Originally Posted by spouse of scouse (Post 12034304)

..... the scouse accent still catches me out!

Originally Posted by Pulaski (Post 12041329)

That comes with being a woolyback. :lol:

Originally Posted by spouse of scouse (Post 12041480)

The travails of living in a place with a different language to your own :lol:

Originally Posted by Novocastrian (Post 12041586)

I think this is the kernel of the problem. I'm getting back to earlier posts on this thread about the "curse of the ex-pat"... not feeling at home anywhere after decades abroad.

My experience (anecdotal as everyone's is) is that moving between different languages is better than moving between english speaking countries. I know it sounds weird, but going e.g. from the UK to NZ, Canada, Australia etc,. and then retuning to the UK doesn't prepare you as well for the reality that the UK will have changed when you get back.

Moving to countries where you need to acquire a new language doesn't result in you believing so much that you belong nowhere, but rather that you belong everywhere.

Just my 2 cents.

Originally Posted by Novocastrian (Post 12041586)

.... the reality that the UK will have changed when you get back. ....

Originally Posted by Pulaski (Post 12041705)

But that is the very crux of the issue, you can move between regions of the UK and things can change so much that if you return to somewhere you lived previously it would feel like a different place.

Parts of Gloucester have changed so much that I barely recogise them, and much of Sheffield that I left as a child have changed a whole lot more, such that even if I had stayed in the UK if I had moved "back " there it would have been like moving to a city I had not lived in previously.

Originally Posted by Lion in Winter (Post 12043470)

Going to live again in the UK isn't "going back". It's going on to the next adventure.

Originally Posted by Lion in Winter (Post 12043470)

Of course it is always possible that I have the mental age of a 16 year old.

Originally Posted by Sugarmooma (Post 12043508)

So you're only 2 years younger than me?:blink:

Originally Posted by Tr1boy (Post 12042863)

I've said this before, that feeling is a two way street. The Sydney I moved to in the 80s is barely recognisable to the Sydney of today, and not in a good way. Everywhere changes, home and away.

As for the original post from SoS, I can identify a bit with how Mr Scouse is feeling. I think Mrs TB is more settled here than I am. having Flipper had an amazing 'grounding effect' on her and the reverse from me. I look at things with a view of what would be best for her and whilst we are very happy here for the most part, my mind is is always throwing up the question of this whole other life that she's missing out on.

Of course when things don't go so well, that feeling of 'belonging nowhere' and seeing the negatives gets stronger but then I remember all the positive things about living here.

It could be that he knows you are here for him and when he sees a negative about the UK, the guilt of bringing you here is magnified and his only way of 'fixing' that is to take you back. i could be wide of the mark but that feeling visits me every now and then in respect to Mrs TB.

I hope all works out for you:fingers crossed:


Of course, you could always just move to the Beautiful South (all the other northerners have:lol: )

Originally Posted by spouse of scouse (Post 12043558)

You make a lot of sense. Except for the bit about moving South :lol:

I tell scouse often how much I love it here, and I do. But I do have my 'moments', they're infrequent but they are there. We sent Mum some daft things to cheer her up after her surgery, teddy bear holding balloons, jelly beans, stuff like that.

One of my sisters sent us a video of Mum saying thanks. She kept telling us on the phone how well she was recovering, but she looked much frailer than last time we saw her. On the video she was smiling and saying 'I'm not very good at this', but we could see her twisting her hands. I tried not cry in front of scouse but failed miserably. He's been trying to persuade me to go home for a visit ever since, but I've been here for 10 months and I've already been home for a 7 week visit!

So you're quite right Tr1boy, he's hypersensitive to any sign that I'm unhappy, even though I bounce back pretty quickly.

I'm sure it'll work out. I hope it works out :fingerscrossed:

Originally Posted by spouse of scouse (Post 12031093)

It's been 10 months since scouse moved back and I moved over.

This might be a bit of a strange update, because I was happy in Perth, WA, and I'm happy in New Brighton, Wirral - so apart from my family there's nothing I really miss about Australia, and there's nothing I dislike about being in the UK. In fact I felt at home here as soon as I arrived. Oh ok, a couple of weeks after I arrived :lol:

But there has been one huge surprise, something I'd never have imagined in a million years. Scouse isn't particularly happy here. After years of planning and looking forward to going home, of looking forward to spending time with his one remaining sibling, after being well over the heat of Perth summers, and of being worried for me, worried that I'd miss my family and home - he's the one that hasn't really settled. My mouth still drops open every time I think of it.

At first I thought that was because we're on Wirral side of the Mersey, instead of in his home town of Liverpool. Initially he did look longingly 'over the water', and always commented on how he felt different when we walked around Liverpool city (10 minutes from our home by car, 15 by train).

But he says it's not that now. We've covered most of Liverpool in recent months looking for a buy to let property, and the more he sees, the less he likes. His beloved Liverpool. I really am struggling to understand.

It's also not about missing his (adult) kids, who weren't the best at visiting anyway.

He loves being close to his brother again, they talk on the phone every day, we visit each others houses every few days, we all go out for a drink together etc. So all's good on that front.

He's worked hard on renovating our home here, which he really enjoyed - he's the kind of bloke who always needs to have a project. There's still bits and pieces that need doing, so he's not just sitting around moping.

We have a terrific marriage with a great deal of love and laughs, so it's not that either.

He says he doesn't know what it is, and he's not unhappy, just - nothing. Not happy and not unhappy. And - he's wondering if I'd be agreeable to moving back to Oz in around 4 years..... I can hardly believe I wrote that. I can hardly believe he even said that.

So here I am, 10 months after all the emotional and financial upheaval of leaving my elderly mum, my terminally ill stepdad, my siblings, my friends and the place I'd lived all my life - that sounds like 'poor me', but that's not what I mean, I made the move willingly and even eagerly - and I've made a good life here, and I'm happy. And now it's all up in the air. I feel like crying - and I certainly didn't intend to write that when I started this post!

I think I'll go and have a cup of tea.