On the road again

Been asking myself the same question(s) since I got here in April. Every morning I've been waking up in a panic and second guessing my choice to move here from Aus. But once I've put the kettle on and sit down with a brew and consider my options and what I left behind compared to what I have now and have the opportunity to gain in the future it becomes clear that it was absolutely the right choice... Even though I know tomorrow morning I'll wake up very early and be greeted by that all too familiar worry and second guessing state of mind...

It's the nature of the beast, change of such a magnitude will attract some stress and doubt over your decision. But on the back side of that, the stress and feelings of anxiety will fade over time, you just need to give yourself time, don't beat yourself up over having doubts.

rebeccajo

Hi, On the road.

I was just wondering what you ended up doing about the visa options? Are you back in the UK alone right now?

On the road again

Hi Rebecca

Ya back here, and my wife is waiting in aus for the visa to be processed - bout 2 months to go. We both came and she stayed for 5 weeks and we had a good holiday while I looked for work. Found it dead easy to get a job. Had offers coming in from all across the south. Cold called about 15 companies and got 4 offers back. Probably would have been much the same in the north but I wasn't looking up that way. Makes australia look like a desert (funnily enough that's what it is) by comparison when it comes to finding work.

ncoomber

Hi otra,
I am curious, what do you do for a living. I am an engineer and moving back to the uk in two weeks after living in US for the past 27yrs. Me finding a steady decent job quickly will be paramount to settling my wife and three kids in the UK. I am moving to Leeds and want to stay somewhere up north. I am pleased to hear that you found work quickly and had some choices. Good luck.
Cheers
Nigel

Englishmaple

Just to say that was my experience too - got back in April and within 6 weeks I had 3 interviews lined up - whereas I spent months trying to get work in Canada (I have a social work qualification). The downside I've found is that the pay for my new job is relatively low - and I currently live in the South East where property prices are very high. I don't know whether I would have got a job quite as quickly in the midlands or further north - but it is something I'm going to look into longterm as the 1 bedroom/studio property prices where I am are now totally out of my reach - for rent or to buy.

CalgaryPete

The things I moved back for feel like they have been over shadowed by more day to day concerns and worries. I don't like to be negative, but we get plenty of positive experiences in this forum so I will add some balance. We have been back nearly 4 months, and I think I might feel more positive about the move in a few more months, particularly if we get our own place.

I'm puzzled why I don't feel more positive. I have a job, I found a house to rent that accepted a dog, Nyla is going to daycare and we have had lots of hikes in the lake district. We have had a few visits to friends and family although not as many as I would like as we chose to live in the north west, although friends and family are almost all in the south west.

I do worry about money. I have a good salary as a programmer, but there will be little left after bills, insurance, petrol and a mortgage. I would like to buy a house in a nice area, near a hill, with a drive and a small garden. We should be able to find something, but I try not to remember our 3 bedroom house in Calgary. I feel I undervalued what we had there, not just material things, but our settled life which we were very used to. It was like a comfortable but worn pair of old boots which I threw out and then missed.

We are starting to think about buying a house, although I am not sure whether to stay in the north west, move closer to family and friends in the south west or even move back to Calgary. I should give the UK more time, knowing that things will probably feel very different in a few more months, but I haven't found a safe way of switching my brain off, so it continues its second and third guessing games.

Englishmaple

I'm glad you wrote Pete and I can completely relate to the lack of money left over after bills are deducted - altho' I'm on 18K living in the SE!! So at the moment not a lot left over once essentials are covered.

I think any change is very unsettling but that said, I have found some things very challenging since I got back. The high cost of housing for one. Like you, I have been wondering about buying property at some point (when I've found a better paying job in a year or so) but part of me is resisting the idea - I really liked renting in Canada and what I got for my rent (in terms of security of tenure and facilities) was more than reasonable ... so part of me deeply resents the idea of buying here - but in the UK rentals are so poor in terms of tenure and what's on offer that it seems like the only way one can get somewhere decent is to buy. And I'm really fed up with the UK obsession with how much money people can make from buying property and doing it up and the whole housing market generally - it just seems so much more intense here.

And like you, I am going to give the UK more time but I too find myself often thinking about what I left behind in Canada. Not just materially. There are things like the upbeatness of the culture that I miss and I really struggle with the existence of the UK class system and how it impacts people's lives (I see it so much more clearly now having been away for a while) as well as the casual sexism and the relentless campaign against immigrants .... having been one myself, I see the other side of the coin and I miss the Canadian attitude towards immigration as well.

