15 month update
Jan 15th 2014, 4:30 pm
#121
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Joined: Jan 2011
Location: West Sussex - did 3 years in the US...
Posts: 577
Re: 15 month update
But the longer you're in America, the more you realize you don't fit in (or at least that's what happened to me). I got to know the culture better and just couldn't understand so many things about it - nor did I want to try. America is a very religious, puritanical place. It has no media to speak of, just a bunch of corporate owned shills. There are too many guns and very few people seem to think that's a problem. I could go on and on, but the upshot is that we had very few friends there because we just didn't fit.
Your posts have given me hope. We moved to the US just over 3 years ago, blinded by the marketing that is Corporate USA that there was a "wonderful" job for me in Corporate Strategy. 6 months in and I'm criticised for "speaking out of turn" (essentially I told a more senior person that I thought he was wrong and got taken aside and told by my colleagues that you never do that in the US cos the "big guys are always right.").
Then after about 9 months, my politics, pacifism and atheism began to shine through. In three years, we've made no friends; in fact, those that have "discovered" our slightly left-of-centre views on everything from the need for good public transport to proper funding of public media have walked away from us. Literally.
We know no-one and have never been so lonely and out of place. It's a stunningly unfriendly place despite how much they wish you "nice days."
I found myself nodding in agreement with every point you made - it's the old George Bush "you're either with us, or against us" and the more you don't "fit-in" the more you are just ostracised by society.
We sat down over Christmas and made plans for how to get out - it's slightly longer term for us as we have to fit in with school terms, but we have a plan.
Thanks again - your posts are helping me cope with this place.
Last edited by dlake02; Jan 15th 2014 at 6:02 pm.
Jan 15th 2014, 5:58 pm
#122
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: May 2010
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 9,662
Re: 15 month update
How true your comments are.
While hubby and I still enjoy living in CA, we know that hubby's political views and his atheism don't go down well with the majority of people we meet here in San Diego. I would say a good 80% of our friends and acquaintances are good ol' Republicans.
We have learnt to cope with it, rarely having a good discussion on politics, religion or finance except with people we know really well. Some can appreciate other people's views, but many can't.
One does not realise how religious and jingoistic America is until one lives here.
No where is perfect though ....... it's the great climate that keeps us going
While hubby and I still enjoy living in CA, we know that hubby's political views and his atheism don't go down well with the majority of people we meet here in San Diego. I would say a good 80% of our friends and acquaintances are good ol' Republicans.
We have learnt to cope with it, rarely having a good discussion on politics, religion or finance except with people we know really well. Some can appreciate other people's views, but many can't.
One does not realise how religious and jingoistic America is until one lives here.
No where is perfect though ....... it's the great climate that keeps us going
Jan 15th 2014, 6:05 pm
#123
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2010
Location: US
Posts: 4,224
Re: 15 month update
Why are people telling the world they are atheist? Many people don't care what you think. People don't go around saying they are Calvanist or Jew or what ever.
Just think, people like you anyway!
Cheers
Just think, people like you anyway!
Cheers
Jan 15th 2014, 6:25 pm
#124
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Joined: Jan 2011
Location: West Sussex - did 3 years in the US...
Posts: 577
Re: 15 month update
It's when THEY are quick to a) tell you what they "believe" in b) quiz you about YOUR beliefs, then judge you/treat you differently if you don't conform to their view of "normal."
Case in point is the person that I work with that was very chummy with me for the first few days until he asked me (at work) which church I went to. When I said "I'm not really interested - I haven't been to one for years" in the kind of jokey way you would in the UK, that was the last conversation I had with him. We work in the same office, I say good morning and smile most days. Nothing.
And by the way, Americans DO tend to go around advertising that they believe X or Y a lot more than you see in the UK. Not just religion, but personal views on all kinds of things.
It seems very brash, very quick to pigeon-hole people; it seems that Americans like to have very binary answers to everything - it's either all good or all bad, right or wrong, yes or no. Life just isn't like that and a broad range of opinions and plenty of questioning is much more healthy than simply blindly believing; anything.
