talbot

Aaah I loved reading that! We've (hubby, me and daughter 11 and son 9)been here in Melbourne for a year and in the beginning I was the one struggling with the move but after seeing how happy the kids are, those early feelings went out the window. I think they were young enough to adapt easily but to see your teenage boy being so positive and happy makes me even happier we did the right thing.

Timber Floor Au

Its weird isnt it. My kids dont worry about anything, I mean NOTHING, not exams or anything.. yet in UK they were stressing about this and that.

It has to be a combination of , Parents, Lifestyle, Surroundings, Culture and the whole Aussie-experience

quoll

Well, just remember that one man's dream is another man's nightmare.

It's a punt whether life will be better for your lads or not. One of mine has emigrated back for better prospects and a career path he could never have aspired to here (he came here at 6 months old so was not returning to anything he knew)

At least your kids went with you on holiday and made their decision based on what they experienced rather than just a blanket "not going!" without knowing what they are knocking back.

talbot

Yes, what you said is so true - esp. parents being part of the influential bit!
I reckon if we are positive and open to change, of course it'll rub off onto the offspring.
My son is autistic, and had to be rediagnosed here and the ed. psy. said if we had stayed in our town in Scotland forever without moving, he's be much worse and set in his ways. It was so nice to have a compliment as a parent for a change as we love travelling and have been for years.
The Aussie laidback happy lifestyle has suited him sooo very much that he's got confidnace and LOVES the OPEN PLAYGROUNDS instead of a small tarred area in Scotland!
Because he's happy we're all happy.

As quoted in the Rocky Horror Show... I'm happy, you're happy, we're ALL HAPPY!!!!

JenniGee

Hard to know what to say - mine are girls aged 11 & 12 - everyone's family situation is different.

My girls only see their dad approx once per month for the weekend - initially they both said they wouldn't come with us, they had lived with us for 3 years & now it was their dad's turn to have them whilst we went to Australia! They were also worrying a lot about not seeing their grandparents & so on.... until they realised they only see their grandparents once or twice a year anyway & so that wouldn't change.

At the moment, they aren't 100% convinced, but are willing to give it a shot. It helps that we have only just moved to this area, & so they have recent experience of moving areas, making a whole new set of friends & keeping in touch with old ones over the internet - they can see for themselves that it is possible & they know exactly what it will be like when we do make the move.

I think it helps to realise that they will have good days & bad days; the younger ones will follow the older one's opinions sometimes & then turn about & say the exact opposite; sometimes they will want to talk about Australia & sometimes they won't.

At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for ALL of you & if you really believe you can provide them with something better than they have now, then do everything you can to make it happen. My eldest is having an ipod video for her birthday in May, so she can "take her mates with her"!

And remember, you have dreams too!

Best of luck

talbot

I've heard that only once a child reaches 18, they're allowed to make their own decisions.
Before that, the parent makes the decision and they're just there for the ride!

JenniGee

Yes, that's about the size of it, but kids can make your life a living hell & the whole thing a nightmare if they're digging their heels in & refusing to be positive about everything. God knows it's stressful enough already.

Bribery. 'Tis the way forward

midgetjan

Oh how I can sympathise with you.

We holidayed in Perth January 2006 and decided it was definately the place for our family.

Eldest daughter had her 21st here and loved Australia but loved boyfriend back in Scotland more. She decided to stay with him. We were devastated but went ahead with the visa application anyway, hoping that by the time it was approved she may change her mind and come along.

Our 19 year old daughter loved it here on holiday- cried for 5 hours on the flight from Perth as she didn't want to return to Scotland. 14 year old son just enjoyed the holiday.

Fast forward to June 2007 - visa in hand we headed to Perth to make a new life for ourselves. Younger daughter by this time had met a boyfriend in Scotland and wasn't sure if she should stay or go. (She didn't tell us this until after our house was sold). Eventually she decided she would come on a year's WHV with a view to finding sponsorship and staying for good. Eldest daughter was still going to stay with her boyfriend.

Hubby folded his business after 20 years. I gave up a very good full time job. Son left school having reached the tender age of 16.

We arrived in Perth and stayed with OH's rellies. Big mistake. For many reasons, which I won't go into, it was the worst few weeks of our lives.

We bought a lovely house, which the kids loved but had to wait 2 months for entry. We stayed in temporary accommodation until house was ready.

Moved into house 5th Oct. It was heaven to be a family again (although we all desperately miss eldest daughter). Ten days after we moved into house youngest daughter's boyfriend arrived here to be with her. They got a rental and moved in together. She has been working since the week after we got here but boyfriend thought he was just here for the holiday.
Daughter had to move jobs after 6 months (terms of her WHV). Their money ran out so he had to find a job. He doesn't like it now it's not a holiday and he wants to go home to his Mum. Worst bit - he wants to take our daughter. He has convinced her that there's nothing here for her despite the fact that she has secured another good job with a company which specialises in company sponsorship. If she leaves now she won't get back into Australia as her WHV will expire and she won't get another one.

