Back home, and it's heaven!
Aug 4th 2022, 12:51 am
#16
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: North East Ohio, USA
Posts: 1,933
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
Yes, we never went back once. After working a few years for a man who became a kind of mentor to us, we were able to start and run businesses for most of the time we've been here, and never had a chance to go back. My parents came out many times to see us, and my wife's parents moved to New Zealand. They came here as well. All but my wife's mum are gone now. We go to New Zealand once a year to see her and my wife's sister, except recently because of COVID.
In July of 2020, I received a text from a cousin of mine who lives in France. She heard through some other family members that my sister had died in Brighton. As her only living relative it fell to me, to go back and sort out her estate. We lost touch many years ago and hadn't spoken for probably 30 years. Well, she was a hoarder and a hermit, and didn't leave a will, so I had to go to Brighton, get a solicitor to do the probate, get a house clearance company to empty the house, and it turned out to be a huge ordeal, what with the pandemic. Her body wasn't found for 8 weeks, so you can imagine (hopefully you can't) the stench in that house. The Police had broken down the front door, and removed what was left of my sister, and I had to get a hazmat team to come in and remove her bed, and mattress, bedding etc. Horrible. The neighbors became concerned when the smell coming from the house was really strong and called the police. I had to give DNA at Brighton police station to show that I was actually related to my sister, and attend the inquest which only lasted an hour, because of the circumstances. It was pretty much cut and dried. She took a massive amount of sleeping pills and left a message on her phone telling of her wish to die. She worked at Sussex university, and local hospitals most of her life, and we were able to inherit all of her private pensions. We sold the house in Brighton, and paid all the inheritance tax which was owed. I let the house clearance guy keep everything in the house. There were things left over from 4 generations who lived there. There was no trash, but a lot of arts and craft materials, hundreds of DVD's and thousands of books. A 4 story house full of "stuff". My great grandparents bought that house in 1900 for three hundred pounds, then it was handed down through the years, and my sister ended up with it. My parents or grandparents never mortgaged it, or took out loans on it, so It was free and clear. My mum was born in that house, and died there too.
Anyway, I went to Brighton on my own and stayed on the seafront in a guest house. When I wasn't trying to sort out house clearance company, or a real estate company to sell the house, or going through my sister's papers to see how she lived, and a thousand other things, I walked around Brighton and Hove like I did as a teenager. It was GREAT !!!! I thoroughly enjoyed myself, despite the circumstances. The only huge difference I noticed was that there were way more people, mostly students. Most of the shops were different, but the skeleton of the place is completely unchanged. Same pubs, same streets, same seafront. There were a lot of homeless people which is a real shame. The temperature was high 80's low 90's, which never happened when I was a lad. 75 degrees and that was the end of the world.........except the summer of 1976. Even some of my favorite hang outs were still operating. I actually cried with joy when I was walking through some of the streets where my girlfriend and I used to go 45 years or so ago. I must have looked really silly as a 60 year old man with tears running down my cheeks. It was a very emotional trip for me. More than I could ever have imagined when I stepped on that plane in Las Vegas. I really had no idea how I would react.
I met my wife Lisa, in Brighton in 1977 and we were married in Las Vegas in 1981. She was 16 and I was 17 when we met. She's from Brighton as well. I'm 63 now and she is 62, and we live in Meadview, Arizona, about 100 miles from Las Vegas. We have a daughter and son-in-law who started of in California, married in Las Vegas, then to Colorado, and now his work has moved him to Florida. We're now retired having sold our last business, and now we are planning our return to England. I used to go to Cornwall and The Isle of Wight a lot as a kid, on family getaways. Sometimes just for the day, and sometimes for a week or so. I loved it so much, and now we'd like to move to one of those places. I have had enough of living here in the desert, and want to be near the sea again. Arizona seems to get hotter and hotter every year, with less and less rainfall and winter storms coming in from the Pacific. In 1983, Lake Mead was full to overflowing, and it was a spectacular sight to see the water coming over the spillways. Now, we live 5 minutes from Lake Mead, and it's less than 30% full, a truly sorry sight. We lived in Orange County, California between 1980 and 2005, but moving back there is unthinkable now. I have a very strong feeling that I have to go home. I can't explain it but it's on my mind all the time now. We are starting the process by selling a lot of stuff we'll never need again. I don't think it'll be a walk in the park, but we have to do it. Lisa is in the same frame of mind, and can't wait to get back either. When I was back there, I ate so many sausage rolls and Fish and Chips, and ice cream from vans along the seafront, It's amazing I don't weigh 400 lbs!!!
In July of 2020, I received a text from a cousin of mine who lives in France. She heard through some other family members that my sister had died in Brighton. As her only living relative it fell to me, to go back and sort out her estate. We lost touch many years ago and hadn't spoken for probably 30 years. Well, she was a hoarder and a hermit, and didn't leave a will, so I had to go to Brighton, get a solicitor to do the probate, get a house clearance company to empty the house, and it turned out to be a huge ordeal, what with the pandemic. Her body wasn't found for 8 weeks, so you can imagine (hopefully you can't) the stench in that house. The Police had broken down the front door, and removed what was left of my sister, and I had to get a hazmat team to come in and remove her bed, and mattress, bedding etc. Horrible. The neighbors became concerned when the smell coming from the house was really strong and called the police. I had to give DNA at Brighton police station to show that I was actually related to my sister, and attend the inquest which only lasted an hour, because of the circumstances. It was pretty much cut and dried. She took a massive amount of sleeping pills and left a message on her phone telling of her wish to die. She worked at Sussex university, and local hospitals most of her life, and we were able to inherit all of her private pensions. We sold the house in Brighton, and paid all the inheritance tax which was owed. I let the house clearance guy keep everything in the house. There were things left over from 4 generations who lived there. There was no trash, but a lot of arts and craft materials, hundreds of DVD's and thousands of books. A 4 story house full of "stuff". My great grandparents bought that house in 1900 for three hundred pounds, then it was handed down through the years, and my sister ended up with it. My parents or grandparents never mortgaged it, or took out loans on it, so It was free and clear. My mum was born in that house, and died there too.
