Women over 40?

Old Jul 23rd 2005, 7:34 am
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Default Women over 40?

Are there any of you out there who feel like me?

The kids are grown, you've spent all those years doing what you have to do instead of what you wanted to? I think i'm having a mid life crisis!
I don't want to be what i've always been, I want change, have new vision, new experiences and a total life overhaul. When we finally land in Australia ( i lived there for a year 2yrs ago) I want not only to change where i live, but change my whole world. A new career maybe? New learning and do things i have never done before. I'm done with talking kids, cooking, price of lettuce, who's wearing what, and endless mind numbing conversations over coffee!!

I am so excited by it all, I sometimes lay awake at night thinking about all the different options and wild ideas I have.
Whilst its something i am hell bent on doing, it also scares the crap out of me too, which makes me want to bury my head in the duvet and forget it. LOL

Anyone else have the same feelings and dreams?
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Old Jul 23rd 2005, 7:43 am
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Default Re: Women over 40?

I'm not over 40 (almost 34) but I'm certainly having similar thoughts to you. I plan to 're-invent' myself when I arrive in Oz! Not too sure how I'll do it or what I'll re-invent myself to yet, but I'm definitely looking forward to it. I work for a bank at the moment and can't stand it - I just wish I could hand in my resignation right now but we've got a few debts to pay off before leaving! When I get to Oz I'm hoping to do a bit of volunteer work initially - perhaps at my daughters school.

Ooh you've got me thinking about it all again now!!

Very exciting, and yes you're right, very frightening too!! :scared:
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Old Jul 23rd 2005, 7:49 am
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Default Re: Women over 40?

Originally Posted by Flutterscutter
Are there any of you out there who feel like me?

The kids are grown, you've spent all those years doing what you have to do instead of what you wanted to? I think i'm having a mid life crisis!
I don't want to be what i've always been, I want change, have new vision, new experiences and a total life overhaul. When we finally land in Australia ( i lived there for a year 2yrs ago) I want not only to change where i live, but change my whole world. A new career maybe? New learning and do things i have never done before. I'm done with talking kids, cooking, price of lettuce, who's wearing what, and endless mind numbing conversations over coffee!!

I am so excited by it all, I sometimes lay awake at night thinking about all the different options and wild ideas I have.
Whilst its something i am hell bent on doing, it also scares the crap out of me too, which makes me want to bury my head in the duvet and forget it. LOL

Anyone else have the same feelings and dreams?
I'm not over 40, but I had my children young & they're reaching that leaving-the-nest-stage now. I came to Aus & reinvented myself. I came and started a whole different career, tried new things, started studying things I really wanted to. Volunteered for things that really matter to me.

I'm finding that I enjoy having time for the things I want to do now & I jealously guard that time as there are many people who think now that your children are off your hands you are free to help them sort their lives out or to look after their children - hah!

It's been really exciting, and exhausting.

Just realise that you have so much more experience now, go out there and get-em - it's a wonderful experience to have.
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Old Jul 23rd 2005, 8:01 am
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Default Re: Women over 40?

Good luck to you tygwyn. I hope you get to do what you have always wanted to.


G'day. You have really made my day. I was feeling a bit hesitant about it earlier, but you have given me some fighting spirit. I just hope i have your stamina
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Old Jul 23rd 2005, 8:34 am
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Default Re: Women over 40?

What did you study G'day?

Until i did a senior first aid course recently, i didnt have much interest in anatomy, or the workings of the body, but i was fascinated. I Would love to look into this sphere, but medical nursing might not be my thing as i'm a bit squeamish.
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Old Jul 23rd 2005, 8:43 am
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Default Re: Women over 40?

I am studying Psychology. I studied it before, but got bogged down with other things which paid better, but didn't make me get up with a smile in the morning. Three children, morgage to pay....you know the story

Just a word of advise to both of you. Don't get bogged down with all the trappings of life again when you come here. Look at what bogs you down now and make a plan to lose it before you come over and not to take it up again once you are here. I made a firm commitment when we came over that I wasn't going to get trapped in the whole cycle I was in before. So I have stayed clear of debt as far as possible and I am taking care of my future, but without robbing me of my today. I never again want to have to go to work because I have to, because I owe, I owe, so off to work I go. My lifestyle is leaner now, I keep it that way because it allows me to be so much more flexible.