To top it all - 16 year old son has not worked since we got here as we've moved areas 3 times. To begin with I didn't mind as he was just settling in but now he's desperately lonely. He didn't want to go to school as he'd done 11 years in the UK. He's finding it hard to find a job as he doesn't drive. He spends all his time on the computer speaking to his old friends. He hates it here and all he talks about is going "Home". He says he's not staying here if both his sisters are in the UK.

I have managed to secure a good full time job. My husband has struggled to get something. We have a 4 bedroomed house with a pool (which the kids wanted) and a large mortgage.

My husband doesn't want to stay here without the kids but I feel like I'm being emotionally blackmailed.

We gave up everything to come here and I feel like giving up so soon would be failing. I want to stay and get citizenship. At least then it won't have been for nothing and maybe the teething problems will pass. It wasn't my choice to come to Australia but I love it and don't want to leave.

I thought we'd be living the dream here but it has ripped my family apart too.

Anyone got a magic wand????

Dolly Dimples

Hi there, I'm new to this site and have found your posts very interesting.

We have a visa which we validated over a year ago and although permanent, we will have to start living in Oz by about May next year to secure the 2 year deal which allows us to become a citizen.

For the past year havent thought too much about moving as business took off here, kids got into the grammar schools so life was good.

However life in Britain is becoming more and more frustrating when you constantly hear that we are supporting immigrants that dont support themselves (and i'm not being racist here) but sadly it feels like we are 'free' loading everyone else. I think this along with a mixture of other bits and pieces makes you worry for your childrens future.

My children are 11 and 13. We have been to Australia at least 5 times for holidays and my daughter (11yr old) would move out tomorrow. My son who is a much more homely person (13 yr old being a difficult age) is not keen at all, although he said he would be if he could take our horse out there. That i'm afraid would be almost impossible I think and possibly unfair. But it would really upset him and he could end up hating us.

So, what the hell do we do. I know deep down it is a great opportunity and I personally dont think work will be a problem for me, not sure about hubby. The trouble is, if we dont go next year we will lose the visa and I doubt we will get it again now.

I hat the thought of leaving my parents and sister and also my life long friends but I have to think about what the future holds for my children.

If anyone that has been through this same dilemna and can advise, please can you.

Thank you
Denise

Wendy

I wish I did have a magic wand honey, but unfortunately I don't

Your son - can you not get him some driving lessons? or get him into an apprentiship of some kind? that may just make all the difference.

asher

Hi
my sons are 19 and 21now 18 and 20 at the time of applying for a visa eldest is autistic and said he would never come but as he had just moved to the community to be independant we expected this. The youngest has always dreamed of Oz and nagged us to migrate however when its a possibility the answer is no he wants to stay with his friends and girlfriend!!

So we did the unthinkable and left them behind!

told them if they want to stay they need to be independant but would assist youngest financially while he was an apprentice.

They are in the UK but have both agreed to come for a holiday (at our expense) really they are missing the chance of a lifetime but they are adults and its their decision to make!!

Good luck to all of you with kid problems it is tough isn't it. You can only guess what they will do and some of the time they are completely baffling! my youngest initially went round saying we were blackmailing him we told him it was his decision!
then we get you are abandoning us I pointed out that he was the one abandoning us! and that the eldest was quite happy to be left.

All this means that we are going to stay for 4 years then evaluate the situation and see then if we return to the UK or not.

srd

[QUOTE=

Hi,

after reading your post i realised that i am not alone in my situation, but it does not make it any easier for any of us.

OH and i have talked and talked about the situation and although we both love it in australia and feel that it is right for us we cannot see our future here now as we will be without any family. Its so hard to know the right thing to do, my friends in uk tell us to stay here but i think its very difficult for any one who has not been in this situation to understand the emotional pull. Most days i wish we could turn the clock back and not have got on the plane, we have lived here before and also been here 5 times on holiday so we knew what we were coming too.

I wish i could help you, but if you want to pm me perhaps we could chat a bit more. srd.

Wendy

Hi, you're right it doesn't really make it easier on us that others are going through it too, but it does help to talk to people that understand. Any time you need to talk about things, we're here to listen

Can I ask, how long you have been here and do you have Citizenship yet?

srd

hi, have been here a total of 12 months now so not got citizenship yet. we have thought about waiting to get it, but as i cannot see that in the future we would want to be here long term without any family i dont think we will wait to get it. our priorities at present are trying to get our two sons in uk to at least communicate with us - 5 months since we have spoken to one of them and to try and sell our house here so that our options are more open. we thought that buying a house, getting a puppy would help to settle us and show them that we mean to stay, but its backfired on us! christmas and their birthdays were the worst and then knowing that the younger son was crying down the phone to his sister as he hates the family being apart. for me the guilt is unbelievable that we could have prevented this by not coming here. sorry to be so depressive this morning.

Wendy

It's OK mate, I understand

You have to do what is right for you, we don't always have the right answers and have to just go with our gut instinct - sometimes it's a good move and others it's not - but don't ever feel guilty for what you have done or haven't done.

Take each day as it comes, and consider you and your OH and what you want too, don't just let the kids dictate your life as they may just bugger off and leave you anyway. I'm not saying put yourselves first and bugger the kids, but make sure you think about what you want too because your happiness is just as important as theirs.

I really wish I had the answers for you, whatever direction you go in look after yourself.