Originally Posted by J.JsOH

This has been our 2nd Christmas back.

On being back, overall I feel it is OK here but I miss North Carolina.
I feel that other than healthcare and a initial sense of 'being home' there are no life satisfaction benefits to being in UK than we had in US. UK has not met expectations.

No, I am not hankering to move back to USA but I have a sense of resignation rather than joy that I am here to stay in UK.

In perspective, I lived longer in one place in USA than I ever did elsewhere in my life. So a feeling that US is my roots is natural.

If I had known just how emotionally difficult it was going to be to re-acclimate to UK then I would not have been so willing to move back. Not that there is any blame or regret, it was always a promise when we went to USA for my job that we would come back to UK when June, (J.J) was really ready to do so.

My biggest problem with UK is the decline in social moral standards of the residents of England, thefts at all levels, physical crimes, take and not give.
Further I feel that very few here know what they are doing, it is difficult to get straight talk from service companies, phone, insurance, banks, councils etc, they all seem to be unwilling to clearly state anything and instead hide behind a lot of flim-flam and caveats.
I think I am struggling with behavioral norms compared to US.

I wonder deeply why I feel this way and probably will never figure it out. There is a lot going on. My job here has been unfulfilling, at least that has now gone and I'm glad to be out of it. I am distressed also at this time because my Mother has advanced Parkinson's and now has a unhappy existence and although she gets unlimited medication I feel that the health service has been reluctant and random. As a foreigner abroad there maybe was a sense of adventure, even after 18 years. Maybe I felt somewhat a celebrity amongst my friends there by being a 'foreigner' while here I am just another white haired old guy amongst all the others.

But wait, the sun is out, the air is crisp and it is time to get out for a brisk walk.
The song "hello mother, hello father, here I am at camp Granada..... comes to mind. But I know that the cycle will start all over again soon. Is this a case of glass half empty / full or is the glass over-designed for the intended contents?

However, I will continue to put on a positive face and make effort to integrate - realising what I am experiencing is similar to what my wife, J.J struggled through as a trailing spouse with difficulty accepting living in USA.
I do have a lot to be grateful for, I do not regret the foreign experience and despite my difficulties with re-settling do not have strong regrets about being back, disappointment with some things here but not regret.

Originally Posted by Fish n Chips 56

John, Thanks for your informative posts.

I can relate to what you are saying as I've been back to the UK and tried it once, after a while the novelty wears off, everything becomes normal day to day stuff and therefore boring, for some reason you don't do all the things you dreamed of as they are readily available. (we returned to the USA in 90 as I couldn't get a job).

Theft, I cant understand why there is so much theft in the UK, its been like that all long but seems worse these days, who's buying all these stolen items??? I hate thieves, to steal is so pointless.

I must admit I wonder if I will ever fit in as I've now lived in the USA longer than the UK, I just want to blend in and will try my best when the time comes, I'm still more British than American, but that is reinforced daily by the people around me, I think we Brit's are treated special and it does feel good, that being said I know there are some that dislike us, I'm not one to stand out from the crowd so I always play down the British part of me.

I've been here 36 years and all I think about every hour of every day is the U.K. I came here with my parents and sisters, I never wanted to leave the UK but was at that funny age where I couldn't survive on my own, for decades I felt like a guest infact I still feel that way, its a strange feeling, I just know I will never settle here, then again I wonder if I will settle anywhere...

My Mother passed away three years ago today, after seeing her decline with Alzheimer's and 5 years in a care home I know I don't want to live out my days here, I don't want to visit my sick wife in a care home or her visit me, that would be awful, not only that but she has lots of family in the UK that could be of help if that situation was to arise, as caregivers we all need help and support, I've been through this and know how difficult it is...

I've worked hard here and don't mind that but the thought I could lose everything overnight still bothers me daily, I just wish we didn't have the worries of going broke all the time...

British Moral standards, I understand your thoughts on that too, its almost like some people haven't a clue about the quality of life and how to behave, just out for what they can get, those people are annoying, and then I compare them to the people here, and all the pointless deaths and murders, Life is hard to figure out some days, I think its all about feeling comfortable, safe and happy...