I also really miss the Canadian weather! Which is not something I thought I would miss at all - but the UK seems quite cold and rainy by comparison altho' I do love the green of the countryside.

I think living abroad for a while and then coming back is so challenging - it changes how you see your country and it's not always easy to slot back into the life you left.

For me the politics and economy has also played a role in how I feel ... I will be really interested to see how I feel in a year's time, particularly given that both the UK and Canada are going to be having significant elections next year ... it will be interesting to see the outcome and whether that encourages me to leave the country or stay!

Good luck with your plans - perhaps in a couple of months we'll both feel a bit more settled.

fulwood

CalgaryPete. most folks on this forum have given advice of staying at least a year before making a final decision. Also you talk about buying a house but if you can why not stay in rental until you are absolutely sure UK is for you. I wish you well. I'm on a long vacation - 6 weeks and enjoying myself but I procrastinate about whether I should move back for good or stay in US. I know I will be in US for at least 5 more years for work and to get more money in my pension. Good luck whatever you decide.

CalgaryPete

I am starting to consider this option now. I was concerned about house prices continuing to rise, but we can save more while we rent. I wanted to be out of this rental before winter, as it is poorly insulated, has no drive and no garden for my dog. But we can certainly live with those issues, or we might find another rental that would accept a dog. Another 6 months of bank statements should help with getting a mortgage, although interest rates will have gone up by next spring.

I also hoped to be settled in our own place before the end of the year, so that 2014 would be our year of change and disruption, with next year being settled.

I worked out our predicted UK budget while I was still in Canada. Our actual budget is not too different. Predicting how I would feel was much less accurate!

WEBlue

"Reverse culture shock"--what people experience on returning to live in their home culture--can feel even more disorientating than the "culture shock" of becoming an expat.

CP, if you never experienced much more than a few days' homesickness in Canada, the reverse culture shock on returning to England could come as an unpleasant surprise. You just never know whether these feelings will or won't pop up until you try moving country....

Culture shock - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I think time may clarify things for you. Hope so!

Almo

I felt very mixed about our move back from about 2 months in to somewhere around 9 months in. I stopped posting here because I got fed up of some of the responses that were being trotted out in a number of threads at the time and to be honest they didn't help my mood at all.

We are now 18 months in and content. We are as settled as we're likely to be (perennial itchy feet) and enjoy our lives here. I think there is a huge period of adjustment once the initial euphoria wears off but I think it's difficult to recognise as such while you're going through it. Hopefully you can give it some more time before making a permanent decision.

I don't mean to dismiss the financial and emotional upheaval but if you end up leaving the UK again, does that really matter? Live wherever suits you best.

CalgaryPete

This is really helpful to know. Thanks for posting it. I have enjoyed reading the positive stories from people who have moved back and are rediscovering the UK. Those stories gave me a lot of encouragement to give it a try. But it's equally valuable to hear from people who have not had an immediate Bill Bryson experience. I am grateful to hear from anybody that is further ahead in their move, whether they are positive, negative or undecided.

So I am now looking at the option of another 6 month rental, after this one ends in September, to give us more time to settle before we buy a place.

Thanks!

windsong

So good to hear you finally feel settled and also to hear the mixed feelings you had initially.

I am to fly back in just over one week and, as much as I am looking forward to it, I have also been panicking. I have only had four weeks in which to make all the arrangements and most of my attention has had to be focused on simply getting it done rather than on coming to terms with how I feel about it all. It is not easy to leave behind everything that is familiar even when you want to do so.

I am anticipating I will have mixed feelings for quite a while - mostly grief about what has been left behind and the memory of the home I lived in just a year ago - full of my own furniture and belongings. What a change in such a short time. I am trying to see it all as an adventure and as a long vacation. I think trying to see it that way will help me through the adjustment.

Almo

Yes, I think the grief over what you've left muddies the waters. We are planning a visit back to Aus for various reasons next year and are hugely excited, love planning what we'll revisit etc and reminiscing over the many happy times we had. We are finally in a position to recognise that there were numerous positives to our lives in Aus but that at this stage the positives here outweigh those. It sounds so obvious but as I said it took a while to recognise! Best of luck to both of you, wherever you end up.

Englishmaple

Just to say I love that you posted this! It really helps. I am going to give things a year here and then see where I am financially and whether I feel anymore settled emotionally.