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Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

Old Jun 22nd 2009, 11:21 am
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Default Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

Hi everyone, as some of you probably know I've been dreaming about Oz since I was 18 years old... but wouldn't qualify.

I've been working on getting the visa since then, plus starting a family! I'm now almost 24, and still don't qualify lol. I only have a hnd, if I spend a year studying to upgrade it to a degree I should FINALLY be able to apply next May

But i'm feeling ready to tell the parents . . . again!

I told them when I was 18 that I wanted to go to Oz and they hit the roof. I got the whole "you wouldn't take our grandkids away from us" (even though I hadnt even had kids at that point) and "if you live there then we might as well not have a daughter".

It wasn't good!

I have 2 older brothers, both of which are childless at present whereas I have two daughters.

I'm going to have to tell my mum and dad that I'm going to uni to get my degree, and they're going to ask why (I work from myself so don't really need one for work purposes)... so I've had enough of beating around the bush and have decided I'm going to tell them this week... Just can't decide how!

Any ideas/recommendations?

Thanks everyone

Jen
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Old Jun 22nd 2009, 11:48 am
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

Originally Posted by Coppock View Post
Hi everyone, as some of you probably know I've been dreaming about Oz since I was 18 years old... but wouldn't qualify.

I've been working on getting the visa since then, plus starting a family! I'm now almost 24, and still don't qualify lol. I only have a hnd, if I spend a year studying to upgrade it to a degree I should FINALLY be able to apply next May

But i'm feeling ready to tell the parents . . . again!

I told them when I was 18 that I wanted to go to Oz and they hit the roof. I got the whole "you wouldn't take our grandkids away from us" (even though I hadnt even had kids at that point) and "if you live there then we might as well not have a daughter".

It wasn't good!

I have 2 older brothers, both of which are childless at present whereas I have two daughters.

I'm going to have to tell my mum and dad that I'm going to uni to get my degree, and they're going to ask why (I work from myself so don't really need one for work purposes)... so I've had enough of beating around the bush and have decided I'm going to tell them this week... Just can't decide how!

Any ideas/recommendations?

Thanks everyone

Jen
Don't think there is any easy way Jen! If they are gonna flip then they will no matter how you tell them! Will they be able to afford to come out and visit you? This might soften the blow especially if they are retired so they can come for long holidays. My parents love doing that!

Off topic but we're from Wrexham as well, whereabouts do you live?
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Old Jun 22nd 2009, 11:51 am
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

dont tell them until you have the visa in your passport, other wise it will just cause unwanted grief from what your saying. And your probebly a year or 2 away from getting visa. thats what I would do.
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Old Jun 22nd 2009, 11:55 am
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

Hi, we've just moved to Johnstown Its a lot better than Northwich where we were before! Its quite handy being an hour away from everyone now - good practice of not seeing them everyday!!!

They're not retired yet, but they're trying to sell their house so they can rent and buy a property in greece - its ok for them to leave the country but not us!!!

We got married on the gold coast in November and adore the place, so I guess it won't be too much of a surprise, but I just know its going to go down like a nuke!

I'm sure they'll visit, but they'll insist that they won't as the flight is too long. I'm sure they will have countless holidays planned up once we've moved though. And if they don't then I'm not going to lose sleep about it - the decision is for our family, just because they won't move abroad because of their parents doesn't mean I won't!!!

They never make things easier... am seeing my mum tonight so might just tell her straight and then run off home!

Whereabouts in wrexham were you from
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Old Jun 22nd 2009, 12:04 pm
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

Originally Posted by Coppock View Post
Hi, we've just moved to Johnstown Its a lot better than Northwich where we were before! Its quite handy being an hour away from everyone now - good practice of not seeing them everyday!!!

They're not retired yet, but they're trying to sell their house so they can rent and buy a property in greece - its ok for them to leave the country but not us!!!

We got married on the gold coast in November and adore the place, so I guess it won't be too much of a surprise, but I just know its going to go down like a nuke!

I'm sure they'll visit, but they'll insist that they won't as the flight is too long. I'm sure they will have countless holidays planned up once we've moved though. And if they don't then I'm not going to lose sleep about it - the decision is for our family, just because they won't move abroad because of their parents doesn't mean I won't!!!

They never make things easier... am seeing my mum tonight so might just tell her straight and then run off home!

Whereabouts in wrexham were you from
Sounds like a plan!! Don't think they can really tell you not to go if there moving to Greece!!

My parents live in Bangor-on-Dee, my OH is from Gwersyllt lived there for a bit after we got married then moved to Rhosddu then to Oz. Have loved every minute of it! We've had the best time! Don't miss Wrexham at all just my friends and family but we've had loads of visitors and my parents come over every year for a few months so its not too bad. We've got a friends who live on Duke St they came over for a hol last year.

Sounds like its gonna be awhile before you get your visa? Let me know if you need any help with anything!

Jo
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Old Jun 22nd 2009, 12:50 pm
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

I wouldn't say anything other than you hope that once you have finished your studies, you will be able to apply for a visa and move here. There's no way of knowing if you'll be accepted in future years so let them know you'd love to move here but don't know if you can. No point in upsetting them if it's not necessary.
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Old Jun 22nd 2009, 12:57 pm
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Wink Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

Tell them "We're just popping out to get some milk..."