Anyway, I went to Brighton on my own and stayed on the seafront in a guest house. When I wasn't trying to sort out house clearance company, or a real estate company to sell the house, or going through my sister's papers to see how she lived, and a thousand other things, I walked around Brighton and Hove like I did as a teenager. It was GREAT !!!! I thoroughly enjoyed myself, despite the circumstances. The only huge difference I noticed was that there were way more people, mostly students. Most of the shops were different, but the skeleton of the place is completely unchanged. Same pubs, same streets, same seafront. There were a lot of homeless people which is a real shame. The temperature was high 80's low 90's, which never happened when I was a lad. 75 degrees and that was the end of the world.........except the summer of 1976. Even some of my favorite hang outs were still operating. I actually cried with joy when I was walking through some of the streets where my girlfriend and I used to go 45 years or so ago. I must have looked really silly as a 60 year old man with tears running down my cheeks. It was a very emotional trip for me. More than I could ever have imagined when I stepped on that plane in Las Vegas. I really had no idea how I would react.
I met my wife Lisa, in Brighton in 1977 and we were married in Las Vegas in 1981. She was 16 and I was 17 when we met. She's from Brighton as well. I'm 63 now and she is 62, and we live in Meadview, Arizona, about 100 miles from Las Vegas. We have a daughter and son-in-law who started of in California, married in Las Vegas, then to Colorado, and now his work has moved him to Florida. We're now retired having sold our last business, and now we are planning our return to England. I used to go to Cornwall and The Isle of Wight a lot as a kid, on family getaways. Sometimes just for the day, and sometimes for a week or so. I loved it so much, and now we'd like to move to one of those places. I have had enough of living here in the desert, and want to be near the sea again. Arizona seems to get hotter and hotter every year, with less and less rainfall and winter storms coming in from the Pacific. In 1983, Lake Mead was full to overflowing, and it was a spectacular sight to see the water coming over the spillways. Now, we live 5 minutes from Lake Mead, and it's less than 30% full, a truly sorry sight. We lived in Orange County, California between 1980 and 2005, but moving back there is unthinkable now. I have a very strong feeling that I have to go home. I can't explain it but it's on my mind all the time now. We are starting the process by selling a lot of stuff we'll never need again. I don't think it'll be a walk in the park, but we have to do it. Lisa is in the same frame of mind, and can't wait to get back either. When I was back there, I ate so many sausage rolls and Fish and Chips, and ice cream from vans along the seafront, It's amazing I don't weigh 400 lbs!!!
Aug 4th 2022, 1:09 am
#17
Just Joined
Joined: Aug 2021
Posts: 3
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
I managed to get into some laptops she had, and also some journals she kept, and you could see the gradual decline in her mental state. She must have been in a terrible state of mind. I wrote to her many times over the last few years, but no answers. Some of the entries in her books were incredibly sad. She would start off the year on a high note, but by March, it was all over, and then no entries until the next years book. Her writing deteriorated to the point where we couldn't even read it. She had these crazy ranting letters on her computer, to various government agencies, complaining of this and that, which you know would be read by no-one who cares. After my parents died in 2001 and 2004, she took a huge tumble into mental illness. I did offer to help, but heard nothing back from her.
Aug 6th 2022, 3:32 pm
#18
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: NE Ohio
Posts: 71
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
Thx for the thread, I too can relate in April 2021 I returned to the UK after 44 yrs overseas, the last 20 of which were in the US , living in IL n OH, but travelling with work to all 50 states, plus overseas.
sure, things have changed immensely, hopefully completing on a property next week after over 18 months of searching n living for the last 14 months in a virtual live in storage unit.
all the best to everyone with settling back into blighty...
cheers
Glenn
sure, things have changed immensely, hopefully completing on a property next week after over 18 months of searching n living for the last 14 months in a virtual live in storage unit.
all the best to everyone with settling back into blighty...
cheers
Glenn
Aug 10th 2022, 1:51 pm
#19
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 114
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
Yes, we never went back once. After working a few years for a man who became a kind of mentor to us, we were able to start and run businesses for most of the time we've been here, and never had a chance to go back. My parents came out many times to see us, and my wife's parents moved to New Zealand. They came here as well. All but my wife's mum are gone now. We go to New Zealand once a year to see her and my wife's sister, except recently because of COVID.
