Back but struggling
Feb 1st 2014, 11:11 am
#31
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Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Back in the UK!
Posts: 2,404
Re: Back but struggling
Feb 2nd 2014, 5:48 am
#34
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Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Canberra
Posts: 8,378
Re: Back but struggling
Sounds like you have a bad dose of curse of the expat! Once you have got the taste for adventure it never really leaves you and the mundane can seem really that - mundane! I think it is the "forever-ness" that makes life hard, no matter where you end up. I can see the issue of career prospects being better in another place and the pragmatist in me says follow the money when you are young. That's all fine and dandy if it's just the two adults in the picture but now you have kids - and in your case, kids who have been badly burned by your last move from the sound of it - then you do have to factor in what is best for the kids. Some kids are more resilient than others and only you know how your kids would cope with another move, but you do get to a point where it is no longer viable to be trekking them all over the world.
One first world country is very much like any other really and you can make your own adventure!
One first world country is very much like any other really and you can make your own adventure!
Feb 2nd 2014, 8:18 am
#35
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Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 59
Re: Back but struggling
Sounds like you have a bad dose of curse of the expat! Once you have got the taste for adventure it never really leaves you and the mundane can seem really that - mundane! I think it is the "forever-ness" that makes life hard, no matter where you end up. I can see the issue of career prospects being better in another place and the pragmatist in me says follow the money when you are young. That's all fine and dandy if it's just the two adults in the picture but now you have kids - and in your case, kids who have been badly burned by your last move from the sound of it - then you do have to factor in what is best for the kids. Some kids are more resilient than others and only you know how your kids would cope with another move, but you do get to a point where it is no longer viable to be trekking them all over the world.
One first world country is very much like any other really and you can make your own adventure!
One first world country is very much like any other really and you can make your own adventure!
Part of me thinks I don't want the kids to have only that one bad experience of living overseas and I don't want them to grow up being scared of trying new things. I guess in a way I feel we need to set things right but having a very positive experience of it. It wasn't all bad. Actually it's important to note that because I obviously focussed in my original post on all the cr*p that happened. We had some great holidays and saw some amazing things and met some interesting people and friends they are still in touch with. We have some very amusing memories and we have all grown from the experience. We are certainly stronger as a family unit.We will just have to see what happens. Thank you.
Last edited by Pupsiecola; Feb 2nd 2014 at 8:22 am.
Feb 2nd 2014, 4:34 pm
#38
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Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,212
Re: Back but struggling
Sounds like you have a bad dose of curse of the expat! Once you have got the taste for adventure it never really leaves you and the mundane can seem really that - mundane! I think it is the "forever-ness" that makes life hard, no matter where you end up. I can see the issue of career prospects being better in another place and the pragmatist in me says follow the money when you are young. That's all fine and dandy if it's just the two adults in the picture but now you have kids - and in your case, kids who have been badly burned by your last move from the sound of it - then you do have to factor in what is best for the kids. Some kids are more resilient than others and only you know how your kids would cope with another move, but you do get to a point where it is no longer viable to be trekking them all over the world.
One first world country is very much like any other really and you can make your own adventure!
One first world country is very much like any other really and you can make your own adventure!
Mar 1st 2014, 7:10 pm
#39
Finally Home!
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Used to be New York, now North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,610
Re: Back but struggling
BUT, the kids are happy. Youngest DS (8) is healthy and well and sleeping and not biting his nails down to the skin anymore. That is not to be underestimated and not to be repeated at any cost, but how will we know?
I say this because my SIL moved away from England when her kids were 8 and 6. The move damaged them both immensely. Both are now teenagers. One cuts herself and regularly attempts suicide. The other won't speak to anyone except her parents and one friend. Other than that, no conversation.
I know it's hard but I think the kids' happiness comes above everything else. It's what you take on when you become a parent.
