steve`o

The husband had just finished reading a new book: ‘YOU CAN BE THE MAN Of
YOUR HOUSE.’

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing
a finger in her face, he said sternly, “From now on, YOU need to know
that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law! You will prepare me
a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will
serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are
going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the sex that I want.
After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will
wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will
massage my feet and hands. Then after that’s done, guess who’s going to
dress me and comb my hair?”

His wife replied, “The f**king funeral director would be my guess.”

steve`o

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so
the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one
problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to
understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started
shouting in the middle of the show, “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or,
“Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” or “Hey, why are all the
cards the ace of spades?” The magician was furious but couldn’t do
anything. It was, after all, the captain’s parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning
almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece
of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it…..with
the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day… and then 2 days … and then 3 days …

Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said
…… “OK, I give up. Where’s the f——-n’ ship?”

steve`o

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will
have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine
and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in
the hallway you both say “screw you.”

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

The 6th kind is called: Courtroom Sex
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more.
She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least, the 7th
kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex
You get a little each month. But not enough to live on.

stutess

Mmmmmmmmmmmm

DebraH

yes i like that one