In July of 2020, I received a text from a cousin of mine who lives in France. She heard through some other family members that my sister had died in Brighton. As her only living relative it fell to me, to go back and sort out her estate. We lost touch many years ago and hadn't spoken for probably 30 years. Well, she was a hoarder and a hermit, and didn't leave a will, so I had to go to Brighton, get a solicitor to do the probate, get a house clearance company to empty the house, and it turned out to be a huge ordeal, what with the pandemic. Her body wasn't found for 8 weeks, so you can imagine (hopefully you can't) the stench in that house. The Police had broken down the front door, and removed what was left of my sister, and I had to get a hazmat team to come in and remove her bed, and mattress, bedding etc. Horrible. The neighbors became concerned when the smell coming from the house was really strong and called the police. I had to give DNA at Brighton police station to show that I was actually related to my sister, and attend the inquest which only lasted an hour, because of the circumstances. It was pretty much cut and dried. She took a massive amount of sleeping pills and left a message on her phone telling of her wish to die. She worked at Sussex university, and local hospitals most of her life, and we were able to inherit all of her private pensions. We sold the house in Brighton, and paid all the inheritance tax which was owed. I let the house clearance guy keep everything in the house. There were things left over from 4 generations who lived there. There was no trash, but a lot of arts and craft materials, hundreds of DVD's and thousands of books. A 4 story house full of "stuff". My great grandparents bought that house in 1900 for three hundred pounds, then it was handed down through the years, and my sister ended up with it. My parents or grandparents never mortgaged it, or took out loans on it, so It was free and clear. My mum was born in that house, and died there too.
Anyway, I went to Brighton on my own and stayed on the seafront in a guest house. When I wasn't trying to sort out house clearance company, or a real estate company to sell the house, or going through my sister's papers to see how she lived, and a thousand other things, I walked around Brighton and Hove like I did as a teenager. It was GREAT !!!! I thoroughly enjoyed myself, despite the circumstances. The only huge difference I noticed was that there were way more people, mostly students. Most of the shops were different, but the skeleton of the place is completely unchanged. Same pubs, same streets, same seafront. There were a lot of homeless people which is a real shame. The temperature was high 80's low 90's, which never happened when I was a lad. 75 degrees and that was the end of the world.........except the summer of 1976. Even some of my favorite hang outs were still operating. I actually cried with joy when I was walking through some of the streets where my girlfriend and I used to go 45 years or so ago. I must have looked really silly as a 60 year old man with tears running down my cheeks. It was a very emotional trip for me. More than I could ever have imagined when I stepped on that plane in Las Vegas. I really had no idea how I would react.
I met my wife Lisa, in Brighton in 1977 and we were married in Las Vegas in 1981. She was 16 and I was 17 when we met. She's from Brighton as well. I'm 63 now and she is 62, and we live in Meadview, Arizona, about 100 miles from Las Vegas. We have a daughter and son-in-law who started of in California, married in Las Vegas, then to Colorado, and now his work has moved him to Florida. We're now retired having sold our last business, and now we are planning our return to England. I used to go to Cornwall and The Isle of Wight a lot as a kid, on family getaways. Sometimes just for the day, and sometimes for a week or so. I loved it so much, and now we'd like to move to one of those places. I have had enough of living here in the desert, and want to be near the sea again. Arizona seems to get hotter and hotter every year, with less and less rainfall and winter storms coming in from the Pacific. In 1983, Lake Mead was full to overflowing, and it was a spectacular sight to see the water coming over the spillways. Now, we live 5 minutes from Lake Mead, and it's less than 30% full, a truly sorry sight. We lived in Orange County, California between 1980 and 2005, but moving back there is unthinkable now. I have a very strong feeling that I have to go home. I can't explain it but it's on my mind all the time now. We are starting the process by selling a lot of stuff we'll never need again. I don't think it'll be a walk in the park, but we have to do it. Lisa is in the same frame of mind, and can't wait to get back either. When I was back there, I ate so many sausage rolls and Fish and Chips, and ice cream from vans along the seafront, It's amazing I don't weigh 400 lbs!!!
In July of 2020, I received a text from a cousin of mine who lives in France. She heard through some other family members that my sister had died in Brighton. As her only living relative it fell to me, to go back and sort out her estate. We lost touch many years ago and hadn't spoken for probably 30 years. Well, she was a hoarder and a hermit, and didn't leave a will, so I had to go to Brighton, get a solicitor to do the probate, get a house clearance company to empty the house, and it turned out to be a huge ordeal, what with the pandemic. Her body wasn't found for 8 weeks, so you can imagine (hopefully you can't) the stench in that house. The Police had broken down the front door, and removed what was left of my sister, and I had to get a hazmat team to come in and remove her bed, and mattress, bedding etc. Horrible. The neighbors became concerned when the smell coming from the house was really strong and called the police. I had to give DNA at Brighton police station to show that I was actually related to my sister, and attend the inquest which only lasted an hour, because of the circumstances. It was pretty much cut and dried. She took a massive amount of sleeping pills and left a message on her phone telling of her wish to die. She worked at Sussex university, and local hospitals most of her life, and we were able to inherit all of her private pensions. We sold the house in Brighton, and paid all the inheritance tax which was owed. I let the house clearance guy keep everything in the house. There were things left over from 4 generations who lived there. There was no trash, but a lot of arts and craft materials, hundreds of DVD's and thousands of books. A 4 story house full of "stuff". My great grandparents bought that house in 1900 for three hundred pounds, then it was handed down through the years, and my sister ended up with it. My parents or grandparents never mortgaged it, or took out loans on it, so It was free and clear. My mum was born in that house, and died there too.
