aries

I left Adelaide on 9th November 2011, and with 3 years up to-day which is the length of time my Permanent Resident Visa says I can be away, I now feel trapped in England.

I had hoped to make a return trip to extend the period, unfortunately some recent health issues have prevented me from travelling as far as Australia. I can of course go there for a holiday if I wish, but I now see no point in doing this.

As some of you know I am not happy to be living back here, for although I live on the side of a hill a few minutes walk to the harbour and marina in Torquay (my hometown), certainly a glorious part of England, family in Warwickshire and London say I'm too far to visit. They all travel extensively home and abroad, so I must believe that I'm not considered to be a priority for them.

I visited my brother four times last year, each way needing 3 trains, so I think a quick drive from Leamington Spa down the M5 to visit me would not be untoward. I've been on picnics that distance in Australia!! I've been invited there for Christmas, but for various reasons have decided not to go.

My sister who would have visited me, died last year a result of cancer, so this has further caused me distress. She was one of the reasons I returned to England, and I stayed with her for 6 months in a Lincolnshire village before coming to Torquay. Thus I'm pleased that we had some good times together before she unexpectedly left us.

I've had only two visitors in my two and a half years in Torquay, a former neighbour in Adelaide who stopped by for a few hours, and a German friend who stayed with me for a week. I've made many trips to Germany and would love to live there, but health insurance costs would be too high. I feel happy and contented in the small town on the River Neckar in the south west of Germany where my friend and her family live, and I'm made to feel part of the family, so it becomes a wrench to return to England.

I know that Adelaide's hot summers are not be good for my heart condition, so this is something I try to focus on. In her emails and on Skype my German friend also reminds me of other reasons I left, but my difficulties and disappointments living back in England seem to overwhelm me.

MSmithy

I sympathise. Sounds like it was good to spend time with your sister though before she sadly passed away, you might have been kicking yourself otherwise had you been in Australia. Also by being in the UK you can visit your friend in Germany more often. With regards other family they are prob just busy with their own lives and are not deliberately avoiding you. I know how it feels though. I recently moved back from Fiji and don't see friends that often, people are just busy and get into their routines. It sounds like you have been mourning what you had in Australia and now need to accept what you have (family and friend close by), and try to make the most of it.
Best wishes and good luck!

Bnet36

Aries, I am sorry that you are not having the best time back home. If I may offer some advice. With everyone including family members busy with their day to day lives it is crucial that you build your own little life where you are. Join some clubs or groups that are of interest to you and from there you will build a good network of friends. I have always made good friends wherever I have moved within the UK - I have been known to be a gypsy since I left home for Uni. I have totally removed the expectation that people would visit me all the time or that I would do it. Instead, I just build my own network from work friends and neighbours wherever I am. If family or friends want to visit thats great but try not to base your future and happiness on the lack of connection with family and old friends. I know its not easy but it would do you and your health a wealth of good not to dwell on the 'non-visitors'.

I hope it all works out for you.

WEBlue

So apparently the only way you'll see this brother--since he does not seem to want to drive down to see you, easy as this would be for him-- is for you to make that arduous train journey....

That's too bad, and he really should make the effort to come to see you once. But I'm not sure you should refuse his Christmas invitation, unless something like your health really prevents you taking the train(s). Especially considering that your sister died last year.

It seems to me that nothing will ever change if you completely stop taking the trouble to see him, whereas if you do come see him every once in a while, you'll keep up the family tie in good faith, and eventually he may feel guilty about always making you travel to him... You never know! (Sometimes as people age and become somewhat less busy, they appreciate family more than when they are younger... especially as other family members pass away and the remaining family shrinks.)

But of course, you know yourself and your brother best, so this advice may be quite wrong for the two of you.

Mary C

Hi Aries. How much time did you spend in Australia. It is possible that you could qualify for a 1 year resident return visa. If you spent 2 years there and have strong ties, you could qualify for a 5 year resident return visa.

Sally Redux

Sometimes coaches are easier for those kind of journeys.

