were on holiday in Oz.

I think you have to treat it as an exciting adventure but can I get back to you about how we end up dealing with it in a few months? Actually that will be too late for you so can you let me know how it all goes please?

Alison x

The Clarkeys

Thanks for all the comments everyone - I know you are right about going with the flow and not making a big deal about it - the problem is, she is aware of the fact of the family not being there (not through us, can I add!!) Perhaps a word in the ear of the in-laws might be wise!

I'm sure she will be fine, just mum being a worrier! Think I should be more worried about my 3 and a half year old more - still hasn't recovered from moving from a cot to a cotbed, aged 2! God help me when we move hemisphere

The Clarkeys

No problem. Kids are more resilient then we think aren't they?

moneypenny20

Why would he know? Does he know what a hemisphere is?

SillyOldBag

My daughter was nearly 5 when we first came over, she showed no anxiety about it, I had told her that we'd see her uncles and cousins again but not for a while and she accepted that. She knows I'm honest with her and trusts what I say. I really just said it was a big adventure and she'd get to see kangaroos and koalas and you don't see many of them in South London

The Clarkeys

Oh, trust me, he'll know - he has a sixth sense. My mum says its my own fault as I was exactly the same not at knowing what a hemisphere is but not sleeping

katieandpaul74

Hello All,
We are in a similar position, moving to the Southern Suburbs of Perth in June. Our 2 year old is none the wiser, but the 5 year old has started to realise it's really happening! We've been open and honest about it for the last 2 years (since we first started the process), and he has been drawing pictures of our new house etc. We have MSN and Skype sorted, and his reception teacher has said he can take in the scrap book we made him when we did the Reccie visit last year, nearer the time we go!!

I think the fact we are packing up the house is a little unnerving for him.. and us..... but as someone said previously, we are trying to focus on the big family adventure we are about to have, not all the family and friends we are leaving behind!!

Our next challenge is the flight...... how do you keep two little monkeys quiet on an 18 hour flight, arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Good luck to all, Katie & Paul

Damson

Our 8 year old can't wait. We basically have been so positive about it all that she's just going along with it. She's not daft and does have an idea of the implications, but we just keep pointing out the positives. So far, so good. I have no doubt that keeping talking about it and saying not to worry and pointing out that she'll be missing X, Y and Z for her isn't the right approach. I don't think there's a right or wrong way - you just have to weigh up your child's personality. Good luck, you'll be fine

petensue

My youngest was 3 and a half when we moved and I was not worried about her more worried about her older sisters so I was shocked when she said she was really missing things in England.She found it a bit difficult at first but now she loves it here and would hate to go back to England.Sue.