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Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

Old Jul 13th 2011, 9:17 pm
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Default Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

Hello all,

Last Sunday we returned from a 3 week trip to the UK. It was booked months ago due to 2 family weddings happening over there. Shortly before we left Australia my Dad was diagnosed with aggressive, terminal lung cancer. Most of my time in the UK was spent attending chemo/medical appointments and supporting my Mum. The day before we left Dad was rushed into hospital because his white cells were low, he had an infection, pain and could not breath. I spent all that day in the hospital until he was given an isolation room, then I had to say my goodbye as we were leaving in the early hours of the following morning. I won't go into it on here but it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

For me, I really had no choice but to leave, having already been away from work for 3 weeks (end of tax year, heaps of work to do and only me to do it). But I knew it would be the last time I would see my Dad.

Since last Sunday, Dad has deteriorated rapidly. I speak to Mum every day, usually twice a day and its so difficult to hear her pain being so far away. I feel incredibly guilty.

Although Dad is still with us (and seriously I do not think of that as a blessing. He would not choose to be in this situation and I hope every minute that he passses quickly) my thoughts have to turn to the funeral. Everything here is stacked against me going to the UK for the funeral - work, kids, school, my health etc - but I can't shake the thought that I should be there, even if it means I only get to spend 4 days in the UK.

Spoke to Mum last night and although she says I do not need to travel and she understands, I know that she needs me. So, I'm going. When I think about it, I'm not going back for my Dad, he would have told me not to be so stupid and would never have expected me to, but I am going because I have this picture in my head of my Mum, paralysed by grief and needing me. I have to be there with her.

SO, I need to start thinking about flights. I have searched on here and found some information, but I wondered if anybody has had recent experience of travelling to the UK for compassionate reasons? Any advice?

Ren.
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Old Jul 13th 2011, 10:16 pm
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

You have my deepest sympathy and understanding. My mother died in 1995 when I had just got divorced, moved states, and started a new job, and I didn't see her before she died and didn't get back for her funeral: and I have felt guilty about that ever since. In 2006 I went back for my father's 92nd birthday in February and back again for his funeral in June and I feel that he died happy having had all his family around him for the last time.

As you say, go back to support your mother at this time: your father won't care who comes to his funeral.
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Old Jul 13th 2011, 10:19 pm
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

No advice on flights as I always book online, but just wanted to say sorry you are going through this.

Go for your Mum, and for yourself too.

(4 days is doable. We landed at LHR about 6am for my husband's Grandpa's funeral - due to work commitments my husband was back at the airport at 6pm the same day!)
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Old Jul 13th 2011, 10:53 pm
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

Originally Posted by RenShen
SO, I need to start thinking about flights. I have searched on here and found some information, but I wondered if anybody has had recent experience of travelling to the UK for compassionate reasons? Any advice?
Sorry to hear about the situation Ren, it sounds like going back for Mum is definitely the right thing for both of you.

As for the flights, in your case the only reason you might ask an airline about a compassionate fare is if you find you can't get any availability. The main advantage of these fares is that they offer flexibility and sometimes the ability to get a seat on a full flight, but they can be more expensive than the options you might find by just going online or going to a travel agent. If you know you're just going to go for a set number of days then the compassionate fare might not be for you.
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Old Jul 13th 2011, 11:16 pm
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

So sorry about you and your family's situation, Ren. I can't offer any flight related info, just wanted to give you my best wishes at this sad time. I hope you manage to get home soon.
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Old Jul 14th 2011, 1:56 am
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

Originally Posted by RenShen
Hello all,

Last Sunday we returned from a 3 week trip to the UK. It was booked months ago due to 2 family weddings happening over there. Shortly before we left Australia my Dad was diagnosed with aggressive, terminal lung cancer. Most of my time in the UK was spent attending chemo/medical appointments and supporting my Mum. The day before we left Dad was rushed into hospital because his white cells were low, he had an infection, pain and could not breath. I spent all that day in the hospital until he was given an isolation room, then I had to say my goodbye as we were leaving in the early hours of the following morning. I won't go into it on here but it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

For me, I really had no choice but to leave, having already been away from work for 3 weeks (end of tax year, heaps of work to do and only me to do it). But I knew it would be the last time I would see my Dad.

Since last Sunday, Dad has deteriorated rapidly. I speak to Mum every day, usually twice a day and its so difficult to hear her pain being so far away. I feel incredibly guilty.

