Moving back biggest mistake

Old Nov 13th 2015, 12:44 pm
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Default Moving back biggest mistake

Hi to everyone,

Came across this forum while trying to find expats who had returned back to England. Here's a quick background on my story. My Husband, young toddler and myself moved to America back in 2010. We weren't in a great position in England when we left low paid jobs, no hope of getting on the property ladder anytime soon ect ect. My husbands company offered him a great job with a great pay we jumped at the chance and saw it as a chance to better ourselves. To begin with I just couldn't take to America. I moaned daily about everything I missed family, friends, food, Shops everything you can think off. Come the last 18 months there we had our second child and I began to like living in America but I always thought the grass was still greener in England. Fast forward to January this year my husband recieved a promotion and the opportunity to return to England I told him to jump on it happy that we would finally be able to return and we did in March. What a mistake I can't believe what I have given up. My husband is also very unhappy back here. Looking through the forum everyone seems very happy to of returned is there anyone out there that wishes they hadn't and how did you get over that longing to leave again?
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Old Nov 13th 2015, 3:21 pm
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

Originally Posted by Anenglishrose
Hi to everyone,

Came across this forum while trying to find expats who had returned back to England. Here's a quick background on my story. My Husband, young toddler and myself moved to America back in 2010. We weren't in a great position in England when we left low paid jobs, no hope of getting on the property ladder anytime soon ect ect. My husbands company offered him a great job with a great pay we jumped at the chance and saw it as a chance to better ourselves. To begin with I just couldn't take to America. I moaned daily about everything I missed family, friends, food, Shops everything you can think off. Come the last 18 months there we had our second child and I began to like living in America but I always thought the grass was still greener in England. Fast forward to January this year my husband recieved a promotion and the opportunity to return to England I told him to jump on it happy that we would finally be able to return and we did in March. What a mistake I can't believe what I have given up. My husband is also very unhappy back here. Looking through the forum everyone seems very happy to of returned is there anyone out there that wishes they hadn't and how did you get over that longing to leave again?
Welcome to BE from someone who would love to move back but simply can't afford to leave Australia!

We do have quite a lot of ping-pongers on here who can't settle anywhere, and someone posted in the Australia forum today about how they wish they had never gone home, so there certainly are people around who will empathise with you.
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Old Nov 13th 2015, 4:58 pm
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

Anenglishrose,

You definitely are not alone, as Pollyana said there are lots on here who have ping-ponged between countries. I can't think of names off the top of my head but if you keep looking through the forum you will find posts from other people who have moved back to the UK only to find that they don't like it.

What is it that you regret leaving? It may be that with time you will feel differently, it is a huge upheaval moving from one country to another and just because you have lived in the UK before doesn't mean that the adjustment is any easier. Friends and family have moved on with their lives while you were away so it can be hard to re-establish yourself in their lives. Houses are generally so much smaller but more expensive than the US which can be a big adjustment! Even when moving to a country you consider "home" it can help to approach it as if you are moving to a new country and realize that it will take time to build a new life there.

What is it that you are missing about the US? Is there any chance your husband could apply for another transfer? What was it that you disliked about the US that made you jump at the chance to move back to the UK? Would you still dislike those things even if you could move back?

I'm sorry the move hasn't been a good one for you so far hang in there, hopefully you will begin to feel happier with some more time or if not maybe there will be a chance to return to the US in the future but take your time making any big decision like that because you know from when you moved to the US that it took you a couple of years to start to feel happy there, some of us just take time to adjust to big changes.
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Old Nov 17th 2015, 9:50 am
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

I agree that it's important to take time to really think through what is making you unhappy - but also think about what you have here that wouldn't have in America, because it's easy to fall again for the 'grass is greener over there' idea, which is often an illusion.

I recommend first accepting that the grass is just as green on both sides of the pond - one place isn't better or worse, they're just different. Then really think about the differences. Make a list of things you miss about your American life. Then make a list of things you can do/have here that you would miss if you moved back. Include every negative about both countries as well as every positive.

Then weigh them up and decide what's truly important to you.