I know myself so much better now. I know what I like and dislike and what I need in my life to make me happy and to help me make the people around me happy. I know that a lot of what I did and owned before I did and bought because of being young and feeling the pressure from friends and family to have the things they think I should have to "be successful". Now I don't care about those things anymore & I resist fiercely any pressure to fit into someone else's mould for me. I KNOW I am successful, why do I need the trappings to prove it to the world?

I very much like having most of my income to do things I want to do with, rather than to spend it on paying off huge debts made for things I don't really need in my life. My home is comfortable, but not so fussy that I have to spend all of my time maintaining it. I always plan my weeks and days to have time for the unexpected, the impulsive side of me. I get annoyed if my weekends and evenings are booked weeks in advance, even though I love my friends and like to spend time with them. The most valuable words I've learnt to use is "No-thank-you".

And dream big things for your life. I recently went to a fabulous seminar and the speaker said:"People live with passion because they dream." I agree with this wholeheartedly. When we dream and we start to put in place ways to attain our dreams we have the passion and energy that makes our dreams come true - and life worth living!

Last edited by G'Day; Jul 23rd 2005 at 8:45 am.
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Old Jul 23rd 2005, 8:49 am
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Default Re: Women over 40?

Originally Posted by G'Day
I am studying Psychology. I studied it before, but got bogged down with other things which paid better, but didn't make me get up with a smile in the morning. Three children, morgage to pay....you know the story

Just a word of advise to both of you. Don't get bogged down with all the trappings of life again when you come here. Look at what bogs you down now and make a plan to lose it before you come over and not to take it up again once you are here. I made a firm commitment when we came over that I wasn't going to get trapped in the whole cycle I was in before. So I have stayed clear of debt as far as possible and I am taking care of my future, but without robbing me of my today. I never again want to have to go to work because I have to, because I owe, I owe, so off to work I go. My lifestyle is leaner now, I keep it that way because it allows me to be so much more flexible.

I know myself so much better now. I know what I like and dislike and what I need in my life to make me happy and to help me make the people around me happy. I know that a lot of what I did and owned before I did and bought because of being young and feeling the pressure from friends and family to have the things they think I should have to "be successful". Now I don't care about those things anymore & I resist fiercely any pressure to fit into someone else's mould for me. I KNOW I am successful, why do I need the trappings to prove it to the world?

I very much like having most of my income to do things I want to do with, rather than to spend it on paying off huge debts made for things I don't really need in my life. My home is comfortable, but not so fussy that I have to spend all of my time maintaining it. I always plan my weeks and days to have time for the unexpected, the impulsive side of me. I get annoyed if my weekends and evenings are booked weeks in advance, even though I love my friends and like to spend time with them. The most valuable words I've learnt to use is "No-thank-you".

And dream big things for your life. I recently went to a fabulous seminar and the speaker said:"People live with passion because they dream." I agree with this wholeheartedly. When we dream and we start to put in place ways to attain our dreams we have the passion and energy that makes our dreams come true - and life worth living!

Great post! The main thing I (and hubby) will be shaking off when we move across is the constant maintenance of the house! We're actually looking forward to going into rented accommodation so that we're not continually thinking of how we can improve the property and how we can fund that improvement - we've wasted soooo much money over the years doing this. Time to kick it into touch!

Thanks
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Old Jul 23rd 2005, 8:54 am
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Thumbs up Re: Women over 40?

Originally Posted by Flutterscutter
Are there any of you out there who feel like me?

The kids are grown, you've spent all those years doing what you have to do instead of what you wanted to? I think i'm having a mid life crisis!
I don't want to be what i've always been, I want change, have new vision, new experiences and a total life overhaul. When we finally land in Australia ( i lived there for a year 2yrs ago) I want not only to change where i live, but change my whole world. A new career maybe? New learning and do things i have never done before. I'm done with talking kids, cooking, price of lettuce, who's wearing what, and endless mind numbing conversations over coffee!!

