4 Years and Still Struggling
Sep 8th 2019, 2:52 am
#31
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 716
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
What a wonderfull heart felt post 😊
Oct 21st 2019, 11:49 am
#32
Just Joined
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 4
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
We've been back in Scotland just over 4 years, and I am still really struggling to settle in. We've bought a dream house where you can scare deer out in the field just by going into the kitchen to put the kettle on, it's cheap to run, the kids are at a great school, the husband is involved in an amazing dive club and goes wreck diving all the time (yes in Scotland!!). He also brings home hand picked scallops and other treasures in his dive bag. Hubster is now just 1 year from starting his citizenship process.
And yet... I still feel unhappy every single day that I wake up here. My mental health is trashed, I've made no friends and don't know what to try to do to meet people any more. I am still trying and looking for ideas though. There's not much on around here that I could go join in with unfortunately. However, I joined the PTA at the back end of last year to see if that at least helps with social contact. I've also started volunteering at a village charity shop, it's open irregularly so this suits me with my young kids as the shifts are always "who can do a week on Saturday then???" type thing. I enjoy a good charity shop! The other thing I'm doing this year to try and help is to book us a cracking 3.5 week break in Spain in the school holidays to get the benefit of our proximity to Europe. We'll also be trying to see more of the UK. Saving for the house previously has been a bit of a dampener on such activites. Oh, and I've booked a mini break to Rotterdam with a dutch friend I met backpacking 15 years ago.
In spite of feeling fine about being here, my husband (who is a Kiwi) can see that I'm not really the person I was in Australia. We are therefore still keeping an open mind, but the aim for us in 2019 is to be ready in terms of finances and business skills to make a move to NZ. In 2020 we plan to take the kids to the motherland to meet their family over there. Whilst there we'll look and see if we feel NZ has more to offer us as a family. Hubster is happier here than me, but there's some things not sitting well with him to do with lifestyle and sporting opportunities. He has issues with the winter weather too as you can imagine.
Positives though: Schooling (totally free - no stationary bills or "voluntary" contributions), god bless the NHS, love the food prices, decent quality house obtained with views to die for, good tax rates for business, HOLIDAY-TASTIC. The UK has so much in it's favour.
I truly wish I loved it. I am still going to keep trying though. Maybe I just need some friends.
And yet... I still feel unhappy every single day that I wake up here. My mental health is trashed, I've made no friends and don't know what to try to do to meet people any more. I am still trying and looking for ideas though. There's not much on around here that I could go join in with unfortunately. However, I joined the PTA at the back end of last year to see if that at least helps with social contact. I've also started volunteering at a village charity shop, it's open irregularly so this suits me with my young kids as the shifts are always "who can do a week on Saturday then???" type thing. I enjoy a good charity shop! The other thing I'm doing this year to try and help is to book us a cracking 3.5 week break in Spain in the school holidays to get the benefit of our proximity to Europe. We'll also be trying to see more of the UK. Saving for the house previously has been a bit of a dampener on such activites. Oh, and I've booked a mini break to Rotterdam with a dutch friend I met backpacking 15 years ago.
In spite of feeling fine about being here, my husband (who is a Kiwi) can see that I'm not really the person I was in Australia. We are therefore still keeping an open mind, but the aim for us in 2019 is to be ready in terms of finances and business skills to make a move to NZ. In 2020 we plan to take the kids to the motherland to meet their family over there. Whilst there we'll look and see if we feel NZ has more to offer us as a family. Hubster is happier here than me, but there's some things not sitting well with him to do with lifestyle and sporting opportunities. He has issues with the winter weather too as you can imagine.
Positives though: Schooling (totally free - no stationary bills or "voluntary" contributions), god bless the NHS, love the food prices, decent quality house obtained with views to die for, good tax rates for business, HOLIDAY-TASTIC. The UK has so much in it's favour.
I truly wish I loved it. I am still going to keep trying though. Maybe I just need some friends.
Nov 30th 2019, 10:25 pm
#34
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2019
Location: Avalon NSW
Posts: 73
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
That sounds amazingly lovely.
I love Scotland to visit, but I could never live there as far too cold.
I know this is an old post but I can understand your issue of making new friends.
It was so easy when I was younger and also when I was backpacking, but gets decidedly harder as you get older and more set in your ways.
Most people have already established their set of friends by mid life, and it is hard to break into that circle.
But if you have children it seems to be easier, as you can bond with other parents (especially if your kids are into sports)
My best friend betrayed me deeply five years ago and I really cannot be bothered to trust anyone again, so I have become hermit like. I am quite happy like this. If you are struggling as you have no friends presently, then just be your own best friend and find some hobbies.
