Cardienscarf

I keep starting this and not finishing because I'm waiting to have something to say! Not that I am usually lost for words (as you can see from the length of this post) but I feel like I should have something definitive to say about my return and I don't. There are things I like and things I'm trying to decide if I can get used to.

Like others who've returned, I've found that some of the friends who urged me to return I only see every now and then. I have, however, been extremely lucky in that one friend I've had lunch with once a year for 22 years has included me into her group of friends and they have accepted me as one of them and invite me along to whatever is going on. We all thread back to a pub, The Old Crown at Messing, where we used to go to 30 years ago Apparently, it went downhill but has recently been bought by a couple who also used to go there and it is back to its former glory only cleaner and with better food. It was the strangest thing walking in after all those years and seeing the same guys standing at the bar.

At the beginning of December, I moved to Mistley which is a village on the River Stour. The walks are lovely and the Essex Way is right on my back door step so I have started to explore that. There seems to be a lot going on here and, now that Christmas and New Year have been and gone, I plan to explore things within the community. There is, of course, a village hall here and in the neighbouring villages where I can do pilates, Zumba, Ceroc, and any other number of fitness classes. I have found a NIA class in Ipswich so I shall be trying that on Friday. I am not a fitness fanatic but I did live in Boulder, Colorado for 22 years where most people are health nuts and I do like to do pilates, NIA and to walk. If I can find some classes that I like and fit in with my schedule, that will satisfy that piece.

When I first arrived back at the end of June, one of the biggest shocks to me was not being amongst fit people. I've been used to being around people who are super fit and mindful of what they eat. That's one of the things I have to decide if I can get used to.

Which brings me to the food. I do love the food. I love the whole social aspect of eating here. Sunday lunch is my favourite. One of my new found old friends, often invites 6 or 8 of us over for Sunday lunch - at 4 pm - and we sit about eating, drinking wine and chatting sometimes until 8 or 9. Going out to dinner is another big enjoyment. There's no rush, no interruptions, no clearing of plates before everyone has finished, plenty of time between courses and everyone knows how to use a knife and fork. Dinner can be an hour or 3. It's so civilised!

One of the things I've found the hardest is not being able to get a mortgage. I am self-employed as well as having no employment history and I gave up in the end. So I'm renting which, while it's probably a good idea for the first year or so, niggles at me because I feel like I'm throwing money away. I like the house I'm in but it does feel rather temporary which doesn't help adjusting to life here because I know I'll be on the move again.

I know other people have found the service lacking in the UK but I have to say that everywhere I've been I have found people to be helpful and friendly - and not in that over the top gushy way that I was used to. I think I adjusted to not greeting sales assistants with the American "Hello, how are you?" after one guy looked at me as though I was completely nuts. I didn't understand a word anybody said at first which was a bit odd as I do speak the language but people have a completely different way of relating to each other here and American English is nothing like English English. I still struggle to understand some people on the phone and I am forever asking them to slow down and explain what they mean.

Signing up for utilities and phone, etc probably took me longer than the normal Brit because there are so many choices and each company has different options. But buying a car was about the same. It always takes me a while to get over that feeling of having just been fleeced! And renting this house seemed to be quite complicated. The standard seemed to be one and a half month's rent as a deposit, plus there are fees for applying and more fees if you need a guarantor which I did. That really infuriated me. I have such good credit and a good income and I still had to have a guarantor.

I'm working for the same company that I worked for in the US but now I am an agent rather than an employee. One thing I really wish I'd done was negotiated my contract to be paid in sterling. They will pay me in pounds but it will be at the exchange rate on the last day of the month. If the contract had been written with a pound amount, I wouldn't be affected by the exchange rate which has not been in my favour for a while now.

I do wonder if I would have been better to take a clean break from the US company and look for a job. There is something quite appealing about going to work at 9 and coming home at 5. When you're self-employed, it never seems to stop and it's always at the back of my mind. I know I have the advantage of setting my own hours, deciding when and where I'll go, but it does come at a price. I know I'm lucky to have the job I have but I do have to force myself to do it quite often. Once I get going, I'm fine and I have been to some lovely places but it is a lot of driving which is not much fun any more. I used to love driving over here but now, even on country lanes, I seem to get stuck behind someone. So I've put my car in Eco mode and I just pootle along with the rest of them.

And then, of course, there's the whole tax situation. I have dual UK/US citizenship so I have to file there and here. I have found someone I trust who will do my US taxes for me but it's going to be quite pricey. They are going to be complicated for 2013 and I know I'll need help with them but I'm hoping I'll be able to do them myself going forward. We shall see.

There have been times when I've found everything so overwhelming that I've wanted to just pack up and go back. I think if I hadn't shipped my belongings but kept them in storage in the US, I would have gone back. I know how things work there, I know how to get around Boulder, I know where to buy the things I need. Life was really easy.