I am so excited by it all, I sometimes lay awake at night thinking about all the different options and wild ideas I have.
Whilst its something i am hell bent on doing, it also scares the crap out of me too, which makes me want to bury my head in the duvet and forget it. LOL

Anyone else have the same feelings and dreams?

YESYES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES...................
And we are not alone - there is an army of us out here, poised to "have a life" - a life of our very own, with US in the middle of it...

I'm 40, right in the middle of my mid-life "spitting of the dummy".... if my husband hears me say "the last 12 years have been about your life and your job - it's MY turn now" I think he will implode!!!!

Mind you, my children are 12, 9 & 4, so total freedom isn't on the cards.... but just something where I have a little bit of self esteem and a little bit of satisfaction, and maybe even a laugh or two!!

So hang on in there - dream away, and plan, and ONE DAY!!
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Old Jul 23rd 2005, 9:00 am
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Default Re: Women over 40?

Originally Posted by G'Day
I am studying Psychology. I studied it before, but got bogged down with other things which paid better, but didn't make me get up with a smile in the morning. Three children, morgage to pay....you know the story

Just a word of advise to both of you. Don't get bogged down with all the trappings of life again when you come here. Look at what bogs you down now and make a plan to lose it before you come over and not to take it up again once you are here. I made a firm commitment when we came over that I wasn't going to get trapped in the whole cycle I was in before. So I have stayed clear of debt as far as possible and I am taking care of my future, but without robbing me of my today. I never again want to have to go to work because I have to, because I owe, I owe, so off to work I go. My lifestyle is leaner now, I keep it that way because it allows me to be so much more flexible.

I know myself so much better now. I know what I like and dislike and what I need in my life to make me happy and to help me make the people around me happy. I know that a lot of what I did and owned before I did and bought because of being young and feeling the pressure from friends and family to have the things they think I should have to "be successful". Now I don't care about those things anymore & I resist fiercely any pressure to fit into someone else's mould for me. I KNOW I am successful, why do I need the trappings to prove it to the world?

I very much like having most of my income to do things I want to do with, rather than to spend it on paying off huge debts made for things I don't really need in my life. My home is comfortable, but not so fussy that I have to spend all of my time maintaining it. I always plan my weeks and days to have time for the unexpected, the impulsive side of me. I get annoyed if my weekends and evenings are booked weeks in advance, even though I love my friends and like to spend time with them. The most valuable words I've learnt to use is "No-thank-you".

And dream big things for your life. I recently went to a fabulous seminar and the speaker said:"People live with passion because they dream." I agree with this wholeheartedly. When we dream and we start to put in place ways to attain our dreams we have the passion and energy that makes our dreams come true - and life worth living!


WOW. Are we related?
You think the same way i do. I am sick to death of the "keep up with joneses" mindset. Although i never really got too caught up in it, i found British society entrenched in it most of the time.
Leaving the UK 4yrs ago was a real eye opener for me. I felt a huge sense of relief leaving all that behind. One of the real upsides to Australia and NZ, is the lack of materliasm and social class system which is rife elsewhere. I'm not saying it doesnt exist in certain places, but in general i feel its easier to be what you want to be without pressure.
We will rent for a year when we get there as i really dont know what i want to do yet and i'm in no hurry to impress others with "things" anymore. I want to get up each day looking forward to it.

Great post!
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Old Jul 23rd 2005, 9:01 am
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Originally Posted by G'Day
I am studying Psychology. I studied it before, but got bogged down with other things which paid better, but didn't make me get up with a smile in the morning. Three children, morgage to pay....you know the story

Just a word of advise to both of you. Don't get bogged down with all the trappings of life again when you come here. Look at what bogs you down now and make a plan to lose it before you come over and not to take it up again once you are here. I made a firm commitment when we came over that I wasn't going to get trapped in the whole cycle I was in before. So I have stayed clear of debt as far as possible and I am taking care of my future, but without robbing me of my today. I never again want to have to go to work because I have to, because I owe, I owe, so off to work I go. My lifestyle is leaner now, I keep it that way because it allows me to be so much more flexible.