Nov 30th 2019, 10:29 pm
#35
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2019
Location: Avalon NSW
Posts: 73
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
Hello
Have you tried MeetUps?
I have just seen this advertised on the internet : "Are you over 25, live in Dumfries and Galloway and want to make new friends? Maybe you are new to the region, or you are still single while most of your friends have gotten married and had children. This group has been created for people just like you! Activities include meeting for drinks, cinema, theatre, dancing, walks, adventure days, - just about anything really, as long as it brings people together! Dumfries Social Group is NOT a dating group, it is simply a group for people who would like to expand their social circle".
Have you tried MeetUps?
I have just seen this advertised on the internet : "Are you over 25, live in Dumfries and Galloway and want to make new friends? Maybe you are new to the region, or you are still single while most of your friends have gotten married and had children. This group has been created for people just like you! Activities include meeting for drinks, cinema, theatre, dancing, walks, adventure days, - just about anything really, as long as it brings people together! Dumfries Social Group is NOT a dating group, it is simply a group for people who would like to expand their social circle".
Nov 30th 2019, 10:33 pm
#36
Still alive
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,994
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
Hello
Have you tried MeetUps?
I have just seen this advertised on the internet : "Are you over 25, live in Dumfries and Galloway and want to make new friends? Maybe you are new to the region, or you are still single while most of your friends have gotten married and had children. This group has been created for people just like you! Activities include meeting for drinks, cinema, theatre, dancing, walks, adventure days, - just about anything really, as long as it brings people together! Dumfries Social Group is NOT a dating group, it is simply a group for people who would like to expand their social circle".
Have you tried MeetUps?
I have just seen this advertised on the internet : "Are you over 25, live in Dumfries and Galloway and want to make new friends? Maybe you are new to the region, or you are still single while most of your friends have gotten married and had children. This group has been created for people just like you! Activities include meeting for drinks, cinema, theatre, dancing, walks, adventure days, - just about anything really, as long as it brings people together! Dumfries Social Group is NOT a dating group, it is simply a group for people who would like to expand their social circle".
Dec 1st 2019, 1:16 am
#37
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2019
Location: Avalon NSW
Posts: 73
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
Yes. I read the whole thread - thank you!
The MeetUp Group is a social group and open to everyone
It is open to newly arrived people and open to people who have lived there for 4 years, or 25 years. It is open to married people, people with children and single people.
It is simply a group that meet up for social events.
The only requirement is you are over 25, but even then they said that is not a strict rule, and people under 25 can still apply.
These MeetUp groups are a great way to meet new people and make friends
.
Dec 5th 2019, 4:44 am
#38
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jun 2015
Location: France
Posts: 861
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
????
Yes. I read the whole thread - thank you!
The MeetUp Group is a social group and open to everyone
It is open to newly arrived people and open to people who have lived there for 4 years, or 25 years. It is open to married people, people with children and single people.
It is simply a group that meet up for social events.
The only requirement is you are over 25, but even then they said that is not a strict rule, and people under 25 can still apply.
These MeetUp groups are a great way to meet new people and make friends
.
Yes. I read the whole thread - thank you!
The MeetUp Group is a social group and open to everyone
It is open to newly arrived people and open to people who have lived there for 4 years, or 25 years. It is open to married people, people with children and single people.
It is simply a group that meet up for social events.
The only requirement is you are over 25, but even then they said that is not a strict rule, and people under 25 can still apply.
These MeetUp groups are a great way to meet new people and make friends
.
Dec 15th 2019, 5:24 am
#39
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2019
Location: Avalon NSW
Posts: 73
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
Yes. I think so too.
And if that particular group does not work out for any reason, there are loads of specialised "MeetUp" groups within a short distance to where the OP is.
Not sure why Dorothy seems to be stalking me around this forum negatively shooting down any ideas I have..........ah well nice to be so "popular" I suppose!
Dec 15th 2019, 12:40 pm
#40
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 133
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
Oops, once again I have missed replies from earlier in the month!!
Sadly, D&G is a *huge* geographical area. I live about 50 miles from the meetup groups (I did join up to emails at one point in case anyone closer at hand started a group, but sadly not).
I do love my house and it's surrounds. That's why we won't be selling it for the forseeable. We will start preparing for a move to NZ early next year.
Sadly, D&G is a *huge* geographical area. I live about 50 miles from the meetup groups (I did join up to emails at one point in case anyone closer at hand started a group, but sadly not).
