invictia

As some of you know I am leaving an abusive relationship in sept (need to keep working for a couple more weeks for the money) and moving to Darwin. But bottom fell out of my world last night when 16 yr old son told me he wouldn't be coming with me, just me and 11 yr old daughter going now. He is staying here in Ceduna with friends, ( he wants to finish year 11!) but wont consider doing so in Darwin, just wondering if anyone else has been through this type of thing, feel very guilty about going without him, but will not be held to ransom by my children! Its taken me a lot of courage to be able to walk away from my marriage at nearly 40 and start again, I'm worried about paying rent, claiming centrelink payments, eating and finding work etc., ( I know these things will sort themselves out eventually) this is the last thing I need, but I WILL NOT BACK down, am I doing the right thing by saying tough sh*t, I'm going with or without him?
All ideas will be welcome.

stephenwhite68

be strong, keep your head up
all will be ok

Hels

I cant offer any advice on this as I dont have children, nor have I ever been in your situation. But I can offer good thoughts and hope that everything goes well for you and I am sure it will all work out in the end...

Good luck

Hels

moneypenny20

Invictia

You have been through a bl**dy awful time. It is now time to think of yourself. If son is happy to stay with friends, and they are happy to have him, don't worry. He has probably been through a rough time watching your relationship collapse. As long as he knows you love him he will be fine. Try not to stress too much. He will always be your son where ever you both are. Good luck to all of you and let us know how you get on.

Sending lots of hugs and good vibes through cyber space.

Penny

callé

Invictia, you need to get out now girl! my first marriage was in an abusive relationship. It will not get better, only worse. Move on now. you will be fine. Your son will know how to contact you and very possibly will in time. he should be fine in the meantime if he has friends to stay with. He will probably join you as soon as he gets himself sorted out with school and his mates. I cant tell you the relief when I left my first husband. wished I had done it much sooner. Good luck.
calle

maggy

Try to remain positive

My daughter 15 year old decided on the 11th hour to stay in scotland with her father to continue her school studies.

I was devestated as I had raised her without any financial help from her father for years and it was tough, very tough.

She was my baby and always will be.It was the hardest decision I had ever had to make in my entire life and I shed buckets of tears.

One minute i was emigrating the next i was staying, it almost tore my family to bits.

I did eventually make the move and constantly questioned if i had done the correct thing.

I have been here in Perth 10 weeks now and my beautiful daughter is coming to visit in oct for a month but is now thinking of giving it 6 months to see if she likes it.

It was not until we had left Scotland that she realised how much she missed us all and how much we missed her too.

I cannot wait for her visit and truly believe from the bottom of my heart that once she gets here she will want to stay.

You have to stay positive you have been through so much.

It will all work out in the end.

Feel free to e mail or pm me if you need to off load.

All the very best to you

Love

Mags
xxx

stephenwhite68

Good luck too mags

maggy

Thanks mate

I have been very lucky since I have been here made some great friends all through this site.

My son constantly tells my daughter how great Oz is and how she will love it here.

Megan my daughter is so out going and very very funny she will have no probs making friends just going to have to watch the boys when she arrives as she is a stunner. Just like her mum hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Thats a lie lol but she sure dont take her looks from her dad.

It is very difficult leaving your babies behind and I often shed tears over it but I know my son is so much happier here and I know Megan will love it too.

When they are teenagers they think they know it all and their friends are more important than family. UNTIL THEY ARE NO LONGER THERE FOR THEM.

I mean that as in the fact that we cannot physically be there.

Thankfully we have the internet and web cams so the world does not seem such a big place, if that makes sense.

You have to do what feels right and sometimes its like an emotional roller coaster.

I try my hardest and my god sometimes its hard but try to find a positive in a negative.

Things always have a way of working themselves out.

Good luck to anyone in a similar position

Keep smiling and stay positive

Love

Mags
xxxxxxxxxxxx

macky

Hi,

This is the first time on this site, was recommended by a friend who left for Perth 31st Dec 2003... and is loving it..

I have been reading all kinds of discussions for the past week or so and find it very, very informative, especially as myself and family have decided to apply to migrate to Aus.

Although I am still researching, areas, culture everything I can possibly think off!!! I have 4 kids ages 15, 14, 9 and 8. My youngest child is 'Autistic', but attends a main stream school and so far this has been effective. Has anybody been in a similar situation and if so, do school's have 'Special Needs' teachers, Support Workers etc??? This is a 'BIG' worry and I would love to hear from anybody who has any info.

Thanks.

JAJ

Perth's summer weather should help. Hope it all works out for her.
Has she got a PR visa? If not, you need to start working out the sponsorship process now. Child visas can be applied for onshore, but she ought to make sure she has a valid application in the system before the stay permitted on her visa expires.

If she has a tourist visa with condition 8503 (no further stay) - get professional advice. You may want to get advice on the child visa process in general if you find the information on the DIMIA site confusing.

Jeremy

yvsie

I do understand the angst that teenagers go through when making a huge or small move.
We left the Uk almost a year ago now and our middle daughter is struggling...
She wants to go back to the Uk..'I would give anything' she says.
She has hit an alltime low and it hurts like hell being her mum and knowing that we have basically made her feel so crap!
But I know that visiting now may make things worse or maybe better...so will wait till next year to let her visit...

Nobody said that this would be an easy ride coming here..but boy oh boy..do we know it at the moment...


So Invicta......
Maybe to leave your son behind will be the best thing....at least if he makes his own mind up to follow on later you wont be the bad mum for dragging him away from his mates!
knowing that we took the decision away from our kids and said we're going so its tough!...I particularly feel very guilty for bringing them sometimes...
then other times I thing..my god this is the best thing we've ever done.


Im still on the rollercoaster ride...and have been on it since April 2002 when we made the decision to make the move!!!.....longest ride ever eh??
when can I get off please?