Then, when you visit them in the UK two years later: "They didn't have any".
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Old Jun 22nd 2009, 9:49 pm
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

Originally Posted by Vash the Stampede View Post
Tell them "We're just popping out to get some milk..."

Then, when you visit them in the UK two years later: "They didn't have any".
ROTFL . Brillaint. OP if I were you I would go. You cannot put your life and that of your childrens on hold. If you can get a visa why not? Yes I know they don't want you too and this is going to sound terrible but we don't all live forever. Whether you are a close family or not at the end of the day it's what is best for YOU and your immediate family. They will come around and if they miss you that much they can get on a plane and visit you...it's not that hard.
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Old Jun 22nd 2009, 9:51 pm
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

Originally Posted by OzWannabee View Post
Sounds like a plan!! Don't think they can really tell you not to go if there moving to Greece!!

My parents live in Bangor-on-Dee, my OH is from Gwersyllt lived there for a bit after we got married then moved to Rhosddu then to Oz. Have loved every minute of it! We've had the best time! Don't miss Wrexham at all just my friends and family but we've had loads of visitors and my parents come over every year for a few months so its not too bad. We've got a friends who live on Duke St they came over for a hol last year.

Sounds like its gonna be awhile before you get your visa? Let me know if you need any help with anything!

Jo
Awww I lived in Hope for about 2 years - Live in Hope, Die in Caergwrle - well except we lived in Hope and hubby died in Portugal, he always was an inconvenient git. Was a lovely, friendly place

As for the OP telling parents - we mentioned in passing that we were considering emigrating when OH was first offered a job. My parents were fine.. sad, especially as my brother emigrated to Greece a couple of years earlier, but happy for us, as they'd had the chance to emigrate to Oz in the 70s and didn't because my Gran pitched a fit at them.. my Dad has regretted it ever since.

OH's mother was in a proper flap about it.. but she's coming out to visit us on her own in September and is looking forward to it. She talks to Himself every 2-3 days on Skype which is much more than she talked to him in the UK!

The kids other grandparents (from the aforementioned husband at the top) were sad and supportive - they were the ones I really dreaded telling. My FIL died a couple of years ago so my MIL is a bit wary about flying out here by herself but she knows that if she wants to, then she's more than welcome and she talks to the kids on Skype every week.

Its hard for them all - we're wrapped up in our new lives and we've left little Dreamy shaped holes behind us.. but they've all dealt with it.
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Old Jun 22nd 2009, 10:32 pm
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

I told my mum well in advance of the visa application, just so she had a chance to get her head around it. We had no kids then so I guess that made it easier. She did say she would never visit, but actually came 3 times in the 4 years we were there.

Telling her 2nd time round was harder in many ways, because we now have 4 kids. But she expected it this time so was upset, but not shocked.

I think you just have to tell them straight, and let it sink in before you are anywhere close to getting on a plane with a visa in your passport. Your family will come around to your plans.

Good luck!

Mika
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Old Jun 23rd 2009, 12:40 am
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

As others have said, you need to do what is best for you and YOUR family!!!! I'm an only child and have 2 boys - the only grandchildren on both sides!! Both sets of family were sad we were leaving but thought we were definately doing the right thing. Your parent's shouldn't give you a guilt trip as you are looking out for the best interests of you children!!
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Old Jun 23rd 2009, 1:25 am
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

Originally Posted by Coppock View Post
Hi everyone, as some of you probably know I've been dreaming about Oz since I was 18 years old... but wouldn't qualify.

I've been working on getting the visa since then, plus starting a family! I'm now almost 24, and still don't qualify lol. I only have a hnd, if I spend a year studying to upgrade it to a degree I should FINALLY be able to apply next May

But i'm feeling ready to tell the parents . . . again!

I told them when I was 18 that I wanted to go to Oz and they hit the roof. I got the whole "you wouldn't take our grandkids away from us" (even though I hadnt even had kids at that point) and "if you live there then we might as well not have a daughter".

It wasn't good!

I have 2 older brothers, both of which are childless at present whereas I have two daughters.

I'm going to have to tell my mum and dad that I'm going to uni to get my degree, and they're going to ask why (I work from myself so don't really need one for work purposes)... so I've had enough of beating around the bush and have decided I'm going to tell them this week... Just can't decide how!

Any ideas/recommendations?

Thanks everyone

Jen
It's your life, you have to do what's right for you. Your parents sound very selfish.

I'd say "I'm moving to Australia, if you don't like it, lump it".
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Old Jun 23rd 2009, 1:56 am
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

I would wait until you get your degree - by which time they will have moved to Greece. It won't seem such a wrench for them then as they won't be seeing you and the grand kids so much. Plus you have the certainty of knowing that you qualify for a visa. Good luck.
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Old Jun 23rd 2009, 7:12 am
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

Sounding selfish just about sums up your parents unfortunately. I remember watching Wanted Down Under once and one side of this family did not want them to go and it went as far as we will right you off if you do...what a cheek if you ask me.

I don't get how "family" get off controlling others. Remember it's your life and you have to do what's right with it and make the best of it... Good luck with whatever you decide but if I were you I would NOT be staying here just to keep Mom and dad happy. That's ridiculous!!!!!!!!!
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Old Jun 23rd 2009, 7:26 am
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Default Re: Help With Telling The Parents You're Leaving!

tell them early as possible and dont be bullied. I wish i had told mine right back at the beginning it MAY have save a lot of crap
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