smude

You are right. However with my situation at least it may let us have one summer on our own.

Could tell them the house is on the market to sell and who knows when it will sell.

sel

We didnt intend on having lots of overseas visitors and it just so happened that the property we bought had a granny flat ... it seems to have been like moths to the flame !!! and they stay longer as they dont think it effects our day to day living, but it still does ... when you used to only see someone for a couple of weeks per year and suddenly they are there for 3 & 6 months at a time it is, I dunno, just irritating. I know I must sound horrible but it really does drive ya batty .... like you said about going shopping alone, that would be so nice !! it is all those little things that all add up but you still feel as it is family you have a certain obligation to put them up and shut up

Oh well roll on May and free time .... for a while at least

RedT

My mother is already planning on coming to stay with us for SIX months at a time and we haven't even moved yet! I'm going to have to break it to her that it'll be a cold day in hell before anyone will stay with us for longer than two weeks. We're putting the holiday policy into place before we go and letting people know welll in advance: anyone is welcome to stay for a week, two at a push but any longer and they can get a holiday rental. If we're working and having to go about our daily lives then we won't have time to play host at the same time. Even having my folks here for a week almost causes a dovorce every time, six months and I'll be in an institution...plus it costs a bloody fortune coz you end up buying more of everything and visitors have a habit of keeping their money in their wallets with the reasoning that they'll 'get you when you stay with us'.

AGH!

scottishcelts

That's all find and dandy, but there's no way i could tell my family or in laws that they'll have to find alternative accommodation after a week or two - the response would be hysterical laughter and then "aye, that'll be right"

Dorothy

How about just telling the truth? Tell her you think 4 months is too long and your MIL is welcome to come stay for 1 month or 2 weeks or whatever time length you feel comfortable with.

I was absolutely serious when I asked my husband's family where they planned to stay when they wanted to come visit us. For us we found that being honest with them and telling them upfront that we didn't want them to stay was much better than having them come and dreading every moment. Now, saying that, we have friends who are welcome to come and stay as long as they want. They're a completely different personality type and we know that their visit would not be a bother to us at all.

paulry

I agree with that. Far better to save them the expense of travelling all that way only for everyone to end up unhappy, frustrated and worse. Being forthright about things is the best policy.

K14

Well my dh spent an hour on the phone to mil last night telling her that over 2 months is too long for a visit and 1 month would be great etc etc. She got huffy, upset then said not to worry as they'll amuse themselves and it'll be fine.

Can I move in with you Dorothy?

paulry

Well even if Dorothy's approach didn't quite go the way you had hoped, at least your MIL knows to be considerate and sensitive. ()

Good luck!

Dorothy

I would ring her back and say that visits of over 1 month are out of the question. She is welcome to come for that period of time, but if she wants to stay longer it will have to be at a rented accomodation.

Just put your foot down. Ask her when she gets all huffy if she would like you, your husband and your children coming to stay on vacation in her home for that length of time? If she's honest with herself she won't.

ozhappy981

If K14's MIL was considerate and sensitive, she wouldn't invite herself for a two-month stay

Maybe K14's MIL can be told that if she insists on staying two months, she can do the shopping (and pay for it), cooking, washing, and cleaning for one month - fair's fair

Choice

Please be honest with them now, before they book their flights. My in-laws have just had a 5 week stay and were not really speaking to myself or my daughter for the last 2 - 3 weeks. I knew that 5 weeks was too long, but my husband would not stand up to them, so we are all barely speaking and we had 5 weeks of hell. Both of us working full time and then coming home to find the in-laws still stuck on the sun-beds and asking me what was for dinner. Never, ever again ! If she falls out with you, she is very unlikely to come for 4 months anyway, so 4 months of hell saved and she will come round in time.

K14

To be fair my mil is very sweet and has already said she'll cook for us. She's absolutely desperate to see all of us.

I'm hoping that they'll have listed and may shorten their trip, they were planning to go to the East Coast for a week and I think dh has persuaded them there's lots to see there and they should go for at least 2 weeks. Tried to tell her there's not alot to do here as it's winter and they'll to get buses around etc etc. I'm sure they'll be very nice to have but it's just having someone in our house for so long. Hopefully they'll change their plans.

The good news is I've got a job interview on Wednesday so I'm going to beg them to give it to me on the grounds of impending inlaw visit .

Thanks for all the advice. And sorry to the OP as I sort of hijacked your thread - oops.

SamSi

Well, the deed is done....encouraged by everyones replies and suggestions I had serious talk with the husband. Refuse to spend next 6 months dreading the MIL coming and also would like to have a decent Christmas for once. In reality, given that neither me nor my husband gets on with her (she seems oblivious to this, or maybe is the fact that she just wants a cheap holiday and doesn't care how she gets it!) we decided that the most we can have her stay with us for is 2 weeks. There is other family in both Melbourne and Brisbane so if she wants to stay longer she will need to travel around to the others. Husband broke the news to MIL. Met with a long silence, followed by a "they can amuse themselves so he wouldn't need to take time off work" (v funny, perhaps KI4 and I have the same MIL??). Anyway, she is now in a huff and said "she will let us know what she decides". With any luck we've got shot of her.

Thanks to everyone who replied

x

tomar

I'm going to put an alternative perspective on this thread. As a MIL, I am very aware of being made very very unwelcome by my DIL! We have lived overseas through work and now in Oz for the last 15 years. We are very used to having visitors and I do believe we know how to behave when we visit, never longer than a week, by the way. The bed is never made up for us on the rare times we visit, our visit is very much our son's responsibility, he cooks etc. They have stayed with us over the years, we have bent over backwards to give them a good time. We have paid for flights, taken them to exotic places while with us.
We know we aren't welcome by her, it's very hurtfull. We are going back to UK shortly for a visit and have no intention of staying with them. You can't win, as strangely enough we get on very well with our son, who is caught between a rock and a hard place. He came here on his own last time, we had a great time with all three of ours here to celebrate a birthday.
You know you mustn't come between your son and his wife, but trust me there are times!!!! Have managed to keep my cool so far.
Just an example, we skype regularly, we never see or hear her not even on christmas day!
A lot of parents who visit overseas are perhaps very unused to traveling so far, unused to to having visitors themselves, and unintentionally just don't realise the stress everyone can be under. If possible be honest (even if I can't) give each other space, that's really important, but also understand that if MIL is now on her own, it means the world to her to be with you.
We intend renting somewhere near to them on this trip, but know better than to impose too much.
Good luck to all those visiting and having visitors.
Tomar parent

SamSi

I wish you were my MIL Mrs Tomar!