Forgiveness..
 

Have you forgiven anything really big in your life? People who've done horrid things to you for example?

How long did it take for you to forgive and was it one sided? Did the other party do anything to help the process? Say 'sorry' for example?

Or is there something which you can't forgive and wish you could?

Re: Forgiveness..
 

If asked I would generally say that I am a forgiving person, but I gave some thought to this matter a while ago and i'm not actually sure that I really am. I don't exactly bear grudges in so far as I put things out of my mind and don't dwell on them, but that really isn't forgiveness, it's just my somewhat idle ostrich like way of dealing with things. Every so often "crimes" against me spring back into the forefront of my mind not in a grrrrr way, just in an "oh yes that happened" sort of way, but if I don't forget, have i ever really forgiven?

I think overall I'm just too emotionally lazy to bother to bear grudges :rofl: I realise that this doesn't really answer your question at all :blink:

Re: Forgiveness..
 

I thought I was a forgiving person until I read this and realised that's just like me too :lol:

I did have something pretty terrible happen to me when I was 13 (not going to elaborate on here though). If I saw that person in the street, then I would probably be OK with them, but I have never forgotten what they did and don't think I ever will. I have come to be at peace with it though - not sure that's the same thing though :confused:

Re: Forgiveness..
 

Neither of you are helping. :D

Although I realise that 'forgiving' has different meanings to different people. Being 'at peace' with something that happened to you is possibly the place I'm aiming for...
It's the 'how to get there' which is the difficult part.

Re: Forgiveness..
 

Took me a lot of years to get there. I think living in a different country helps though :D

Re: Forgiveness..
 

I am all of the above too.

I did write my story but it's a bit too personal. I thought I was forgiving but I'm not, I'm just good at keeping it locked up. Can you ever truly forgive and forget if someone has hurt you so bad...? I hope so. I would love to know how :)

For those who do something that needs forgiveness, karma always comes back around... ;)

Re: Forgiveness..
 

I think I am 'at peace' with mine because I can walk away knowing that I did everything in my power to help the situation. I can't forgive them, I missed out on something I can never get back, but they have to live with their actions for the rest of their lives.

Re: Forgiveness..
 

I think being at peace with something doesn't necessarily require forgiveness. I used to dwell on things too much when I thought someone did something wrong towards me. But, now my view is that I dont need to make any effort if its been entirely inflicted on me by someone else. If i needed to defend my name, I'd question my choice in friends.

Basically, if I find myself needing to forgive someone, I'd be more interested in not taking the problem onboard and get on with my life. They may seek forgiveness. I think thens the point to put it out of your mind. I dont believe thats bottling it up, just not having it as an issue in your life.

Its hard to approach all problems the same way and I, fortunately, have never had anyone do anything seriously bad to me. But, I imagine that i would benefit more from focussing on whats good in my life instead of feeling hatred towards someone who doesnt deserve the energy.

Re: Forgiveness..
 

I think it depends on your take of what 'forgiven' is.

I have an ex husband who cheated on me and then made it difficult when I dared to leave him and ask for a divorce. I am at peace with him now, it doesn't bother me any more I have moved on and remarried, what happened - happened and I no longer even think about it - Forgiven

My 15 yo son was run over by a drink/drug driver who did a runner leaving him with multiple injuries (he is now 24 and fine) I can never ever forgive that low life/scum for causing my gorgeous caring son so much pain and for causing myself (and family) the devastation that only another mother might understand at being told her son might have brain damage and will be in a wheelchair for a while. - I can never forgive this and nor do I wish too.

Re: Forgiveness..
 

No I don't blame you, I wouldn't either ever. There are some things in life that you can't just forgive, what you have to do for your own sanity is accept what has happened and try and move on with your life but again easier said then done.

Re: Forgiveness..
 

Streaks is right. As many other things in life, it depends...
I have been in a situation where somebody I trusted hurt me. I never told anyone about it until I heard that they had also hurt my younger sister. I had been able to put what happened to me out of my mind, although that wasn't forgiveness as such. But I couldn't forgive myself for the hurt my sister had to endure because I hadn't spoken out. I am not sure I even have forgiven myself yet and it was over 25 years ago :( I know I should forgive myself but it's too much a case of 'what ifs'.
On the other hand, that person does not deserve forgiveness because to this day, they have not apologised. They don't care how much hurt they have caused. And how can you forgive somebody who doesn't care?

I believe forgiveness has to go both ways to be real. If the wrongdoer doesn't want/need to be forgiven, can they ever be forgiven? Not sure I'm making much sense here...?:unsure: And some things just can't be forgiven... Accepted, but not forgiven.

Re: Forgiveness..
 

I think the description of being at peace with stuff that happened is probably the best description. Also, I agree with knockoff nige in so far as it's very often best just not to let something affect you, just move on and get on with life.

Re: Forgiveness..
 

Ill let you know once my own situation is over, but I have a long time to wait till I get closure.

Forgive? possibly, forget? no ****ing chance.:frown:

Re: Forgiveness..
 

second that. Pretend as if nothing has happened, aka "start over"? F**k no.

Re: Forgiveness..
 

Maybe if forgiveness is asked sincerely by the causee (blimey! Is that a word?) you can reciprocate.

Other than that it's more a case of "revenge is a dish best served cold", file the episode into the nethers of the old grey matter or the hardest but (from my own experience, best) achieve a peace with it as a step in life's education.