Anyway, I went to Brighton on my own and stayed on the seafront in a guest house. When I wasn't trying to sort out house clearance company, or a real estate company to sell the house, or going through my sister's papers to see how she lived, and a thousand other things, I walked around Brighton and Hove like I did as a teenager. It was GREAT !!!! I thoroughly enjoyed myself, despite the circumstances. The only huge difference I noticed was that there were way more people, mostly students. Most of the shops were different, but the skeleton of the place is completely unchanged. Same pubs, same streets, same seafront. There were a lot of homeless people which is a real shame. The temperature was high 80's low 90's, which never happened when I was a lad. 75 degrees and that was the end of the world.........except the summer of 1976. Even some of my favorite hang outs were still operating. I actually cried with joy when I was walking through some of the streets where my girlfriend and I used to go 45 years or so ago. I must have looked really silly as a 60 year old man with tears running down my cheeks. It was a very emotional trip for me. More than I could ever have imagined when I stepped on that plane in Las Vegas. I really had no idea how I would react.
I met my wife Lisa, in Brighton in 1977 and we were married in Las Vegas in 1981. She was 16 and I was 17 when we met. She's from Brighton as well. I'm 63 now and she is 62, and we live in Meadview, Arizona, about 100 miles from Las Vegas. We have a daughter and son-in-law who started of in California, married in Las Vegas, then to Colorado, and now his work has moved him to Florida. We're now retired having sold our last business, and now we are planning our return to England. I used to go to Cornwall and The Isle of Wight a lot as a kid, on family getaways. Sometimes just for the day, and sometimes for a week or so. I loved it so much, and now we'd like to move to one of those places. I have had enough of living here in the desert, and want to be near the sea again. Arizona seems to get hotter and hotter every year, with less and less rainfall and winter storms coming in from the Pacific. In 1983, Lake Mead was full to overflowing, and it was a spectacular sight to see the water coming over the spillways. Now, we live 5 minutes from Lake Mead, and it's less than 30% full, a truly sorry sight. We lived in Orange County, California between 1980 and 2005, but moving back there is unthinkable now. I have a very strong feeling that I have to go home. I can't explain it but it's on my mind all the time now. We are starting the process by selling a lot of stuff we'll never need again. I don't think it'll be a walk in the park, but we have to do it. Lisa is in the same frame of mind, and can't wait to get back either. When I was back there, I ate so many sausage rolls and Fish and Chips, and ice cream from vans along the seafront, It's amazing I don't weigh 400 lbs!!!
I really related to your emotional experience in Brighton. I was born in Brighton in 1967 and left to come to the US when I was 20. I lived in Las Vegas for the first 10 years and absolutely loved it, ah, the peace and beauty of the desert! I then moved to Florida and have spent 25 years here. I pretty much hated it from the moment I arrived but relationships and my partner's business have kept me here. We've finally come to the conclusion that it's "my time" and we're planning to move back to Brighton. She "likes" Brighton but isn't in love with it as I am. Like you, I have those memories which get me choked up. I'm especially drawn to the Palace Pier (I refuse to call it the Brighton Pier!) and Gardener Street and the whole area around the Royal Pavilion and museums as that's where my sister and I got dumped by my parents when they went to the pub for hours on end!
We're finding taking the plunge and making the move a real struggle though. Firstly, Brighton had really gone downhill. Each trip, it appears more shabby with tons of graffiti. I'm told by my parents that it's not as safe as it once was and that we'd be better off moving to Hove. Homelessness is obviously a huge problem as you can see walking down West Street or any major shopping area. I don't know if I was just blase to these things as a youngster/teenager or if it wasn't such an issue then? As a teenager I was fearless but as a 55 year old, I don't have that shield of armor and the arthritis in my knees and general poor health reminds me that I couldn't fight my way out of a paper bag!
My parents are also constantly telling me that the NHS is horrible and "why would you want to move back!?" I already have anxiety and don't need to hear these things. They tell me their stories about poor treatment by staff and I compare it to the amazing service I get now under my health insurance. It gives me pause. I just don't know what to do.
We currently live in a a 2000 sq. foot house and our budget in Brighton or Hove would get us a 600 sq. foot flat; it would take a lot of adjustment especially as my partner has a hard time getting rid of things and can make an emotional attachment to anything! I could move with the clothes on my back, one suitcase and wing it! I wonder if we should move to another part of England with a better cost of living, but then I'd still be missing Brighton and wouldn't be "home."
I'd love another perspective other than the negativity I get from my parents!
Aug 10th 2022, 3:43 pm
#20
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,814
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
Firstly, so sorry to hear about your sister's tumble into mental illness; as someone's who's had first hand experience with depression and and anxiety I realize how lucky I was to have my partner to "catch me" and keep me afloat when things got really dire. We made a pact 15 years ago that suicide wasn't an option and because of that pact, I owe her my life.
I really related to your emotional experience in Brighton. I was born in Brighton in 1967 and left to come to the US when I was 20. I lived in Las Vegas for the first 10 years and absolutely loved it, ah, the peace and beauty of the desert! I then moved to Florida and have spent 25 years here. I pretty much hated it from the moment I arrived but relationships and my partner's business have kept me here. We've finally come to the conclusion that it's "my time" and we're planning to move back to Brighton. She "likes" Brighton but isn't in love with it as I am. Like you, I have those memories which get me choked up. I'm especially drawn to the Palace Pier (I refuse to call it the Brighton Pier!) and Gardener Street and the whole area around the Royal Pavilion and museums as that's where my sister and I got dumped by my parents when they went to the pub for hours on end!