I know myself so much better now. I know what I like and dislike and what I need in my life to make me happy and to help me make the people around me happy. I know that a lot of what I did and owned before I did and bought because of being young and feeling the pressure from friends and family to have the things they think I should have to "be successful". Now I don't care about those things anymore & I resist fiercely any pressure to fit into someone else's mould for me. I KNOW I am successful, why do I need the trappings to prove it to the world?

I very much like having most of my income to do things I want to do with, rather than to spend it on paying off huge debts made for things I don't really need in my life. My home is comfortable, but not so fussy that I have to spend all of my time maintaining it. I always plan my weeks and days to have time for the unexpected, the impulsive side of me. I get annoyed if my weekends and evenings are booked weeks in advance, even though I love my friends and like to spend time with them. The most valuable words I've learnt to use is "No-thank-you".

And dream big things for your life. I recently went to a fabulous seminar and the speaker said:"People live with passion because they dream." I agree with this wholeheartedly. When we dream and we start to put in place ways to attain our dreams we have the passion and energy that makes our dreams come true - and life worth living!
So good to see you back posting, I also love your outlook on life, one of the more real posters here

I have to say that my outlook has changed badly since my move back to the UK to what is was in Australia, I find it very hard to keep bouyant and found I could implement changes to my life in Australia so much easier.

Reasons???? Cost us less to live in Oz than UK, we are both working longer hours for less salary than Oz (we hardly see each other, me & other half), our outgoings (the stuff you have to pay rather than luxuries) is a LOT higher. Expectations to HAVE are great here and sorry but I find this completely boring. No, I told my hairdresser this morning, I did not get up at 4am to get to the Next Sale!

I love my family dearly, I spent as much time with them as possible BUT they do still have an influence in my life whereas in Australia you could almost do anything you wished and tell them only what you want them to hear.

I find when I want to change something I still do it but very aware of their thoughts. Sounds strange , what I am saying is you may find in Australia a new found independence because you either have to or want to. You can reinvent yourself better aware from those that know you but like G'Day said you must have a plan.

Karma to you.

M
 
Old Jul 23rd 2005, 9:03 am
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Default Re: Women over 40?

Originally Posted by Flutterscutter
WOW. Are we related?
You think the same way i do. I am sick to death of the "keep up with joneses" mindset. Although i never really got too caught up in it, i found British society entrenched in it most of the time.
Leaving the UK 4yrs ago was a real eye opener for me. I felt a huge sense of relief leaving all that behind. One of the real upsides to Australia and NZ, is the lack of materliasm and social class system which is rife elsewhere. I'm not saying it doesnt exist in certain places, but in general i feel its easier to be what you want to be without pressure.
We will rent for a year when we get there as i really dont know what i want to do yet and i'm in no hurry to impress others with "things" anymore. I want to get up each day looking forward to it.

Great post!
Wonderful to see like minded souls on here

Here's to us all having the less hassle and more enriched life we truly deserve . . . oh and I am 35, early mid life crisis lady

M
 
Old Jul 23rd 2005, 9:11 am
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Default Re: Women over 40?

Originally Posted by Merlot
Wonderful to see like minded souls on here

Here's to us all having the less hassle and more enriched life we truly deserve . . . oh and I am 35, early mid life crisis lady

M

Maybe i should delete the "over 40" part of the title. I sense a girl power revolt regardless of age

When do you come back Merlot?
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Old Jul 23rd 2005, 9:22 am
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Originally Posted by Flutterscutter
Maybe i should delete the "over 40" part of the title. I sense a girl power revolt regardless of age

When do you come back Merlot?
No need to change the title, every female on here will read it anyway as we are all nosey buggers I have been rebelling all my life.

