Pants

Hi All

Yes it's me old timer Pants spending a few mins to ask a question before bubs wakes up.

I know a few of you know my story but in brief I live back in UK with Aussie hubby and 2 gorgeous bubs. One is nearly 6 and the other 8mnths old. One reason for coming back to Uk from Oz was due to cold outlaws who gave no support whatsoever when we moved to Oz with our then baby girl of 5mnths.

Since we left they have come over once to visit and stay and that was again a disaster in as far as our daughter didn't even get a packet of sweets brought for her or a game played with her. She was nearly 4 at the time. My outlaws mother would rather read OK magazine than play with her. I am not kidding on that.
So now we have a baby boy who of course when born got the best pumpkin patch outfit sent over and is asked after accordingly. And yes the outlaws are descending upon the UK again in Sept/Oct as they want to see baby boy.Luckily we have no room so they are booked into B and B..yahooooooooooo relief.

In the mean time every time they call and speak to their son and sometimes me, they never ask to speak to our daughter, she is never sent anything unless it's her birthday or Christmas, never a card or congratulations on her swimming effort, nowt, nil, the big zero. So I am getting up in arms already as I am thinking they make no effort whatsoever and it's as if she doesn't exist. I am biting my tongue as I want to ask them outright why they never ask to speak to her. This of course causes rows with hubby as he says don't worry about it but you know when they are sat in our house eating our food and making out life is sweet I just know I will be puking up in the garden with the front of it all.They have done so many things in the past that just stick in my throat and yes ok I know they live so far away but surely that would make you think more effort should be made. My husband agrees that yes they make no effort but he seems ok with just letting it be that way, as for me I want them to be aware of her and her feelings. She won't be staying 6 forever will she.....

By the way yes they have grandkids in Oz about 10mins up road from them, so do you think they don't bother with them also...no way of course they do.
You know if my sons family live 12,000 miles away I will make sure that they know who I am and that they are thought of and loved.

So anyone out there please any suggestions. You know if this was my parent I would ask and not ignore that this is going on. I am not having a go just because it is them. I just find it soooooooooooo unatural. I am worried that my girl will see the fuss they make of our boy and really "feel" it as she is a sweet natured sensitive babe. Oh yes and they plan to come when she is at school, another good thought out idea !!

Sorry bubs has woken hope this makes sense....its a bit miss mosh but hopefully you get the gist,

x
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thewoodz

(((hugs)))
i really don't know what to say as i would feel the same as you and want to know why they consider one child is better than the other, they may not but their actions speak volumes.
K sent

Pants

Thanks for that and the reply I just feel I must say something but feel upset that hubby doesn't seem to worry about saying anything. It's like defending his daughter and he is not..!! Who knows what they will be like when they see our new boy. I just can't seethem NOT bothering with him.!!I have watched this happen all this time and I don't give a stuff if we fall out as they really don't mean much to me and if we do well at least our daughter won't have to put up with their ignorance.!

Hutch

Personally, I'd have it out with them. In fact, I was in a very similar situation (search my blog for grandparents and you'll get the gist - lol) and I did exactly that. I made it clear that I didn't give a flying **** if they didn't utter another word to me as long as I drew breath, but that their grandson deserved better. Nice big family row kicked off of course, but they've been a lot better since ... and still talking to me, unfortunately. Tackle ignorance head on, I say.

Pants

Thanks Hutch..ohh yes I recall your lovelllllyyyy outlaws and their fun visits.!!

I reckon it has to be done...now do I wait until face to face or on the phone..!! :curse:

How did your wife feel about it all??

framac

I think Hutch's post says it all. Maybe they dont even know how much of an arse they are acting but if they do then give it to them with jam on it. :curse:

Hutch

To be honest, my missus was more pissed off than me about the situation, but didn't know how to broach the subject. I'd have quite happily cruised through life never speaking to them again, but it was important to her, and the sprog - and if it's important to them, then it's important to me. She was glad it was out in the open - and since I made my views clear, she's found it easier to be honest with them about a load of stuff, including some family skeletons in the closet.

Do it face to face, choose your moment wisely, state your case calmly and don't, for the love of god, back down!! Most blokes are total wimps when it comes to this sort of confrontation, which is why your old man is taking the path of least resistance. I was raised somewhat differently though - lol. To be brutally honest with you - it could screw things up - I knew that could happen when I said my piece. But it was eating away at the missus and, by the sound of it, it's eating away at you. Just brief your bloke before-hand, let him know how important it is to you ... and then roll the dice.

travelbug

I agree with you. I have a similar situation brewing myself - except it's not that the grandparents ignore the kids - it's the mother and father of the kids that get ignored. My parents adore our two kids - but i am the forgotten daughter - i have just become their Mum and they're not interested in mine or my partner's life one bit (we have our visa's now and although in the UK they have not shown any interest in our plans to emigrate)......
I'm plucking up the courage to have it out with them - although at the moment i'm waiting for my "moment"....