London1947

Aries, I sent you a private message.

sallysimmons

Aries, so sorry to hear that things have been hard for you.

Sadly, I think your family experiences are par for the course. When we move away, we leave a big hole in others' lives. But over time, that hole closes over. Especially if we're gone a long time as you and I were.

When I came back, I imagined that I would cook dinner for my brother once a week (he's single and I thought he'd enjoy the company). We only live a 40 minute train ride away and yet getting him to visit has been like pulling teeth.

I'm surprised, but I suppose he's built a life without me and that I need to accept that. It wasn't his choice that I move away after all.

I think acceptance is really the key to happiness, no matter what the problem. If we fight reality, we always lose. But if we just accept the situation and our feelings about it, without resisting, we can get on with making our way forward. Often easier said than done I know, but it really does work.

btw - to whoever said we don't chat with our neighbours anymore, it must be different up here in Yorkshire, but I'm always chatting to my neighbours over the wall (being in Yorkshire we have stone walls not fences!), and I'm often round at their houses, or making one of them a coffee. It's one of the nicest things about being back here actually

Howefamily

I think the chatting with neighbours thing is really base on where you are, and that can be down to the road you live in. Here in subdivision Nova Scotia we don't really even have fences so it's not unusual for my children to be found in next doors hammock and for them to be using our swing set. I love that about this neighbourhood

To Aries, I am not surprised you feel this way, you may be a Brit but the lions share of your living has been in Oz. Make sure you are kind to yourself

aries

At least I am able to chat with neighbours and people I pass in the street, just as I did in Australia, and in the local park conversation with dogs and their owners is almost a daily activity. In the summer I constantly take photographs of people with the harbour as a background, the so-called selfies aren't always the best for them. It is fascinating where people live in the world and the stories they have, it would be boring to stay in one place and not see life elsewhere.

Although I was by myself for Christmas, I chatted by Skype with family in Warwickshire (the first time they've done this with me), and I was able to show them around my flat using my iPad. A friend also phoned from Germany, and would like me to visit again in early summer. We have a marvellous friendship which began in 1958, yet we had no contact for most of my time in Australia. A German journalist wanted the amazing story of how I found her again despite not knowing her married name, but I accepted her wishes for privacy.

Amaike

aries - how are you getting on? I read your post with interest as my mother has been away from UK since 1967 and dreams of going back. Have you found that there are some English cultural things that you're happy to be a part of, the history etc, or are the personal challenges outweighing those?

Flying Enterprise

I see quite a lot of posts that have moved back to the U.K. seem to settle in the Devon area, as far as I can see, it seems quite expensive, as we are thinking of moving back one day I would think that Wales would be the less expensive of the two ?

I have been looking at renting an Annexe in a rural area, with a small garden, we have two small dogs, looking in the urban spaces a lot of the properties are on a sharing basis, (don't do sharing)

aries

Sorry to respond so late. Has your mum been back to the UK for holidays? I used to come back for 3 months at a time, and in retrospect I think I should have stayed doing that, it would have been cheaper and less stressful. Although my early travels were by ship taking a month, I didn't once believe it was too far, merely part of my holiday. However once flying became much cheaper, 24 hours to travel seemed very little. It can be tiring though.

My personal challenges since returning to England have certainly been overwhelming, and although I once regarded Britain as home, it doesn't feel like it any more. Initially I was full of enthusiasm and glad to be away from Australia's summer heat, but that evaporated as reality set in and climate-related health problems developed.

I suppose things would have been better if my sister hadn't unexpectedly died from cancer, nor if my brother and his wife don't continue to believe that travelling 193 miles to visit me isn't too far, even though they travel a lot. Curiously they don't think it is too far for me to visit them!

But that's life, we can have a lot of expectations, but will only know the reality when we move out of our comfort zone.

aries

Yes I've noticed that Devon features strongly, but for me I was born in Torquay so returned to my home town. However I'm now living in an area I could not have afforded before I went to Australia, so times change. I would have preferred being in London, but for the same money I could only have afforded to live where I wouldn't like.

I'm not sure what you mean by renting an annexe in a rural area, do you mean semi-detatched?

Flying Enterprise

Hi Aries, An Annexe would be a small type Cottage that would be attached to a house, so maybe I could be covered under their council tax, and hopefully would be a lot less expensive renting,

Rural ,meaning a lot less inhabited ie countryside.

Amaike

My mother goes back once a year for most of Aug/Sept months. My 3 adult brothers are over there. People say she gets best of both worlds, and when summer is over everyone goes back to their lives. My personal experience of living in England was that it was nice to be part of the day to day flow, rather than just there for fleeting summers. My mother also worries that a point will come where she can no longer travel.

Since many on this forum are interested in the "big move" in one direction or another, what was the nature of reality setting in, as opposed to the initial euphoria? (are there things you miss about Australia despite having really wanted to move to UK?)

J.JsOH

Hi, 4.5 years back here and if I consider my feelings then they are of being confined, closed in, too much intensity, too much rush of a country I not up to speed with (and rather not be) although not trapped. I cant explain why, just a feeling that I only dispel when out in open countryside, away from it all
Unhappy here? No, happy enough but something niggles that I mostly don't notice unless it catches me unawares. My Doctor suggested following Mindfulness techniques.

aries

I think that like me, you became too used to the more open spaces of a bigger country. Thus when you are away from the "closed-in" towns of Britain you feel free from the confines. It is why I like to go on boats out in Torbay, nothing is closed in around me.

J.JsOH

Hi Aries,
Glad to hear you take boat trips, you have some lovely coast and sea access down there in Devon. I would go on boat trips too, love boats, and trains, and the sense of being in the open and going somewhere (or just going nowhere in particluar).

Yes, I am used to and prefer the open spaces, of US, and for me earlier, growing up in a farmhouse in the flat Lincolnshire fens and then being in the Royal Navy (crowded living but wide open seas). I am never comfortable confined in a crowd, whether it be people or houses.

We do have lots of close access to open country side and coast here in Norfolk.
We were in Devon last year 2014 we rode the dart ferry tween Dartmouth and Greenway House, plus rode the South Devon railway, and the tractor ferry to Burgh Island. And walked the seawall alongside the railway at Dawlish Warren. We were down in Devon again at New Year and did some Dartmoor walks in glorious weather.
Get me away from this computer and into a field or beach and I am much happier.
I just have to be aware and make the effort to get out and away more.

Best wishes, John

aries

Greenway where Agatha Christie lived is certainly worth a visit, the big house is so liveable and feels as if she could walk in at any moment. And the location is stunning overlooking the River Dart. I like to catch a boat from Torquay to Dartmouth around the coast past Brixham, it adds to the event coming into the Dart past the old fort.

Can you believe that the half hour ferry journey between Torquay and Brixham costs only £1.00? Often when I've intended walking into the town, I've hopped on a ferry instead, and come back a couple of hours later.

Babbacombe is well worth a visit, there are marvellous views from the cliffs, it is just 5 minutes in the bus from me, close to where I sometimes go shopping. I've found this video which gives you an idea. Near to the cliff railway is the extensive Model Village, an amazing place set in its own tree-lined valley. There is a miniature sports stadium, shopping centre, cricket pitch, railway, streets, housing complexes and so on.

J.JsOH

Thanks for those tips and insights, Aries, I will keep them on file for the next trip to Devon. I have a friend in Ivybridge that invited us to stay this summer. There is certainly plenty to do down there.
John