Looking next year, though financially I would be happier with 2007 - there are so many variables. I work very hard here to retain a sense of optimism and keep my own set of values. After too many years away from the UK and 7 in Oz, I have just grown up in a very different way to my friends & family here. I love them but I am too independant and strong willed.

In fact I have resigned from my job here which I like and is handy BUT my boss is a pig & a bully, not only to me his female Office Manager but to the male Engineers. I have never, ever seen anything like it. I did my usual approach towards making the relationship work but I thought this week "I am not allowing anyone to undermine me, bully me or make my health poor". I can't afford to not work but I am fighting strong. Life is too short for this crap.

Power to anyone wanting to change their lives.

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Old Jul 23rd 2005, 9:56 am
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Congratulations Merlot on having the courage to walk away from a situation that is no good for you. Very many years ago when I was a struggling single mother I had a lunch time job in our local pub. The landlord was so nasty to me and such a chauvinist that I used to have to have a glass or two of wine just to have the courage to get to work :scared: I used to cry each morning because I didn't want to go but I knew that my children were relying on me for food. The final straw came when, carrying two meals for customer, I fell down the steps from the kitchen straight onto both knees banging my head on the beer taps, but managing to hang on the the plates of food. The manager stood and laughed and asked what I was going to do for an encore Blood running down my face and legs I left never to return. My kids didn't starve, I found another job.

Back to thread. People ask me if I am going to work when we emigrate. Why do they ask this? I work now. I am emigrating not winning the lottery Money aside I feel it is important to work (part time only of course, need time to socialise ) in order to meet people. And I have always assumed that I will do what I do now, it's what I know. But lately I have been thinking about just seeing what takes my fancy, and now reading this thread I am feeling inspired to look at other options. Don't know what. Do I need to know or shall I just let the Fremantle doctor take me? My son will be 13 by the time we get out there, just beginning to get a bit of independence - for him and for me!

Good luck to all you free minded ladies. I just wish I had an ounce of your confidence. I know I might look brave on here but I am really a very insecure little (well chubby) thing who has a poor opinion of herself and is very scared of the big bad world. Crikey what an admission I don't do that very often.

You are an inspiration to us all.

Anne
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Old Jul 23rd 2005, 10:07 am
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Default Re: Women over 40?

Thanks Merlot! Good on you for making a stand!

My husband is now looking for another job because his current mng is trying to force him into overtime & weekend work. We've decided that, even if it means a pay cut, he must find a job where he will have time for US and where he is happy. Luckily it doesn't look like he'll need to take a pay cut, but if it has to be, so be it. There's more to life than work.

You are right about reinventing yourself away from the family. We actually moved as far away from our family as possible when we got married as neither family was over the moon about the union & we were very much fed up with people trying to meddle. It's really hard to live your life and walk the path you choose when you have all these other people's expectations hovering over your life. Now that we live on the other side of the planet it's much, much easier I have also found that the distance has been a fabulous thing for our familial relationships. Suddenly my father, who was always sooo disappointed in me for not wanting to follow in his footsteps that he could barely be civil to me, let alone recognise my successes, is celebrating my successes in life and telling his friends how proud he is of me! My mother, who always treated me like a child, has suddenly realised that I am an adult and we are each other's best friends. My mother-in-law is telling everyone how wonderful we've raised our children :scared: - when we were there all she could do was criticise every decision we made because it wasn't the way she did things. I think distance can be a wonderful thing for families, especially if you are an independent spirit with ideas of your own.

Flutterscutter we might just be related We are renting now and resisting the Aussie 30-something trend of "you must own a house" because we are enjoying not having the responsibility and cost of owning a house, much as tygwyn posted. The house we live in just recently needed a new hot-water system and I once again was thankful we don't own a house.

Because we came over with 3 children, 5 suitcases and only three boxes of souvenirs we had to buy many things again, but we did it cash, bought good quality that will last a lifetime and bought classical stuff that we love & know will last the test of time. I do NOT want to buy another lounge suite in my life if I can help it. We only bought what we'd learnt over time we really needed and really used and left out all the fussy stuff that used to clutter up our lives. It's been a truly liberating experience!
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