Mar 2nd 2014, 12:55 am
#40
Joined: Dec 2001
Location: Dixie, ex UK
Posts: 52,447
Re: Back but struggling
+1. Little Miss P is now half way through first grade in a K-12 school, and is very happy. I would seriously consider removing my right arm before I'd willing move her away from that school.
Mar 2nd 2014, 9:06 am
#41
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Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 59
Re: Back but struggling
Of course when you take on being a parent you want the kids to be happy. That goes without saying. And you also want them to have an interesting, stimulating childhood and life and not be afraid to try new things etc. We had some amazing family adventures - they will never forget the 4 of us jumping off a boat into the clearest waters off Thailand and swimming with fish. Or watching baby orang-outangs being cared for up close in Kota Kinabalu. Or the first time we all went in the sea together and DS2 was hopping about shouting "help, I'm being attacked by sea lettuce" (seaweed - still cracks us up now). Or the good friends they made from Japan and Korea whom they are still in touch with now. DS1 would never have started to learn Mandarin and is still learning it here with a weekly lesson. He really enjoys it and who knows what doors that may open up for HIM…
The boys are proud of their time overseas. They often tell people "oh when we lived in Asia we went to Langkawi and went in a bat cave and on a boat to see a fish farm...". They say it makes them feel special, that they’ve done something different.
And there was/can be a financial benefit too, again thinking of the children's future. Sure, money doesn't buy happiness but it does give you choices, and with university fees and property prices etc. this was in our mind too - to be able to help the children later in life when it's really going to be needed. Not at the expense of their happiness now of course - we had no idea school would be such an issue over there or we would never have gone to that particular region.
Perhaps I have stressed the negative experience of school for the purpose of this post but it wasn't all bad of course. We would never want to jeopardise their happiness at school again but at the same time I find it hard to believe that there is only one country on the planet with a school that they're happy at. Plenty of people move overseas and it works out well.
DS1 is 11 and I wouldn't move him ages 14, 15 etc. But then the other day he astounded us by saying he doesn't want to live in the UK forever, he'd like to try another country (this was not prompted by us).
It's really not as simple as "kids happy in school let's stay here forever". And we certainly don’t want the previous experience to stop them doing anything out of the ordinary in the future.
We didn't just do it for us parents. We did it to do something amazing as a family and in many ways it was amazing. They've learnt so much from it and it's enriched their lives in lots of ways. We’re also so strong as a family unit now too.
As it happens since my original post things have got a lot better. DH has been moved into another area at work and is enjoying it more (more exciting clients) and I've made more friends (didn't know anyone here). The kids have got some great friends and everything feels much more settled (they say it takes a year, and I hadn't appreciated that meant settling somewhere new in your home country too). We don't have that sense of urgency about needing to go off again any time soon. We've left it that we won't seek out an opportunity abroad. If and when (and it will most likely be when) an opportunity comes our way we will all consider it and make a decision as a family. We even wonder if it's something we'll do once the kids are school leaving age - they may be off living their own lives. They may want to come with us. It will be a lot easier without schools to get right.
The boys are proud of their time overseas. They often tell people "oh when we lived in Asia we went to Langkawi and went in a bat cave and on a boat to see a fish farm...". They say it makes them feel special, that they’ve done something different.
And there was/can be a financial benefit too, again thinking of the children's future. Sure, money doesn't buy happiness but it does give you choices, and with university fees and property prices etc. this was in our mind too - to be able to help the children later in life when it's really going to be needed. Not at the expense of their happiness now of course - we had no idea school would be such an issue over there or we would never have gone to that particular region.
Perhaps I have stressed the negative experience of school for the purpose of this post but it wasn't all bad of course. We would never want to jeopardise their happiness at school again but at the same time I find it hard to believe that there is only one country on the planet with a school that they're happy at. Plenty of people move overseas and it works out well.
DS1 is 11 and I wouldn't move him ages 14, 15 etc. But then the other day he astounded us by saying he doesn't want to live in the UK forever, he'd like to try another country (this was not prompted by us).
