adiford

Hi, can anyone give me any advise.

We recived a YES from the TRA begining of june, but now my wife is having a case of the wobblies. She isn't sure if it's the right thing to do? We have 2 boys 7months and 3years an dwe had both decided that we want a better life for them and also us. Now she isn't sure . Can anyone advise???

Julez82

Hi,
If it's any consolation, I'm moving over with my 1 year old - by myself! Without a shadow of a doubt it is the best thing to do, especially concerning your children's future.

To point out a few of the +++'s in Australia's favour:

- Australian Education is more highly regarded than the UK
- Your children are less likely to be bullied in Australia
- Your children are less likely to be stabbed by young gang members in Australia
- Your children will grow up to appreciate their environment and pursue predominantly outdoors activities, meaning longevity and better health
- You will find yourself in a better position to enjoy life more, rather than relying on the few months of the year to actually be able to get outside and do something

It will be as easy or as hard as you want it to be. And it is far far better to move with young children than older ones as they integrate better (and I talk from experience - I have moved all over the world) into the community.

It's completely normal to have doubts - who doesn't! Good luck and I hope you both manage to decide what is best for you and your family!

mindblower

Take her to see it for herself- worked for me, she fell for it.

Dave

maisey

Hi Adiford
We received our TRA at end of May and visa has just gone in. Having done all of the work on hubbies behalf and glad to see the back of all the forms I find myself worrying now.
Particularly about kids as school have said 5 year old is very upset about moving. I have found myself thinking about relatives etc but I think this is only natural after all it is a huge step. All you can do is give it a go and if it doesn't work out well at least your life is not full of what if's. I think we all have stuff going through our heads at least she is voicing it. You can give yourselves and your kids such a good life, now is the time to go when the kids are young and can fit in, they will even have australian accents in a few years.
I am looking forward to Australia and all it has to offer - give your wife some space and some reassurance that nothing has to be forever and it might take the pressure off.
Good luck with your visa.

TheSubMainMan

:curse: When she least expects it, knock here out and quickly stuff her in one of the suit cases.

Shell forgive you when you get there!


sorry could resist saying it!

maisey

sounds painful such a long flight - she might get a little crumpled!!!!

esperanza

It's probably a good time to go in terms of the kids' ages - if they get much older then they will be more aware and more upset by the whole thing.
Also they will slot right in to playschool/nursery and make new mates - and your wife will have lots of opportunities to meet other mums like that.

BUT on the other hand she will lose her practical support network in the UK. Email is brilliant but it is not the same, and especially if you are going to disappear off to work she may be lonely and being with two little ones all day and no friends may drive her stir crazy. If she doesn't want to go, then that could make her really miserable.
Think carefully about why you want to go. I know some people slate the UK but really it has a lot going for it. Depending on where you live, I suppose. But you can encourage your kids to be 'outdoors' in the UK, and you won't be contending with 40degree summers, extra strong UV rays, or poisonous snakes/spiders/jellyfish etc. I know there are people who would argue that Aussie school is not as good as the UK (depends which school and what you think constitutes a 'good' school) and that their kids have been bullied.
It's really down to how you handle it.
Have a look at the Moving Back to the UK forum - it's only one side of the story, obviously, but it might prepare you for some of the things that can go wrong with giant migrations. If she really doesn't want to go, and you force it, then you are putting your relationship on the line. Try to come to a decision that you are both happy with.
Good luck!

TraceyW

I had to post this because you seem so convinced that Australia is the anti-thesis to the UK. This place has it's own problems. It is not paradise.

worzel

Reverse psychology? Tell her that you will have wasted time and money on the application if you don't go. Then you will spend the rest of your lives wondering what might have been. My wife did that to me and it worked. I love it here!

roxy

Women seem to have the most problems settling. They miss their support network and it can be especially hard for women with small children as it can be boring and lonely being home all day with kids and no adult company. You have to rely on babysitters you don't know well and women feel guilty taking the children away from their extended family. Maybe you could promise to go for two years and if she is not happy, you will promise to return? Also, maybe you could promise her a four week holiday back to the UK every two years? You need to compromise with her and ask her what is worrying her the most and try and come up with a solution. It is true that now is the best time to go for your choldren - they won't remember the UK and by 6 or 7 years old they think of themselves as Aussie.

Another trick is not to force her. It won't work and she will move to Oz with a predisposition to dislike it. If she says she doesnt want to go - accept her decision and don't mention it again. She may come around to the idea down the track and then it will her decision to go and she will be more likely to want to give it her best shot.

Good Luck!!

on a mission

It really depends on your network here in the UK.

Are you wealthy in £'s aswell as lifestyle, are you established with family and friends around you. Do you all leave active and forfilled lives.
Have you total job satisfaction.


I thought my wife would struggle when we went to Aus, funny thing is, it wasnt her at all.

I can conclude though, and its my opionion we had a far better life as a family and individually in AUS.
All we do now is work work work, I miss the outdoor social life of AUs, although you can say its here in UK, its not the same, it suited us better there.

Depends on what your game is, but unless you go, you will never know!!!!!!!!!!!11

Julez82

The reason I posted this is because I have been brought up in the UK and Australia and have experience of both schooling systems and the opinions of employers in regards to both. In comparison, from a personal experience of a child, I would far rather go to school in Australia than in the UK.

The UK has one of the highest rates of bulling in young children - and the associated problems that go with it - low self-esteem, suicide, depression etc.

No need to jump on my case about it - I was pointing things out from a childs point of view in regards to moving countries, which most of you don't have any experience of.

Mitchells

Might have to try this with husband, we've had our visa's for nearly 2 1/2yrs.
He keeps chickening out, theres always some reason why the timings not quite right.:curse:

Nearly two yrs ago sold house ready to make move and he decided time wasn't right, work was going to well (own business) we should stay on for 2yrs earn more money. I stupidly agreed as I thought that if he's not ready it just won't work he will be far to negative about everything.

So bought another house, in a village close to where we'd just sold its a very good community to live in, oldest started school back in september(180 pupils in whole primary school), made lovely friends even the yr 5 and 6's talk and play with reception and i've made lovely friends and have quite a social life for a mum of 3 kids, aged 5 and under, even if it is just round someones house straight from school for a few bottles of whatevers going.

I always wanted to go before Meg started school as I knew it would be hard for her she gets very attached and is quite sensitive.

Its not as if its going to be that hard, we have a house in Perth, we know the area, we've been 5/6 times, the last time we even stayed in the house Christmas 2005 and we are not selling this end we are renting out.

My way of thinking is that I do not want to be sitting here in 10yrs time having let the visa go regretting it, I would rather go find out that I hate it and come back or hopefully go love it and stay. I've met so many people in their 50's who could have gone, but for some reason or another they didn't and wish they had I don't want to be one of them.

TraceyW

Ok, so you went to schools in UK and Aus but surely you cannot generalise and say that this education system is better or the kids will be less likely to be bullied. That's silly. It all depends on the school the child attends surely?

And as for not having experience from a child's perspective, no I don't. However, I am a mother of two primary school children, have lived here for three years and I am a trainee teacher. Therefore, I think I can have an opinion.

Julez82

As I said, no need to jump on my case. The poor guy was looking for some help with his wife's doubts.

Surely as a mother you can appreciate that living in Australia IS better for children, and you can help to allay her fears, rather than pointing out all the negative aspects of someone's opinion?