We're finding taking the plunge and making the move a real struggle though. Firstly, Brighton had really gone downhill. Each trip, it appears more shabby with tons of graffiti. I'm told by my parents that it's not as safe as it once was and that we'd be better off moving to Hove. Homelessness is obviously a huge problem as you can see walking down West Street or any major shopping area. I don't know if I was just blase to these things as a youngster/teenager or if it wasn't such an issue then? As a teenager I was fearless but as a 55 year old, I don't have that shield of armor and the arthritis in my knees and general poor health reminds me that I couldn't fight my way out of a paper bag!
My parents are also constantly telling me that the NHS is horrible and "why would you want to move back!?" I already have anxiety and don't need to hear these things. They tell me their stories about poor treatment by staff and I compare it to the amazing service I get now under my health insurance. It gives me pause. I just don't know what to do.
We currently live in a a 2000 sq. foot house and our budget in Brighton or Hove would get us a 600 sq. foot flat; it would take a lot of adjustment especially as my partner has a hard time getting rid of things and can make an emotional attachment to anything! I could move with the clothes on my back, one suitcase and wing it! I wonder if we should move to another part of England with a better cost of living, but then I'd still be missing Brighton and wouldn't be "home."
I'd love another perspective other than the negativity I get from my parents!
I really related to your emotional experience in Brighton. I was born in Brighton in 1967 and left to come to the US when I was 20. I lived in Las Vegas for the first 10 years and absolutely loved it, ah, the peace and beauty of the desert! I then moved to Florida and have spent 25 years here. I pretty much hated it from the moment I arrived but relationships and my partner's business have kept me here. We've finally come to the conclusion that it's "my time" and we're planning to move back to Brighton. She "likes" Brighton but isn't in love with it as I am. Like you, I have those memories which get me choked up. I'm especially drawn to the Palace Pier (I refuse to call it the Brighton Pier!) and Gardener Street and the whole area around the Royal Pavilion and museums as that's where my sister and I got dumped by my parents when they went to the pub for hours on end!
We're finding taking the plunge and making the move a real struggle though. Firstly, Brighton had really gone downhill. Each trip, it appears more shabby with tons of graffiti. I'm told by my parents that it's not as safe as it once was and that we'd be better off moving to Hove. Homelessness is obviously a huge problem as you can see walking down West Street or any major shopping area. I don't know if I was just blase to these things as a youngster/teenager or if it wasn't such an issue then? As a teenager I was fearless but as a 55 year old, I don't have that shield of armor and the arthritis in my knees and general poor health reminds me that I couldn't fight my way out of a paper bag!
My parents are also constantly telling me that the NHS is horrible and "why would you want to move back!?" I already have anxiety and don't need to hear these things. They tell me their stories about poor treatment by staff and I compare it to the amazing service I get now under my health insurance. It gives me pause. I just don't know what to do.
We currently live in a a 2000 sq. foot house and our budget in Brighton or Hove would get us a 600 sq. foot flat; it would take a lot of adjustment especially as my partner has a hard time getting rid of things and can make an emotional attachment to anything! I could move with the clothes on my back, one suitcase and wing it! I wonder if we should move to another part of England with a better cost of living, but then I'd still be missing Brighton and wouldn't be "home."
I'd love another perspective other than the negativity I get from my parents!
After nearly 20 years in Australia, I can't wait to actually retire and move back there.
Aug 10th 2022, 3:59 pm
#21
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 114
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
I went to Brighton as a student, back in the 1980s, fell in love with the city, and with a fellow student, and ended up spending 20 years there. Been back to visit several times, and although there are seedy areas, drug problems, beggars etc I don't see that its too much worse than when I left. Its got its problems, but what city hasn't, especially with such an eclectic population. It hasn't changed that much over the years, most pubs are still there, the Pier, the remains of the West Pier, that wonderful pebbly beach.
After nearly 20 years in Australia, I can't wait to actually retire and move back there.
After nearly 20 years in Australia, I can't wait to actually retire and move back there.
Aug 10th 2022, 4:37 pm
#22
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,139
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
Firstly, so sorry to hear about your sister's tumble into mental illness; as someone's who's had first hand experience with depression and and anxiety I realize how lucky I was to have my partner to "catch me" and keep me afloat when things got really dire. We made a pact 15 years ago that suicide wasn't an option and because of that pact, I owe her my life.
I really related to your emotional experience in Brighton. I was born in Brighton in 1967 and left to come to the US when I was 20. I lived in Las Vegas for the first 10 years and absolutely loved it, ah, the peace and beauty of the desert! I then moved to Florida and have spent 25 years here. I pretty much hated it from the moment I arrived but relationships and my partner's business have kept me here. We've finally come to the conclusion that it's "my time" and we're planning to move back to Brighton. She "likes" Brighton but isn't in love with it as I am. Like you, I have those memories which get me choked up. I'm especially drawn to the Palace Pier (I refuse to call it the Brighton Pier!) and Gardener Street and the whole area around the Royal Pavilion and museums as that's where my sister and I got dumped by my parents when they went to the pub for hours on end!