And if there is a difference of opinion, rather than just laughing it off or realising that no two people are the same, there is a tendency to only associate with people that think like you do which in turn hardens those opinions. So you end up with a highly polarised and fractured society. At times, America feels like it is a set of parallel societies that basically don't like or don't understand each other rather than a country. Bringing those parallel societies into contact with each other is a recipe for disaster ...
Jan 15th 2014, 7:49 pm
#125
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2010
Location: US
Posts: 4,224
Re: 15 month update
No, no, no. I'M not TELLING people anything. Frankly, religion is a purely private past-time these days.
It's when THEY are quick to a) tell you what they "believe" in b) quiz you about YOUR beliefs, then judge you/treat you differently if you don't conform to their view of "normal."
Case in point is the person that I work with that was very chummy with me for the first few days until he asked me (at work) which church I went to. When I said "I'm not really interested - I haven't been to one for years" in the kind of jokey way you would in the UK, that was the last conversation I had with him. We work in the same office, I say good morning and smile most days. Nothing.
And by the way, Americans DO tend to go around advertising that they believe X or Y a lot more than you see in the UK. Not just religion, but personal views on all kinds of things.
It seems very brash, very quick to pigeon-hole people; it seems that Americans like to have very binary answers to everything - it's either all good or all bad, right or wrong, yes or no. Life just isn't like that and a broad range of opinions and plenty of questioning is much more healthy than simply blindly believing; anything.
And if there is a difference of opinion, rather than just laughing it off or realising that no two people are the same, there is a tendency to only associate with people that think like you do which in turn hardens those opinions. So you end up with a highly polarised and fractured society. At times, America feels like it is a set of parallel societies that basically don't like or don't understand each other rather than a country. Bringing those parallel societies into contact with each other is a recipe for disaster ...
It's when THEY are quick to a) tell you what they "believe" in b) quiz you about YOUR beliefs, then judge you/treat you differently if you don't conform to their view of "normal."
Case in point is the person that I work with that was very chummy with me for the first few days until he asked me (at work) which church I went to. When I said "I'm not really interested - I haven't been to one for years" in the kind of jokey way you would in the UK, that was the last conversation I had with him. We work in the same office, I say good morning and smile most days. Nothing.
And by the way, Americans DO tend to go around advertising that they believe X or Y a lot more than you see in the UK. Not just religion, but personal views on all kinds of things.
It seems very brash, very quick to pigeon-hole people; it seems that Americans like to have very binary answers to everything - it's either all good or all bad, right or wrong, yes or no. Life just isn't like that and a broad range of opinions and plenty of questioning is much more healthy than simply blindly believing; anything.
And if there is a difference of opinion, rather than just laughing it off or realising that no two people are the same, there is a tendency to only associate with people that think like you do which in turn hardens those opinions. So you end up with a highly polarised and fractured society. At times, America feels like it is a set of parallel societies that basically don't like or don't understand each other rather than a country. Bringing those parallel societies into contact with each other is a recipe for disaster ...
In the work place I think it is forbidden.
I am thinking that the people in the US want to get along so they are careful not to offend anyone with their views.
Polarised?? When I was in England if you associated with people from a certain area (thinking village here) you were done for.
Just saying.
I think the more educated people will be very excepting of different people and views.
Jan 20th 2014, 12:56 am
#126
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 603
Re: 15 month update
No, no, no. I'M not TELLING people anything. Frankly, religion is a purely private past-time these days.
It's when THEY are quick to a) tell you what they "believe" in b) quiz you about YOUR beliefs, then judge you/treat you differently if you don't conform to their view of "normal."
Case in point is the person that I work with that was very chummy with me for the first few days until he asked me (at work) which church I went to. When I said "I'm not really interested - I haven't been to one for years" in the kind of jokey way you would in the UK, that was the last conversation I had with him. We work in the same office, I say good morning and smile most days. Nothing.
And by the way, Americans DO tend to go around advertising that they believe X or Y a lot more than you see in the UK. Not just religion, but personal views on all kinds of things.
