Erica

Hi all, just wanted to update you, we have been back for 3 months, from Northern California near San Francisco, to Gloucestershire. I posted a few weeks ago when I was feeling very excited and happy to be back. Now, almost predictably, I am feeling really low and displaced and kind of rootless. I knew this would come but is doesn't feel good! I am seeing my Mum alot which is fantastic and the countryside is spectacular, cold and frosty at the moment, it is getting dark really early now. I am finding it hard to meet people I really like and connect with and am really missing my close girl-friends back in CA and missing the kids having friends I could drop them off with easily. It is all taking time, I just need to hang on to my sanity and get alot of sleep! Also, we have had builders here for the last 7 weeks so I can't really move in properly, there is dust, noise and debris, alot of expense and blokes around the kitchen table drinking tea alot! My husband has been away, back in the USA, for 10 days so I have been flying solo which is really hard with three kids and a two year old with me all the time and I can't seem to find a daycare around here. Where is Craigslist!? My husband is finding it hard to make friends because he works on his own and is American so I feel guilty about bringing everyone here and me feeling crappy. The news of all the cuts is depressing as well, our local library is going to close. All of it will take time, I know. Any advice, anyone who has been through this and come out the other side? Thanks for listening!

GoldCoastMag

not out the other side yet but can relate to how you feel. I was told going home was almost as stressful as leaving in the 1st place and have certainly found that to be true.

The bureaucracy and paperwork, the feeling like a visitor or more in my own home, waiting for my things to arrived so living out of suitcases.

I cant give you any help as my location is different but hang in there, you will soon make friends I am sure, and when the builders leave and you can enjoy your home things will improve a lot.

best of luck

Gabgoeshome

I can imagine a 'new' stress happens ...like you say "after the euphoria "

I think to make your self feel better ,remember what it was like when you first moved to the States ...

I am sure that at that 3 month stage ,things were just getting going right ?

How long were you away from the UK BTW ?

After time I am sure you will make new 'Mum' friends ,that will help to bond you to your new/old lol life

How old are your older two children ?--will they start school soon ?
That could bring about new friendships /conections .

I totally understand about your worries concerning your husband ,mine is also American -it took him a fair bit to make friends and get his 'own life ' for him KWIM ?

We lived in the UK with our children for 11 years ,HE is the one who initially wanted to return there .

Does your DH play any sport ?
Mine is a huge tennis fan and player ,when he established himself with like minded folk, his social life took off !

We have been in the US for 5 years ,in that time he has played 3 times

I agree with you about Craigs list in the UK ,hardly anything on it compared to the US site .

Even though you are a Brit ,this time of year is tough to re -establish ones self -you are doing a great job by the sounds of things

I also have a soon to be 2 year old daughter ,I know it can be tiring the best of times lol !

I think you should try 'googling' child care in your local area ,something might jump out at you that way ?

Good luck ,PM me if you ever need to ...

Gabriella

Bevm

It is a shame about Craigslist. If they'd create more local lists people would use it more and it might take off, but I think the one for here is Devon and Cornwall. That's hardly local!

It was bought by Google, wasn't it? I don't think they do anything to support it.

Bev

Victor Meldrew

I am not surprised that you are feeling like this.

It is/was obviously very exciting, the prospect of returning to UK, but the reality is that it has its problems like anywhere else. Particularly when first settling you are bound to experience the kind of things you are.

The best thing to do is to acknowledge/accept instead of fighting it. Go with it. Create a mindset which says that you are going to sit it out for 12 months in the knowledge that things will eventually settle.

Mummy in the foothills

Doesn't everywhere have playgroups for the preschoolers anymore?
I used to take my Ds down to the scout hut on playgroup day, drink tea, eat biscuits and get all the info I ever needed about schools, shopping, you name it. They were a great bunch of ladies.
Oh and one of the best parts was girls night out I remember a really good night at the curry house one time.!

Erica

Thanks for all your responses. They have all really helped me, I am feeling a bit desperate! There are playgroups, I think, but what I really need is time off from kids! My older two are 8 and 6, they are in school but I have not had any time on my own for ages. I am going to go to some playgroups though, just to meet some other mums. I have tried googling local nurseries, childminders etc but everywhere is full until about 9 months from now. I have been inviting everyone I know over for dinner and am instituting a Sunday lunch at our house which I think will be good, having people over for some good food and get to know people that way. I like Mr Meldrew's idea of just sticking with it for a year and not fighting these feelings, I knew they would come but they are not pleasant! We have given it two years and will see how it goes. Thanks so much for being there.

Englishmum

These links might be useful:


http://www.mumsnet.com/ (scroll down to lower left hand side to Mumsnet Local - for your region)

http://www.askamum.co.uk/Community/ (various forums)

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/ (forums for US expats in the UK, meet-ups etc)

Good Luck!

Gabgoeshome

As the others are in school ,how about inviting some kids round to play from there ....you might like the Mums

Bevm

I found once I linked up with mums with children about the same age as mine, it was easy to do swaps now and then. One would take my kid or kids for a morning then I'd take theirs.

Did you have so much time away from the children in California? What is it you want to do where you can't take the little ones with you?

Bev

Erica

I did have a couple of mornings a week when I would leave my, now, two year old with a child-minder and her two little boys. I needed that time to pack and organise the move to the UK, which was alot of work. I find I can't get anything done with a toddler around the house. I also had a great network of friends and we did swaps all the time with the other kids. I would love to go and get my hair cut, go for a walk, sort the house out, explore the area and countryside without a buggy and demanding child to deal with, go and buy some clothes etc. You know how it is. I am making an effort to get to know other mums at the school - all just takes time. Thanks for your ideas!

Gabgoeshome

I am wondering how long you lived in the US ,also I think you originally said that you had been seeing your Mum regularly ?

Could she come and give you a hand sometime ?

JustBecause

Have you tried the netmums website? This is apparently better for local info, as even acknowledged by the uber mums website mumsnet.

Have you looked around for an occasional childminder/babysitter type person, or you could even try someone from a nannying agency if you would feed comfortable leaving your little one. Sometimes people will adverstise in local papers for childminding in their own homes or by asking someone might know someone that does it. If there is a soft play centre near you they may have adverts.

I do know exactly what you mean about needing a bit of time away - they are particularly intensive at that age (lovely as well tho) & having undergone the move & all your current stresses it would really give you a boost. It is expensive too but worth it as you can get so much done by yourself or just recharge so you have a better frame of mind. Like you did, I currently have an arrangement where I leave my son with a childminder & her 2 kids - it is my sanity-saver (not that there's much left to save!). The child also benefits by having a bit of time being independent. Hope something works out.

J.J

Hello, the misery will pass.

We had the same, the first couple weeks was euphoric but as we had builders in, noise, dust, people, it was miserable as all heck and we had some extremely dark moods. In the beginning we lived in a one roomer, then moved to a static caravan in a remote holiday site, eventually taking the step to an air mattress in a bedroom while builders owned the rest of the house. I grew to hate them showing up at 8 a.m. everyday.
But after three months the builders have gone, life is quieter, we get out a bit, but try not to force things.

www.Gumtree.co.uk seems to be the UK equivalent of craigslist.

Erica

Wow! J.J. that sounds horrendous! Makes my situation look peachy! Thanks so much everyone for your advice. Today I went to a local mother/toddler group and it was really fun and such a relief to get out of the house and away from the builders. Toys and company for the baby to play with and I met a couple of nice women. I have also been looking at the websites which were recommended and will let you know what happens there. I have been seeing my Mum regularly but she is very busy and can't see us again until December. Keeping trogging on. Thanks for all the advice. Erica xxx