We're finding taking the plunge and making the move a real struggle though. Firstly, Brighton had really gone downhill. Each trip, it appears more shabby with tons of graffiti. I'm told by my parents that it's not as safe as it once was and that we'd be better off moving to Hove. Homelessness is obviously a huge problem as you can see walking down West Street or any major shopping area. I don't know if I was just blase to these things as a youngster/teenager or if it wasn't such an issue then? As a teenager I was fearless but as a 55 year old, I don't have that shield of armor and the arthritis in my knees and general poor health reminds me that I couldn't fight my way out of a paper bag!
My parents are also constantly telling me that the NHS is horrible and "why would you want to move back!?" I already have anxiety and don't need to hear these things. They tell me their stories about poor treatment by staff and I compare it to the amazing service I get now under my health insurance. It gives me pause. I just don't know what to do.
We currently live in a a 2000 sq. foot house and our budget in Brighton or Hove would get us a 600 sq. foot flat; it would take a lot of adjustment especially as my partner has a hard time getting rid of things and can make an emotional attachment to anything! I could move with the clothes on my back, one suitcase and wing it! I wonder if we should move to another part of England with a better cost of living, but then I'd still be missing Brighton and wouldn't be "home."
I'd love another perspective other than the negativity I get from my parents!
I really related to your emotional experience in Brighton. I was born in Brighton in 1967 and left to come to the US when I was 20. I lived in Las Vegas for the first 10 years and absolutely loved it, ah, the peace and beauty of the desert! I then moved to Florida and have spent 25 years here. I pretty much hated it from the moment I arrived but relationships and my partner's business have kept me here. We've finally come to the conclusion that it's "my time" and we're planning to move back to Brighton. She "likes" Brighton but isn't in love with it as I am. Like you, I have those memories which get me choked up. I'm especially drawn to the Palace Pier (I refuse to call it the Brighton Pier!) and Gardener Street and the whole area around the Royal Pavilion and museums as that's where my sister and I got dumped by my parents when they went to the pub for hours on end!
We're finding taking the plunge and making the move a real struggle though. Firstly, Brighton had really gone downhill. Each trip, it appears more shabby with tons of graffiti. I'm told by my parents that it's not as safe as it once was and that we'd be better off moving to Hove. Homelessness is obviously a huge problem as you can see walking down West Street or any major shopping area. I don't know if I was just blase to these things as a youngster/teenager or if it wasn't such an issue then? As a teenager I was fearless but as a 55 year old, I don't have that shield of armor and the arthritis in my knees and general poor health reminds me that I couldn't fight my way out of a paper bag!
My parents are also constantly telling me that the NHS is horrible and "why would you want to move back!?" I already have anxiety and don't need to hear these things. They tell me their stories about poor treatment by staff and I compare it to the amazing service I get now under my health insurance. It gives me pause. I just don't know what to do.
We currently live in a a 2000 sq. foot house and our budget in Brighton or Hove would get us a 600 sq. foot flat; it would take a lot of adjustment especially as my partner has a hard time getting rid of things and can make an emotional attachment to anything! I could move with the clothes on my back, one suitcase and wing it! I wonder if we should move to another part of England with a better cost of living, but then I'd still be missing Brighton and wouldn't be "home."
I'd love another perspective other than the negativity I get from my parents!
Brighton's not going to be the same as you remember when you move back, because you're not the same. You're going to be looking at it, experiencing it, and living in it as a 55 year old instead of as a child and a teenager. That's not to say that you won't like living there, I'm just saying that memories are just that - they're in the past. If you go back, go because the place will give you what you need to live a happy life now.
Rent first, don't buy. A standard 6 - 12 month tenancy will give you a good idea if Brighton's where you want to be.
I'm assuming that you have US citizenship, if not, getting that before you go will make it much easier to return if things don't work out.
Just a few random things for you to consider (or not!). I really hope that wherever you end up, it's a place where you and your partner are happy and comfortable.
Aug 10th 2022, 5:15 pm
#23
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jun 2015
Location: France
Posts: 862
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
Firstly, so sorry to hear about your sister's tumble into mental illness; as someone's who's had first hand experience with depression and and anxiety I realize how lucky I was to have my partner to "catch me" and keep me afloat when things got really dire. We made a pact 15 years ago that suicide wasn't an option and because of that pact, I owe her my life.
I really related to your emotional experience in Brighton. I was born in Brighton in 1967 and left to come to the US when I was 20. I lived in Las Vegas for the first 10 years and absolutely loved it, ah, the peace and beauty of the desert! I then moved to Florida and have spent 25 years here. I pretty much hated it from the moment I arrived but relationships and my partner's business have kept me here. We've finally come to the conclusion that it's "my time" and we're planning to move back to Brighton. She "likes" Brighton but isn't in love with it as I am. Like you, I have those memories which get me choked up. I'm especially drawn to the Palace Pier (I refuse to call it the Brighton Pier!) and Gardener Street and the whole area around the Royal Pavilion and museums as that's where my sister and I got dumped by my parents when they went to the pub for hours on end!
We're finding taking the plunge and making the move a real struggle though. Firstly, Brighton had really gone downhill. Each trip, it appears more shabby with tons of graffiti. I'm told by my parents that it's not as safe as it once was and that we'd be better off moving to Hove. Homelessness is obviously a huge problem as you can see walking down West Street or any major shopping area. I don't know if I was just blase to these things as a youngster/teenager or if it wasn't such an issue then? As a teenager I was fearless but as a 55 year old, I don't have that shield of armor and the arthritis in my knees and general poor health reminds me that I couldn't fight my way out of a paper bag!
