SHEETY

Well knew she would do it after the money spent time spent doing all the paperwork she now says she does not want to go.Scared of going to OZ and not getting work and all the money going jesus what the f*&k does she expect? bloke waiting at the airport with keys to a house car in the carpark and by the way you start work on Monday!!! What is it with women are you all happy with your boring day to day grind? I am so pissed off it is unbelievable If it was not for my little girl I would be off by myself and leave her to it.It is not that I am thinking great go to OZ get a big house nice new car and a well paid job have done enough reading of all your posts to know it is not the case so no rose tints this end. I just want to get away from the declineing manufacturing industry here in the UK and go somewhere where it is still growing and maybe not keep getting made redundant soon as an order is filled as seems to be the case here nowadays.

Sorry for the ramblings Guys just need to vent some anger and frustration before the wife gets buried in the back garden now theres a thought!

mlbonner

I don't know what your wife is thinking; perhaps she is scared of leaving her friends, her family and everything she knows. Perhaps she is worried about your little girl settling in. Perhaps she's worried about getting a job. Perhaps she has heard of/read of people going and not liking it and worried she'll be one of them, and waste even more money in returning to the UK

I moved over here, to a house, a partner and an offer of a job (which I turned down) and I was still unsure about what I was doing. It's a big deal, one that shouldn't be taken lightly. Your wife isn't the first person to feel like this, better that she gets some nerves now and you can talk through it, than come all this way only to want to go home??

There is no magic answer, I wish there were. I'm sure its very frustrating for you, but I guess people adjust in different ways. Perhaps sitting down and talking to your wife would help? Are you planning a validation trip at all - I think people often get quite excited when they go and see 'their new house/suburb/school etc' in the flesh.

PS: I wouldn't recommend the burying in the back garden thing... don't you remember Brookside

GRADERMAN

If you both stay in UKyou will end up with problems
if you both go to oz you will have problems. So you might have to go to OZ and find a job rent a house buy an old car and send for the rest of the family
after you explain how you feel about after a couple of months.
goodluck

SHEETY

Never watched brookside any good hints? My wife comes from Thailand originally so family ties do not come into the equation they are all there, she has a few friends here but personally I would not call them close friends and as for her working she does very little of that, I am the main bread winner so really I do not see her problem yes I have obviously thought of the changes it would mean but thought it is all part and parcel of emigration process.She said she would follow me if I still want to go but I know it will need a 100% commitment of both of us I am there but obviously she is not.It would put our marriage at risk if I dragged her there without her being up for it.My daughter is only four and a half she wants to see the kangaroos thats her sorted I did intend on a holiday there before totally commiting I know it will cost alot of money and it will make a hole in the kitty maybe it would change her mind but then you are spending the strong british pound and not the earnings from working there so you could get a false idea of the place I think I will just have to keep pulling her nails out she may giv in in the end

SHEETY

Thanx that was an idea I was playing with so I would not have to drag them around looking at things but I know if I rented a property she would only moan about that too no win situation here me thinks

G'Day

Forget-me-nots look great on a backyard grave

In all honesty Sheety, get her to come on here and ask some questions. I had the same problem with my partner, nearly killed him many a time for backing out. It took us 5 bloody years to get out here thanks to Mr Cold-feet. Now he loves it, wouldn't go back if you paid him. In the end I had to make him be a part of it all, find out things for himself, check out the information for himself. Once she starts asking questions for herself and getting her own answers it will help. If you'd like to send me a PM with your home e-mail address I will send her mine, then she can ask me all the questions she likes. Been there, done that, proudly wearing the T-Shirt now.

jad n rich

Isnt it better she feels that way now than after you moved? Could be nerves too bet many felt that way before they moved and for every one who wished they had listened to the warning bells there will be someone else whos glad they ignored them.

Couple of things I picked up you seem sure job prospects in OZ will be better, make sure of that, the majority of jobs here are casual so you dont even need to be made redundant they just dont put you on next weeks roster.