It seems very brash, very quick to pigeon-hole people; it seems that Americans like to have very binary answers to everything - it's either all good or all bad, right or wrong, yes or no. Life just isn't like that and a broad range of opinions and plenty of questioning is much more healthy than simply blindly believing; anything.
And if there is a difference of opinion, rather than just laughing it off or realising that no two people are the same, there is a tendency to only associate with people that think like you do which in turn hardens those opinions. So you end up with a highly polarised and fractured society. At times, America feels like it is a set of parallel societies that basically don't like or don't understand each other rather than a country. Bringing those parallel societies into contact with each other is a recipe for disaster ...
It's when THEY are quick to a) tell you what they "believe" in b) quiz you about YOUR beliefs, then judge you/treat you differently if you don't conform to their view of "normal."
Case in point is the person that I work with that was very chummy with me for the first few days until he asked me (at work) which church I went to. When I said "I'm not really interested - I haven't been to one for years" in the kind of jokey way you would in the UK, that was the last conversation I had with him. We work in the same office, I say good morning and smile most days. Nothing.
And by the way, Americans DO tend to go around advertising that they believe X or Y a lot more than you see in the UK. Not just religion, but personal views on all kinds of things.
It seems very brash, very quick to pigeon-hole people; it seems that Americans like to have very binary answers to everything - it's either all good or all bad, right or wrong, yes or no. Life just isn't like that and a broad range of opinions and plenty of questioning is much more healthy than simply blindly believing; anything.
And if there is a difference of opinion, rather than just laughing it off or realising that no two people are the same, there is a tendency to only associate with people that think like you do which in turn hardens those opinions. So you end up with a highly polarised and fractured society. At times, America feels like it is a set of parallel societies that basically don't like or don't understand each other rather than a country. Bringing those parallel societies into contact with each other is a recipe for disaster ...
I never ask people about their religion (or lack thereof) but I have often felt very uncomfortable with the questions some people ask me about my religion, always with the assumption that I do have one!
Feb 28th 2014, 5:53 am
#128
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2008
Location: Alberta to Kendal
Posts: 353
Re: 15 month update
2.5year up-date ........ we are finally buying a house !!!!! 
It has taken quite a while to sell our property in Alberta and get all the funds through. We thought it would be easy to get a little mortgage with have a big lump sum to put down,but it has proved very difficult indeed,being that my husband is self employed. They all wanted 3 years of accounts from this country.....well thats impossible when you have lived abroad for 10yrs. We could provide 10yrs from the accountant in Canada,but that does'nt count !!!!.
Anyhow we found a lovely property but still needed a tiny tiny mortgage. To cut a long story short we went back to the bank we bought our first two houses in the UK with and still had an account with. They either back tracked our credit history through that or some thing else,but they give us the tiny amount we needed. So folks we should be our own home in April .......
We are so excited ......finally we can settle in the beautiful lake district
It has taken quite a while to sell our property in Alberta and get all the funds through. We thought it would be easy to get a little mortgage with have a big lump sum to put down,but it has proved very difficult indeed,being that my husband is self employed. They all wanted 3 years of accounts from this country.....well thats impossible when you have lived abroad for 10yrs. We could provide 10yrs from the accountant in Canada,but that does'nt count !!!!.
Anyhow we found a lovely property but still needed a tiny tiny mortgage. To cut a long story short we went back to the bank we bought our first two houses in the UK with and still had an account with. They either back tracked our credit history through that or some thing else,but they give us the tiny amount we needed. So folks we should be our own home in April .......
We are so excited ......finally we can settle in the beautiful lake district
Feb 28th 2014, 3:12 pm
#129
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2010
Location: US
Posts: 4,224
Re: 15 month update
2.5year up-date ........ we are finally buying a house !!!!!
It has taken quite a while to sell our property in Alberta and get all the funds through. We thought it would be easy to get a little mortgage with have a big lump sum to put down,but it has proved very difficult indeed,being that my husband is self employed. They all wanted 3 years of accounts from this country.....well thats impossible when you have lived abroad for 10yrs. We could provide 10yrs from the accountant in Canada,but that does'nt count !!!!.