I do love my house and it's surrounds. That's why we won't be selling it for the forseeable. We will start preparing for a move to NZ early next year.
Dec 15th 2019, 6:40 pm
#41
`
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,612
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
Oops, once again I have missed replies from earlier in the month!!
Sadly, D&G is a *huge* geographical area. I live about 50 miles from the meetup groups (I did join up to emails at one point in case anyone closer at hand started a group, but sadly not).
I do love my house and it's surrounds. That's why we won't be selling it for the forseeable. We will start preparing for a move to NZ early next year.
Sadly, D&G is a *huge* geographical area. I live about 50 miles from the meetup groups (I did join up to emails at one point in case anyone closer at hand started a group, but sadly not).
I do love my house and it's surrounds. That's why we won't be selling it for the forseeable. We will start preparing for a move to NZ early next year.
Dec 16th 2019, 12:26 pm
#42
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 133
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
We aren't 100% sure yet. Probably not Tauranga unusually enough lol.
Fortunately I work at home with an online business, so we can choose an area for ourselves and work out hubsters line of work afterwards (he'll start a small business so just need a reasonable-ish population to support). We are attracted to Hawkes Bay, but my recently arrived MIL has been encouraging us to consider somewhere near her on the opposite Coast. She lives in Otaki and would love us to be within an hour of her. Upon reflection, we can see the babysitting based benefits there so it'll be considered. We also have family in Wellington with a son similarly aged to my eldest daughter. That would likely help us settle so we'll do a bit of research now it's been flagged. We'll probably come over and base ourselves near MIL for a few weeks, and do a few mini breaks with the kids to make sure any areas we've identified are right for us. After life in Aus, and being aware of / the things we enjoyed about living there I hope we will get a sense of what would work for us relatively easily.
We won't miss the high Aussie temperatures which just seem to be getting worse, so hopefully NZ will work out for us. If it doesn't... c'est la vie. At this point, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Fortunately I work at home with an online business, so we can choose an area for ourselves and work out hubsters line of work afterwards (he'll start a small business so just need a reasonable-ish population to support). We are attracted to Hawkes Bay, but my recently arrived MIL has been encouraging us to consider somewhere near her on the opposite Coast. She lives in Otaki and would love us to be within an hour of her. Upon reflection, we can see the babysitting based benefits there so it'll be considered. We also have family in Wellington with a son similarly aged to my eldest daughter. That would likely help us settle so we'll do a bit of research now it's been flagged. We'll probably come over and base ourselves near MIL for a few weeks, and do a few mini breaks with the kids to make sure any areas we've identified are right for us. After life in Aus, and being aware of / the things we enjoyed about living there I hope we will get a sense of what would work for us relatively easily.
We won't miss the high Aussie temperatures which just seem to be getting worse, so hopefully NZ will work out for us. If it doesn't... c'est la vie. At this point, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Dec 16th 2019, 10:51 pm
#43
`
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,612
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
We aren't 100% sure yet. Probably not Tauranga unusually enough lol.
Fortunately I work at home with an online business, so we can choose an area for ourselves and work out hubsters line of work afterwards (he'll start a small business so just need a reasonable-ish population to support). We are attracted to Hawkes Bay, but my recently arrived MIL has been encouraging us to consider somewhere near her on the opposite Coast. She lives in Otaki and would love us to be within an hour of her. Upon reflection, we can see the babysitting based benefits there so it'll be considered. We also have family in Wellington with a son similarly aged to my eldest daughter. That would likely help us settle so we'll do a bit of research now it's been flagged. We'll probably come over and base ourselves near MIL for a few weeks, and do a few mini breaks with the kids to make sure any areas we've identified are right for us. After life in Aus, and being aware of / the things we enjoyed about living there I hope we will get a sense of what would work for us relatively easily.
We won't miss the high Aussie temperatures which just seem to be getting worse, so hopefully NZ will work out for us. If it doesn't... c'est la vie. At this point, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Fortunately I work at home with an online business, so we can choose an area for ourselves and work out hubsters line of work afterwards (he'll start a small business so just need a reasonable-ish population to support). We are attracted to Hawkes Bay, but my recently arrived MIL has been encouraging us to consider somewhere near her on the opposite Coast. She lives in Otaki and would love us to be within an hour of her. Upon reflection, we can see the babysitting based benefits there so it'll be considered. We also have family in Wellington with a son similarly aged to my eldest daughter. That would likely help us settle so we'll do a bit of research now it's been flagged. We'll probably come over and base ourselves near MIL for a few weeks, and do a few mini breaks with the kids to make sure any areas we've identified are right for us. After life in Aus, and being aware of / the things we enjoyed about living there I hope we will get a sense of what would work for us relatively easily.
