Taking care of yaself
 

Now some may say this is a controversial thread but i really felt the need to express something on here. I know this site is not typically frequented by tourists but is predominantly used by people looking to relocate. However i have some thoughts/info/advice to offer up for some of the ladies that may find themselves visiting the beautiful island and may come across this site. In the tourist areas you will often find friendly guys who work the beaches and others whose aim it is to help tourists enjoy their holidays - they are often charming and very likeable and a holiday romance seems often appealing. I just wanted you ladies to consider that if you find yourself in one of these situations that you dont let the sun and alcohol go to your head and throw caution to the wind. Im finding this really awkward to write as who am I advise any female on their love life but in light of the sad news of a recent death of someone who was very popular with everyone including the ladies i really feel the need to just ask people to think twice before taking risks.

This person died recently and rumour for last year or so was that he was HIV Positive (now i say rumour cos he never told me directly himself although it was apparently common knowledge however it wasnt somethign i brought up with him when we met hugged and wished each other well - i still saw him the person not his illness although he was looking ill) The information did come from people that i felt were reliable and it was not passed on in gossip but out of sadness - it is so sad that he has gone however if his death even serves to remind us that casual unprotected sex is really risky especially when alcohol and sun affects our normal common sense then i hope he would not mind me writing this.

If you do find you meet someone special you can always have a couples test privately at a GP which takes a week to come back but apparently if there are any issues they call you the next day - I am not sure if there is a place to have it done for free but someone else might be able to advise.

I hope this post does not cause anyone any offence and will delete it if it does but looking back at him in his hayday and how he was so popular and quickly that has turned into his death if the rumours were true I know he would not mind the warning - if they are not true the warning still stands and by writing this maybe something would come out of his death even if it only stops one person from being reckless.

Hopefully those of us who are healthy will not stand in judgement of anyone with such an illness as Im guessing there are few who have never taken risks.

RIP Affectionate memories of you - sad loss xxx

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

Very good advice. Always use protection; there is a very good selection in Barbados.

I own some vacation rental beach apartments on the West Coast. Unfortunately due to some very bad situations that have happened with single women and local men now have to enforce a policy of no unregistered guest after dark on the property. For some including me and my Wife, Barbados is a vacation paradise but everyone still needs to act in a safe manner.

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

Hi Serendipidy,

This should apply to ALL Caribbean islands where sun, rum and casual unprotected sex don't mix. Can it be sent across from the Barbados level?

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

I like this. Very good advise and definitely needed. I have been there myself.

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

I could not agree more Serendipidy.Such a sad but necessary post, unfortunately, this is very real issue many tourists AND locals need to bare in mind. I feel being immersed in paradise can often give, women, a false sense of security, having the trip of a life time, in a little bubble for 2 weeks, forgetting that the realities of unprotected sex often catch up with them when they get home...(the same goes for the locals)

I LOVE the Caribbean, especially Barbados, I would like to think of it as my home away from home and have some very close friends out there, BUT i am a tourist and will always be seen as one to the locals, however, i have learnt the hard way and finally see past the 'front' SOME of the men will try with unsuspeting women that come to the beautiful island, looking for rum, sun and FUN!!

Women just please be aware as soon as your fight takes off back home, another plane full of tourists, after exactly the same thing as you, are arriving, with a group of charming men waiting, knowing all the right things to say and do, so please be warned!

I have met the good, the bad and the ugly... and am in no way saying all men you meet in the Caribbean are going to do you wrong but sadly i know far too many women who have been left broken hearted....

Have fun, enjoy it to the fullest but safe sex + realistic expectations are a must!

x

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

Good advice ,but who is bringing in the AIDS, is it these same women that allowing the alcohol and sun to get to them or is it our locals?

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

Ironically It was most probably tourist who brought AIDs to the Caribbean initially. That was the case in Tobago when an infected German tourist thought it was a good idea to infect as many of the local tobagonians as possible by sleeping with anyone who woulld go with her. They in turn pass it on locally. Stay away from the beach rent boys !!!