Anyhow we found a lovely property but still needed a tiny tiny mortgage. To cut a long story short we went back to the bank we bought our first two houses in the UK with and still had an account with. They either back tracked our credit history through that or some thing else,but they give us the tiny amount we needed. So folks we should be our own home in April .......
We are so excited ......finally we can settle in the beautiful lake district
It has taken quite a while to sell our property in Alberta and get all the funds through. We thought it would be easy to get a little mortgage with have a big lump sum to put down,but it has proved very difficult indeed,being that my husband is self employed. They all wanted 3 years of accounts from this country.....well thats impossible when you have lived abroad for 10yrs. We could provide 10yrs from the accountant in Canada,but that does'nt count !!!!.
Anyhow we found a lovely property but still needed a tiny tiny mortgage. To cut a long story short we went back to the bank we bought our first two houses in the UK with and still had an account with. They either back tracked our credit history through that or some thing else,but they give us the tiny amount we needed. So folks we should be our own home in April .......
We are so excited ......finally we can settle in the beautiful lake district
Are you in the countryside?
That is strange you had so much trouble getting a small loan.
Cheers
Feb 28th 2014, 3:33 pm
#130
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2008
Location: Alberta to Kendal
Posts: 353
Re: 15 month update
We are in the beautiful town of Kendal ........we love it !
Yes i know it was hard to believe the amount we needed ,to the %97 we were putting down on the house.
Yes i know it was hard to believe the amount we needed ,to the %97 we were putting down on the house.
Feb 28th 2014, 5:14 pm
#131
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2010
Location: US
Posts: 4,224
Re: 15 month update
Feb 28th 2014, 5:21 pm
#132
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: Scotland, just!
Posts: 2,053
Re: 15 month update
2.5year up-date ........ we are finally buying a house !!!!!
It has taken quite a while to sell our property in Alberta and get all the funds through. We thought it would be easy to get a little mortgage with have a big lump sum to put down,but it has proved very difficult indeed,being that my husband is self employed. They all wanted 3 years of accounts from this country.....well thats impossible when you have lived abroad for 10yrs. We could provide 10yrs from the accountant in Canada,but that does'nt count !!!!.
Anyhow we found a lovely property but still needed a tiny tiny mortgage. To cut a long story short we went back to the bank we bought our first two houses in the UK with and still had an account with. They either back tracked our credit history through that or some thing else,but they give us the tiny amount we needed. So folks we should be our own home in April .......
We are so excited ......finally we can settle in the beautiful lake district
It has taken quite a while to sell our property in Alberta and get all the funds through. We thought it would be easy to get a little mortgage with have a big lump sum to put down,but it has proved very difficult indeed,being that my husband is self employed. They all wanted 3 years of accounts from this country.....well thats impossible when you have lived abroad for 10yrs. We could provide 10yrs from the accountant in Canada,but that does'nt count !!!!.
Anyhow we found a lovely property but still needed a tiny tiny mortgage. To cut a long story short we went back to the bank we bought our first two houses in the UK with and still had an account with. They either back tracked our credit history through that or some thing else,but they give us the tiny amount we needed. So folks we should be our own home in April .......
We are so excited ......finally we can settle in the beautiful lake district
Feb 28th 2014, 5:42 pm
#133
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2008
Location: Alberta to Kendal
Posts: 353
Re: 15 month update
Congratulations!!! I am so pleased that you are enjoying life in Kendal and moving into your home soon. Bet you are not missing the weather in Alberta. It has been a brutal winter and is still in the double digits below freezing. I know I am not missing the Calgary weather as I have been out working in my garden in February!! Unheard of in Ab.
Feb 28th 2014, 6:09 pm
#134
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: Scotland, just!
Posts: 2,053
Re: 15 month update
Feb 28th 2014, 6:26 pm
#135
Looking for my marbles.
Joined: Jul 2013
Location: durham, durham, England
Posts: 730
Re: 15 month update
what a fantastic place. Oh I miss the mountains and the little cottages made from Lake District grey slate! It's our first place to visit when we finally get home in A couple of months time. Enjoy you're new home.