MSmithy

Hello all

This is my first post and just looking to connect with people who have been though similar experiences. I've been back nearly a year. I was living/working in Fiji for a few years. Good and unique experience overall, although a combination of work stress (causing illness for long periods of time), isolation and doubts over whether to settle there or not made me move back.

I initially thought I'd just come back to the UK for a few months before going somewhere else but since reconnecting with family (and the fear of burnout again) it's hard to leave now.

It's strange as I can't say I was homesick exactly but my body was telling me i had to change something; I would be ill for months on end, just coming home from work in the evenings and laying on the sofa to deal with it. Reconnecting with family in the UK and those friends who are still willing to continue friendship has been great really. It really makes me realise the importance of those connections.

I had a better life materially in Fiji, I had everything really, living the high life, but the workplace was chaotic and isolation/alienation was acute. I felt lost really, career wise and socially. Quite often I get comments of "why did you leave Fiji?" which I find a bit annoying as it's coming from people who have never lived there(!). Of course I look back and think 'what if' and so on.

It's hard being back, I'm still trying to reconnect and readjust. I used to be very critical of the UK but I'm now more at peace with the place, it's the familiarity of it all, and to have a sense of belonging which is what I missed when in Fiji.

Sorry I've waffled on quite a bit. Well that's my story, let me know if you've experienced something similar or can relate (?). Cheers

WEBlue

Yes, the body can be so much wiser than the mind.

MSmithy, your post reminds me of my husband's & my lives in the husband's first foreign job. Everyone said he was "so lucky" to get the assignment and that we'd both love it so much we'd never come back. And yes of course all these people who made these pronouncements were people who'd never lived in that country (France) but had only visited. It's very easy to "love" a place you've only visited....

So we told ourselves often how fortunate we were to have the opportunity of not only living in this great place but of being paid (well) to do it. However, as the months passed I noticed we'd catch every bug around and struggle to recover, whereas back home we'd been a fairly healthy young couple. In particular I became ill a lot. We blamed some of our problems on the different way the medical system worked, and some on the different weather, or other "differences"... but it was more than any of that.

Now I recognize it as unacknowledged stress, and not having the (mostly emotional) supports (family and friends) to alleviate it that were used to. But back then we were baffled.

Bnet36

MSSmithy welcome to BE!

I have not moved back as yet but I can relate to having what seems like 'everything' but feeling that void. Since telling relatives and friends that we want to move back we have been asked, why? Visiting a place and living there are 2 different things and no one gets it until they experience it.

Best of luck to you as you continue to settle back. Feel free to post any revelations, new discoveries you come across ... we would love to hear them!

MSmithy

Thanks for the replies. I've just been offered another job abroad and it will be a tough call. I'm tempted but I have been reconnecting with family and a few friends so would be hard to leave again.

dunroving

Is it in Fiji?

Making these types of decisions is difficult at the best of times. However, if one place or the other is associated with past difficulties, it makes the decision more complicated. Part of the decision relies on you figuring out why you had a tough time in Fiji (was it because of something to do with working in Fiji, or completely unrelated?

Also, if you encounter similar difficulties again, will you be better off in the UK, or in Fiji (or wherever this other job offer is)?

Sally Redux

Welcome.

What an interesting story!

MSmithy

Good questions to ponder Dunroving, thanks. I might be better off in the UK, but I have a penchant for adventure and it's the first job I've been offered

Knightrunner

I know how you feel, If I didn't have the support of my wife, I don't think I would have been able to remain in Spain passed the first year. I don't think anyone would be able to make it alone in a foreign country. But there are lots of expat groups in most countries that you could get involved with for support.
Which country is the job offer in?

On the road again

Me thinks you have a disease. The wonder lust disease. It's a chronic disease that especially effects the mind. I.e. you quickly forget all the hard times you experienced and you start looking at the horizon again and wondering what's over it...

You say you were tired and worn out from your fiji adventure but still you were looking abroad for jobs LOL. You have it bad.

I felt somewhat the same 7 months ago when I came back to the UK. I was worn out and completely drained. And on top of it all the move back did me in also. Felt so beat up I thought I didn't have it in me anymore to move again for the rest of my lift... Fast forward 7 months and I'm looking at packing up and getting out of here.

The only cure that I can see is you have to have kids. Then you're so tired and broke all the time you can't be bothered.

between two worlds

between two worlds

Seriously, MSmithy, I think dunrovin's questions are excellent--if you can tease out whether the problems in Fiji were just Fiji and it would be different elsewhere...and above all, would you miss the connections you have re-established in UK?

MSmithy

Well I think part of the problem was feeling guilty at being far from family, and not being there for the meetups. Also losing touch with old friends. In Fj I found it hard to connect, the colonial history has left a little bit of a mark. The expat scene was quite transient also. Also I was there on my own and was nervous about settling down there permanently. I used to go home once a year although I think twice a year would be better for maintaining connections.

Would it be different elsewhere?? Hmmm, I think it might be similar in a place like say Africa tbh but I do now have the experience of going back home and realise that I need to create my own life wherever I go. Ideally I'd stay in Europe but I am tempted by opportunities in more exotic places. I do have a feeling that I only live once and want to make the most of it and so I lean towards the more challenging opportunities. But burnout is not fun. Also I seem to be bypassing the conventional 'settle down at this age, have kids at this age' thing.

It's been difficult going back and am finding it hard explaining myself in job interviews. Everyone just asks 'why did you leave fiji?!'. My profile is more suited to job applications abroad. I feel like I don't know if I'm coming or going. I would probably have to change career to stay in the UK, but could get a job abroad without retraining so it seems like the easy option. It might be different moving abroad again, I might be able to deal with it better next time.
Have many others done the yo-yo thing of going back abroad?? How was it?

dunroving

Come up with a good answer, and use it. You don't need to lie, but then in an interview you have to have a more convincing answer than "I'm not really sure", or whatever answer you are currently giving.

I was asked a similar question in my current job interview (i.e., "How do we know you won't just leave in 12 months?"). All five interview panel members nodded their heads wisely when this was asked.

Ironically, within 12 months the person who asked the question had left the university, as well as two of the other four members of the interview panel. At least two of the three must have known at the time they were leaving, in fact one of them handed in his notice before I even had the chance to start the job!

Knightrunner

Just my curiosity, but do you remember what your answer was when they asked you?

dunroving

It was the first question I was asked. Something along the lines of "Yes, from your record, you have accomplished a lot but you have moved around a lot" (actually, 4 jobs in 10 years). Then came the part essentially expressing concern about how long I'd be there if I was offered the position.

From memory, I gave practical, plausible reasons for each move and then reiterated why I was interested in the current position I was interviewing for. The job I was in at the time was essentially temporary, which made the move an obvious one.

Also, at the end of the interview, they asked the classic "Is there anything else you want to ask, or add?" and I reiterated something like "I have no plans at all to move on from this position".

When it boils down to it, we all know peole who move on within months and in my experience it often isn't part of a pettern.