Genius ideas
 

I think we should hear what genius ideas the geniuses on the forum have had throughout their lives that they never got round to patenting or implementing. I've had a few, I'll give two examples.

1. Years ago, before FoxtelIQ I'd be sitting in a pub with mates and realise I was missing my favourite TV programme, so I came up with the Video Recorder you could ring up, and use your phone to type in the channel and start and stop time to record your programme. Then when you got home, you'd have your favourite programme to watch pissed. Obviously Sky and Foxtel nicked that idea:(

2. You know army rations where you puncture the edge of the can and the chemicals heat up and warm up the contents of the can? Well I reckon the same process could be done for cigarettes. So on windy days there is no problem lighting a cigarette with a lighter, just squeeze the end of the cancer stick and it lights up.

I have more, trust me, the whole reason this came in to my head is because I thought of a brilliant idea, but I want to hear some others first.

JTL

Re: Genius ideas
 

I feel some Viz stories coming on :lol:

Re: Genius ideas
 

NO!! I was hoping people would post their ideas from their past that they never got round to doing anything about.

Not "Put rice crispies on your tyres and people will think you have a gravel driveway":p


JTL

Re: Genius ideas
 

:lol: you are talking about the same forum aren't you:confused: This is BE:lol:

:rofl:

Or cut out squares of carpet and stick them to your flip flops so that when you are walking on Aussy tiles, you still have the comfort of fitted carpet:lol:

Re: Genius ideas
 

"I invented Quavers"
Aldridge Prior Hopeless Liar, Viz

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:lol:

Haven't read Viz in years- is it still running?

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This is NOT turning into a Viz 'Top Tips' thread.:frown:

I invented the Velcro Elevator. In tall buildings you'd have a bit of wall that was a scrolling bit of velcro that went vertically all the way to the top. Every 7 feet a little platform was attached to it. So when you want to go to say floor 4, you just stuck yourself to the velcro, and stood on the little platform.

When you got to the desired floor you peeled yourself off the velcro and stepped off the little platform.

No more waiting for elevators!

JTL

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I thought of interactive TV ads in about 2000 and like most of my lazy-ass ideas I didn't bother doing anything about it.

I researched it last year and it seems as though the first TVs and broadcasts will be coming to market this year where you will be able to go to the advertisers website via your tv through an interactive link from that ad. So if you see a hot deal you like you can buy it or visit the website at a click of a button

Re: Genius ideas
 

Fantastic idea and cost effective, *green* even!:thumbup:

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The Glass (well probably pyrex) toaster. Its transparent, so you can watch your toast cook, and when it is the perfect colour, you pop it out.

Jeez, I'm giving away so much Intellectual property tonight.:p

JTL

Re: Genius ideas
 

Reminds me of a Dennis Pennis interview with Tom Selleck:

Dennis: Hey Tom, how ya going
Tom: Yeah great man!
Dennis: Tom, when going down on a lady, do you suffer from the velcro effect?

Re: Genius ideas
 

Are you Hawgs from the Hamish & Andy Show?

Re: Genius ideas
 

I had the idea waaaayyyyy before him. Like 1994 or something.

(and is it not Horgs?)

JTL

Re: Genius ideas
 

I have this cure for cancer...

Re: Genius ideas
 

My husband invented the maglev train when he was 12.

Unfortunately, by the time he grew up someone else had also invented it.

I had an idea for an electric coat (run off batteries) to keep me warm while I waited for buses in chilly English winters. But rather than do anything about it, I moved to Australia where I didn't need one..

Re: Genius ideas
 

No need to worry about getting electrocuted when it rained on you then?:eek:

JTL

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Yeah I have that too, shut up about it until the major pharmacuticals start bidding for it.

JTL

Re: Genius ideas
 

This is the genius idea I had in the bath today. Comments please.

We have a couple of fly traps, they are basically jars filled with water and they have a fly sexual attractant added to the water, so flies go into them and can't get out.

They get about 300 flies a week, and as the blurb says on the packaging, each female fly could produce 3000 flies in its short life.

So by killing 300 therefore killing 300x3000 you've killed 900000 flies, per fly trap. So if you have 5 fly traps, you've killed 4.5 million flies.

So if you give everyone 10 fly traps for a year, and they all kill 9 million flies each! for a cost to the tax payer of maybe a couple of hundred million dollars wouldn't it be worth it?

