Can you build roots in a new country?
Sep 4th 2014, 9:48 am
#46
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Joined: Jul 2014
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Posts: 353
Re: Can you build roots in a new country?
After living in Melbourne for 8 years - I have had a sense of community, a beautiful home, good friends but never roots. I just considered my roots as where my wife and kids are but in reality it is more than that. I tried very hard to settle, but I haven't felt settled at all. I have been a fish out of water the whole time.
I left the UK 15 years ago, lived in Switzerland and Singapore because I had a sense of excitement to live in different places. I decided to settle here but despite never feeling very British (I was a citizen of the world), the weirdest thing happened in Oz - I felt so very British and proud of it. I have even made sure my kids didn't pick up the ozzie accent as I couldn't stand the thought of my kids talking like an Ozzie.
I have never called Australia home - in fact when people would use the word 'home' in a question, I would often get confused because in my mind I wasn't home - I was just in Melbourne.
Now I am going back (not entirely out of choice, as I have not been able to find work for 13 months), and I feel so at peace to be finally settling back in the UK. I am in effect, going home. It has been 15 years though and I know I will miss Oz a bit.
I left the UK 15 years ago, lived in Switzerland and Singapore because I had a sense of excitement to live in different places. I decided to settle here but despite never feeling very British (I was a citizen of the world), the weirdest thing happened in Oz - I felt so very British and proud of it. I have even made sure my kids didn't pick up the ozzie accent as I couldn't stand the thought of my kids talking like an Ozzie.
I have never called Australia home - in fact when people would use the word 'home' in a question, I would often get confused because in my mind I wasn't home - I was just in Melbourne.
Now I am going back (not entirely out of choice, as I have not been able to find work for 13 months), and I feel so at peace to be finally settling back in the UK. I am in effect, going home. It has been 15 years though and I know I will miss Oz a bit.
)
Sep 4th 2014, 9:51 pm
#49
Victorian Evangelist
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Melbourne, by the beach, living the dream.
Posts: 7,704
Re: Can you build roots in a new country?
Good question. Not been asked that before.
I felt "at home" before I even permanently arrived, but I think that is more a state of mind than a geographical location.
I would say it took 2 - 3 years to have roots, ie sense of belonging in the community and identifiable history with people / places.
I think it also helps that we have always lived in the same suburb since we moved here and I have always worked for the same employer.
BB
I felt "at home" before I even permanently arrived, but I think that is more a state of mind than a geographical location.
I would say it took 2 - 3 years to have roots, ie sense of belonging in the community and identifiable history with people / places.
I think it also helps that we have always lived in the same suburb since we moved here and I have always worked for the same employer.
BB
Sep 5th 2014, 1:36 am
#50
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,253
Re: Can you build roots in a new country?
Can you build roots in a new county?
Some can, some can't is the simple answer I guess.
We are firmly in the can't camp now unfortunately which does make us sad because Australia is a beautiful place but we lost our way a bit probably 2 years ago and have been struggling on ever since. Our marriage has suffered also from the last 2 years.
We were determined for so long to make Australia work for us and put down roots, against what we were feeling. Once we finally accepted the reality it was like flicking a switch and the sun coming out again.
All of our focus is on getting back to the UK now which is scary but exciting also.
Also this time we have decided to burn our bridges, won't be renewing visa's and I doubt I will ever step foot on Australian soil again. I have done and seen all I want to see. The memories of the last 2 years will last a life time, been some really dark periods, this will guard against any potential ping or pong.
Some can, some can't is the simple answer I guess.
We are firmly in the can't camp now unfortunately which does make us sad because Australia is a beautiful place but we lost our way a bit probably 2 years ago and have been struggling on ever since. Our marriage has suffered also from the last 2 years.
We were determined for so long to make Australia work for us and put down roots, against what we were feeling. Once we finally accepted the reality it was like flicking a switch and the sun coming out again.
All of our focus is on getting back to the UK now which is scary but exciting also.
Also this time we have decided to burn our bridges, won't be renewing visa's and I doubt I will ever step foot on Australian soil again. I have done and seen all I want to see. The memories of the last 2 years will last a life time, been some really dark periods, this will guard against any potential ping or pong.
Sep 5th 2014, 2:03 am
#51
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,612
Re: Can you build roots in a new country?
We've been here in NZ for ten years and I feel no roots whatsoever. I don't feel a connection to the place at all. It looks lovely and there is nothing wrong with the place but it doesn't sing to my soul at all.
We have good friends. I'm in and belong to a good community. We live in a lovely little village.
However , here is just where I live and make the most of but do I feel connected as in roots? No.
Sep 5th 2014, 2:06 am
#52
`
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,612
Re: Can you build roots in a new country?
No. I don't think so. Some people step onto the soil of their new chosen country and simply feel 'home. That it feels right for them.
It's about love. If you love the place you are in or you grow to love the place you are in , then roots will grow.
I don't love where I am. I like it well enough but it doesn't make me zing at all.
It's about love. If you love the place you are in or you grow to love the place you are in , then roots will grow.
