Nickie

Like loads of others on here my 14 year old has decided not come to oz with us.

We have her visa approved and will be going to london after half term to queue to have them put in.

I have had a long convo with my ex's mum today in which she has basically said that as kels doesnt want to come then she will come and pick her up on fri and take her to go and live with her cos kels dad said she was packed and we didnt want her to live here!!! :curse:

Olive, his mum, was lovely and when i gave her my side of the story she was shocked. I dont want her to move away i love her for gods sake,shes my baby.

the tall and short of it is: if kels goes to live with ken, her dad, then his girlfriend will kick him out of the house with kels, so ken will be homeless and will have to give up his job...he is also convinced he doesnt need a girlfriend etc cos kels is his life and will stay with him forever....images of austrian cellar spring to mind!!!

I am not going to let her go and live in carlisle with his mum and he lives in devon, 5 hours drive away and if hes homeless and jobless he can also forget it.

so, legally, does anyone know if he can stop her going to aus now she has her visa...morally i know she has the right to make her own decision...but legally can i just force her onto the plane and deal with the tantrums later.

Her life with him on her own will be hell...he wont abuse her or harm her but mentally she will be forced into living with him forever i can see it now.

Any advice will be gratefully recieved. i dont wanna lose her and have already told ken that when ever he wants to visit her then give us notice and we will try and pay half his fare to come out.

nickie

Cleopatra

She is 14 years old and hasnt got a clue about the complexity of things.

Her father is in no position what so ever to have her live with him and I doubt if your girl would actually want to live with the grandparents too.

She's 14, courts have told you she can go, HE has no choice about it he cant stop you now..

If she doesnt like it then tough - she will have to put up with it. You are going to have to stand firm with this one and its going to be a long hard battle even after you've moved.

Good luck.

Dont forget she is only 14 and has no idea about what is best for her in the long run. She's just a child.

nickywes

I would say just take her with the sort of promise that if she doesn't like it after 6 months or so that she could come back. Once she is there I doubt she would come back anyway. If she were my 14 yr old I would make her come, she is still a child and doesn't really know what she wants.

JenniGee

Nic what a rotten situation

Legally, you have the Court Order, she's your child. The Courts have already said that you have the RIGHT to decide what's in her best interests. Only you really know what her dad is like & if you say he's going to manipulate her & you really think that's true, then for God's sake woman, tell her she's coming.

Morally? Nic, don't even think about the "morals" of forcing her to go against her will - think about the "morals" of leaving your little girl behind in a vulnerable situation where you can't protect her, or even be there for her when she needs you.

Persuade her to give it a trial shot - you have the support of even your ex's mum, put that to good use & get the girl on the plane. Trust me, having let my 15 year old (eldest daughter now 24) chose to live with her grandma when we went to Devon years ago, you will regret it AND so will she. There is no way your lovely girl is mature enough to take that decision just yet - she needs to come with her loving, supportive family - just like the judge said she should!

Wishing you both lots of love & patience in sorting this out

FluffyTheCampfireSlayer

You're missing a couple of key points:

She's 14!
You're her mother!

Tell her she is coming to OZ and that's that!!!

Simple eh? Yeah, she may hate you for a while but so what - seems far more preferable than any of the other options!

snow-white

hi nickie,
we came to oz 9 months ago with 6 kidsand the oldest one was 17 she had a fit said she wasnt coming and didint want to leave her friends behind all the usual stuff. i didnt argue with her just said at the end of the day if she gives it a go at least its an experience if she tries it for a least a year and still not happy we would pay for return flight as she would then be 18 and will be able to live with my mam and dad until shes sorted. weve been here 9 months weve just bought a house and guess whos the one cannot wait to move and decorate her new room and has no intention of going back to the uk anymore.
i know whose only 14 but if you say as long as she tries it and let her know after a certain amount of time trying if she really does want to come back you will let her the chances are after being here she wont want to go back.
i have a 13 year old girl if your daughter wants to email and ask anything p.m me will pass on her email addressalways happy to help if i can
lesley

Kooky.

I'm with the others, Nickie - she's 14 and "morally" she doesn't have that right. Legally you are entrusted to know what's best for her, and I'm sure you do.

I'm sure she will hate you now (haven't we all been 14 and think we know best?!) but in the long run I'm sure she will thank you for it, even if she never says it.

Wishing you luck, and peace.

Issie

With you this one mate .....

quoll

Absolutely agree with Fluffy here - she is 14 you are the adult in the family with the responsibility of caring for her and you have the Court documents to say so. No argument, she goes and she can choose to be as miserable as sin if that is what she wants or she can choose to make the best of it. When she is old enough to make her own decisions legally then she can make them, in the mean time, no more Mr Nice Guy just lay down the law. Good luck with it!!!

Dorothy

When we told our kids we were moving to Australia their replies were "I'm not going" and "You can't make me". Our answers were, "Yes you are" and "Yes we can".

We have now been here nearly 2 years and our kids are settled, happy and not interested in the slightest with going anywhere north of the equator any time soon. There's too much to see and do here first.

chris and farideh

Same with our 17 year old, he said he's not coming, we said tough you are coming until you are 18, then you can move back.
I must say it has taken him ages to settle down, but now he wants to go to Uni here, we've been here almost 16 months.

Nickie

Cheers guys.

My only concern was that as her dad was here and she had that 'safety net' then she would be able to stay. If it was one of the other 3 then it wouldnt have been an issue cos their dad is Kev.

Thanks for all the advice i told her last night to speak to her nan who basically told her she was being silly for not giving it a go and selfish for knowingly putting her dad in the situation that he would be alone.

She has agreed to come out for 6 months and i told her if she hated it that much that she desperatly wanted to come back then i would take her to live with her nan.

Thats one battle over, just gotta tell her dad now.

Cheers for the advice.

Nickie

Amazulu

She's 14, a child. She's going. If she doesn't like then tough.

eve209

Sounds like the best thing you can do, it could just be last minute nerves, 6 months will hopefully show her what a wonderul life she could have in Oz, best of luck with her Dad I hope he will support yours and your daughters decision.

eve x

eve209

Oh if it were that simlple, understand the sentiment, but not sure the reality is that simlple

eve