daunted

Well.....I am on good terms with me ex husband of 13 years, and he has been to stay twice so he gets to spend time with the kids. It feels strange having him here but I usually go away for the middle week of three to break it up and for the sake of the kids I allow him to stay in our home so the money he would have to spend on accomodation he can spend on the kids. Whilst he is here is may do an odd shop but nothing set in stone. I put up with it cos its good to see the kids so happy to see him
Anyway....tonight he has called and said he would like to come back again in October for 3 weeks again BUT would it be ok for his girlfriend to come with him I didn't give an answer, said I needed to think about it but here are my concerns.

Firstly... having a stranger in my house. I haven't even seen a photo of her let alone had a conversation with her. Suppose we don't get on? apart from the fact that I know nothing about her!

Secondly.... it's damned expensive having visitors and I can't afford to book a holiday away this year so would be here the whole 3 weeks.

I haven't spoken to my son about it yet (hes out) but my daughter is concerned that they may not get on and it will spoil precious time with her dad. I actually think it's important for the kids to get to know their dads girlfriend (they live together so its serious stuff) but think perhaps she should be making the effort to get to know the kids via email. Facebook, phone calls etc if she is planning to come and stay in their home

The Ex's paternal skills leave a lot to be desired, not calling unless i send a text reminding him its about time he called the kids and can't manage to get birthday cards to the kids on time. I brush over all that cos he is their dad but this one has got me flummoxed ........... I'm not sure I want a stranger in my house,.......what do you think?

Wendy

I think I would say that you are happy for her to come, but that they would have to find alternative accommodation.

Cheetah7

I would find him somewhere cheap to stay and perhaps invite them over to stay at weekends so it is short and sweet and you can get to know each other without having her forced into your space.

moneypenny20

Tell him she has to start building up some sort of relationship with the kids, that of course she can come but maybe you could search around now for some cheap accommodation for them as you think it would be tough on the kids seeing Dad with new woman that they don't actually know. I don't think I'd want her in my house in the circumstances and to be honest I'd be surprised if she would want to stay with you. I understand getting on and I can understand her staying at yours if they'd been together/married for years and you all knew each other but first meet? Nah.

northernbird

What she said!

Dreamy

^ ^ ^ both of these!

I'm so flipping happy I didn't procreate with TheVileEx

I'd also tell him that you think its important he still spends time alone with the kids while he's here, especially as they don't know this lady.

FitzroyLions

I think it depends slightly on the circumstances - did he choose to leave the country, or did you emigrate with the children, leaving him behind? If the latter, he probably has more justification in bringing along his new partner for the visit, but expecting her to stay in your home seems a little awkward.

carolinephillips

They need to be in separate accommodation -3 weeks with your ex and a stranger who has taken your place is not going to be good for anyone. Too much stress. Even if he isn't consciously doing it, it is like rubbing your nose in it- certainly for the children. I would suggest also that the first time your kids meet her it is on neutral grounds, NOT at your place, so that if things get tricky you and they have a safe bolt hole.

ozzieeagle

It's generally a blokes worst nightmare to have his ex partner and current partner in the same room. So it's a very strange request. Look at it from the other point of view, if you really get on with this women then you can basically call the shots from that point on. Befreind her and you've got carte blanche to do what you like.

Wendy

That's real sneaky!! I like it

sonlymewalter

only if she's too daft to not see it, which most women aren't

Personally I'd tell them they can come round for the odd meal so it's a family get together but as for all being in the same house, it aint happening.

If he's got any nous about him he'll agree and if she's got any nous about her she'll be grateful

TiddlyPom

Def separate accommodation. That could be awkward. She may also be shy and equally anxious about meeting you... it's a big thing.
I know when I met the mother of LM's kids I was pretty nervous. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable either. Now we get on like a house on fire.... well, ok, maybe just a smouldering house. She has a pretty strong personality so I just shut my mouth sometimes.. but it's a tricky relationship... and if it's to work I have found that it takes work from both sides and someone has to just shut up sometimes.

And if they want to keep joining you for meals or whatever, then suggest sweetly they bring a plate, in true Aus style.

Sally Simpson

Some great advice here for a tricky situation.
I agree with MP, separate accom. It could be very awkward for all of you & 3 weeks can be a very long time.
Good luck Mandy x

General Tojo

Sorry to be crude but yes, especially when they are banging in next room.

Very brave if this plan does go ahead, so stressful.

scottishcelts

My thoughts exactly.

I think separate accommodation is the best advice all round in this case.