My parents are also constantly telling me that the NHS is horrible and "why would you want to move back!?" I already have anxiety and don't need to hear these things. They tell me their stories about poor treatment by staff and I compare it to the amazing service I get now under my health insurance. It gives me pause. I just don't know what to do.
We currently live in a a 2000 sq. foot house and our budget in Brighton or Hove would get us a 600 sq. foot flat; it would take a lot of adjustment especially as my partner has a hard time getting rid of things and can make an emotional attachment to anything! I could move with the clothes on my back, one suitcase and wing it! I wonder if we should move to another part of England with a better cost of living, but then I'd still be missing Brighton and wouldn't be "home."
I'd love another perspective other than the negativity I get from my parents!
I really related to your emotional experience in Brighton. I was born in Brighton in 1967 and left to come to the US when I was 20. I lived in Las Vegas for the first 10 years and absolutely loved it, ah, the peace and beauty of the desert! I then moved to Florida and have spent 25 years here. I pretty much hated it from the moment I arrived but relationships and my partner's business have kept me here. We've finally come to the conclusion that it's "my time" and we're planning to move back to Brighton. She "likes" Brighton but isn't in love with it as I am. Like you, I have those memories which get me choked up. I'm especially drawn to the Palace Pier (I refuse to call it the Brighton Pier!) and Gardener Street and the whole area around the Royal Pavilion and museums as that's where my sister and I got dumped by my parents when they went to the pub for hours on end!
We're finding taking the plunge and making the move a real struggle though. Firstly, Brighton had really gone downhill. Each trip, it appears more shabby with tons of graffiti. I'm told by my parents that it's not as safe as it once was and that we'd be better off moving to Hove. Homelessness is obviously a huge problem as you can see walking down West Street or any major shopping area. I don't know if I was just blase to these things as a youngster/teenager or if it wasn't such an issue then? As a teenager I was fearless but as a 55 year old, I don't have that shield of armor and the arthritis in my knees and general poor health reminds me that I couldn't fight my way out of a paper bag!
My parents are also constantly telling me that the NHS is horrible and "why would you want to move back!?" I already have anxiety and don't need to hear these things. They tell me their stories about poor treatment by staff and I compare it to the amazing service I get now under my health insurance. It gives me pause. I just don't know what to do.
We currently live in a a 2000 sq. foot house and our budget in Brighton or Hove would get us a 600 sq. foot flat; it would take a lot of adjustment especially as my partner has a hard time getting rid of things and can make an emotional attachment to anything! I could move with the clothes on my back, one suitcase and wing it! I wonder if we should move to another part of England with a better cost of living, but then I'd still be missing Brighton and wouldn't be "home."
I'd love another perspective other than the negativity I get from my parents!
Can you afford to go private if necessary?
Aug 10th 2022, 5:54 pm
#24
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 114
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
Just a few thoughts.
Brighton's not going to be the same as you remember when you move back, because you're not the same. You're going to be looking at it, experiencing it, and living in it as a 55 year old instead of as a child and a teenager. That's not to say that you won't like living there, I'm just saying that memories are just that - they're in the past. If you go back, go because the place will give you what you need to live a happy life now.
Rent first, don't buy. A standard 6 - 12 month tenancy will give you a good idea if Brighton's where you want to be.
I'm assuming that you have US citizenship, if not, getting that before you go will make it much easier to return if things don't work out.
Just a few random things for you to consider (or not!). I really hope that wherever you end up, it's a place where you and your partner are happy and comfortable.
Brighton's not going to be the same as you remember when you move back, because you're not the same. You're going to be looking at it, experiencing it, and living in it as a 55 year old instead of as a child and a teenager. That's not to say that you won't like living there, I'm just saying that memories are just that - they're in the past. If you go back, go because the place will give you what you need to live a happy life now.
Rent first, don't buy. A standard 6 - 12 month tenancy will give you a good idea if Brighton's where you want to be.
I'm assuming that you have US citizenship, if not, getting that before you go will make it much easier to return if things don't work out.
Just a few random things for you to consider (or not!). I really hope that wherever you end up, it's a place where you and your partner are happy and comfortable.
Aug 10th 2022, 6:06 pm
#25
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 114
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
Are you and your partner in a position to go back for a trial run? ie stay in an Airbnb for a few months and get talking to people (other than your Mum and Dad)? I wouldn't be too quick to dismiss your parents' warnings about the state of the NHS. Especially if you're used to great service and have health problems. Waiting times to see specialists are long and often consultations with GPs are done by telephone, which is not always very satisfactory.
Can you afford to go private if necessary?
Can you afford to go private if necessary?
I think my parents have valid points about the NHS. I very much respect the system and safety net that the NHS provides for the UK citizen. I'm appalled by the callousness of the US system where a few hospital stays can bankrupt a person if they aren't fortunate enough to have health insurance for one reason or another, but I won't allow myself started to get wound up about the subject!
I won't dismiss my parents' warnings about the NHS; we plan to budget for a private plan to give us a little more choice and to ease us into the system - as I do have some health concerns. Thanks!
Aug 11th 2022, 5:01 am
#26
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jun 2015
Location: France
Posts: 862
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
Well, best of luck with everything.