National Express Torquay - Leamington around Christmas would be £63 for an open return if I've done it right.

http://coach.nationalexpress.com/nxbooking/journey-list

aries

I spent 51 years in Australia, so I lived there longer than the average born Australian has been alive.

Those short term resident visas you mentioned are interesting, I haven't heard of them before.

aries

I belong to a table tennis club and play twice a week when my health allows, but although everyone is friendly, most are very much younger than me so friendships away from the game are not possible. Older ones also have their own lives. I tried to join U3A but was distinctly unimpressed, and this was echoed by a woman I chatted with in the street this morning. I attended lunches with Age UK but the members seemed so old I had little in common with them. I can certainly chat with anyone, and during the summer I chat with and help tourists from all over the world.

aries

Yes, it would have been awful if I had not stayed with my sister before she died, but I suppose once I knew of the little time she had left, I would have been here in a flash.

It has certainly been marvellous to visit my German friend more easily, three weeks in 2012, three times last year, and once this year. In 2009 she found a flat for me to stay for 3 months. A journalist for a German newspaper wanted the story of how I found her after 50 years, it was an adventure which appealed to my inquisitive nature. I am also still in contact with a German official who played a part in helping me in 2007, she thought my quest was exciting. We had lunch together in Heidelberg in August.

Mary C

Hi Aries, if you lived there for that length of time you are most certainly eligible for the RRV (Resident Return Visa). So if ever you want to return there you would just need to lodge an RRV application which is done on line. Even if you did not want to live there but just go and visit, it would be easier to enter on an RRV than to apply for an ETA. Just something to consider.

Bnet36

Gosh Aries thats a long time spent in Australia. I know you are considering going back have you tried talking to your brother about this issue.

Also, are there any nieces or nephews in the picture? I think the only reason my sisters come and visit me is to spend time with my boys and they adore their aunts - which is ok with me.

Staying in England will certainly make hopping to Germany easy.

Editha

Personally, I don't see age differences as a barrier to friendship. I've just joined the local WI although I don't think there wasn't anyone less than ten years older than me at the first meeting I went to.

You don't say why you didn't think much of U3A. Looking at their website, I see that Torbay U3A have more than 30 groups covering everything from 'The Adventurers Dining Club' to 'Further French and Culture' and 'German' to 'Theatre Group'. I find it difficult to believe that none of them would suit you. Maybe you should give them another go.

My own brother has just told me that he won't be attending a family reunion next year, that I've spent two years planning, because he thinks the hotel will be too expensive. He did so just before going off on a three week tour of India, his second long-haul holiday this year. We don't choose our families. I'd still visit him for Christmas, if he invited me.

My experience of life has been that order to get back, you have to give. I suggest you stop putting up so many barriers to connecting with other people.

Dorothy

Aries, if you look at Australian Government Department of Immigration and Border Protection and apply online for a Resident Return Visa you will almost certainly qualify for one. Under no circumstances apply for a ETA or tourist visa first, though. Any other visa will cancel your current PR visa.

aries

I have not put up any barriers to connect with other people, quite the opposite. I was always the conduit for family members to keep in touch with each other, and been involved with numerous committees and sundry clubs. Your experience with your brother doesn't relate to me personally, however my brother and his wife curiously believe that those of us who have lived in Australia, are merely colonials in a far distant world unworthy of their own perceived civilised English lifestyle. Last year I wore a beanie because the weather was cold, and my brother wouldn't speak to me in the street! I feel more comfortable with my German friend's family.

Looking at the number of groups in Torbay's U3A doesn't necessarily indicate there is something there specifically for me. I've attended a German group elsewhere but had to opt out for health reasons, though kept in contact with a member. Life is not black and white, and sometimes grey comes into the equation.

aries

It is not possible to talk with my brother about such things, he is in a rarified world of his own, and his wife tends to be abrasive and critical.

Yes there are nephews and nieces in the picture, but they are part of my brother's family, plus my deceased sister's family, one of whom is the main recipient in my will after my sister died. Others are in Australia. I have no family of my own.