jothefw

Sam&Molly - I totally agree. Roots are hard to form but with the effort, comes reward.

As OP said, community is the key point. Whether this comes from your work/friends/sporting groups/church - it's still community. If we left tomorrow, we'd have friends in South Australia (7 years) and Qld (2 years) that would miss us. That's not being big headed but simply we have people in our lives who we value, support and give us a sense of appreciation and it's mutual.

Likewise we had those in UK, still miss some very special friends and family, 9 years on but roots are here now.

Just an observation - reading through the long timers posts, I found it interesting how the biggest fear is having children living elsewhere in the world. And yet, that's exactly what we all did to our parents!

I feel as a parent, I'd be over the moon if my children explore this amazing world, it shows me I've done an excellent job, they're confident, making the most of opportunities etc. Worst thing imaginable for me would be them buying the house next door and never making their way independently. Don't get me wrong, I worship the ground they walk on but we all walk our own paths. If they explore the world and then come back to us, that'll be just perfect!

carolinephillips

I know my daughter won't stay in Australia- she is likely to end up somewhere in Japan or Korea.

It would be selfish of me to expect her to stay and look after me in my dotage!!
(I'll miss her though.)

Sally Redux

I completely failed to put down any roots in LA. There is an element of personal effort, but if the place doesn't suit you then it won't happen.

BadgeIsBack

What a great post. But it is clear from your posts that you are pretty switched-on.

I get all this talk about roots (and some are hard to replace - family for one) but I also believe that my life is about experiences, education and values - and all those are portable. In fact, I am constantly building on experiences to the point where I feel that living in the UK adds little value. There are a few silly things that I can think of in the UK but to be honest, some of them are now not relevant and it is best to keep them as nice memories. I think problems some people have is that they keep having nagging memories about a past life which is only really worth visiting through memories - and when the reality is lived - it is irrevelant - and this is why some people even ping-pong. I know for a fact that life in the UK would be great in some ways - but I also find Australia a very easy place to be and where I can still live how I want to live.

Someone talked about self-esteem and I actually believe that as my sense of self is got from my life, that esteem follows me wherever I go.

I expect my children to live internationally - and already we have put some financials in place to allow for this. In fact, this is a great excuse to travel a bit more when the kids are older. I actually wonder a bit how some people can base an entire life on a single place and a limited set of experiences. We see it all the time on this forum - that what roots people is a sort of sense of x, y and z, which to me, is rather trivial - as I am more interested in xy, za...

One last thing, it seems to me that some people just can't convert their experiences...
so a chocolate bar in one country does not come over so well.
A single pub does not come over very well. A meal cooked by an Aunt can't come over.
A UK small town existence does not come over to the Australian burbs.

Whereas a sport can come over, an attitude can come over, an aptitude can come over.
A tradition can come over, a value can come over.

Grayling

.......and that is Just what I think about Australia

carolina212

So nice to read

Sally Redux

It's not that great in practice.

carolina212

I have some roots where I live (Bangkok, Thailand) – our house, pets, having nice memories together, neighbors but often times I think is this where my roots are – this suburban life and any time outside is basically spent in a shopping mall (inside)

I want to be of service to my community, do something on my own and not through connections/nepotism – while I felt a sense of belonging, it was almost always through memories of my father and doing things together but seldom through having my own friends, or living my own life and forging my happiness as an individual finding community that fits me as a person

I love this place because of all the nice memories yet every day I feel like I’m wilting. It’s familiar, it’s home yet here’s no community, no purpose here

Sally Redux

So is it the opposite for you, you feel you need to live somewhere else?

Yes, that's totally understandable about wanting to be independent.

In my case, by bringing my kids to the US and then leaving myself, I have caused this slight difficulty in all our lives so it's like, derr, why did I do that?

BadgeIsBack

And it shows! (But you didn't comment on the rest of the positives, did you?)

You happy man...

Of course, if I sounded negative, there is value to be had - just not way above the value I get here.

carolina212

I’m not sure what has happened before/background but I always thought that the greatest gift for one’s daughter/son was (is) to study abroad because that’s such a rewarding life experience. It’s important that one’s parent is well, so even that support from afar is so much

I want(ed) to move away but not too far – I’m still hoping I’ll be able to reach some sort of compromise

BadgeIsBack

I agree - I also think a person should work abroad, too. And to facilitate that, bringing up children bi-lingual is a gift. It can almost be impossible to put a price on.

It is such a tremendous value to anyone.

alexleeson

After living in Melbourne for 8 years - I have had a sense of community, a beautiful home, good friends but never roots. I just considered my roots as where my wife and kids are but in reality it is more than that. I tried very hard to settle, but I haven't felt settled at all. I have been a fish out of water the whole time.

I left the UK 15 years ago, lived in Switzerland and Singapore because I had a sense of excitement to live in different places. I decided to settle here but despite never feeling very British (I was a citizen of the world), the weirdest thing happened in Oz - I felt so very British and proud of it. I have even made sure my kids didn't pick up the ozzie accent as I couldn't stand the thought of my kids talking like an Ozzie.

I have never called Australia home - in fact when people would use the word 'home' in a question, I would often get confused because in my mind I wasn't home - I was just in Melbourne.

Now I am going back (not entirely out of choice, as I have not been able to find work for 13 months), and I feel so at peace to be finally settling back in the UK. I am in effect, going home. It has been 15 years though and I know I will miss Oz a bit.

carolinephillips

Chocolate bars are postable!!

Response to Badge, post 34. (Quote didn't work for some reason...)

Sally Redux

I hope you can!
Very similar to my feelings.

I didn't know myself at all.

Good luck with your move.