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

well I thought I could stay away from this thread but.. I obviously couldn't. I do agree with Dipty on what she has said.. this could happen anywhere, on any holiday. But the other thing that happens is this.

Beautiful fun lovely females come to Barbados. They hang out on the beaches and get approached by "the beach guys".. and decide that having a fling is great. You are protected and things are fine.. but also be mindful of your wallet and your heart.

I have seen far too many foreign females get taken in by "the holiday romance" and think it turns into love and the next thing you know, you have a fella who is sponging off you (all in the name of love) and either wanting to join you in your homeland (for which you will end up paying all the bills), or you will believe this is the real thing and end up in Barbados.. Which doesn't sound all bad except I've seen far to many women come here, live for a year or 2 and be completely and utterly unhappy and lonely.

Ok Ok.. I know.. there are some great true love stories out there (thankfully I'm one.. but I didn't meet my Bajan Husband here, I knew his family first and then met him)..

The point I'm trying to make is this. While on holiday.. think with a clear head and don't let the sun, sea and sand and loveliness of this island cloud your better judgement.. about anything.

(oh. and I'm sure that this happens to the guys as well.. just all be careful)

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

PGTips i agree ya probably right about where the source of the infection came from but I feel its not particulrly helpful to focus on who gave what to who the focus should be on not picking it up by being reckless with alcohol etc in a community of less than 300,000 remember that the virus is gonna spread a lot more quickly through pockets of the community.

My GP in Barbados told me that on average with private healthcare the cost of HIV medication there is $1000 a month!! Unfortunately I understand that the free healthcare for the Virus (apparently its called that by many) at QEH is given on set days at set clinics where anyone in the hospital at that time can see who is in there - so some just dont go for the treatment because of the stigma.

HIV can affect the good the bad and the ugly and whilst sufferers are subjected to abuse and degradation of course no one is going to stand up and say im positive therefore its driven underground - i really dont get why its ok to speak about having cancer but not ok to be HIV positive and until the stigma is removed people will keep unncessarily dying from being out of touch with the reality that it can happen to YOU!!!

Barbados is a place where lots of people talk but I find on the whole that they are good and kind hearted as a people - would someone be in danger if they were open about their illness? Cos the price of their silence is further deaths from ignorance.

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

Serendipidy, I agree with all you say, however I was pointing out anyone could be a carrier. Having unprotected sex with relative strangers is really playing Russian roulette. It is not just HIV, but a whole array of unpleasant nasties that can be passed on. Not to mention unwanted pregnancies.
Every holiday destination in the world has this mentality. Although you are well meaning, where there is sun, fun, and booze, in a location away from home, people will lose their inibitions and throw cause to the wind. They always think 'it will not happen to me'. Rememner a lot of women actively go out to find these liasions and do not need much convincing to play the bed hopping game. If the women did not play with these guys, the guys would soon find another way to make a living. Laws of supply and demand.

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

I stayed at The Almond Beach Village 6 1/2 years ago with a friend. It was our first girly holiday (we were 19) and we had a blast. We went out a few times with 2 of the beach guys but then my friend got an ear infection, so I went out in the evenings with the guy I had 'paired off with'. When it was time to go home, we exchanged numbers but didnt expect to hear from him. He called me the next day but I expected it to fizzle out as soon as the next plane landed and a new girl was on the beach. Before I knew it, I had booked a flight to go back out with the same friend for a few months later. The guy them came to stay with me a few months later (I still lived with my parents and this was their first time of meeting him). Anyway, to cut a LOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNG story short, I came out for a 6 month break 2 years later and 18 months after that I moved here permently. We got married in 2009. During our 4 years of being in a long distance relationship, he visited me 3 times for a month at a time, paying for his own flight and spending money. As a travel agent in the UK, it was easier and cheaper for me to come to Barbados, which I would do 3-4 times a year. We are happy, even though I do get very home sick, but it is getting easier as time goes by.

