AlliF

I never ever thought I was the superstitious type or anything but i find there is something about baby-showers that just doesn't feel quite right. A sort of asking for trouble/counting your chickens before they hatch kind of thing.

I never really noticed it happening that much in the uk (I expect it does but maybe just didn't have that many friends having babies at the time) but over here everyone seems to be having them! I think they are weird - demanding presents from people before the event and comparing to see who has bought what.
I've just been invited to one by a friend and feel really torn - I really don't want to go as I would rather just wait until the baby was born before giving a pressie and my congratulations. I don't want to hurt her feelings by not going either though.

On top of this I am also pregnant and had a (different) friend give me a congratulations present and card at the weekend - depsite having several months to go yet and then demand that i open it there and then, as she said she wanted to see my 'reaction'. Again couldn't hurt her feelings by saying no but really had to steel myself to do it and have felt weird about it ever since. And then ungrateful becasue she obviously meant well and it was a nice gift.

Somehow I think donations of stuff (ie second hand etc) is slightly different as it is just being prepared, but the whole wrapped up with a congrats card thing just freaked me out
What do you folks think?

cappuccino

I totally agree with you especially as I lost a baby at 33 weeks.

I think it is avery American idea and like everything has now become popular everywhere else but I feel exactly the same way as you.

Do whatever you feel is right and if anybody else gives you pressies before the baby is born just tell them that you want to put it away till after the birth. If they are hurt by that, then they can't be that good a friend.

Dorothy

No, no it is not. Baby showers have been happening since early Greek and Roman days. Strangely, I can remember going to baby showers for my sisters (thrown by my very English grandmother) when I was a kid.

Gibbo

It could just be a Scots thing. I know when I was pregnant with my first I had picked out pram, cot etc etc but nothing was paid for, everything remained in the shop 'til the baby had been born. Shopkeepers didn't think anything about it - it was the norm. Never received a gift before any of mine were born. I still refuse to buy gifts before the birth. 2 of my 4 were born here and I let it be known that gifts before the birth would not be accepted.

AlliF

Sorry to hear of your awful loss Cappucino. I think you are right, I will just have to stick with my principles and not go.
I was unprepared for the pressie and she really put me on the spot - but if i get given any more I will do just that.

MissyB

I don't like them either and so far none of my pregnant friends have had one and I didn't when I was expecting. I think it's much nicer to celebrate and give gifts once the baby has actually arrived.

I have a friend who's older with no kids yet and keeps getting invited to baby showers - she hates it cos it makes her feel awkward as they always ask when she's next etc.

It does seem like an American tradition as I've only ever seen them in films before coming to Oz.

lauralollipop

Hi

I am actually having a baby shower on 29th Jan, I didn't really want one as I just felt that they were cheeky, and always didn't attend anyones when I was invited. Then Once I was pregnant I decided to attend a babyshower I was invited to and it was great - we had a great laugh and buying and opening the presents was great fun, we played games and had food and drinks, it was lovely get to gether.

Anyway I am having one, being thrown by my friends and I am surprised at ho many of the Aussies LOVE them and have said that they would LOVE to come! When people have asked me about presents and what would I like I have just told them not to get me anything and just to come and celebrate with me which is more important to me than gifts.

I have had 2 losses but I am thinking positive because I think thats all you can do and its best for bubs to have a positive mindset. I also have all my nursery finished and pram and cot set up and I am not due till March.

I think you should give it a try and see what you think, you might change your mind like I did

moneypenny20

I think they're weird and just wrong for all the reasons you give. When I was in the 'having babies' world, I never heard of anyone having one. If you're not happy then don't go. Explain to your friend you think it would be the kiss of death type thing (sorry for the wording) for you and that you don't want to spoil the vibe for everyone who's into them. If she thinks you're odd then so be it

However, I'm someone who doesn't really 'get' engagement parties so maybe I'm just odd.

Kooky.

I'd never heard of them outside of movies until I was in Asia - we didn't do them in Teesside, for sure!

I've only been to one and I have to say I'm not really into drinking vodka from babies bottles or guessing the babyfood (all barf, IIRC) but I did win the one-handed nappy pinning competition (no kids, but nieces).

I don't buy early presents for babies. Sorry if that's seen as morbid but I'm very superstitious. I'll buy tons once the baby is born, and often use the excuse that "I'd rather know what flavour it is" - not that I buy pinks or blues

lauralollipop

Hey I'm from Teeside too! Yes its not a done thing in UK, I think thats why I had such a negative feeling about them, but as I say the Aussies seem to love them, so I just thought I would stop being a misery and join in

Kooky.

I saw.

hevs

I dont like them either and was glad that I never got the chance to have one (maybe it was a bit of a dramatic way to get away with it though ) and I think its a bit crass and I loved people coming to see me when the baby was born bringing gifts the "right"colour. Over here I find so many more people choose to know the sex of their baby, could this be the reason? The need to "get organised" yeah cos Jrn is gonna be devastated not to be dressed from head to toe in pink or blue from day one

AlliF

Aghh its not you is it? - thats the date she is having hers! Nah only kidding she is an Aussie, safe enough.

I emailed her last night - and said i couldnt make it. In the end it was impractical for me to go anyway. I can't drive and as she is having it right at the other end of Mellie, I worked out it would take me well over two hours just to get there, including 40 minutes walking to get a bus and then two different trains which in my current condition is just not going to happen!

lauralollipop

ha ha that would be funny if it was me Yes that is a long way to travel when you are preggers yourself too!

Well I was looking forward to having it, but after reading this thread I feel terrible now....... But most of my friends are Aussies and they are all excited to be coming, a couple of people have said they cant make it, but thats cos they are on holidays - I have about 3 english people coming. I don't know the flavour either, even if I did I wouldn't be dressing in pink or blue, I like more transferrable colours anyway.
Good luck with your pregnancy xxxx

AlliF

Oh don't feel terrible - as you said the people you have invited are all excited to be coming so that is good, and really I guess it is just about what works for some people but not others. if it works for you then go for it!
I don't know the 'flavour' either but not for lack of trying - the little monkey just wouldnt co-operate and reveal all at the scan!
Good luck to you too!x