ianandmel

Hi Jenni, just read through the thread and was really moved. I hope it all works out for you. Mel x

JenniGee

I've been in therapy today

I've spent most of the day writing my de facto spouse statement for the Visa Application.

Focussing on the positives - my wonderful OH, everything we've done together, our plans for the girls & our future, how many blessings we've had in the time we've been together & how much we've got to look forward to.....

Laura and Tom

Hi Jenni...that made me fill up!! Havn't got an advise I'm sorry but just wanted to offer support and hope that it all works out, I'm sure it will.

Laura X

TiddlyPom

Good on you girl. Keep positive. Stay focussed.
x

j19fmm

Hey Jenni, good girl, keep positive and keep talking ,

Fly Away

Go and give him a big hug right now. Your little family is what matters right now. Focus on having fun together and the court stuff will sort itself out in the end.

milkchocolate

Hi there

I was interested in your post. My partner has two sons with his ex wife who is incredibly bitter and refuses to let him see them even though he has a Court order (don't get me started on that one!) and also currently paying through the nose via the CSA (don't get me started on that one either!). I'm anticipating problems when it comes to the medicals for the two boys (obviously the are not going with us). Am I right in thinking that we could get a Court order to force the medicals? Are we just stuck here if the boys (influenced by their mother) refuse to go for medicals or is there someway around it all?

I get stressed just thinking about it!! Your comments would be most appreciated.

JenniGee

Try having a look here:
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=520832

for people in a similar situation. Hope it helps, but if not do a search in the Immigration forum, there's lots of info there

JenniGee

Okay...another update due I think, but more so because I read this morning that Beth had stuck her nose out of her own personal dark hole & popped out smiling (goodonyasport!!!)

I'll take you back a while... when OH & I first discussed going for the removal of jusrisdiction, we did so only because we had talked to the girls about it, they were settled & happy in school & understood what the whole thing was about. Very definitely we would not have considered this if we had any doubt about the children.

As it has worked out, the ex received his letter, re-instated contact with the girls & now every 3 weeks, he's been taking them back to the area they grew up in, getting them involved with their old friends again & telling the girls theycan live with him. Over the last couple of weeks, the situation had become so bad, that most of the time the girls are in tears at the thought of Australia, terrified that they will never see their family again & focussing completely on where they think they will be safe, Devon.

Like Beth probably, it's all felt as if it's not worth the strain any more, that perhaps we should settle with what we have here & say goodbye to our dreams of a better future for all of us.

But no, that's not going to happen, but we do have to get back to the happier frame of mind we were all in before their dad got involved again.

So it's time for a new strategy. It will take us much longer to get to Oz, but get there we will, with the girls who will be happy about it & without the ex having the power to make our lives a misery.

We've found out that provided we meet all the criteria when we send the visa application in, then DIAC will give us time to resolve the legal situation - I hope they will give us plenty of time, because we're going to need it

In the meantime, one of the major drivers for us to get to Oz is that we're stressing because we hate this house so much (no garden & awful area) If we resolve that for us, then we won't be feeling as if the situation is so desperate, which obviously is going to reflect on the children, even when we don't intend it to.

So, it looks like we've got a house move to look forward to - hopefully before the summer so we can get the trampoline on the lawn.... in fact, we've already started looking & saw somewhere yesterday. It was too small for us, but the effect on the girls, knowing that we had taken all their fears into account, has been instant.

Happy, smiling, optimistic girlies again. They know we'll still go to Oz, but not until after we've been on holiday there & not until they're happy about it all. And most importantly for me as a mum, not another word about wanting to go & live with their dad.

It's always going to be a struggle with kids & in our situation there was no way that we could force this through with the amount of poison the ex was drip feeding them. When it comes to Cafcas, they will take the views of the children into account & quite honestly, we had to be realistic & see that the girls were so distressed we would probably have lost the court case.

So....we get the contact visits with the ex firmly under control - he will no longer be permitted to take them down to Devon & basically fill their heads full of lies

We find a nicer house that we can relax in for a good while

We quietly put our application in if & when ACS pass us

We do a couple of trips to Oz, maybe even let the kids meet up with some of you guys already down in Melbourne one day

And when everything is right, we stick the ex with a RFTJ that will make his eyes water

Hey-ho......looks like you'll be putting up with me for a long while yet folks

Sally Simpson

Jen, sounds like you are doing a great job with those girls & you could not be trying harder to make them happy!
You have a good plan worked out & I wish you all the very best with it!
Happy house hunting

BethandAndrew

Keep smiling hun.......it makes it all worth while then!!!
Hope you got the email with the RFTJ statements.......re-word it to suit your needs and get it in to Court!!!!
Yell if you need me.....I'm back for good now
Beth x x

Reedy

I hope it all goes well for you

We moved with our 3 children and I won't lie the first 6 weeks were hell particularly with my 13 year old..... It didn't help that it was 4 week after we moved before they could go to school so they were home bored with no friends.

Now 3 months on I have happy smiling kids who love school, love the outdoor lifestyle and the amount of time we get to spend together as a family here. They are all popular in school and being 'new' certainly isn't a problem here as so many of their school mates are immigrants themselves who know what it is like.

Life is so much better for us - the weather and outdoor culture here makes it a lovely place to raise children. I very much doubt whether we will be going back to the UK - the kids would probably be devastated if we suggested it!!!

Lau xx

BethandAndrew

Great news Lau.......makes me feel like we're def doing the right thing
Beth x x

NikiL

Sometimes the best way forward is to go sideways first to get around the obstacle blocking the way forward.........sounds like a very sound plan you have there, and delighted to hear the girls are more settled again.

You'll get there, I have absolute confidence in that xxx

Reedy

My advice would be to give it at least 12 months before making any radical decisions.....

Don't judge how your life will be on the first couple of weeks and if you need someone to chat to / for support who has been there feel free to get in touch... Shame you didn't decide on Mellie

Lau x