Although Dad is still with us (and seriously I do not think of that as a blessing. He would not choose to be in this situation and I hope every minute that he passses quickly) my thoughts have to turn to the funeral. Everything here is stacked against me going to the UK for the funeral - work, kids, school, my health etc - but I can't shake the thought that I should be there, even if it means I only get to spend 4 days in the UK.

Spoke to Mum last night and although she says I do not need to travel and she understands, I know that she needs me. So, I'm going. When I think about it, I'm not going back for my Dad, he would have told me not to be so stupid and would never have expected me to, but I am going because I have this picture in my head of my Mum, paralysed by grief and needing me. I have to be there with her.

SO, I need to start thinking about flights. I have searched on here and found some information, but I wondered if anybody has had recent experience of travelling to the UK for compassionate reasons? Any advice?

Ren.
Based on recent (unfortunate) experiencies I was offered an upgrade (by Qantas) on my flight back to the UK. This is of course up to the discretion of the check in staff etc.


I am afraid that airlines generally do not offer discount fares now adays for compassionate reasons. Air NZ and Finnair may be the exception so I suggest calling them. That does not mean you cannot try the other airlines as if you do not ask then nothing gained.
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Old Jul 14th 2011, 2:12 am
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

It's one of the worst things about living in Australia and having family in the UK. My mum died while I was still living in the UK, but my dad died since I moved to Perth. He'd had emergency surgery, had seemed to be getting better and then his poor body gave up on him and he suddenly went downhill. For various reasons, I decided not to go back for the funeral. In my case, that was the right decision, but if my mum had still been alive, I would have gone. Whichever way you look at it, Ren, it's a tough decision, best wishes for whatever you decide to do.
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Old Jul 14th 2011, 2:57 am
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

Originally Posted by RenShen
Hello all,

Last Sunday we returned from a 3 week trip to the UK. It was booked months ago due to 2 family weddings happening over there. Shortly before we left Australia my Dad was diagnosed with aggressive, terminal lung cancer. Most of my time in the UK was spent attending chemo/medical appointments and supporting my Mum. The day before we left Dad was rushed into hospital because his white cells were low, he had an infection, pain and could not breath. I spent all that day in the hospital until he was given an isolation room, then I had to say my goodbye as we were leaving in the early hours of the following morning. I won't go into it on here but it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

For me, I really had no choice but to leave, having already been away from work for 3 weeks (end of tax year, heaps of work to do and only me to do it). But I knew it would be the last time I would see my Dad.

Since last Sunday, Dad has deteriorated rapidly. I speak to Mum every day, usually twice a day and its so difficult to hear her pain being so far away. I feel incredibly guilty.

Although Dad is still with us (and seriously I do not think of that as a blessing. He would not choose to be in this situation and I hope every minute that he passses quickly) my thoughts have to turn to the funeral. Everything here is stacked against me going to the UK for the funeral - work, kids, school, my health etc - but I can't shake the thought that I should be there, even if it means I only get to spend 4 days in the UK.

Spoke to Mum last night and although she says I do not need to travel and she understands, I know that she needs me. So, I'm going. When I think about it, I'm not going back for my Dad, he would have told me not to be so stupid and would never have expected me to, but I am going because I have this picture in my head of my Mum, paralysed by grief and needing me. I have to be there with her.

SO, I need to start thinking about flights. I have searched on here and found some information, but I wondered if anybody has had recent experience of travelling to the UK for compassionate reasons? Any advice?

Ren.
Don't bugger around with travel agents, call the airline you want to fly with directly and explain why you need a flight. I don't know of any airlines that offer compassionate fare discounts as such nowadays, but you may be able to get change fees/conditions waived if you need to change either the outbound or return flights at short notice or the airline may sell you a cheaper ticket without advance purchase restrictions.

Good luck

LG

Last edited by lonndongeek; Jul 14th 2011 at 3:01 am.
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Old Jul 14th 2011, 3:45 am
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

Originally Posted by lonndongeek
Don't bugger around with travel agents, call the airline you want to fly with directly and explain why you need a flight. I don't know of any airlines that offer compassionate fare discounts as such nowadays, but you may be able to get change fees/conditions waived if you need to change either the outbound or return flights at short notice or the airline may sell you a cheaper ticket without advance purchase restrictions.

Good luck

LG
https://airnzau.custhelp.com/app/ans...te-airfares%3F


Quote>

Does Air New Zealand offer compassionate airfares?


Answer:
Yes. Air New Zealand endeavours to provide customers affected by a bereavement and/or serious medical emergency of an immediate family member with the highest level of understanding, flexibility and assistance.

