MissBetty

Yes I totally agree with all you said - it's such a balancing act isn't it?!

Congratulations btw on winning the Nicest Poster award, you totally deserve it. I personally really appreciate the advice you gave me when I was stuck in Loony Town and yes, I voted for you, well done!

MissBetty

Thanks very much, happy new year to you too! Yep feels like I never left which is just lovely

MissBetty

You're very welcome! Yes I've no idea why people are like that, all very bizarre isn't it? One of my friends, whom I really like and have known for years, hasn't called me for ages but she does have a child and does shift work so I try to give her some space. Hadn't heard from her in ages but she called today to wish me luck with the new job and said we should get together when I'm back for a night out.

I can't tell you what it meant to me, the fact that SHE called ME and wants to meet up, probably sounds silly but it really made me day!

MissBetty

Yep it sure does, I think back on that time and there were days when I though I'd never get there lol!

Yes it's been up and down, most days I am fine with it but some days I get the PLOM's ( Poor Lil Old Me!) I try to fix the things I can and deal with the rest as and when. It's easier now I have my family near by and the fact I feel so at home here in Blighty!

Speaking of which I've just applied for a qualification in Remote Medicine with the Royal College of Surgeons specifically designed for offshore/remote medics. I want to try and stay well away from frontline work as I can't bear it these days so fingers crossed I get accepted!

Hope things are going well for you too, I think 2014 is going to be a very good year

brightonbelle

Hey MissB

didn't want to read and run.

you are a nice person, you deserve good friends who put in the same amount of effort.

keep up the effort with those old friends where you can see hope for your relationships........for the old friend who seems to want to start from where you guys left off here's my take.

shes middle aged desperate and wants to go out on the pull?!! shes the one stuck in the past. Theres an old saying, "keep on doing what you allways do, and you will keep on getting what you've allways got" .....which in her case is not a lot. Do you really want to be spending a night out trawling for men...when you could be making new friends and spending nights out bonding, sharing quality time, having a laugh....

Somewhere along the line if you keep the focus on the positives, dust down the self esteem and get your mojo back.....your new life will have new friends in it......and the old ones will be there, or not. But it aint your job to convince em! Sure make effort where theres hope....but don't waste precious time and effort when your getting nothing back...



BB

MissBetty

Thanks for the reply, that really made me smile and what you said makes heaps of sense - why don't you live round the corner from me, we could be friends lol!

Yes I think it slowly dawned on me after I got home she wasn't happy because I was coming back, everyone else we know is married/has kids so in her mind it seems she was thinking yep, someone to go out on the pull with!!

Don't get me wrong I was happy to help her out, I helped her write a dating profile for a website and took some nice pics for her but I just got fed up of her turning down lunch/movies/coffee but badgering me to go out to clubs and bars. Now me, I like a drink and a boogie as much as the next bird but I because I enjoy the whole social aspect of getting dressed up and going out with my friends and having a giggle, not trawling for men - I'm too old for all that!!!!

It took a while for me to get a job and that was my main concern as well as making sure I had enough money to live on, the last thing I wanted to do was go out every weekend spending money I didn't have to spare on alcohol, taxis and nightclubs. I tried to tell her but she just kept saying "Oh I'll lend you the money" but my philosophy is if you aint got it don't spend it. Also as I said before, I was still settling back in and I couldn't just 'put it all behind me'. Moving overseas, whether to start a new life or return to your homeland, is a massive upheaval, you have to give yourself time to adjust and to process things after the initial euphoria dies down.

Anyways, new year, new job and hopefully some new friends too! There are still a few people I'm happy to make the effort with - baby steps hey?!

Lorry1

Hi MissBetty,

Happy New Year!
I haven't been on here a while as I now have a job (yay me!) and been busy with Birthdays, Christmas, blah blah lol

Anyway, Glad you have settled and for the most part you are still very happy. Sorry to hear about your friend, but as you and many others here have said, she sounds like she just NEEDS a man right now and not a good friend.

I am lucky, I guess, as my friends have taken me back relatively easily. The friends who I have had forever are just always there. We could go months without seeing each other but I know I can just pick up the phone if I want to. I am not one for going out on a regular basis and am happy with my own company and just staying in with my family so I don't have a big dependence on my friends for my happiness. Although, of course, I do need them sometimes and am there for them also.

My 19 year old daughter had a similar circumstance to you though. She had known a girl since they were 7. Always stayed in touch and my daughter stayed with her when we came back from canada for visits. When we moved back, they were great at first, going out for drinks, meeting up with friends, having sleep overs, etc. Then all of a sudden this girl turned on my daughter and said she was taking all her friends away! It was really weird and my daughter had to just cut her off too. We think she just didn't adjust to my daughter being back here for good and was jealous that she was making friends with her own friends. (If that makes sense!) lol
Anyway, my daughter now has many friends through her job and seems to be quite happy.

It is really hard to maintain friendships and make new ones, and no-one can underestimate that. YOU have to make the effort as you're the one who left.

