renth

Surely I can't be the only person to do this but my dad is in the end stages of Alzheimer's AND vascular dementia.

Anyway he is in a home and paying over 5 grand a month for it but they don't feed him. Apparently this is a "thing" in old people's homes, they put the plate in front of them but there is no obligation to help them eat it and if the old person gets up and walks away then too bad.

My brother and/or his wife have been going in every day to feed my dad and as it's half term they are going away for a week. Cue me having to fly back to the UK to take up the feeding duties.

I don't object to them going away but it just seems really odd that I have to do this, surely I'm not the only person who has faced this dilemma? Not that I don't want to see him or anything, he won't recognize me though :-(

F**k me right? FML! WTF!

Molly Coddle

Jesusss! That's horrendous!

Sorry to hear about your dad. :-(

What kind of bloody place is it? Where they don't feed him? And 5 k a month? That's disgusting, I feel for you and anyone else who is in your shoes.

renth

Thanks for that. It's an old people's home that is supposed to care for people with dementia but apparently that doesn't extend to ensuring they eat which just doesn't make sense. My understanding is many/most old people's homes do this but I'm not an expert.

Molly Coddle

My mother used to be a nurse in a nursing home and I can say that, They ( her and the rest of the staff) cared deeply for the patients and they got excellent care. The home had very strict rules and policies in place that meant there was nothing ever going on that was untoward.
I remember her coming home and telling me all about her days at work, I remember how fond she was of the patients and how upset she would be when they had passed away. She's now retired but still talks about the place and how she loved working there.

About 5 years ago the nursing home changed hands and I believe now it's a complete and utter shambles as are a lot of nursing home in Britain, it's a effing joke! It's a big problem in the UK and the government are supposed to be addressing it by upping the standards of staff and doing more thorough background checks. The thing is,whilst the government are taking their time. There are still old people sitting there suffering, it makes me sick when I hear stories like yours.

I don't, know what to say really , I don't know what you can do, that probably hasn't already been done? You have spoke to the Sister in charge I take it?

Molly Coddle

Maybe these people might be able to give you more information regarding the feeding situation.

Carers Direct
Website: Care and support - your essential guide to social care - NHS Choices
Carers Direct helpline: 0300 123 1053
An online and telephone service providing information advice and support for carers .




I have never heard anything like it in my life, that they don't have to feed them? I'm not an expert in that area but surely common sense tells people, that if someone isn't eating and they need reminding to do so or help to do so then you just do it! Surely?



Good luck.

carolinephillips

I feel for you. My dad died of cancer induced dementia, but he was hospitalised. The staff were so busy that they didn't have time to see to his needs, so my sister went in every day to bathe, change and feed dad. (Before he became bedridden he would not remember he had eaten, and would wander up to the nurse's station and eat their cake and chocolates.) Eventually they put him on the "Liverpool pathway" which is a name to disguise the fact that they starved him and dehydrated him to death.

Although he was suffering and in pain from spontaneous bone breakages (that's how they discovered the cancer) I still feel that withdrawal of care is an absolutely barbaric way to go. You would be prosecuted if you did it to an animal, so why can't the medical profession find a better way to end someone's suffering?

I think it is awful that the levels of care given to older people who do not have the capacity to speak out for themselves seem to be slipping, and they are seen as a burden to be dumped as soon as possible.

jad n rich

A girl in our street did that cert 111 in aged care, she got a job straight away ( sunshine coast ) and was totally shocked about the feeding thing. She was staying behind to feed them, as they dont allow it on the shift. She got told ' your not insured " out of work hours and sent home!

Sorry to hear about your dad, my nan had dementia, she was the opposite! she would cook dinner over and over, eventually had a fire in the kitchen. So sad.

BEVS

Hi Renth.

My husband is currently back in the UK to visit and help care for his 86yr Mum. She has quite advanced Alzheimer also. She is not in a home as her 78yr old brother is 24/7 carer. My husband has gone back not just to spend time with his Mum who hardly knows him now but also to give his uncle respite. She has social services carers coming into to check meds, help with hygiene etc.

I went back to care for my Dad who had bowel cancer.

My understanding is that as neither my Husband's mum nor your Dad are sectioned under the mental health act the person cannot be overly forced to do anything they don't want to do . Same for my Dad who did not have dementia of any sort .

So, they ( as in care staff, nurses, gp's , hospital staff ) may encourage or perhaps cajole for a while but if the person shows no interest , then whatever it is does not take place. If your Dad shows signs of dehydration etc, I think that is a different & a medical matter. He would receive medical care (a drip) for that unless it is very last legs. Then one must decide to remove all further intervention other than for pain. End game.

Care staff can & should only do what they do within the terms of their working contract. Outside of that they leave themselves wide open .

That is where family is all. We have the time hopefully and the patience to do that extra for our loved one. Of course, we cannot force at all but we may know ways to get the person to do as we hope, against their own wishes & disinterest

As I wrote. My husband is doing this now & I have been through end care with both my parents.

You will perhaps simply ask what the home does to encourage food recognition and eating. For dementia it is quite complex and each person is very different.

For my MIL , she still thinks she prepares the meals . She sits with her brother as she has done for decades. So it is not about the food at all. It is about familiarity & routine. Whilst she was in hospital for an extended stay , the only way to get her to eat was for her to feel involved in the preparation. Without this, she would not eat. It holds no interest.

You will probably have already read this.

I wish you luck.

Grayling

this does not just happen in the UK....there are also plenty of problems in aged care homes here.

Grayling

That is also used in Australia and many other countries....Please don't think it is only used in the UK

Grayling

Renth...good luck with the trip back....it can't be pleasant....give them an earful and threaten to move him elsewhere if things don't improve.

There is no excuse for bad practice and poor standards no matter which country it happens.

Amazulu

Sorry to hear about this Renth

Family eh

GarryP

I'd be hopping mad if they were getting £5k pm and doing that.

I think at minimum I'd be invoicing them my time for doing the job they *should* be doing. The whole point of a care home is they are supposed to be caring for the individual, not playing legal games to avoid doing the job.

And yes, I think the 'Liverpool Pathway' is a crock and if you are capable of saying that's what the patient is going to get no treatment, then the patient should have the option of voluntary euthanasia. Things are way out of wack if the doctor can kill by omission, but the patient isn't given the same control.

northernbird

Sorry to hear Renth.

jad n rich

There is something called an 'advanced care directive ' its a statement by the patient outlining what they require at the end, all set up and legally binding I believe. Its on the patients file then. They can state exactly what treatments they will accept and when to stop them.

Important its done early as possible of course, before the illness is too advanced to be capable. Of course you cant choose euthanasia if its illegal in that country but you could choose not to be resuscitated for eg.