scottishcelts

Apart from several obvious things in life, I have always tried to maintain the attitude that forgiveness is good for a person's well being.

After all, it's not your karma at the end of the day.

I forgave my dad's witchy sisters (mum and dad were divorced) after their appalling treatment of me and my younger sister (who has learning difficulties) after he died, I won't go into the full story because it went on for so long. They lied to the priest about me, tried to make out to people that they paid for the funeral (lying cows all their lives). My husband paid for the full funeral and helped me sort everything out. They stole things from my dad's house and one of them was executer to his will (he really did not believe she would be such an evil bitch). She even kept the money that should have been divided between me and my sis (we seen a lawyer etc but it was useless, executer's really can do wtf they want). There was so much more but I'd be here all day.

They strongly believe that they are more important than my dad's children ("cos we is his sisturs" sort of attitude).

One thing they couldn't touch was the ashes (seen as they never paid for anything). Though it didn't stop them trying to get their hands on them.

I got over it. I got what I wanted in the end (my dad's ashes added into his family plot) - couldn't do it without them. So I forgave them for this reason. As I said - it's their karma at the end of the day.

hevs

IMO there are certain lines in life that you just dont cross. Someone crossed that line with me, she is now dead to me, and I will never ever forgive her or forget. Simple, No black and white.

However for most grey stuff, lifes too short, meh, in time I always get over it

TiddlyPom

What's 'grey stuff'?

Cheetah7

Some things just cannot be forgiven.

TiddlyPom

I don't know. Can forgiveness just work one way? You to them? Does it matter that they don't care?

Totally agree and that's my problem. The other side doesn't give a shit. Doesn't care. Doesn't think they need to be 'sorry'. They just carry on doing what they're doing and seem to think I should just be ok with it.

I'm not.

scottishcelts

Love your pussy.

sheene

Forgiving someone who makes a mistake is fairly straightforward- you are forgiving the mistake. But when that 'mistake' is repeated, and repeated, then it is not really a mistake. Then you are faced with the prospect of either forgiving the person for who they are, or simply walking away. The latter tends to be less painful.

TiddlyPom

Oh it's not a mistake. It's a continued hurtful thing that I must put up with.
I'm not really sure HOW to accept that person for doing it. I just don't know how to do it.

sheene

If you 'must' put up with it, then that will just add to the hurt and feeling of being trapped - and they know you are a captive audience and will see no reason to change. Perhaps if in their mind you could create a doubt, that you may not put up with it forever, in other words get rid of the 'must', it may help both of you. Without knowing the exact circumstances, all of our replies will be shooting in the dark, and that can be very dangerous!

eddie007

The hardest person to forgive for mistakes made is.... Yourself.


I have one person I feel anger for... 20 years after the event.... She ripped my life apart and broke my heart in two... Told me she was sleeping with HIM... She wasnt, but I didnt ask HIM, I kicked HIM out.... It took a marriage and divorce on my part before I found out what really happened.... Or rather didnt...

Ok.... We got back together, had three more children, eventually married and immigrated.... A fairy tale ending for us but...

If I saw that nasty, spiteful slag today I would still want to punch her lights out.... i wouldnt do it, but I'd want to.... So I haven't forgiven her at all....

Cheetah7

I have 3 people on my 'do not forgive or forget at any cost' list and I would rather dig my own arse out with a fork than forgive them.

Fat ugly nasty wanking bastards - all of them, and it would never make me warm and fuzzy to forgive them, hating their nasty guts is far more satisfying.

sonlymewalter

If someone continues to hurt then front them about it and if they carry on then that's just them and their makeup.

Either stay and keep getting hurt or choose to dump them cos they add no value to your life.

Easy as

vauxhallmonterey

If the non-forgiveness is poisoning you and affecting your present and future, then you have lost - to live in hate and bitterness is a huge negative. Some folk you can forgive and rebuild relationships, some are that evil that you need to cut them from your lives completely, yet others you have to forgive and then walk away, the loss of their friendship might be hurtful, but their take on the issues shows no remorse, that's who they are, so move on.
And after fifteen years, I like to think I have forgiven, but whether I really have or not, not sure. What I won't do is allow it to affect my present and future wellbeing, and God's judgement is good enough for me.

moneypenny20

Agreed. Someone did something unforgivable to the husband. I will never ever forgive them and they are the only person I have ever truly wished dead. However 17 years later and 12,000 miles away I rarely waste my time thinking about them.

If it's what I think it is, you will never move on unless one of you moves to the other side of the country. YOU are the winner, the other person has nothing, remember that, believe that, and you can even feel some sympathy. Learn to live with the fact that there are some things and people you can't forgive and don't think any less of yourself.

If it's something else the same reply probably stands.

hevs

Stuff that can be looked at from two sides, said in anger, heartfelt apologies when you KNOW they really mean it and would never do it again or no crossing of lines. You just know when a line has been crossed, as I said, its black and white.