I don't love where I am. I like it well enough but it doesn't make me zing at all.
Sep 5th 2014, 5:35 am
#53
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 15,526
Re: Can you build roots in a new country?
No. I don't think so. Some people step onto the soil of their new chosen country and simply feel 'home. That it feels right for them.
It's about love. If you love the place you are in or you grow to love the place you are in , then roots will grow.
I don't love where I am. I like it well enough but it doesn't make me zing at all.
It's about love. If you love the place you are in or you grow to love the place you are in , then roots will grow.
I don't love where I am. I like it well enough but it doesn't make me zing at all.
It's probably easier for most of those that marry into a country, as half of your new family are from your newly adopted home. As long as you get a good reception though. My kids are now 50pct 6th or 7th Gen Aussies, complete with extensive family history.
Sep 5th 2014, 6:12 am
#54
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,253
Re: Can you build roots in a new country?
The other half having family here hasn't help us at all. Many issues with manipulative no good types who put too much unfair pressure on her from my point of view. Time some other people took more of the strain that was placed on her, not her / our battles and quite frankly I am ****ing done with the lot of em and hope I never have to cross paths with them again.
Family eh
I close my ears to the bickering now, but couldn't for so long.I was seriously thinking of Ireland as a neutral country where neither of us have any family to chase us around and we can finally get the peace and quiet that I don't feel we have had for 2 years!!!!!
Last edited by Jon77; Sep 5th 2014 at 6:16 am.
Sep 9th 2014, 1:12 am
#55
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 13
Re: Can you build roots in a new country?
I've been in Qld 7 years, with no family here, all in UK. Husband works long hours and I'm not great at making friends. Two kids (one with special needs) so it gets very lonely. Family always been putting pressure on me to move home, for 7 years I've been here. Sometimes it feels as if we should go back, but we moved here to give children better 'life' and that still remains. My view is that WE are laying down roots for OUR little family, so yes, it's so hard for me, but my kids and grandkids will benefit. Reasons we left UK are still going to be there if we go back.
Sep 9th 2014, 1:22 am
#56
Victorian Evangelist
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Melbourne, by the beach, living the dream.
Posts: 7,704
Sep 9th 2014, 1:38 am
#57
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2014
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Posts: 353
Re: Can you build roots in a new country?
I've been in Qld 7 years, with no family here, all in UK. Husband works long hours and I'm not great at making friends. Two kids (one with special needs) so it gets very lonely. Family always been putting pressure on me to move home, for 7 years I've been here. Sometimes it feels as if we should go back, but we moved here to give children better 'life' and that still remains. My view is that WE are laying down roots for OUR little family, so yes, it's so hard for me, but my kids and grandkids will benefit. Reasons we left UK are still going to be there if we go back.
Sep 9th 2014, 1:43 am
#58
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 13
Re: Can you build roots in a new country?
Ooh, I'm a little emotional now! Nice to hear somebody say that what we're doing is 'good' rather than 'bad'!! Sometimes I know what we're doing is right and other times, esp after I've spoken to parents in UK, who are missing us, I feel as if I'm hurting everyone. Families eh?
Sep 9th 2014, 5:35 am
#59
Proudly Deplorable
Joined: May 2003
Location: Alloha snack bar
Posts: 24,246
Re: Can you build roots in a new country?
Poms stress about this too much
Just live your lives and get on with it
Chill
Just live your lives and get on with it
Chill
Sep 9th 2014, 7:54 am
#60
Banned
Joined: Jan 2011
Location: The REAL Utopia.
Posts: 9,910
Re: Can you build roots in a new country?
Can you build roots in a new county?
Some can, some can't is the simple answer I guess.
We are firmly in the can't camp now unfortunately which does make us sad because Australia is a beautiful place but we lost our way a bit probably 2 years ago and have been struggling on ever since. Our marriage has suffered also from the last 2 years.
We were determined for so long to make Australia work for us and put down roots, against what we were feeling. Once we finally accepted the reality it was like flicking a switch and the sun coming out again.
All of our focus is on getting back to the UK now which is scary but exciting also.
Also this time we have decided to burn our bridges, won't be renewing visa's and I doubt I will ever step foot on Australian soil again. I have done and seen all I want to see. The memories of the last 2 years will last a life time, been some really dark periods, this will guard against any potential ping or pong.
Some can, some can't is the simple answer I guess.
We are firmly in the can't camp now unfortunately which does make us sad because Australia is a beautiful place but we lost our way a bit probably 2 years ago and have been struggling on ever since. Our marriage has suffered also from the last 2 years.
We were determined for so long to make Australia work for us and put down roots, against what we were feeling. Once we finally accepted the reality it was like flicking a switch and the sun coming out again.
All of our focus is on getting back to the UK now which is scary but exciting also.
Also this time we have decided to burn our bridges, won't be renewing visa's and I doubt I will ever step foot on Australian soil again. I have done and seen all I want to see. The memories of the last 2 years will last a life time, been some really dark periods, this will guard against any potential ping or pong.