Originally Posted by J.JsOH

While the US news channels may have hidden the realities of life from us here the BBC seems to pile on bad news after bad news on us, corruptions, murders, the works. It is depressing

Originally Posted by J.JsOH

That's deep thoughts Fish, but I am fishing in the same depth's.

While the US news channels may have hidden the realities of life from us here the BBC seems to pile on bad news after bad news on us, corruptions, murders, the works. It is depressing and somehow I've become a news junkie addicted to whatever else has gone wrong that will shock me. I totally avoid the papers but when the bleeding ads come on tv I tend to flip to the news channel. I should go make tea instead I suppose, or mute the ads.

Today I was happy for a while in my own little bubble. June was at her exercise class, I took a 6 mile walk from home through the countryside in bright sunshine, glorious. Then had lunch and settled in to an afternoon movie.

We are struggling with dealing with my mother, a very difficult person (and the reason I joined the navy at 16 yrs old) has been in hospital for 10 days, there because her husband could no longer cope with caring for her Parkinsons, but today, before the conclusion of her assessment period, played up and demanded she be discharged from hospital and go to her home against all advice from doctors and staff. If I hadn't taken her home she was set to call a taxi, and she can barely walk without assistance. On the one hand I want to care for her because she is my mother but she has a wicked tongue and if she wasn't related would be a person to be avoided.
Still, all praise and admiration to the NHS hospital staff for the care and tolerance they provided in a difficult situation.

Originally Posted by sallysimmons

I have a friend in the UK who had to work in Sweden for a year. While he was gone, his wife got rid of the TV because she was sick of feeling depressed. That was 7 years ago and he said he has no desire to get it back because he is so much happier now. I am really considering not bothering with a TV when we return and just watching our shows online.

The US media keeps people in a state of ignorance and you know what they say about that! But the UK media seems to err too far in the opposite direction.

I am so sorry about your mother, but also glad that you are there for her. I'm sure it is a thankless task but it does mean something to her I'm sure, even if she can't/won't express it. It seems as though you are going through some extremely stressful times (mother, job etc.) and that is on top of having to acclimatize to a new culture. I think you are doing incredibly well in the face of all that, if you don't mind me saying. When my husband and I first moved to Canada, we had a bunch of other stressors happen at the same time - he wound up quite severely depressed and I started having panic attacks. It was nothing to do with Canada - just all the stuff that happened at the same time. I admire your resilience - keep up the 6 mile walks and eventually, things will seem better I'm sure.

Originally Posted by J.JsOH

That's deep thoughts Fish, but I am fishing in the same depth's.

While the US news channels may have hidden the realities of life from us here the BBC seems to pile on bad news after bad news on us, corruptions, murders, the works. It is depressing and somehow I've become a news junkie addicted to whatever else has gone wrong that will shock me. I totally avoid the papers but when the bleeding ads come on tv I tend to flip to the news channel. I should go make tea instead I suppose, or mute the ads.

Today I was happy for a while in my own little bubble. June was at her exercise class, I took a 6 mile walk from home through the countryside in bright sunshine, glorious. Then had lunch and settled in to an afternoon movie.

We are struggling with dealing with my mother, a very difficult person (and the reason I joined the navy at 16 yrs old) has been in hospital for 10 days, there because her husband could no longer cope with caring for her Parkinsons, but today, before the conclusion of her assessment period, played up and demanded she be discharged from hospital and go to her home against all advice from doctors and staff. If I hadn't taken her home she was set to call a taxi, and she can barely walk without assistance. On the one hand I want to care for her because she is my mother but she has a wicked tongue and if she wasn't related would be a person to be avoided.
Still, all praise and admiration to the NHS hospital staff for the care and tolerance they provided in a difficult situation.

Originally Posted by Fish n Chips 56

Hello John...

Deep Thoughts exactly, I'm big thinker, I'm very honest with myself and others, it works for me.