Just think, you could eat out at a restuarant without batting flies away. You could leave food out on the kitchen counter without worrying if there was a fly in the house.

Forget about re-financing the banks, get rid of the bloody flies.

Oh well thats my genius idea for the day,

JTL

Re: Genius ideas
 

The perpetual motion ship :
- A ship with a hole through the bottom along its length with turbines in it, give the ship a big push at the berth and the motion drives the turbines which charges the engine. I think someone called davinci invented it before me, bstrd.

Chip Implants for kids
- Put GPS enabled chips into children, you would inject them so peado's couldnt take them off them. When I 'tested' this on my circle of friends they were aghast that I'd consider surgery on a baby to implant an untested electronic device. i thought it quite reasonable ,weirdos.

Re: Genius ideas
 

I did have a similar idea for our kids, we would staple a GPS system on to their clothing. Unfortunately it weighed 1Kg and kept telling her to turn left at the next exit.


JTL

Re: Genius ideas
 

Solar powered boot and hand warmers. Chris Bonnington Everest types missing 8 toes from frost bite would have loved them. Simply attach a solar panel to your climbing helmet, connect it to miniature electric blankets in your boots and gloves. Hey presto, no more black toes which fall off. The panel could also be made of a pliable fabric which could be incorporated into the jacket.
In the likely event of a white out blizzard, the alternative is to attach a bike wheel and dynamo to your ice axe and get the same result. This also has the added advantage, snow fall permitting, of leaving a visible trail back to camp.
This is so obvious it must have been invented already? ;)

Re: Genius ideas
 

Some good ideas there, though I can't stop thinking of the solar powered torch joke.

JTL

Re: Genius ideas
 

http://www.gpsnanny.com/rs/onaney/

GPS in service issue firearms would be a good idea as well. When a firearm 'disappears' in a prison again they could find it much quicker or if a policemans gun is nicked.

Re: Genius ideas
 

Also rather excessive, when the chance of you killing you child through stupidity is about 50,000 times more likely than them being taken by a paedophile.

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Here's an idea on how to get men to wash their hands.

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Like http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...light=top+tips

That one!

Re: Genius ideas
 

:rofl::rofl:

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The one furthest away looks particularly keen:rofl:. I'd be washing my hands there.

JTL

Re: Genius ideas
 

I recently posted this one in another thread............

Back in the UK I used to run a courier firm. On the back of my fleet of vans I stuck stickers saying "Hows my driving? phone 0906....." The phone number was a premium rate £1 a min job which I had rented.

As most of my drivers were young lads driving nippy white vans you can imagine the number of calls I got to that number.

It paid for me and the mrs to go to Barbados 3 times a year so cheers if any of you lot rang it :beer:

Re: Genius ideas
 

A seriously good idea with only one snag....

http://www.coolhunting.com/tech/magimix-vision.php

Re: Genius ideas
 

JTL - I like your Velcrovator TM idea ... but picturing it if someone very heavy got on and everyone else was left dangling in mid-air! You'd have to incorporate a weighing station at the entrance... maybe in partnership with WeightWatchers?! :D

Re: Genius ideas
 

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO..
HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF
AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER.
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:
Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona ) who created the 'Tent City Jail':
**He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them..
**He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. **Took away their weights.
**Cut off all but 'G' movies.
**He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.
**Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.
**He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails, so he hooked up the cable TV again.....BUT only let in the Disney channel and the Weather channel...
**When asked why the weather channel, he replied, "So they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs."
**He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value.
**When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't The Ritz/Carlton....... If you don't like it, don't come back."

More On The Arizona Sheriff:
With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports:
About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts.
On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before.

Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their PINK SOCKS.
"It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an inmate who has lived in the TENTS for 1 year. "It's inhumane.."
Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic.. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates, "It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your mouths!" Way to go, Sheriff!
Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers' money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

Re: Genius ideas
 

Here's another one:


An engineer (ex-NASA project director) has what I think is the near perfect solution for airport security!
*Subject: **Problem solved for airport and federal bldg security*
*Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports. Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.*
*It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this crap about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift..*
*Case Closed!*

Re: Genius ideas
 

Thats actually a brilliant idea :thumbsup:

You could do the same on here, post something incredibly offensive and say, "if you have a problem with this, call me on 0906..."

I love that idea. I just need to get the phone line set up :p

JTL