MissBetty, Don't let your weight put you off getting out there as it's whats underneath that counts and I can tell you are a genuinely nice caring person who likes to have fun. You deserve genuine friends who will understand and be there for you.

Take care

MissBetty

HNY to you too and congrats re the job that's brilliant! Sorry to hear re your daughter's friend, good though that she's making new ones at work who are probably much nicer anyways!

I'm quite happy with my own company but I do like to go out and socialise as well. I feel more like going out these days, not worrying about money anymore is a big plus but I'm happy just to pop round my friends houses to see them. When you don't have a partner it's your friends whom you turn to to go out for dinner/drinks/movies/coffee and when they are (like quite a few of mine) married, single mums and co-habiting they're not always available to go out, which is fair enough, so I do quite a few lunches these days lol!

The weight is starting to come off now and I'm starting my new job tomorrow so I'm confident I'll have more of a social life in a few months time. I'm still so much happier here than I was in Oz though so any good things that happen are just a bonus these days lol!

Thanks for the kind words and happy things are going well for you and your family - it's so lovely to be home isn't it?!!!

lgabriel73

I don't know whether they really hide or they just simply get on with their lives. As the returnee i think you have to be the one that has to make the effort to fit into their lives since they are established and have been for the years you have been away. On visits back my friends are all making an effort to see me but sometimes I'm the one that can't fit them all in. When I return I know I will be the one fitting in to their schedule.

MissBetty

Yes that's fair enough but as dunroving pointed out you have to get some sort of balance - of course as the returnee you have to make the most effort but it's nice to have it reciprocated at times!

One of my friends is a single mum who does shift work so I always go to hers as it's only fair but, interestingly enough, she is the only one in 7 months who has come down and spent the weekend with me.

Atm I'm still happy to keep going and seeing my friends and making the effort , I've never asked for or expected red carpet treatment but I just don't think it should ALL be one sided. Like I said I'm happy to be back and things are good but it interesting how things sometimes pan out once you are back compared to how you thought it would be!

brightonbelle

hunny, if I could I would move back to sussex in a heartbeat

and yes, I could imagine us hooking up!! (as in mates not dates ha ha).

Its my aim to eventually get to Eastbourne (I dream high). Right now I'm stuck where I am as I work in a speciality that is in demand, but in specific areas. I like my N.H.S job, which I know you can understand is getting quite rare nowadays. If I do find myself visiting Brighton I may just pre warn you so you can pencil me in your diary

So fate will dictate if I'm stuck here for the next 10 years....or you never know maybe good fortune will enable me to make the move around the corner sooner

BB

aries

Precisely how I feel, and a reason why I still don't feel settled. Despite my health problems, last year I visited my brother and his family in Warwickshire 4 times travellng on 24 trains taking 4 to 5 hours each way. However, although my brother and his wife constantly travel around England and Europe, they've said it is too far to visit me. They both drive, so 2 hours each would be very little. For goodness sake, I've visited them a number of times from Oz! I even bought new furniture for my second bedroom for visitors.

My sister would have visited me, but in June last year she unexpectedly died, a result of cancer.

I've also visited a friend in Germany four times in 18 months (costing about £6000) with promises of reciprocal visits before I left Oz, but as yet she hasn't come. We have a good friendship but a visit from her would be welcome. Admittedly in 2009 we visited England together for 12 days, but she had my travelling experience to rely on. I think if there was a train direct to London she would be more inclined to come, but Eurostar doesn't go to Frankfurt. I'm crossing my fingers for early summer, and have even offered to visit her and we can travel back here together.

brissybee

The thing is, had you gone out with her... as her wingwoman... she may well have ditched you anyway if a man came along.

No loss.

I'm glad to hear you are happier there. All the best.

Pistolpete2

Maybe you can entice people to Torquay by standing them a meal or so at The Elephant . Are there other attractions in Torquay - apart from you - that others are not aware of?

It seems that (any) travel has become a rather selfish pursuit, a self indulgence and if it is not indulgent - typically scores points on the social travel league discussable around the dinner table - there are few takers.

Most certainly travel is very high on everybody's priority list in the UK these days, if only to escape the humdrum of the everyday routine and maybe get some warmth into those bones.

I've just booked my first trip anticipating my return in August, flying to Glasgow from Bristol on Easyjet in October to see family. While there at the very least I will take in a show and a trade fair and use an inexpensive hotel already bought.

This attractive overall package makes me feel inclined to do something similar again and again in spite of the travel distance involved but it just took a little research. Hopefully your relatives will see this when soon planning their trip to see you in Torquay.

Lorry1

Yeah sorry I've had kids for nearly 20 years now so forget what it's like to have a proper social life but I do get out every now and again and my old friends are great when I need a night out.

You are probably better off without that friend at the moment anyway, as at our time in life going out clubbing to meet men probably isn't a great idea. They are either far too young, total mingers, gay or have 20 kids and 5 wives somewhere

Ha ha seriously though it seems everything else is going pretty well so I really hope you can meet some new people and have a great life here.