Consideration will be given to travel within 7-days for bereavement and within 72-hours for serious medical emergency. Passengers will need to provide supporting documentation in order to receive such consideration. Please contact the Air New Zealand Contact Centre on 13 24 76 for further details.
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Old Jul 14th 2011, 4:43 am
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

Really sorry to read this Ren. As others have said go. Don't worry that it's only for a few days. If you feel the need to be there then you have to be there. Work will have to do without you for a while.

When I needed to get back when my dad died QANTAS was amazing. Actually, I should say my travel agent and QANTAS were amazing. I was originally booked on Cathay but 2 days before I was due to leave the small regional airline I was supposed to connect to stopped flying. Cathay was going to leave me stranded but my travel agent called QANTAS who not only gave me a discounted fare, but gave me a row of 3 seats to myself on all 3 legs of my journey to Toronto and for the majority of the journey home after.

Take care of yourself and best of luck getting home to be with your mum.
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Old Jul 14th 2011, 1:21 pm
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

Thanks so much for your replies, a lot of great advice (as always).

Worked like a trojan today and got ahead of myself a bit, will do the same each day until I get the news. Madly cleaning and organising the house too tonight, don't know where I am getting this energy from!.

Feel better about my decision now, particularly after reading all of your responses.

So thanks again,

Ren x
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Old Jul 14th 2011, 1:40 pm
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

Originally Posted by RenShen
Thanks so much for your replies, a lot of great advice (as always).

Worked like a trojan today and got ahead of myself a bit, will do the same each day until I get the news. Madly cleaning and organising the house too tonight, don't know where I am getting this energy from!.

Feel better about my decision now, particularly after reading all of your responses.

So thanks again,

Ren x
Hiya
Definitely go, been there done that. My sister told me not to fly until Dad was gone, so I would be there for the kids at the funeral, we knew that was what he would've wanted - and that way I remembered him the way he was. I'm glad I went as I could say my own goodbye. There is another death that sticks on my mind, someone I loved dearly, for whom I didn't cross the world because the timing was so bad - and I regret that decision always. I should've been there.

For Dad, I flew Qantas, paid the normal price, but by ringing and booking direct I could ensure they knew the reason i was going. So the one bit of advice I'll give you is to make sure your flight is flagged as "compassionate" - it will go on your booking for every leg of the flight and most airlines will ensure that you get the best care and attention possible. I can't praise Qantas or JAL highly enough for the attention I got, even down to offering to have a staff member stay with me during the 3 hour stop in Singapore. BA were shite as ever on their leg coming back, but having the booking flagged may get you an extra bit of TLC
Remember to take care of yourself as well as taking care of your mum
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Old Jul 14th 2011, 3:53 pm
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

Have you thought about airline you have just flown with? As a recent traveler with them they might be willing to help. At the end of the day the money is relatively small versus a life of regret.
Like others, been there done that. Got the call to come ASAP. In Singapore got phoned and told I was too late. Very difficult getting back on a plane with strangers after that. It was BA on staff fare and they were shit. My brother was 12 hours behind me and flying SIA. At checkin he was asked if he was going n holiday, he burst not tears and explained why. Brilliant service and row of 4 to himself.Good luck
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Old Jul 14th 2011, 4:00 pm
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

Originally Posted by EvannTel
Have you thought about airline you have just flown with? As a recent traveler with them they might be willing to help. At the end of the day the money is relatively small versus a life of regret.
Like others, been there done that. Got the call to come ASAP. In Singapore got phoned and told I was too late. Very difficult getting back on a plane with strangers after that. It was BA on staff fare and they were shit. My brother was 12 hours behind me and flying SIA. At checkin he was asked if he was going n holiday, he burst not tears and explained why. Brilliant service and row of 4 to himself.Good luck
Thanks for that. We have just flown SIA so yes, they will probably be my first call.
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Old Jul 14th 2011, 4:31 pm
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Default Re: Will soon need flight to UK for Dad's funeral

My husband's grandfather died suddenly about two years ago. We were super tight for money at the time so we called all the airlines to see if any of them offered bereavement fairs. As I recall only one of the airlines offered this (I have a sneaking suspicion that it was Singapore) but they wanted us to book the fair and then they would refund upon seeing the death certificate. As it turned out, even with the discount that they were offering, they were still not the cheapest.

In the end, we had to weigh everything quite carefully and my husband made the decision not to go. I felt terrible for him as one of the reasons was to support me as my mum had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and I was running myself ragged looking after her.

Ultimately, you have to do whats right for you but I think that if you can it would be such a comfort for your mum to have your support and its so lovely that you want to be there for her.

I truly do wish you and your family all the best.
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