Since moving into my own place and having my shipment delivered at the beginning of December, I've been going through a whole grieving process that I wasn't expecting. I left so much behind that I wish I brought. I know it's only stuff but it was my stuff some of which I'd had for a long time. Not to mention that it's expensive to replace. 10 quid here, 20 quid there, 150 here, new bed, new furniture. It all adds up. I think, also, I lost my dog in October and moving in here, with the things around me that were part of my life in the US makes me really miss her, not to mention all the dog hair that I still keep finding. She was such a great companion. Even though she never lived here with me, I still expect her to be behind the front door when I come in. And I really miss the 3 close friends I had in Boulder. It's a lot of letting go.

There are the people who almost begged me not to leave but I haven't heard from since I did. There are people here I hadn't seen in 22 years who I've picked up with as though it was yesterday. There are new people and I hope I keep making new friends. I decided when I first got back that I would say Yes to every thing and it's been a good decision.

I have an older sister, an older brother and a younger brother and it's been lovely to be with them more often. I stayed with my mother until I moved in here and now it's nice that I can just go for a cuppa. I was here for my youngest son when he was making a decision about staying in the Royal Navy or leaving and I think that was invaluable to both of us. Now he's off in Spain but will more than likely be back after the summer. I miss my eldest son and his girlfriend - now fiancé - although I've called her my daughter in law for several years now! I've felt guilty for leaving them and all that's going on in their lives but this was something I had to do. I'd been feeling homesick for so long and I had to come and find out. Whether I'll stay or go is still up in the air but at least I don't say "I want to go home" to myself 20 times a day any more.

curleytops

It sounds like you've had quite a journey so far. Thanks for sharing your experience so candidly. It's interesting to see how the people around us treat our departure/arrival in the long run - some as you say, you would expect to hear from and never do and others are a pleasant surprise and are genuinely happy to include you in their worlds more so than you'd expected.

A move like this always has some challenges or other no matter how happy we are about making it - I really understand your frustration in not knowing where to shop for things when we took all that for granted in our old lives; at times it really does my head in but in time all becomes familiar again.

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost Summer; I remember how happy and relieved you were when she landed safe and sound over here. She looked like a lovely dog.

Hope the future will bring you happiness and contentment wherever you decide to be. All the best Cardie, hope you keep us up to date

MrMuffin

Cardienscarf... thanks so much for your enlightening, honest and deep-thinking posting about your return to the UK. I wanted to personally wish you well for the future and I hope that you ave great success.

Your posting really drilled home what it's like to return. I know everyone's experiences are very different for a myriad of reasons but hearing about them helps people like me who are still in the planning stages think about things we haven't considered, or worries we have perhaps have shrugged off. So thank you.

Take care, M

Sally Redux

Yes - an excellent, honest update. Thanks Cardie!

pippalonghorn

Thank you for such an honest post. I will take the advice and say yes to everything too. your post has given me lots to think about, positive things. I wish you all the very best in settling in.

feelbritish

What a lovely honest assessment of moving back. The subject of friends has certainly come up a lot and now at least we know not to have any pre-conceived ideas of friends and family being in touch!

At least if you know from the start is is not going to be all plain sailing, half the battle is won!

BEVS

That is truly a quality , candid post Cardienscarf.

If I ever go home I hope I will be able to think and manage as well as you obviously have.


I hope this year 2014 will be wonderful for you.

quoll

Great post Cardie! Moving anywhere is always going to have its ups and downs! The older you get the more important it is to live in the moment I reckon! Hope 2014 is a great year for you!

Cardienscarf

Thank you Curleytops. Lovely words and thoughts Losing Summer would have happened whether we were still in the US or here. She was a lovely dog and I miss her.

I went shopping today and found almost everything I was looking for.

Cardienscarf

You are most welcome. It is more of an adjustment than I had realised. I have felt like a foreigner here but I think the more I get out and about, the sooner I'll feel at home. The difficulty is that, because I don't have any kind of accent, people expect me to understand what they're talking about. I didn't have a clue about council tax or E.ON, and BT is nothing like I remembered. Everything is different here from the US, from the way we turn light switches on to the side of the road we drive on. Sometimes it feels like a big drag and other times it feels like a big adventure!

Cardienscarf

Thank you. Saying Yes to everything really has been the best advice I've given myself. Even when it's felt like more effort than I've wanted to put in, I have yet to regret it. Now I've started saying Yes to my own thoughts. Shall I do this? Yes.

Cardienscarf

Thank you. The good thing about friends is that no matter how many you have, you can always make more. I don't love the people I don't see as often as I'd like any less, and I really make the most of the time I have with them.

Cardienscarf

Thank you BEVS. I have days when I manage much better than others! I don't think that's any different than living in the States though. It's just that things I have to manage here are different than they were in the States.

Cardienscarf

Thank you. I reckon you're right! I hope 2014 is a great year for you too!

Cardienscarf

Your turn soon