British Expats - Friday Funny

some funny ones

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC 2)
> Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
> Contestant: Goosey?
>
>
> UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
> Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and
> 'cheesemongers'?
> Contestant: Homosexuals.
> Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very
> upset with you.
>
>
> BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
> Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
> Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
> Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
> Contestant: Leicester.
>
>
> BBC NORFOLK
> Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
> Contestant: I don't know.
> White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between
> your hand and your elbow?
> Contestant: Arm.
> White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're..?
> Contestant: Strong.
> White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
> Contestant: Louis.
> White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the
> song
> What A Wonderful World?
> Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
>
>
> LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
> Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
> Contestant: France.
> Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
> Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
> Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country
> is the Parthenon?
> Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
> Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
> Contestant: Paris.
>
>
> THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
> Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all
> written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the
> Conservative Party?
> Contestant: The Conservative Party.
>
>
> THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC 2)
> Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
> Contestant: Jool carriageway?
>
>
> BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
> DJ Mark: For 10 Pounds, what is the nationality of the Pope?
> Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
>
>
> GWR FM (Bristol)
> Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
> Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
>
>
> MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND)
> Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
> Contestant: Erm . . .
> Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
> Contestant: 1965?
>
>
> RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)
> Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about
> pensioners: Last Of The ..?
> Caller: Mohicans.
>
>
> PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)
> Phil: What's 11 squared?
> Contestant: I don't know.
> Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
> Contestant: Is it five?
>
>
> SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)
> Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
> Contestant: Six..
> Tufnell: Higher!
> Contestant: Five.
>
>
> FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)
> Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word ???
> CHED and PIT.
> Team: Chedpit.
>
>
> LINCS FM PHONE-IN
> Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the
> world?
> Contestant: Barcelona.
> Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
> Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in
> Spain.
>
>
> RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW
> Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
> Contestant: 23.
>
>
> NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)
> Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest?
> Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it?
>
>
> THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)
> Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name
> includes the letter 'e'.
> Contestant: Ghana.
> Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
> Contestant: New Zealand.
>
>
> NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
> Question: What is the world's largest continent?
> Contestant: The Pacific
>
>
> ROCK FM (PRESTON)
> Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of
> a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
> Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
>
>
> THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
> Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in
> 1918?
> Contestant: Magna Carta.
>
>
> JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
> O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
> Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er . er
> ...three?
>
>
> RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)
> Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek
> goddess of victory?
> Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's?
>
>
> BLIND DATE (ITV)
> Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
> Boy: Charlotte Bronte.
>
>
> CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
> Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
> Caller: Japan.
> Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear
> that, I can let you try again.
> Caller: Er ... Mexico?
>
>
> PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
> Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel
> last?
> Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
>
>
> NATIONAL LOTTERY
> Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?
> Contestant: Basketball.
>
>
> NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ
> Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
> Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor?
>
>
> DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
> Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
> Contestant: Holland?
> Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
> Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
> Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
> Contestant: No.
>
>
> PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
> Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
> Contestant: Er . . .
> Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
> Contestant: Blimey?
> Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . .
> Contestant: (Silence)
> Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
> Contestant: Walked?
>
>
> THE VAULT
> Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the
> sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
> Contestant: Nostalgia.
>
>
> BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1
> Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80
> tonnes?
> Contestant: Ummm . . .
> Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'.
> Contestant: Shark.
>
>
> STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
> Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging
> character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
> Contestant: Jesus