haggis supper

A further thanks to everyone.

Tom - great post, I appreciate you sharing your experience. I hope that you'll find a resolution soon enough. It sounds like you're on the right path.

Hebe - do I still love her? Sadly I don't think so. And I suspect she feels the same way.

Maybe a trial separation is the answer but I'm just not convinced and as she's taken herself out for the last three nights it hasn't exactly allowed us to talk ! Which in itself tells me something.

Ho hum.

northernbird

If you don't love her then don't prolong the agony for either of you. She is probably as scared as you to say anything. Go and seek some professional legal advice. As someone has said she can't just up and go and take the children with her, it's against the law. Fingers crossed you get it all sorted out.

irishbloo

Sorry to hear that you are in this situation.I hope you can sort it out amicably for all your sakes.It doesn't have to be bitter.It is possible to find happiness again.I could be wrong but if she's been going out a lot it is quiet possible that she is already moving on.Good luck.

irishbloo

Best of luck to you too Nb..I hope you can move on and sort out things amicably.

Pollyana

Every split is so different, that's the thing to remember. We can all chip in with our stories and experiences, with or without children; likewise we all have experiences of the financial situations - in some cases people - both husbands AND wives walk away with nothing because they feel thats the right thing to do - thinking partly of a long thread on here started by a close male friend who refused to take half of everything as he didn't feel entitled to it, and partly of my own experience many years ago when I kept a friendship alive by refusing to be a clinging gold-digger.

Sadly, just like falling in love, there are no rights or wrongs when falling out of love. Having been through it twice I just wish all of you going through it now come out of it sane and healthy

northernbird

I agree Polly but he was suggesting that the husband is always the loser and I don't think that is the case.

Pollyana

Oh I agree, totally. Every split is so different that there's no way anyone can say the husband or the wife is always the loser.
Some splits have gold-digging wives, some have husbands with those ideas; some just end with an amicable division, just wish we saw more of the latter as opposed to the "nasty" ones.
Even the children cannot always be said to be the losers or winners - some of us might have had a better go at life if our parents had split earlier instead of trying to patch things up and living a lie for years, while others struggle to cope with split families. The death knell for my own parents marriage was 34 years ago last weekend, I relive the defining moment every year and while I don't want to put the details on here it was such a devastating day that I will know for ever that there is no blueprint for either marriage or separation.

Very sad for all concerned

spouse of scouse

Dead right Pollyanna, every split, every couple, every person and situation is so different. I can't help but roll my eyes at comments like Jon's, when my ex husband and I divorced I agreed (after a year) to his request for 80% of everything we had. Sure, I lost a lot financially, including 80% of my superannuation, but I also lost being tied to a controlling, violent person who was quite happy to lie in bed all day watching tv while I worked my arse off building a career, post our kids becoming adults.

At 49, I can honestly say my life really began. In the following months I must have experienced every emotion going, usually on the same day! Joy at my freedom, gut wrenching pity at my ex's tearful messages on my mobile, shock and dispair at my adult children's rejection of me for leaving their dad, relief at feeling safe in control of my own life. I discovered that I was actually an ok person, despite being told the opposite in words and actions for 32 years.

Haggis supper, I can't advise you on what to do. But I do, very sincerely, wish future happiness for you, your wife and your kids.

Bernieboy

Oh yes,i could have been very comfortable financially,but it wasn't my money to begin with,so why should it be mine simply because i married the person who spent their life working hard to make it,a no brainer for me.

Pollyana

And I saw your point; I remember a lot of people thought you should have fought for half of it, but as you say, it was hers to start with, you walked away with what you brought into the marriage - as did she

macy

When arriving in Australia to live the dream I think most couples are unaware of the huge pressure it puts on a relationship. If the love has gone then I think you both need to sit down and put a plan together of how to deal with it to lessen the hurt as much as possible on the children, they are the ones who are going to suffer the most in all of this. I feel so sorry for you, myself and my husband have had some tough times since arriving but the love was still there which makes a huge difference.

You sound like a wonderful dad and I am sure living in misery isn't helping anyone, you are entitled to be happy, your wife cannot up and take the kids as another poster has said so you need to book an appointment with her, work out a plan and then put that plan into action, unfotunately your children are going to be devestated and they are the most important people in all of this but you can't carry on in this no life.

My thoughts are with you .

Jon77

No I actually wasn't suggesting that women in these situations are gold diggers I was suggesting that the family law courts and family lawyers do all of the work for the women on her behalf. The women doesn't need to be a gold digger as family law is clearly defind to advantage the female in every way possible, the women doesn't need to do anything as the law as it currently stands will do just about everything for her.

http://www.change.org/en-GB/petition...renting-laws-3

All I am advising is that the person who started this thread won't find as much legal assitance as his wife will, should it unfortunately go down that route, which we all hope it doesn't. There is no equality when it comes to family law and every man should take this in to account when they face a situation like this.

(Taking children out of the argument as they should be given every support and advantage possible and both sides should share an equal responsibility there, but again the law doesn't think so, the role of the father is not equal to that of a mother in the eyes of the law).

quoll

So sorry to hear that it has all gone pear shaped for you - no accounting for love, you fall into it and fall out of it just as easily I guess.

Although you can legally keep your kids in Australia I hope that you don't necessarily do that if their mum needs to be back in a different environment for her mental health and well being. I know that's a stick that a lot of people use to beat in the case of separations - hopefully you can come to a good compromise situation with that. At least you, too, have the option of moving if necessary, which often isn't the case in the opposite direction. Good luck, I hope things can stay amicable!

Amazulu

I've nothing to add but hope you sort yourself out champ

Amazulu

Divorce/separation is certainly catching. 2 couples who are some of our closest friends have recently split. 1 of them I kind of get but the other was totally unexpected