The News, you have it exactly right, The BBC is well known for facts, The national channels here seem to have lots of sports and celebrity news which has very little value to me, I find the politics very depressing, its so hard to trust what people are saying as lying is not a crime...

Our local news is full of crime, nasty murders, drunker drivers, corruption, fraud, theft you name it...

I always used to read newspapers when I lived in the UK, I haven't read a newspaper in quite a while, it has little appeal anymore although I do read some UK articles sent to me online, I doubt I would sign up for a British newspaper if I lived in the UK, some of it is nothing but depressing and who needs that, so much of it is made up to sound like an exciting story, I used to believe everything without question, I've been interviewed three times by newspapers and every time they messed up the story or truth, so I have to ask how often does that happen.

I think unless you are bored and resigned to a chair there may be better things to do with your time, I realize I'm getting older and know we cant take our mobility for granted so going out is really a good idea, your walk sounded wonderful to me, I need to do more of that...

Oh Boy I'm not sure what to say about your mother, I've never been in that position, my mother had a totally different personality to yours, I think you had little choice in the matter as your Mother was calling the shots, it would be embarrassing, but I'm sure the nurses understood and felt for you...

Originally Posted by J.JsOH

Just to expand upon what I said above about bad TV news, while the international situation is quite depressing, wars and economy and natural disasters, I was thinking at the time more about the local stuff; metal thefts from war memorials and church roofs and railway signalling cables which may seem to the perps as victimless crimes but are definitely not, knife violence and robberies, fraud and corruption at a local level.
There are more people now in this crowded island and so presumably crimes increase proportionally.
It would be nice in a way to shut it all out but we must stay alert to current events else how can we speak out against it. No doubt previous generations have their own reasons for despair (I just came from watching the movie Dunkirk) and no doubt life will continue.

Originally Posted by windsong

FnC, I agree with you.

If I am going to switch on TV to hear the news I want the FACTS. If I've had enough facts after two minutes I will switch it off. I don't, however, want to turn it on and hear a load of propaganda and fake news such as we hear in the USA.

It's been about 5 years since I have read a newspaper - don't miss it.

I was without TV for about 18 months by choice. Didn't miss it a jot.

I recently had a different Internet connection installed so I thought I'd try TV again. Waste of money. I rarely watch it and when I do it's only for the odd movie. I might get it taken out again - and I only had it installed the second week of December.

What do I do in place of TV? I promote an entertainer, started a business that could be international if I choose - working on very first contract now.

I learn new things all the time because I have more time to learn. In other words, I am much more productive.

I much prefer watching the UK iPlayers.

Originally Posted by Fish n Chips 56

Just to verify, I don't hate TV, I'm just selective what I watch, I enjoy most but not all British stuff I find on BBC America and PBS, and I like other American channels too, the News, well much of it is Fluff or the same old negative stuff like Murder, I like to know what's going on but I don't need to see the same story 5 or 10 times over a day or two...

I love a British comedy and a good laugh, I have no intentions of living without a TV...

Originally Posted by Brigette

This is such good information. I plan on keeping my US account open for as long as I can and particularly since I will more than likely moving towards the end of the US tax year.

Originally Posted by Brigette

This is such good information. I plan on keeping my US account open for as long as I can and particularly since I will more than likely moving towards the end of the US tax year.

Originally Posted by J.JsOH

Brigette,
on keeping Bank Accounts, we noticed our US bank has started deduction $10 month Maintenance Fee without advising us.

We were keeping it open just-in-case, there were only tax payment refund out/in this past year. It is not worth $10 / month so we have now closed it.

Originally Posted by sallysimmons

The US media keeps people in a state of ignorance and you know what they say about that! But the UK media seems to err too far in the opposite direction.

Originally Posted by J.JsOH

Brigette,
on keeping Bank Accounts, we noticed our US bank has started deduction $10 month Maintenance Fee without advising us.

We were keeping it open just-in-case, there were only tax payment refund out/in this past year. It is not worth $10 / month so we have now closed it.