It's really not as simple as "kids happy in school let's stay here forever". And we certainly don’t want the previous experience to stop them doing anything out of the ordinary in the future.
We didn't just do it for us parents. We did it to do something amazing as a family and in many ways it was amazing. They've learnt so much from it and it's enriched their lives in lots of ways. We’re also so strong as a family unit now too.
As it happens since my original post things have got a lot better. DH has been moved into another area at work and is enjoying it more (more exciting clients) and I've made more friends (didn't know anyone here). The kids have got some great friends and everything feels much more settled (they say it takes a year, and I hadn't appreciated that meant settling somewhere new in your home country too). We don't have that sense of urgency about needing to go off again any time soon. We've left it that we won't seek out an opportunity abroad. If and when (and it will most likely be when) an opportunity comes our way we will all consider it and make a decision as a family. We even wonder if it's something we'll do once the kids are school leaving age - they may be off living their own lives. They may want to come with us. It will be a lot easier without schools to get right.
Last edited by Pupsiecola; Mar 2nd 2014 at 9:53 am.
Mar 2nd 2014, 10:35 am
#42
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Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,212
Re: Back but struggling
Of course when you take on being a parent you want the kids to be happy. That goes without saying. And you also want them to have an interesting, stimulating childhood and life and not be afraid to try new things etc. We had some amazing family adventures - they will never forget the 4 of us jumping off a boat into the clearest waters off Thailand and swimming with fish. Or watching baby orang-outangs being cared for up close in Kota Kinabalu. Or the first time we all went in the sea together and DS2 was hopping about shouting "help, I'm being attacked by sea lettuce" (seaweed - still cracks us up now). Or the good friends they made from Japan and Korea whom they are still in touch with now. DS1 would never have started to learn Mandarin and is still learning it here with a weekly lesson. He really enjoys it and who knows what doors that may open up for HIM…
The boys are proud of their time overseas. They often tell people "oh when we lived in Asia we went to Langkawi and went in a bat cave and on a boat to see a fish farm...". They say it makes them feel special, that they’ve done something different.
And there was/can be a financial benefit too, again thinking of the children's future. Sure, money doesn't buy happiness but it does give you choices, and with university fees and property prices etc. this was in our mind too - to be able to help the children later in life when it's really going to be needed. Not at the expense of their happiness now of course - we had no idea school would be such an issue over there or we would never have gone to that particular region.
Perhaps I have stressed the negative experience of school for the purpose of this post but it wasn't all bad of course. We would never want to jeopardise their happiness at school again but at the same time I find it hard to believe that there is only one country on the planet with a school that they're happy at. Plenty of people move overseas and it works out well.
DS1 is 11 and I wouldn't move him ages 14, 15 etc. But then the other day he astounded us by saying he doesn't want to live in the UK forever, he'd like to try another country (this was not prompted by us).
It's really not as simple as "kids happy in school let's stay here forever". And we certainly don’t want the previous experience to stop them doing anything out of the ordinary in the future.
We didn't just do it for us parents. We did it to do something amazing as a family and in many ways it was amazing. They've learnt so much from it and it's enriched their lives in lots of ways. We’re also so strong as a family unit now too.
As it happens since my original post things have got a lot better. DH has been moved into another area at work and is enjoying it more (more exciting clients) and I've made more friends (didn't know anyone here). The kids have got some great friends and everything feels much more settled (they say it takes a year, and I hadn't appreciated that meant settling somewhere new in your home country too). We don't have that sense of urgency about needing to go off again any time soon. We've left it that we won't seek out an opportunity abroad. If and when (and it will most likely be when) an opportunity comes our way we will all consider it and make a decision as a family. We even wonder if it's something we'll do once the kids are school leaving age - they may be off living their own lives. They may want to come with us. It will be a lot easier without schools to get right.
