Kash

Unhappy in paradise!! how could I be? This is my second time in Australia, I initially came in 2004 and returned after a short while in 2005 - missing my daughter and family too much....... my Husband and other daughter returned with me but their hearts were in Aus. At that time I returned to my life, Job, friends and family..... and all was well for a while.....after a couple of years I began to question the reasons for my return.......

Anyway in 2007 I decided to return and do everything differently.... I returned by myself in April 2008... I didnt want to put my family through it until I was sure........ then My daughter joined me in Aug...... but hated it and returned to England in Oct. the very month my Husband came out.......

So there we were OH and me....... daughter aged 17 back in England by herself..........

I was working but OH found finding work difficult........ xmas came and went...... then daughter came back in Feb. with bfrind on working hol, visa..... Husband found work... in Brisbane which ment moving to GC....... hoping to improve daughter's chance of work.........we moved

I now commute to NSW.... some 135 km to work until I find something else.....

Truth is I have spent the last year 'trying' to be happy..... telling myself this is to be expected and it will take 2 years to feel settled......My thopughts of England and returning are on the increase...but there is no going back...... house is still there but empty... no job or money... and the worst thing no OH........ as he is never going back>>>

will I ever be happy???? here or home..........??????

quoll

I think your problem is that you want paradise and this is only Australia.

You have to live where you think you will belong - if your belongingness index is higher in UK then go back. If it is higher here then stay. However you do seem to be between a rock and a hard place - is your marriage worth a bit of pain? If he wont go then your decision is not UK or Aus but marriage or no marriage. For me that decision is a no brainer - the people in my life (especially the one I married) are more important than the country so I choose to live here, where I am coming to hate, with him than where I long to be, without him. You can do it! It isnt the easiest thing in the world but if you reframe and consider the alternative it is perfectly do-able.

As for kids - well, I have one here and one there and they are living their own lives and I would never think of telling them to do any differently and good luck to them.

{{{hugs}}} I hope you can sort it!

Sally Simpson

I agree with Quoll, it is the sense of belonging that is important. We lived in the Virgin I slands in the past, very beautiful but I never felt that I belonged & no amount of time would have altered that! Thankfully, my husband agreed!
Life is about compromise & you may well have to make some big compromises. Try not to view the UK through rose tinted specs, there must have been some pretty good reasons for returning to Aus a second time?
I hope that you are able to find work closer to home though as I am sure that such a lengthy daily commute would colour my view of the place too!
Lots of luck

Zambia

Yeah I would stop calling it Paradise

Kash

Thanks

Ill keep trying...... wouldn"t be happy in the UK without him either...... thats the problem......

QUOTE=quoll;7744267]I think your problem is that you want paradise and this is only Australia.

You have to live where you think you will belong - if your belongingness index is higher in UK then go back. If it is higher here then stay. However you do seem to be between a rock and a hard place - is your marriage worth a bit of pain? If he wont go then your decision is not UK or Aus but marriage or no marriage. For me that decision is a no brainer - the people in my life (especially the one I married) are more important than the country so I choose to live here, where I am coming to hate, with him than where I long to be, without him. You can do it! It isnt the easiest thing in the world but if you reframe and consider the alternative it is perfectly do-able.

As for kids - well, I have one here and one there and they are living their own lives and I would never think of telling them to do any differently and good luck to them.

{{{hugs}}} I hope you can sort it![/QUOTE]

Kash

"paradise" was in inverted commas for a reason............ im aware it isn"t

but thanks for your reply

the troubadour

A very wise suggestion indeed.

mohogony

OZ is'nt paradise, even those that love the place would'nt call it paradise

Zambia

Ah missed that, sadly far too many people think it is. Anyway sounds to me like you keep moving chasing something.

If I was your OH I would be of the opinion I have moved once and back I aint moving again. My OH would only move once. You have ping ponged once your kids are pretty much old enough to wander by themselves.

I would divert all your attention to improving your life in Australia.

quoll

I'm not sure I would do that, I'd be trying to convince mine to give me one more try! But make it a damned good reason.

Some of us are stuck with the least worst option unfortunately and it is largely a case of mind over matter most of the time although there are times when you let your hair down and have a damned good vent (today has been a ventfest day for me). Of course, it is a liveable country and you dont have to like it, basically just lump it. Our compromise is that if he wants me to stay here with him then he goes out to work to fund my month a year holiday back home - oh yes, and that he doesnt get his self sufficient block in the bush as I wont move to anywhere without a flush loo. Works for me (sort of!)

Good luck!

Centurion

If you don't mind me saying so, I think you wouldn't be happy anywhere physically - UK, Australia or wherever from your brief writings.

Ultimately you have to do what is right for you, but I would perhaps finally accept that this is your "home" and make it whatever you want. You have a great husband who you clearly love, live in the sun, and your family is with you.

A life which millions would trade in a heartbeat.