joelabs

I'm looking at moving out next year and am going out for a reccie in November, but you wouldn't believe the grief I'm getting off my family.
It's as if I'm putting a dagger through my mother's heart that I am taking her 3 grandchildren away.
I wouldn't mind but she has 5 others!
My brothers and sister have said they'll never visit EVER and I sometimes wonder if it is really worth all the hassle.
We are a very close family but I'm in danger of really pissing off my OH as she does want to go. By the way her Dad is very supportive and will visit all the time.
Australia better be worth it!!

Joe

pendleman

Don't worry it passes. The emotional blackmail thing is common.

killamarsh

I know this doesn't make it any easier - but we come into this world on our own and leave on our own. I think it's a real shame that family members can be so selfish and not celebrate such a decision and encourage people when they decide to try something new in life.

ozzieclare2b

We have this too from the inlaws, they are trying to ignore it is happening. Try not to feel guilty as hard as it is, you only get one life!!

homewardbound

Well I really feel for you!

If I didnt have the support of my parents then I wouldnt beable to go. As a single parent who relies heavily on my parents for emotional support and as babysitters, I just couldnt go if they werent behind me egging me on!

It is hard for family they forget that your happiness is ultimate... you arent taking the kids away from them but giving them an extra place to go for holidays on the cheap ;-)

sprug

My parents hated my OH for months when we told them our plans to move. They blamed him for wanting to take me and our 2 children to the other side of the world. They didnt speak to him and it was truly awful, I thought they would never forgive him. This was 9 months ago and now although they arnt best pleased that we are going but they have come around to the idea that we are going and are beginning to talk about it to us. They have got past the we are never visiting you in australia and are now on the we will come every 2 years. Im sure we will be their a few months and they will be over visiting us. This will be the same for you im sure. Once they get over this shock they will come around. Maybe they will never be completely happy but they will realise that you are doing this for your family and they will see how happy it makes you.

daunted

YUP!! im getting all this crap too destroyed me for a while (see another post on here LOL) but now jsut more determined to do what is right for ME and my kids its not easy though hey?

mark 'n' joe

We havent had a lot of support either, I know that no one in my family will visit when we get there. Marks mum has been fine about it but they spend 6 months in florida anyway. They will visit us but not sure about the rest of Marks family. When we got our visa Mark told his bro that we had good news, that we got the visa, his bro said "why is that good news"?. Its not like we see each other that often anyway!

At the end of the day, you have to do what is right for you, your wife and kids. Personally, I dont want to say in the future "what if"!

Good luck.


Joexx

ps My mum and dad only have 2 grandchildren and we will be taking one of them to the otherside of the world. Trying not to feel guilty but its hard sometimes

jad n rich

Calm down its not emotional blackmail, they are telling your how they feel, what do you expect, that they wouldn't give a toss.

This is easier to understand once you have lived on the other side of the world. Once you've been thorough your kids seeing your parents twice in 7 years (and thats more than many here could ever afford) you will understand their point of view.

Its a long way, and many parents cant afford the time money to visit, even if they start out it will taper off with lifes process - age. Few on australian wages go back reguarly, your looking around $10,000 of fares for a family of 4
Visit australia see if its so good you do want to give up your family. It really depends on how close you are too them and if one side is well off enough to keep the visits up

joelabs

Appreciate all the replys folks.
Only problem is my parents are in their 70's and I don't think they will visit.
My Dad's sister lives in Sydney and they have only been to see her once and that was over 20 years ago, said the journey almost killed them.
Just feel I'm being pushed and pulled in 2 different directions!!

Nozzys

Think everyone seems to have extremes where parents are concerned - OH's mother is really behind us and constantly on the internet looking things up about where we are going but my parents are really struggling. I just keep talking about our plans so even though they don't want to talk about it they are still involved with what we are doing.

We fly out on the 18th October.

We have set up Skype with both sets of parents on their computers with webcams so that they can see us and speak to us at the same time and it doesn't cost anything through the internet. This way they will feel closer to us.

Nat

tyke

Just try and bite your tongue.

I know it's hard.

My brother and I are closer now than we have ever been, seen lots of our family since we moved here.

It is worth it for your immediate family

KerryRyan

I think it is quite normal, i am having the same here and like you i am very close to my family, my sister is like having a twin, but you have to look at your family unit, we have two girls and they are my parents only grandchildren so i do feel the upset, but i am thinking about there and our life and how much better it will be for them in Oz. We have got to give it a chance i don't want to be old and wishing we had given it ago.

My dad only today said he wont visit but wishes us all the best, i guarantee he will visit, i can read him like a book he will visit, its just the way he is and how he is dealing with it. Sometimes i do wish people wouldn't say anything at all though as it is hard for us as well.

DebiE

My mum was the same...she even went to the extent not to come and see us in the few months leading up to us leaving. She said she was preparing herself for when the time came for us to leave. This cut me like a knife!

Once we moved over here all the blackmail and frostiness we had from my mum seemed to evaporate. Maybe it was her way of dealing with things and she soon came round to the idea.

We took both my parents and inlaws only grandchildren away, but it was something we had to do for us. You need to live your life for yourself and those who care enough will soon come round.

No matter what you do or what you decide they'll always be someone who isn't happy. It's all part of the process!

Live your dreams and enjoy your new life.

Debi

tony s

my outlaws are the same, they are in denial. wot makes me laugh is they hardly come and see the kids [7 miles away]