debbieuk

hi all sorry but i need to vent

my daugghter logged onto her msm the other day to find some NASTY comments alegedly from her best friend..she was obviously upset and when she confonted her friend she new nothing of it.

then one of the boys in her class told her that it was him and 2 off his friends that had gotten hold of her friends passord and thought it would be 'a laugh' to do this but he was sorry.

the other 2 boys deny all knowledge of it even though i have printed out the comments and discussions between the 3 boys.

THEN i went on and talked to the boys 2 were very sorry and one was a cheeky s**t..i lost it a swore at him (i know i shouldnt have but i was defending my 11 yr old and he was a cocky brat)

anyhow... now i have his dad ranting at me (i apologised for swearing) and saying that HIS son has told him he didnt do it so he didnt...i am an unfit mother and he will ring social services..shouting at me...so.. i shouted back and it has gotten all out of hand

i told my daughter that if she didnt want to speak to this boy then block him off her contacts...apparantly that is bullying

logging onto someones alses account and calling my daughter a f***king fat b***tch and say i am gonna get you and d*ck h**d isn't according to his dad
i have all the conversations printed off but he doesnt want tp see them
i even said that i blame all 3 not just his lad

i reall want to scream:curse::curse::curse::curse::curse:

sorry for the vent but i have a little girl upset and i need a fag

debbie

homewardbound

Take it all to the school and try to see a learning mentor/head of year.

asprilla

rubbish, you're telling me that if I block someone on MSN messenger then I am bullying them ?!!


hee hee....

232Bar

You let them use the internet it's pretty much 'warts and all' - there's 2 buttons, "off" & "ignore". Failing that - stop being so sensitive.

kiwinow

It's hard not to jump in and fight for your kids, but it might've been better to leave it at that when the boys owned up, as it's now escalating out of control. I remember doing something similar when my son was bullied by cellphone. In the end I grabbed it off him and told the kid I was his mother and was reporting the conversation to the bullying hotline at the police station. Bully apologised and then a few minutes later teased my son for hiding behind mummy. Son was mortified. Wished I'd let him fight his own battle that time.

She can block them and I don't see why that's bullying, but I hope her friend has changed her password.

ozzieeagle

Having had 4 kids go through this.... the oldest being 25 and being on IRC at age 14 right through to the Youngest now 10 and having his own issues on the chat side of Runescape. Well unfortunately for the OP I kind of concur with these views.

I realise it's incredibly difficult when you actually know the people in RL as well, but if your daughter is having these problems at age 11, then I can guarantee she is going to have hell on earth at age 14/15, which is when this kind of behavior reaches its peak.

I think you made a huge error in getting involved personally just over name calling on the net. It's when physical damage gets threated... and yes my oldest did manage to get rocks thrown at our house via her on line shenanigans that things get serious.

Basically if you can't stand the heat get out of the Kitchen... or monitor everything your daughter types, better still type it for her. Obviously I'm being flippant with that last comment. There is nothing you can do.. so its either get over it, or turn the net off, until your daughter can cope on her own.

Not everyone is nice in the world, a cruel lesson, but one that all my kids already know. Including my 10 year old who has seen his sisters go through this himself. He has had all his runescape items stolen/ripped off by so called friends... which may not mean much to you and I, but it meant a hell of a lot to him, He knows how to handle it now, and probably learnt a good lesson about cyber bullying along the way.

Getting involved in the kids online activities doesnt work, except for restricting access your end.

Margaret3

does your wife feel like this also ozzie

msn an the net are so much part of kids lives nowadays (unfortunately), i think cyberbulling (especially with minors), and anything on the net that threatens kids should be taken VERY seriously, if not, should we just sit back and let the bullies and paedophiles have there way.

ozzieeagle

Basically we've had extreme moments over the years, with incidents on the net. Invariably they always blown out of proportion, and usually from people within their own peer group, whether they know them personally or not, the effect feels the same at the time. I've found that problems are compounded if dealt with in RL.

My wife doesnt generally get involved with these Issues, she steers clear of the net. She prefers books and reallife topics rather than anything to do with the cyber world. So she has little patience with online problems. The real drama starts around 14/15 I've found, especially with Girls, and if you can unravel whats going on then you really are doing well.

debbieuk

thanks for all your advice

we have all calmed down now
the offending child has been deleted from her account and blocked.
i agree that we shouldnt be so sensitive. i was more wound up that it all was changed to the boy being 'bullied' and as my daughter says no one wants to listen to what she had to say even though it happened to her.

heyho another lesson learned

debbie

ozzieeagle

Thats really great to hear Debbie, I hope all goes well in the future for you.

asher

for future reference Debbie when my son was bullied online we printed it all off and took it to the parents and school without speaking to the child involved we gave them the print outs and said deal with it and it was dealt with.

I think the main thing is not to descend to the bullies level, hopefully it won't happen again to your child

Margaret3

Ozzie i am truly sorry for the trouble you've had with it all.

My daughter is 17 and we are very fortunate never to have experienced any of this, and she lives on msn, but why should i say 'fortunate', we should 'expect' it.

As for 'she prefers books and reallife topics rather than anything to do with cyperworld', ozzie couldn't disagree more, its msn where these kids arrange their real lives, mostly its innocent but sometimes not you gotta watch them like a hawk.

By complete coincidence over the last couple of days we have had trouble with our 10 year old and the 'net', she is now completely banned from the computer until she gains back our trust. Yaaaaahaaaaa more computer time for me (only kidding peeps, honest)

ozzieeagle

Double post apologies.

ozzieeagle

Our 14 year old, uses MSN mostly on her mobile phone, we pay 6 bucks extra on her three account and she has unlimited access via that medium. It is almost impossible to monitor that, although the my 14 year old "Shona" seems to hardly every have a problem with MSN, well nothing major.

It was the oldest one with IRC pre MSN days, that really caused us headaches. We really did end up with 3 car loads of people baying for her blood out the front of our house in the early hours one year. It was difficult to exclude people on IRC, unless you really knew what you were doing.

I dare say Shona does have her fair share of smaller incidents like name calling, but she seems to be able to cope... probably just deletes those people of her account without a thought. I do know she has at least 40 contacts on her MSN account.

jonnywonny

i hate bullies full stop but i do seem to turn into one when my kids are being put threw it,my wife has been warned for pining a 10yr boy against a wall in school (school bully ) he has been good as gold since ,but every body wants to be anti bulling but nobody wants to stand up & say no. Every time my son played soccer it was hell for the young pom they couldnt catch him so they just kicked him all over the park ref just kept looking away YES I LOST IT they were on the attack 1min to we were one up dont no what happend i slide into the right winger he went to ground game was stopped i was escorted of the field couldnt belive what i did. Now iam banned from going to the game but my son is not being bullied now jonnywonny. ps if any was at the game iam sorry