Each choice contains compromises (unless you're like me and can't think of one thing you miss about the US!) - you just have to decide which ones you're willing to make and then throw yourself into life in whichever country you choose without allowing yourself to pine for what you've lost.
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Old Nov 18th 2015, 3:26 pm
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

Originally Posted by sallysimmons
I agree that it's important to take time to really think through what is making you unhappy - but also think about what you have here that wouldn't have in America, because it's easy to fall again for the 'grass is greener over there' idea, which is often an illusion. I recommend first accepting that the grass is just as green on both sides of the pond - one place isn't better or worse, they're just different. Then really think about the differences. Make a list of things you miss about your American life. Then make a list of things you can do/have here that you would miss if you moved back. Include every negative about both countries as well as every positive. Then weigh them up and decide what's truly important to you. Each choice contains compromises (unless you're like me and can't think of one thing you miss about the US!) - you just have to decide which ones you're willing to make and then throw yourself into life in whichever country you choose without allowing yourself to pine for what you've lost.
I totally agree, and be really really honest with yourself. And frankly if it all comes down to a strong feeling then thats a relevant feeling too.We live in Nova Scotia now and whilst I love England in many ways I could not stand to leave here.
Its a place that I love, its not perfect at all but I couldnt leave. Its where my heart is.
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Old Nov 24th 2015, 2:02 pm
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

Originally Posted by Anenglishrose
Hi to everyone,

Came across this forum while trying to find expats who had returned back to England. Here's a quick background on my story. My Husband, young toddler and myself moved to America back in 2010. We weren't in a great position in England when we left low paid jobs, no hope of getting on the property ladder anytime soon ect ect. My husbands company offered him a great job with a great pay we jumped at the chance and saw it as a chance to better ourselves. To begin with I just couldn't take to America. I moaned daily about everything I missed family, friends, food, Shops everything you can think off. Come the last 18 months there we had our second child and I began to like living in America but I always thought the grass was still greener in England. Fast forward to January this year my husband recieved a promotion and the opportunity to return to England I told him to jump on it happy that we would finally be able to return and we did in March. What a mistake I can't believe what I have given up. My husband is also very unhappy back here. Looking through the forum everyone seems very happy to of returned is there anyone out there that wishes they hadn't and how did you get over that longing to leave again?
I've been back in England for 4 years after living in Australia, and I started to hate being back after 6 months. I thought things would improve but everything has become worse, and it is still difficult coming to terms with how run down my home country has become. I live in a seaside resort but it makes no difference, though if I could afford a decent flat in London and closer to quicker transport, things may well have been different.

I don't wish to go into details about my situation, but Brits should think very carefully before coming back, and personally I should have kept to holidays.
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Old Nov 24th 2015, 2:19 pm
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

The decline of the former Imperial Power is clear to anyone with eyes to see.
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Old Nov 26th 2015, 9:30 am
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

Originally Posted by scot47
The decline of the former Imperial Power is clear to anyone with eyes to see.
What's that got to do with people who move home for personal reasons?
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Old Nov 26th 2015, 9:45 am
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

Originally Posted by scot47
The decline of the former Imperial Power is clear to anyone with eyes to see.
All the more reason to move back. Now if only the Tories would catch up with reality.
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Old Nov 26th 2015, 11:17 am
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

What aries (and other forumites under this posting) has said, further enhances my belief that I should just get on and move to France!
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Old Nov 26th 2015, 3:14 pm
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

The prosperity of these Offshore Islands has been impacted by the End of Empire. It is not simply about "a personal decision" but you are the Supermod, PollyA, so I will bow to you !
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Old Nov 26th 2015, 3:21 pm
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

Originally Posted by scot47
The prosperity of these Offshore Islands has been impacted by the End of Empire. It is not simply about "a personal decision" but you are the Supermod, PollyA, so I will bow to you !
Have you been sneaking a look at the new Star Wars thingy?
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Old Nov 28th 2015, 8:59 pm
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

Did you work while in the U.S.? There are good and bad in each country and various reasons for returning but I found the lack of vacation time/time off in the U.S. does not allow parents to be able to have a career and function as a parent as well. I've been back 2 years and on that point I am much happier. I can take time off with my kids and not feel guilty for doing so. Of course there are things I miss but having a work/life balance again makes such a difference.
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Old Nov 30th 2015, 1:34 am
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

What planet are you on Scot? When Britain last had an empire, most British people couldn't afford health care and their kids left school aged 14. How much better off do you think the British would be if we'd kept India then? What utter bollocks.
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Old Nov 30th 2015, 6:35 am
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Default Re: Moving back biggest mistake

I am not suggesting that we should have hung on to India. I am suggesting that many people still have the imperial attitude but that we have no Empire.
The UK has deteriorated in many ways in my lifetime but that is no argument for trying to hang on to our position as one of the "Top Nations"
Germany too lost an Empire, but have learned to live in the modern world.
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