If one persons having doubts and you want the relationship to last why not go for a few months, rent, try schools, jobs, I think its important to realise some of the keenest posters end up wanting to go back, nobody really knows till they have lived it for a while, with that in mind why not make it a temporary move and see what its really like, you really dont know, its quite possible she will love it and you will hate it, it happens.

SHEETY

Yes I did hear that alot of work out there was casual more so perth way which I had first looked at to go to.I have emailed a few contacts that I was given by my agent They told me I would be better off in S.A I am a sheetmetal worker and is on the MODL list so really fingers crossed should not be too much of a problem I hope.

The temporary move thing sounds good but it would mean I would have to give up my work here to do it and to be honest it is difficult enough to get work here in the first place coming back with no job and still have to make the mortgage repayments would be to much.
I am getting the feeling it will come down to a flip of a coin whether to go or not (got a double headed coin somewhere) I bet the wife chooses heads not to go :scared:

Ansy

Sheety, seems like your spouse has a great fear of uncertainty/change. Perhaps convincing her to spend a month or 2 in Oz, may get her to calm her nerves, hopefully she'll change her mind and give it a go....I wish you all the best

markeh

Hiya SHEETY,
my wife wasn't vey keen untill I too her to Sydney & then it took about 2 hours.
The visit was worth it in making my life easier on the ears!

If you are set on going then not going & regretting it later might be fatal to the relationship / marriage.

Just tell her you are off & let here come around or go & find a job to support herself!!!

Bye
Mark

pike

you have to go and take your wife try and arange for a long vacation from work ,if you don't go think of all the arguments and missery it will cause lifes a gamble so take it you may loose but you can rebuild. good luck

doodle

Hi sheety,

I would listen very carefully to your wifes concerns. I admire her for being honest enough to be able to tell you how she really feels. Many people would just ignore what they dont want to hear and pay the price down the line. You are a family, if you value it then you should want to make your wife happy as she should be the most important thing in your life, Moving to Australia should not.

Good luck

SHEETY

Thanx to all of you you have been great on this have talked to her during the day and maybe she does have a point the casual work thing it is the thing she is most worried about I do see her point you can't get a mortgage on casual work we do have a nice little house in a great area with school for the daughter if we did make the jump it would be hard to get back in the same place if it did not work out.I think what we will do is wait awhile and take a holiday out there during the school summer hols and see what the score is like one of you said she might love it when we get there and I might hate it good point to whoever it was.Soon as I told her things like you have to travel miles to do decent shopping in Oz and there are very few local pubs if at all she was all for it go figure she does not even drive!
Again thanks to all, this is a great forum and nice that people can offer help and advice to people we do not even know, makes you wonder why in general the english are such miserable sods when not on here? Especially since this tidal wave disaster does put things into perpective a little.

markeh

Hiya SHEETY,

Don't go during the schooll hgoliday's, firstly the flights are more expensive and second, you won't get to see normal life, including children going to school.

It might be worth taking her driving test in the UK?
There is also no rush, the visa lasts for 5 years once you have validated.

Bye
Mark

heading downunder 2002

I think that it is a good idea for you to go for a holiday (not that you learn much from a holiday) as your wife will get an idea of what Australia is like. School holidays is a good time (not like what markeh advised) as Australian schools have different holidays to ours, however your little girl will not be old enough to start over there as they start in the year in which they are 6, so this is a consideration and perhaps you should validate your visas and then migrate properly once your little girl reaches the school entry age (it would be a shame for her not to continue school now she has started).

When we applied my husband wasn't really keen to migrate but gradually came round to my way of thinking, it was something I had wanted to do for about 10+ years and when we got our visas I was estatic and couldn't wait, I never for one minute had any doubts. So what a surprise it was when after a very short time in Oz I knew that I hated it and would never ever settle, hubby on the other hand loved it!!! anyhow we returned to the UK after 6 months and we have been back since April 2003 and have never ever regretted coming back or trying it in the first place,apart that is for the £25,000 it cost us in all. Oh and by the way we had holidayed there twice before we migrated.

Don't push your wife too much, you may find that she will come round to the idea after a while and please don't threaten to go on your own as she may change her mind for the wrong reason and you end up with one very unhappy wife and little girl.

Good luck I hope things work out for you.


Susan