The boys are proud of their time overseas. They often tell people "oh when we lived in Asia we went to Langkawi and went in a bat cave and on a boat to see a fish farm...". They say it makes them feel special, that they’ve done something different.
And there was/can be a financial benefit too, again thinking of the children's future. Sure, money doesn't buy happiness but it does give you choices, and with university fees and property prices etc. this was in our mind too - to be able to help the children later in life when it's really going to be needed. Not at the expense of their happiness now of course - we had no idea school would be such an issue over there or we would never have gone to that particular region.
Perhaps I have stressed the negative experience of school for the purpose of this post but it wasn't all bad of course. We would never want to jeopardise their happiness at school again but at the same time I find it hard to believe that there is only one country on the planet with a school that they're happy at. Plenty of people move overseas and it works out well.
DS1 is 11 and I wouldn't move him ages 14, 15 etc. But then the other day he astounded us by saying he doesn't want to live in the UK forever, he'd like to try another country (this was not prompted by us).
It's really not as simple as "kids happy in school let's stay here forever". And we certainly don’t want the previous experience to stop them doing anything out of the ordinary in the future.
We didn't just do it for us parents. We did it to do something amazing as a family and in many ways it was amazing. They've learnt so much from it and it's enriched their lives in lots of ways. We’re also so strong as a family unit now too.
As it happens since my original post things have got a lot better. DH has been moved into another area at work and is enjoying it more (more exciting clients) and I've made more friends (didn't know anyone here). The kids have got some great friends and everything feels much more settled (they say it takes a year, and I hadn't appreciated that meant settling somewhere new in your home country too). We don't have that sense of urgency about needing to go off again any time soon. We've left it that we won't seek out an opportunity abroad. If and when (and it will most likely be when) an opportunity comes our way we will all consider it and make a decision as a family. We even wonder if it's something we'll do once the kids are school leaving age - they may be off living their own lives. They may want to come with us. It will be a lot easier without schools to get right.
Mar 2nd 2014, 10:58 am
#43
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 59
Re: Back but struggling
We have done and experienced wonderful things while overseas but since we have been back home we have continued to do the same, you do not have to live overseas to experience "different" situations. Our two for their ages have travelled the globe but they equally enjoy visiting the UK and Europe which they love I thing more than the other thrills they have seen. Me, I am lucky as from walking our dog and seeing the wildlife on our doorstep to walking around Europe's many wonders I think if you look you can find amazing things anywhere. Glad to hear your feeling settled sometimes its good to have your feet on solid ground now and again.
Mar 2nd 2014, 12:24 pm
#44
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Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,006
Re: Back but struggling
Of course when you take on being a parent you want the kids to be happy. That goes without saying. And you also want them to have an interesting, stimulating childhood and life and not be afraid to try new things etc. We had some amazing family adventures - they will never forget the 4 of us jumping off a boat into the clearest waters off Thailand and swimming with fish. Or watching baby orang-outangs being cared for up close in Kota Kinabalu. Or the first time we all went in the sea together and DS2 was hopping about shouting "help, I'm being attacked by sea lettuce" (seaweed - still cracks us up now). Or the good friends they made from Japan and Korea whom they are still in touch with now. DS1 would never have started to learn Mandarin and is still learning it here with a weekly lesson. He really enjoys it and who knows what doors that may open up for HIM…
The boys are proud of their time overseas. They often tell people "oh when we lived in Asia we went to Langkawi and went in a bat cave and on a boat to see a fish farm...". They say it makes them feel special, that they’ve done something different.
And there was/can be a financial benefit too, again thinking of the children's future. Sure, money doesn't buy happiness but it does give you choices, and with university fees and property prices etc. this was in our mind too - to be able to help the children later in life when it's really going to be needed. Not at the expense of their happiness now of course - we had no idea school would be such an issue over there or we would never have gone to that particular region.