I follow a blog by a guy who lives in Brighton - he's currently in France where he spends 3 months a year but after decades living full-time in France he and his wife made the choice to return to Brighton because they find it a lot more fun than France. I reckon he's not wrong! Here's the link in case you're interested:
https://magnonsmeanderings.blogspot.com/
I follow a blog by a guy who lives in Brighton - he's currently in France where he spends 3 months a year but after decades living full-time in France he and his wife made the choice to return to Brighton because they find it a lot more fun than France. I reckon he's not wrong! Here's the link in case you're interested:
https://magnonsmeanderings.blogspot.com/
Aug 11th 2022, 12:55 pm
#27
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,814
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
That's what I love about it ... it's so eclectic and accepting of everyone! When you say "seedy areas," which are those areas these days? My Dad tells me Kemptown is now a dodgy area, even though it's one of my favourites and where I moved to after leaving school at 16. I really want to be close the pier but those streets look shabby and areas such as the Lanes of west of it are too expensive. That's why I was thinking Hove was a better idea?
I'd love to be near the sea, but I suspect it will be a fair bit further west than the Pier, and the Lanes as you say are also very pricey. Hove is a fair bit cheaper, and if you go as far as Portslade, its a bit cheaper again. I lived in Portslade for a while, and would certainly go back there. The other area I like is Fiveways where I had a flat for several years, further from the sea, but the buses are good and trains not far away.
Yes, I'm the UK citizen and I'll be applying for a visa for my partner. I do appreciate what you're saying about memories being in the past. It's time to create new ones. We plan to rent for 6-12 months first to be certain we check out all areas before buying. (We took a vacation in June and stayed at an AirBNB in Seaford along the coast and discovered it was way too far from Brighton so at least we've ruled that out!) I was thinking of renting in Hove and giving that a try instead of Brighton. We don't plan to drive so buses and Ubers will do the trick to get me to the pier when it calls out to me!
Are you signed up to any of the property sites? I get emails from onthemarket.com and rightmove.com which is giving me an idea of what is around, and current prices.
Last edited by Pollyana; Aug 11th 2022 at 12:58 pm.
Aug 11th 2022, 3:24 pm
#28
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 114
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
I think we're going to have to open up our search further west and inland towards Fiveways/Preston park area, as much as I don't really want to because I'm a creature of habit! I am signed up on Rightmove but have never heard of onthemarket so I'll check that out - thanks.
Aug 11th 2022, 5:42 pm
#29
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,814
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
I think we're going to have to open up our search further west and inland towards Fiveways/Preston park area, as much as I don't really want to because I'm a creature of habit! I am signed up on Rightmove but have never heard of onthemarket so I'll check that out - thanks.
I'm less familiar with Hove, but the streets between New Church Road and the seafront are pretty good, and shouldn't be too pricey - that gets you the sea, if not the Pier! All of that area bounded by Sackville Road/Portland Road/Station Road/Seafront has a fairly good reputation.
Aug 29th 2022, 10:17 pm
#30
Just Joined
Joined: Aug 2022
Posts: 6
Re: Back home, and it's heaven!
Hi everyone, we've been back in the UK now for nearly 16 months. During 12 years in the USA I didn't think I ever really felt homesick but it wasn't until I was back that I realised that I had been. We've moved to Somerset, an area where neither of us had any history or association, it's proved to be a great decision. We purchased a home sight unseen (only via facetime), which we're very happy with, and we've been welcomed with open arms and are fortunate enough to have wonderful neighbours.
The stress of the moving back process, plus pandemic travel, plus cat transportation has now passed (it stayed with us for quite a while), and with the warm spring we're currently enjoying we've been able to get out and about a bit more exploring our county, and it's outstandingly beautiful. This was our last move, and that in itself feels like a great comfort.
We've got a great local doctors surgery, efficient NHS (yes! I was surprised too after all the negative comments I'd read), 10 minutes walk from the "High St", choice of 5 supermarkets and two great chippies to choose from. Our favourite chippie knew our names and remembered our regular order after the first three weeks of being back
, only a small thing, but made us feel great lol. We are a small town of only 9500 people, but our facilities are fantastic.
I recognise of course, that being newly retired, I'm living my best relatively stress free life! It would be entirely different if I had to look for work and endure 40 hrs in the office with a busy commute. However, for us, it's been the best decision ever to return!
Lastly, a word of thanks to all the forum experts who answered questions when asked. Much appreciated.
Best wishes to all.
The stress of the moving back process, plus pandemic travel, plus cat transportation has now passed (it stayed with us for quite a while), and with the warm spring we're currently enjoying we've been able to get out and about a bit more exploring our county, and it's outstandingly beautiful. This was our last move, and that in itself feels like a great comfort.
We've got a great local doctors surgery, efficient NHS (yes! I was surprised too after all the negative comments I'd read), 10 minutes walk from the "High St", choice of 5 supermarkets and two great chippies to choose from. Our favourite chippie knew our names and remembered our regular order after the first three weeks of being back
, only a small thing, but made us feel great lol. We are a small town of only 9500 people, but our facilities are fantastic.I recognise of course, that being newly retired, I'm living my best relatively stress free life! It would be entirely different if I had to look for work and endure 40 hrs in the office with a busy commute. However, for us, it's been the best decision ever to return!
Lastly, a word of thanks to all the forum experts who answered questions when asked. Much appreciated.
Best wishes to all.
A big thanks to those forum experts for amazing advise this place they have dished out and while I'm more of a reader and not an advice giver (until today that is) it has made the move a lot less stressful that it already is.