During the 6 years we have been together, I have seen many girls form relationships with the beach lads (6 of whom I have become friends with). So far, only one (other than ours) has not ended in tears. They now live in the UK with 2 kids and he works and everything is good. As Sunnie said, alot of these ladies will happily pay for everything. Normally though, once the novelty of showering the guy with money ends, so does the relationship.

I am not saying that in all cases it will end in tears(Im proof of that), but most of the time it will. That is why we waited 5 years to get married as we wanted to make sure that once the novelty of the sun, sea and rum weared off, that we still wanted to be together.

Some tourists though dont seem to mind about finishing with the local guys - one women I know in her 50's is now on her 4th 'Bajan Boyfriend' in 3 years. I can understand how illnesses spread. Not to say that the tourists are to blame - a man can keep it in his trousers or put a rubber on it!!

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

Nice one Vikki, true love blossomed here. Good for you. :thumbup:

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

and yes Vikki I did think about you when I wrote what I did. But I do know a girl that got involved with a Bajan guy, moved here, and was treated in the worst possible way.. she must stay at home, he can do as he pleases, the family was NOT supportive (which is also important on both sides - and by the way this is not unique to Barbados).. he basically only allowed her to stay at home.. she eventually and very tearfully "moved out and on" and it wasn't pleasant.

I also recall meeting someone a few years ago who came to Barbados for about 3 months every year and every year it was "someone different".. soooo I can as well see how things spread. I guess if you are into that sort of thing fine. But as well.. some of these guys do this for a living. and they are scags and will love up to anyone and anybody that even remotely looks appealing and "make ya feel good" for as long as your money holds out.

Again, not saying that many don't work out.. however.. many a romantic holiday fling has ended in tears over one thing or the other....and not just in Barbados ..

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

I cant help but post something on here for this thread...... i think that it is a great thing to have put it up so pleas'e don't delete the subject...anybody who doesnt like talking about HIV/AIDS doesn't need to read it, but seriously we have a problem in the Caribbean!!!!!

Please allow me to put 2 links that may be useful:
http://gateway.nlm.nih.gov/MeetingAb...102262930.html
http://caribbeanhivaidsalliance.org/countries.php?id=2

As a nurse i can help with places of contact and clear up the treatment and diagnosis subject a little bit. Free testing, confidential...a name does not go on the lab form, merely a doctor generated number. Ladymeade refernce unit (LRU) in st Micheal is a great place to go to, as well as the family planning clinic on bay street.

I myself had a "holiday fling" before i moved here and when i initially moved here i was living with him and his family whilst i waited for my rental property to be ready and my belongings shipped....as you could guess, whilst away in uk preparing to come here (no i didnt come here to be with him, that was incidental), he was wooing all the other ladies on vacation!!! so yes, he was a snake, slithering from one to another.......however, i didnt fall into the unprotected trap....as you can guess once it came time for me to move out their house and he would have to pay rent with me...it fizzled out...fortunately not all of them are dogs, i met a good guy whom i married in 2007, not always easy as culture differences do come into play, but we are happy and i have 2 wonderful (very mischievous) children (twins).

so ladies beware, meet the snakes then get the good one, and if they have a problem with you demanding the use of protection...roll out and move on!!!! they are not worth it

Re: Taking care of yaself
 

Songbird thanks so much for your information. When I was writing the post originally I was in distress the guy who died was a not a friend per se but i was fond of him but I also had partied with some of the females who were dating him - no idea if they were reckless in their behaviour cos not my business - but I couldnt get there faces out of my heads and hoped that a 2 week holiday fling for them twice a year did not also cost them their lives or futures.

Im glad the thread has grown legs and is opening up discussions on the subject and information being provided - the holiday romance and being involved with hustlers is a slightly different issue but is also connected

We all make mistakes and if the price of being taken in by a boy half your age and all his sweet words is a little humiliation when ya find out there are 6 others he calls for money when he loses his fone, gets thrown out of his appartment, will have his land line cut off if ya dont send money, needs money to get a docs appt etc then its a lesson learnt in stupidness that is well deserved - but to find out that you have also contracted and have possibly spread a life threatening disease is too high a price to pay.