We won't miss the high Aussie temperatures which just seem to be getting worse, so hopefully NZ will work out for us. If it doesn't... c'est la vie. At this point, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Dec 17th 2019, 8:03 am
#44
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 133
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
Time will tell.
Dec 4th 2020, 6:05 am
#45
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Essex, UK
Posts: 119
Re: 4 Years and Still Struggling
We've been back in Scotland just over 4 years, and I am still really struggling to settle in. We've bought a dream house where you can scare deer out in the field just by going into the kitchen to put the kettle on, it's cheap to run, the kids are at a great school, the husband is involved in an amazing dive club and goes wreck diving all the time (yes in Scotland!!). He also brings home hand picked scallops and other treasures in his dive bag. Hubster is now just 1 year from starting his citizenship process.
And yet... I still feel unhappy every single day that I wake up here. My mental health is trashed, I've made no friends and don't know what to try to do to meet people any more. I am still trying and looking for ideas though. There's not much on around here that I could go join in with unfortunately. However, I joined the PTA at the back end of last year to see if that at least helps with social contact. I've also started volunteering at a village charity shop, it's open irregularly so this suits me with my young kids as the shifts are always "who can do a week on Saturday then???" type thing. I enjoy a good charity shop! The other thing I'm doing this year to try and help is to book us a cracking 3.5 week break in Spain in the school holidays to get the benefit of our proximity to Europe. We'll also be trying to see more of the UK. Saving for the house previously has been a bit of a dampener on such activites. Oh, and I've booked a mini break to Rotterdam with a dutch friend I met backpacking 15 years ago.
In spite of feeling fine about being here, my husband (who is a Kiwi) can see that I'm not really the person I was in Australia. We are therefore still keeping an open mind, but the aim for us in 2019 is to be ready in terms of finances and business skills to make a move to NZ. In 2020 we plan to take the kids to the motherland to meet their family over there. Whilst there we'll look and see if we feel NZ has more to offer us as a family. Hubster is happier here than me, but there's some things not sitting well with him to do with lifestyle and sporting opportunities. He has issues with the winter weather too as you can imagine.
Positives though: Schooling (totally free - no stationary bills or "voluntary" contributions), god bless the NHS, love the food prices, decent quality house obtained with views to die for, good tax rates for business, HOLIDAY-TASTIC. The UK has so much in it's favour.
I truly wish I loved it. I am still going to keep trying though. Maybe I just need some friends.
And yet... I still feel unhappy every single day that I wake up here. My mental health is trashed, I've made no friends and don't know what to try to do to meet people any more. I am still trying and looking for ideas though. There's not much on around here that I could go join in with unfortunately. However, I joined the PTA at the back end of last year to see if that at least helps with social contact. I've also started volunteering at a village charity shop, it's open irregularly so this suits me with my young kids as the shifts are always "who can do a week on Saturday then???" type thing. I enjoy a good charity shop! The other thing I'm doing this year to try and help is to book us a cracking 3.5 week break in Spain in the school holidays to get the benefit of our proximity to Europe. We'll also be trying to see more of the UK. Saving for the house previously has been a bit of a dampener on such activites. Oh, and I've booked a mini break to Rotterdam with a dutch friend I met backpacking 15 years ago.
In spite of feeling fine about being here, my husband (who is a Kiwi) can see that I'm not really the person I was in Australia. We are therefore still keeping an open mind, but the aim for us in 2019 is to be ready in terms of finances and business skills to make a move to NZ. In 2020 we plan to take the kids to the motherland to meet their family over there. Whilst there we'll look and see if we feel NZ has more to offer us as a family. Hubster is happier here than me, but there's some things not sitting well with him to do with lifestyle and sporting opportunities. He has issues with the winter weather too as you can imagine.
Positives though: Schooling (totally free - no stationary bills or "voluntary" contributions), god bless the NHS, love the food prices, decent quality house obtained with views to die for, good tax rates for business, HOLIDAY-TASTIC. The UK has so much in it's favour.
I truly wish I loved it. I am still going to keep trying though. Maybe I just need some friends.
I moved to a different part of the country when I was 21. After nearly 18 months I had no friends and had decided to move back when the opportunity arose. Within weeks of that decision though I had made new friends and settled immediately and was far happier than I'd been anywhere.