Perhaps I have stressed the negative experience of school for the purpose of this post but it wasn't all bad of course. We would never want to jeopardise their happiness at school again but at the same time I find it hard to believe that there is only one country on the planet with a school that they're happy at. Plenty of people move overseas and it works out well.
DS1 is 11 and I wouldn't move him ages 14, 15 etc. But then the other day he astounded us by saying he doesn't want to live in the UK forever, he'd like to try another country (this was not prompted by us).
It's really not as simple as "kids happy in school let's stay here forever". And we certainly don’t want the previous experience to stop them doing anything out of the ordinary in the future.
We didn't just do it for us parents. We did it to do something amazing as a family and in many ways it was amazing. They've learnt so much from it and it's enriched their lives in lots of ways. We’re also so strong as a family unit now too.
As it happens since my original post things have got a lot better. DH has been moved into another area at work and is enjoying it more (more exciting clients) and I've made more friends (didn't know anyone here). The kids have got some great friends and everything feels much more settled (they say it takes a year, and I hadn't appreciated that meant settling somewhere new in your home country too). We don't have that sense of urgency about needing to go off again any time soon. We've left it that we won't seek out an opportunity abroad. If and when (and it will most likely be when) an opportunity comes our way we will all consider it and make a decision as a family. We even wonder if it's something we'll do once the kids are school leaving age - they may be off living their own lives. They may want to come with us. It will be a lot easier without schools to get right.
The boys are proud of their time overseas. They often tell people "oh when we lived in Asia we went to Langkawi and went in a bat cave and on a boat to see a fish farm...". They say it makes them feel special, that they’ve done something different.
And there was/can be a financial benefit too, again thinking of the children's future. Sure, money doesn't buy happiness but it does give you choices, and with university fees and property prices etc. this was in our mind too - to be able to help the children later in life when it's really going to be needed. Not at the expense of their happiness now of course - we had no idea school would be such an issue over there or we would never have gone to that particular region.
Perhaps I have stressed the negative experience of school for the purpose of this post but it wasn't all bad of course. We would never want to jeopardise their happiness at school again but at the same time I find it hard to believe that there is only one country on the planet with a school that they're happy at. Plenty of people move overseas and it works out well.
DS1 is 11 and I wouldn't move him ages 14, 15 etc. But then the other day he astounded us by saying he doesn't want to live in the UK forever, he'd like to try another country (this was not prompted by us).
It's really not as simple as "kids happy in school let's stay here forever". And we certainly don’t want the previous experience to stop them doing anything out of the ordinary in the future.
We didn't just do it for us parents. We did it to do something amazing as a family and in many ways it was amazing. They've learnt so much from it and it's enriched their lives in lots of ways. We’re also so strong as a family unit now too.
As it happens since my original post things have got a lot better. DH has been moved into another area at work and is enjoying it more (more exciting clients) and I've made more friends (didn't know anyone here). The kids have got some great friends and everything feels much more settled (they say it takes a year, and I hadn't appreciated that meant settling somewhere new in your home country too). We don't have that sense of urgency about needing to go off again any time soon. We've left it that we won't seek out an opportunity abroad. If and when (and it will most likely be when) an opportunity comes our way we will all consider it and make a decision as a family. We even wonder if it's something we'll do once the kids are school leaving age - they may be off living their own lives. They may want to come with us. It will be a lot easier without schools to get right.
Your first post was barely a month ago and yet in such a short time, things have got a lot better. I think when people get themselves in a right royal funk, it's hard to think that it's only temporary but often it is, and a huge improvement can occur due to several relatively small changes.
Mar 2nd 2014, 12:33 pm
#45
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 59
Re: Back but struggling
It's funny because I couldn't believe my post was just over a month ago when I checked the date. It feels like a lot longer. I would have said 3 to 4 months ago. The original issues of wanting to try again but being scared are still there. I guess we are just all healing and more able to live in the now.